Saturday, February 20, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

Kanye took to Twitter again for yet another long-winded rant that devolved into a money beg.

It all began when Kanye announced he was $53 million in debt … bad fashion and crazy costs, y’all … and then bragged he would win 100 Grammys before he died, and then he began begging, begging, Mark Zuckerberg for some of his Facebook coins via Twitter:
Mark Zuckerberg invest 1 billion dollars into Kanye West ideas
Mark Zuckerberg I know it’s your bday but can you please call me by 2mrw…
You love hip hop, you love my art… I am your favorite artist but you watch me barely breathe and still play my album in your house …
World, please tweet, FaceTime, Facebook, instagram, whatever you gotta do to get Mark to support me…
I’m this generation’s Disney… I want to bring dope sh-t to the world…
I don’t have enough resources to create what I really can…
Mark, I am publicly asking you for help…one of the coolest things you could ever do is to help me in my time of need and I will always respect you for that and the world will love you…
Yes, he Tweeted that. He truly thinks Mark Zuckerberg will stop spending money on those pesky hungry kids in Africa and give it to a windbag who lost his money on a ridiculously laughable fashion line?

Now, that’s funny.

And it looks like someone else in Kanye’s life needs coins … Caitlyn Jenner … who has filed a cross-complaint against Jessica Steindorff, who was driving the Prius in front of her and, well, let’s revisit the details of the crash:

Caitlyn wad riving on PCH when her SUV hit a Lexus in front of her causing that car to shoot into the next lane where it was hit by an oncoming Hummer and Kim Howe, the driver of the Lexus, was killed. With the Lexus out of the way, Caitlyn’s SUV hit the Prius that was in front of the Lexus. Caitlyn was sued by Kim Howe’s stepchildren, the family in the Hummer and Jessica Steindorff. The family in the Hummer is also suing Kim Howe’s estate.

Caitlyn settled with Kim Howe’s family and the Hummer people, but is now suing Jessica Steindorff because she thinks that Jessica is partly responsible for her rear-ending the Lexus and sending it into another lane to be hit by oncoming traffic.

Seriously, Caitlyn? You need to transition to logic, girl, because you are at fault.

Do not take flash photography of Bill Murray! Dammit!

After a day of golf, Murray took to the rooftop lounge of the country club to relax. And apparently some fans wanted to take his photo; since it was night time, the flash feature was on and Bill snapped. He got up, walked to their table, grabbed their phones — more than one — and pitched them off the roof. Then he ran off.

The phone folks called the police who, eventually, tracked Murray down, and he’s agreed to pay for the damaged phones if the owners opted not to press charges. Meanwhile, the owner of the restaurant has banned people from taking pictures because he doesn’t want to deal with another Bill Murray moment.

Like I said, Do not take flash pictures of Bill Murray! Consider yourself warned.

Well, after a brief respite, the High School Fight between Mean Girls Taylor Swift and … you thought I was gonna say Katy Perry but I’m not … Kanye West has heated up again.

At his recent show in New York, Kanye played a song called “Famous” from his new album in which he says:
“I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous.”
Cue Taylor writing a pity party song of her own, though, first, it was her little brother, Austin, who smacked back at Kanye by posting an Instagram video of him throwing away His Ugly Kanye West designed shoes! Oh snap!

But Taylor waited until she hit the Grammy stage to strike back at Kanye. After her team purchased the Album of the Year award for her, Tay-Tay said, from the stage:
“As the first woman to win Album of the Year at the Grammys twice, I want to say to all the young women out there, [that] there are going to be people along the way that will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame, but if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people sidetrack you, someday when you get where you’re going you will look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you who put you there and that will be the greatest feeling in the world.”
It was then that Beyoncé rushed the stage, snatched the award from Taylor’s hands and declared that Kanye is the greatest artist of all time. Okay, maybe that last part didn’t happen, but it could have …

More Kanye? Of course …

Last weekend he was the musical guest on SNL and it almost didn’t happen because Kanye threw an epic hissy fit worthy of his own infant daughter and threatened to storm off!

Apparently, it took SNL head honcho Lorne Michaels to soothe the savage beast’s ego, after even his wife, Kim Kardastrophe, couldn’t sweet-talk him down. And it was all due to the stage set that SNL was using; Kanye didn’t like it because, well, maybe it wasn’t crafted of solid gold or something …

Luckily, after a cold compress was applied to Kanye’s ego, he did stay and perform, although he scowled more than usual while doing so.

Rihanna was supposed to be at the Grammys last weekend to debut a song off of her new album, ANTI but backed out just minutes before because …. bronchitis.

Odd, because Rihanna was everywhere the week leading up to the Grammys; at every party, every function, every photo op. She even performed the night before the Grammys at the MusiCares Person of the Year event and sang flawlessly.

