It's Snarkurday!

Cuba Gooding Jr is out and about promoting The People v OJ Simpson: American Crime Story. He’s good in it, but he looks nothing like OJ so I keep thinking: did Cuba Gooding Jr kill Nicole Brown Simpson?

But this isn’t about that; it’s about the impending $100 million lawsuit Cuba might be facing from Tiny Tom Cruise — with whom he worked in A Few Good Men and Jerry Maguire. You see, while talking up his new gig, someone had the nerve to ask Cuba about Tom Cruise and how his face hasn’t changed — though it seems to have turned to stone — and does Cuba think Tiny Tom went under the knife:

“Absolutely, yes!”

And cue lawsuit. But, wait, maybe Cuba has seen the actual evidence of a little Scientology Surgery on Tom:

"I don't know what he's had done, but I surprised him at his house one day and he had all these little red dots over his face. And I said, 'You alright?' and he said, 'I didn't know you were coming.' And I was like, 'I can see why!'"

A lawsuit and a hit put on him by Co$. Run, Cuba, run!

I love love and I love when people have been married for a while and then renew their vows and their commitment to one another, but … Daisy Fuentes and Richard Marx got married in Los Angeles last week, a mere 60 days from when they tied the knot the first time in Aspen in December.

Try hard much? Publicity seekers much? I see a St Patrick’s Day renewal coming up and maybe a July 4th reboot, too.

Beyoncé dropped her latest weave-whipping, gyrating, pelvic thrust “music” video over the weekend and already there are cried of plagiarism … like when she steals Michael Jackson’s drag for her Super Bowl performance, or rips off Britney Jean Spears’ — or some pole dancer’s — moves for her videos. But this time it’s documentary filmmakers Chris Black and Abteen Bagheri who say Beyoncé, um, lifted some scenes in her video directly from their 2013 film “That B.E.A.T.” and so Chris Black Tweeted:

“New Beyoncé video used hella clips from the doc I produced and directed by @abteem . . . but why!?!?”

And then said:

“I guess it’s flattering that people f - - k with the things you’ve created but also frustrating when they wanna use it like it’s theirs. The funny thing is that our doc is low key iconic so the audacity to rip and pass it off like we not gonna notice. You outta touch b!”

Naturally, Beyoncé released the Flying Monkeys, AKA her legal team, to say they had permission to use the documentary footage even though it appears no one bothered to tell the filmmakers that Beyoncé would be stealing from them. Well, except for Beyoncé’s director, Melina Matsoukas, who Tweeted back that she, um, yeah, had acquired the footage:

“Must give much love to the beautiful NOLA footage shot and directed by @abyewm and @lkeber to make #FORMATION whole.”

Look, Beyoncé is a hybrid of Brit and Michael and Janet and Willow Smith and a slew of pole dancers outta Vegas. Nothing new, nothing real. Nothing of her own.

I don’t know these people, but here goes … someone named  Ciara — real name Ciara Princess Harris — as filed a $15 million lawsuit against her former fiancé and current baby daddy, Future — real name Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn — for slander after he accused her of being a horrible mother to their 1-year-old son Future Zahir because Ciara allowed her current non-sexual life partner, Russell Wilson to be photographed pushing Little Future around in a stroller in  what he deems to be “publicity stunts.” He also went after Ciara on twitter, accusing her of taking $15,000 a month in child support while making him go though lawyers to see their son.

And so Ciara is responding to Future’s rant by coming for a lot more than $15,000 a month because she says she isn’t keeping Big Future from Little Future, and that she’s allowed some 19 visitations since December 2014, the most recent being last week. And she adds that Future — daddy, not son — is just stirring the pot to promote his flailing music career. 

She’s seeking, in addition to the coins, that Big Future erase all the nasty words he wrote about her on Twitter and wants him legally blocked from saying a word about her.

Keep Silent and Give Me More Coins.

