PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 1: The Ending Was Historical ... er ... Hysterical

The PR is Back! Well, not the PR because we have no Heidi and no Tim and :::gasp::: no Nina. It’s PR All-stars that’s back, for season five, and it starts the way it always starts, with the returning designtestants cruising the streets of New York until they accidentally bump into one another and squee with staged delight that they are reunited … and it feels so good.

Alyssa Milano, returning host, meets the designtestants and, for a fashion design show I wonder why she is wearing Mom Jean Culottes™? I mean, is the challenge going to be Make Ugly Clothes Uglier? Um, no … the challenge is to create a fashion forward look with $200 in one day that is inspired by the moment in their lives when these people chose to become designers.

Zanna Roberts Rassi is back — I love an English accent, especially a rather snarky one — as the designtestants’ mentor: after giving individual advice, she tells the entire room that she’s not seeing a lot of inspiration in their designs. Ow.

Still, it sounds simple enough so, let’s rip …

THE SAFES

clockwise from upper left

Kini Zamora, of season 13, finished his look in ten minutes and then took a tour of Ellis Island; seriously, he sews that fast. His look was fabulous and flirty and, of course, impeccably sewn.

Emily Payne, of season 13, returned with her blue hair in a bad reptilian hairstyle. Her look was garbage can chic, or something, and looked like a Kung Fu Panda hoodie.

fäde zu grau, of season 13, was inspired by the Berlin Wall coming down, and made a kind of graffiti tribal print dress. It was good; it was fäde.

Sam Donovan, from the one season spinoff, Under the Gunn, created a kind of semi-grown-up-jumper-romper.  Cute, young, ready-to-wear … which also describes Sam; just sayin’.

Alexander Pope, of season 12, has been working on Broadway since we last saw him — which is so clear because he looks like a theatrical production, or what would have happened in Will Ferrell’s Zoolander 2 character had mated with a Muppet. His look said 50’s disco housewife … the musical!!!

Dom Streater, of season 12, was safe, though I loved her use of prints in her jacket. Still, I get kind of annoyed when the winners from a PR season come back to all-stars. I think the cats should be all losers; you know what I mean.

Stella Zotis, of way back in season 5, is the rock-n-roll, leather and lace and fur designers who firmly believes that the judges got it wrong in her season. But her first look is safe and nice and not rock or roll.

THE BOTTOMS

Asha Daniels

Under the Gunn

Asha was going for a look inspired by her African heritage so she went for black pleather … I know; a black pleather cocktail dress because that screams Africa.

WHAT SHE SAID

She looks amazing … badass.

WHAT I SAID

I don’t think cut-outs and a flounce say Africa or fashion forward.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac Mizrahi—  I just adore him — said the look was nothing new, that he’d seen it before, that it was boring, that it was “off-the-rack.” Ow. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loathed the fabric — again, pleather? — but loved the tiny braid detail, while last season’s All-stars winner, Dmitry Sholokhov said the pleather looked cheap.

Mitchell Perry

PR season 13

He starts off by saying he “was eliminated unjustly because there were way uglier dresses on the runway” and then segues into his parents were addicts to explain why he played video games and thought of design. Zanna hates his fabric choices but Mitchell knows bets and refuses to hear her.

WHAT HE SAID

I really like what I made; she looks like a bitchy queen.

WHAT I SAID

She looks like she’s wearing a god-awful, mismatched, ill-fitting dress designed by a bitchy queen.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes the idea, but says the draping is bad and that none of it works together. Alyssa couldn’t help but point out the mismatched, high-low boobs, while Dmitry says he cannot find anything positive to say about it; Isaac said there was no quality in the fabrics and it was poorly made.

Daniel Franco

PR seasons 1 and 2

Daniel is back for the third time, after failing miserably in the first two seasons of the PR; and he seems to be channeling that again. He snips his finger with some scissors about two minutes in and then says, and this is incredible:

"This is like a violinist who slices his finger before the concerto."

It was more like someone who’s never played the violin before. Or sewn; because Daniel cannot finish his coat — it has no sleeves — or finish the edges — there are loose threads a'flying.

WHAT HE SAID

My work has the potential to be incredible.