TMZ isn’t buying bronchitis, and says Rihanna was screaming and hysterical before bailing on the show, though there are conflicting stories about what triggered her outburst. Some say she was not happy with the rehearsal and was shrieking mad about it; her people say it was all medical; and some say she watched Kendrick Lamar’s rehearsal and was so intimidated that she just scrammed.

I’m kinda buying that last one … if Rihanna can’t steal the show, she won’t do the show.

What was the most exclusive party after the Grammy’s?  The one that denied entry to Sir Paul McCartney, apparently. And it was hosted by that bastion of musicality, that legend in his own mind, Tyga!

Yup, at Tyga’s after-party Macca got in; Woody Harrelson got in; Beck, too. Taylor Hawkins, the drummer from the Foo Fighters, went inside. But Paul McCartney was kicked to the curb because the door man did not recognize him. Folks standing outside tried to tell the bouncer who he was denying, but the man just shrugged and said, Sorry old-timer.

That Woman must be rolling over in her crypt because you know she had cameras there and would have whored herself out to McCartney for a selfie.

50 Cent still has financial problems; he was ordered to pay $5 million to Lastonia Leviston after posting a sex tape of Leviston and another man online; he was also ordered to pay $17.2 million to a former business partner for stealing the design to his “Sleek by 50” headphones. So 50 filed for bankruptcy, possibly hoping to avoid paying off these massive judgments, but it looks like the courts are gonna start garnishing his paychecks to satisfy the debts and his lawyers are claiming, yes, “slavery.”

50 Cent and his attorneys are telling the judge he is trying to set the clock more than 150 years and gunning to make him their slave, claiming the plan violates the 13th Amendment to the Constitution which bans slavery and involuntary servitude.

Yes, because in 50 Cents world if you owe people money and don’t pay and they come after you, you’re a slave to them. Howsabout just not being a dick and getting sued and just paying your bills, Fiddy?

Oh, and Rihanna wasn’t the only one who skipped the Grammys at the last minute; Lauryn Hill did too.  But Lauryn is trying to say that she never said she’d appear on the show at all. And yet, according to academy president Neil Portnow, Lauryn was set to perform with The Weeknd, but when he took the stage, Lauryn was nowhere to be found.

Her duet was supposed to be a surprise, but the surprise was that she wasn’t there … even though she’d rehearsed it the day before.

Lauryn’s rep says the Grammys were wrong in announcing she was going to perform because she never said she would … though she’d show up for a rehearsal and for camera blocking.

Lay off’a the weed, Lauryn, you’re all confuzzled.

I know love, young love, new love; and I also know stupidity and destroying a national landmark. Someone maybe should’a told Vanessa Hudgens.

She recently spent a weekend with beau Austin Butler in Sedona, Arizona, and, as young stupid lovers are apt to do, they wanted to create a reminder of this romantic time.

So they carved their names into one of the federally protected red rock formations and then Vanessa Instagrammed it!

Like I said, stupid …


Michael Dodd said...

I have mixed feelings about these stories.

At one level, they annoy me, of course, because I know people with real problems whose situations are ignored by the media and politicians and so on. The people in these stories provide the bread and circuses [mostly circuses] that distract us from important things.

At another level, I am refreshed because I think, "Well, at least these folks are just celebretainers and aren't trying to become president or something and impose their questionable ideas and values on the nation as a whole. Can you imagine if we let someone who was a professional entertainer/celebrity become president, what a disaster ... Oh. Never mind."

And yes, that could refer to more than one person ...

Helen Lashbrook said...

Caitlyn Jenner caused an accident in which someone died and she's suing the driver of the car in front of her? How does that work? If you back end someone you're driving too close

the dogs' mother said...

Michael Dodd wrote "Can you imagine if we let someone who was a professional entertainer/celebrity become president, what a disaster ... Oh. Never mind."

ak!ak!ak! Bob would have to set aside another day just for the donald.

mistress maddie said...

I like Bill Murray and can't blame him. I would have done the same thing. Hell, when I'm in stores and hear people talking loud on their phones, I just want to grab them, and shove the phone up their ass.

Blobby said...

Well, Kanye is poor bc it takes a lot of ca-ching to feed Kash Kow. I really don't understand people calling him a 'genius' let along 'good'. i know that music ain't for me, but how someone like Melissa Ethridge relates to it is WAY beyond me.

anne marie in philly said...

kanye is the world's biggest freak show (next to donald the rump).

Professor Chaos said...

1. How the hell could Kanye have lost that much money, and why does he think Zuckerberg should bail him out? Just release another album, do a tour, you'll get plenty of monies for, you know, doing your job.

2. How could Caitlyn J possibly think that the car she rear-ended could be at fault?

3. Why the hell would Sir Paul McCartney even want to attend a party hosted by some no-talent upstart with Kardashian stink all over him?

OSR said...

I'm starting to think Kanye West has some kind of undiagnosed mental illness.