Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Russian Lawmakers Make Everything Gay

Yes, it’s a crime to be gay in Russia, but apparently everything in Russia is gay, or, at the very least, gay propaganda.

A group of Russian prosecutors have gathered together to decide if the Russian media’s fascination with an unlikely pair of friends could be — should be — considered “gay propaganda.”

Oh, and the two friends are a goat and a tiger. Uh huh.

Alexei Krestyanov, a lawyer so he must be educated, was the first to bring his disgust for these two animals to the prosecutor general; Krestyanov is concerned that this male tiger and boy goat that live together in a safari park could irrevocably harm The Children by promoting “interest in non-traditional sexual relations.”

Yup. The tiger and the goat are gay propaganda and The Children are in danger!

And, Krestyanov isn’t the only one concerned because the prosecutor’s office in the Primorsky region is diligently investigating these allegations of the tiger and the goat and their gay agenda. But they might be onto something because how these two became friends is the real mystery.

Timur the goat was meant to be dinner, and not a dinner guest, for Amur the Siberian tiger, but instead the two men bonded when Timur totally took over Amur’s enclosure and forced the predator to sleep on the roof of his own lair.

I guess Timur is a dominant top?

And when the media began airing footage of the two friends playing together and living together, most Russian hearts melted … except for the lawyers who, as we all know have no hearts.

Krestyanov cited a children’s right law in his complaint, but his language is more akin to the law against gay propaganda passed in 2012 by homophobic shirtless homoerotic poster boy, President Vladimir Putin and his growing emphasis on “family values.”

And it does not end well. Apparently because of all this media attention — when they just wanted to live quietly together, to perhaps one day marry, and adopt a couple of penguins — the relationship between Amur and Timur has crumbled.

Timur has been in the care of a veterinarian since late January after an attempt to head-butt Amur, who grabbed him by the neck with his fangs and gave him a good solid shaking.

I just hope these two crazy guys can get over their differences and live happily ever after.

In Russia, where even animals can’t be gay.

6 comments:

Toni said...

Old but good!

"what do you call a thousand lawyers on the sea floor?.......a good start!"

the dogs' mother said...

I think the lawyer should go into the tiger's pen
and interview him closely. Preferably at feeding time...

Master Markus said...

Seriously, something has got to be done about Russia.I don't know what, but the political climate of the place looks to be "insanity".

Raybeard said...

While most of Africa reverts to it justifiably being known as 'The Dark Continent' I have to say that conditions in Russia have become the most disappointing and even scariest thing I've heard of in many a year. I'd like to think that it can't get any worse but it always somehow manages to do just that. Very distressing.

Mitchell is Moving said...

Oh good grief. I guess everything else is completely under control and this is all that's left to address.

Helen Lashbrook said...

Putin's homophobia is all part of his ambition to oppress all of the old CCCP. 2014 the Crimea invasion and rout in eastern Ukraine; 2016 will be the year of the invasion of what is left of the Ukraine, while the EU falls apart under the relentless influx of desperate peoples fleeing the morass that is Syria and the hell that is Sudan, Ethiopia, Yemen....the list goes on.

We are all too frightened of Putin to stand up to him and his bullying, whether of his own people, the people in Aleppo and the those poor victims in waiting in Ukraine. I fear for us all; Putin looks to dominate Europe at the very least; his role model? One A Hitler.