WHAT I SAID

There’s a slit up to the fine china and ragged edges; his work has the potential to be incredible if he knew what he was doing.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa called it restrained and confined—or did she mean Daniel should be confined and restrained? Isaac said it was so “nothing” …. Length nothing … arm-holes nothing. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the fabric but said it was the wrong choice for a coat.

Alyssa: I’m confused.

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™: He’s confused.

Isaac: I’m sorry, darling.

THE TOPS

Ken Laurence

PR season 12

Ken is back and admits to being an angry, very angry, bordering on abusively violent angry man, but says he’s calmer now; I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but I have added extra security in my living room just in case.

Ken’s look is villainous … with a peplum; he wanted to make a power suit because he says he came from a family of strong single women. Zanna, apparently unafraid of KenTemper, cautions him that some of his ideas are so very 2005, but that she loves his fabrics.

WHAT HE SAID

I love to empower women through clothing

WHAT I SAID

I don’t think peplum ever screamed power, and I don’t think big shoulders are back, but it’s got some great ideas, and some gorgeous workmanship.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina  Chapman™  loved the fabrics, and the tailoring, but didn’t feel the look was that original :::cough::: peplum :::cough ::: Dmitry agreed that the silhouette wasn’t original and called it kinda sporty—which makes me wonder what sports Dmitry is into: Competitive Martini Making? Alyssa disagreed, calling it modern and fresh and young, while Isaac said Ken was the one to beat.

Or did he say Ken was the one to give a beating?

Layana Aguilar

PR season 11

Layana has had a baby and gotten married and gotten pregnant again and is working on a fashion line and … and … and … she needs to dough. But she wants to make clothes that make women feel beautiful and strong, so she’s going for a slithery top with all kinds of exposed kin and enough fabric to make drapes for a wall of windows, or a pair of palazzo pants. But Zanna is more worried about the flimsy fabric of the top, so Layana heeds the warning and reinforces it to keep bare boobs off the catwalk.

WHAT SHE SAID

I always see women as warriors.

WHAT I SAID

She might be a warrior if she’s fighting to get to the Lido Deck of a cruise ship … it’s pretty, really, but it doesn’t say armor or warrior.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac thought it looked both fun and expensive, while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ isn’t “wild” about the print, but loves the look, calling it flawless. Dmitry loved that the pants were so well draped that they looked like a beautiful skirt, but said the top looked like a swimsuit, and Alyssa called it comfy and sexy.

Valerie Mayen

PR season 8

Valerie wants redemption, having never won a single challenge in her season. She was inspired by a friend who loaned her money to buy an industrial sewing machine so she could practice shapes and stitches; she opts to go for a cute geometric print in whites and pinks and black. She wants to do a coat and Zanna encourages her to do so if she has time.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s very me … and geometrical … and bright.

WHAT I SAID

Zanna was wrong; it’s so much better without the coat.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac called it beautiful but said it was better without the coat; great minds yada yada yada. Dmitry loved the jacket, but also felt the look didn’t need it, while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™   loved the geometry and the color and how it looked like Valerie created her own print. Alyssa called Valeria a “fabric magician.”

I thought it might go Ken, out of fear, but the judges handed Valerie her first challenge win ever! Ken smiled, and hugged her, though I worried about the strength of that hug.

As for the losers; Asha is safe in pleather, and it’s down to Mitchell’s Mess and Daniel’s Disaster: Going home? No one! Alyssa said the judges decided they didn’t get to see either of the designers in these looks, which is code for, we’re not ready to send either of you home, so they both can stay.

Sam, upon learning that Daniel and Mitchell were both safe said:

You both f**ked up, you should both go home.

And, for the first time ever, I agree with Sam. Those two looks were so bad that I really don’t want to see anything else from these two guys.

I loved how Dom name-dropped Samuel L. Jackson’s … wife. I once let Morgan Freeman’s gardener use my pen.

LINE OF THE NIGHT ... Stella:

“I’m not here to stab anybody in the back. I’d rather shoot somebody.”

Ken wearing all those hats and caps; all I could think was mad hatter. Mitchell is less about design and more about scheming; he should head directly to Big Brother because, as Sam says and, sheesh, I agree again: He makes for decent television and horrible dresses.

One episode down and nothing really surprising; no fights, yet; no irons tossed, yet. No bloodshed—oh, wait, Daniel, the concert violinist.

It could get good; it better get better.

What did YOU think?