A recent picture surfaced of Rocco Ritchie — spawn of Madonna and Guy … not some guy, but Guy Ritchie — smoking what may or may not have been a little joint at a skate park in London and Madonna is said to be using the picture to prove that Guy is Bad Daddy. She’s even hired a private investigator to follow Rocco around and photograph him whenever he does something bad so she can haul their son and her ex into court because she is not getting her way.

Multiple sources connected with Madge says she feels that Guy has set no rules for 15-year-old Rocco and he’s living dangerously … not enrolled in school, hanging out in skate parks, smoking and essentially doing anything he wants. And so she wants him back so she can control his every move.

In the meantime, I think Madonna will release another record, called Parenting and it will feature songs like ‘Stalking My Son,’ ‘Guy’s A Dick,’ and ‘No One, NO ONE, Ignores Me!’

A couple of weeks ago I shared the news that Khloe Kardastrophe has a new talk show, Kocktails With Khloe, a show that apparently no one in Hollywood with a scintilla of decency or integrity would appear on so … Tori Spelling has guested on the chat-show … and she brought the cray.

On the show, Tori admits that when Tori gets drunk, she turns into Terri — short for TerriTORI because the bitch brands everything — and Terri is a mess who apparently likes to pee anywhere and everywhere she wants.

Now, to be fair, Tori claims Terri doesn’t come out that often because Tori has kids and because it’s generally more likely that her husband Dean is the drunk one so he can stay at home with her and not be lead around town by his dick.

But, some say this might be a case of split personality, though I disagree because Tori would have to have a personality already for one to split off from it.

You know …

And speaking of Hollywood blondes who met their husband s because they schtupped them while they were both married to other people … LeAnn Rimes.

Apparently, Miss Adultery, er, LeAnn is miffed that the husband she screwed around on, one Dean Sheremet, keeps talking about her, and not always in a pleasant way because, well, lying adulterer.

And now Dean has the nerve to say the name LeAnn in his new cookbook, high-lariously entitled, Eat Your Heart Out and so LeAnn released the hounds — AKA a crack team of lawyers — on Dean’s ass to remind him that he’d signed a paper to never say “LeAnn” again. LeAnn is worried because it sounds like his cook book might spill some confidential information and violate the terms of their agreement. And they says that although LeAnn doesn’t want to come between Dean and his coins — lest he decide to come after her for more — she doesn’t like him making money off’a her whilst discussing his new recipe Cheating Chicken With Cibrian Sauce.

In response to LeAnn’s letter, Dean hissed that LeAnn was, as usual, making this all about herself.

“I just don’t get it. She already killed my happiness the first time around. [It’s like], ‘Move on already, LeAnn. I’ve moved on!' I’m on people’s radar because of my past with her. I can’t erase my past; I referred to it and was very respectful. I’m not the one who cheated.”

See LeAnn? He’s over it! Put a fork in his My Wife Banged Eddie Cibrian Meatloaf. He’s done.

Oh Shia LaBeouf is making enemies everywhere, even in his own family.

It seems that Shia’s aunt, Sharon Saide, might have to hit up Craig’s List for rooms to rent because Shia has taped an eviction notice to her door, saying he wants her out of her Manhattan apartment because he’s in the middle of a Bitchfest with Sharon’s husband, his uncle, Barry Saide.

See, back in 2014, Shia sued Barry over a 2009 $800,000 loan that Barry felt he shouldn’t have to repay because … Rich Nephew. Well, the courts didn’t like that argument and Barry lost the case. Now, it’s 2016, and Barry still hasn’t paid back the loan and it’s grown to $1 million, thanks to interest and lawyer fees, so Shia decided to take Aunt Sharon’s home.

But Sharon has an ace up her sleeve; she says she bought the apartment with inheritance money from her grandmother and that Barry’s name isn’t anywhere on the ownership papers. And, if that isn’t enough, she says the apartment is worth $2.5 million, far more than Barry owes Shia. Sharon has also accused Shia of trying to “intimidate and pressure” her into handing over her apartment.

How? By showing her one of his films? I know it’d make me run for the hills!