Yes, it’s a crime to be gay in Russia, but apparently everything in Russia is gay, or, at the very least, gay propaganda.
A group of Russian prosecutors have gathered together to decide if the Russian media’s fascination with an unlikely pair of friends could be — should be — considered “gay propaganda.”
Oh, and the two friends are a goat and a tiger. Uh huh.
Alexei Krestyanov, a lawyer so he must be educated, was the first to bring his disgust for these two animals to the prosecutor general; Krestyanov is concerned that this male tiger and boy goat that live together in a safari park could irrevocably harm The Children by promoting “interest in non-traditional sexual relations.”
Yup. The tiger and the goat are gay propaganda and The Children are in danger!
And, Krestyanov isn’t the only one concerned because the prosecutor’s office in the Primorsky region is diligently investigating these allegations of the tiger and the goat and their gay agenda. But they might be onto something because how these two became friends is the real mystery.
Timur the goat was meant to be dinner, and not a dinner guest, for Amur the Siberian tiger, but instead the two men bonded when Timur totally took over Amur’s enclosure and forced the predator to sleep on the roof of his own lair.
I guess Timur is a dominant top?
And when the media began airing footage of the two friends playing together and living together, most Russian hearts melted … except for the lawyers who, as we all know have no hearts.
Krestyanov cited a children’s right law in his complaint, but his language is more akin to the law against gay propaganda passed in 2012 by homophobic shirtless homoerotic poster boy, President Vladimir Putin and his growing emphasis on “family values.”
And it does not end well. Apparently because of all this media attention — when they just wanted to live quietly together, to perhaps one day marry, and adopt a couple of penguins — the relationship between Amur and Timur has crumbled.
Timur has been in the care of a veterinarian since late January after an attempt to head-butt Amur, who grabbed him by the neck with his fangs and gave him a good solid shaking.
I just hope these two crazy guys can get over their differences and live happily ever after.
In Russia, where even animals can’t be gay.