Friday, September 16, 2011

PR9EP8: I Don't Design For Regular People!!

On the runway, Heidi trots out this week's challenge: men. Men? Huh? What? Huh? These designers don't do menswear! I haven't seen this much sweating since Whitney Houston walked through security at a Hawaiian airport with a bag of weed in her luggage. the panic was palpable. 
But all was not as it seemed. Back in the workroom, Tim spilled the beans that they would not be designing for the men, but for the women in the men's lives.
Huge sigh. Huge.
However, the men would be directing the deign, describing colors, when they could, or style, when they knew what that was, or talking about with features they wanted shown--like in the case of Bert's client, Anthony, who wanted Boob-wear for the missus.
At any rate, let's rip

She was last to choose from the men, so she got the leftovers. and, apparently, as the last to choose, she was also conspicuously absent from the episode. She is so Middle-Of-The-Road as a designer, that the producers scarcely bother to film her.
I got nothing on her. Even Tim had no words during his critique and that can't be good. Or bad, I guess.
Her design was nice. Her client liked it. Her client's husband loved the booty-hugginess of it.
it got a pass and Kim got a save.
But I don't thinks that how you get to the tents. Kim's gonna need to step up if she wants a real show. or to be even filmed on this show.
Olivier, apparently wanting to be Josh Crawford's friend, muttered that he was left with only fat people: "Fat is okay but not for making clothes."
Seriously, he wants fat people to walk around nude because it's too hard to make clothes for them. I, on the other hand, want him to lose that accent, and take all those damn bobby pins out of his hair.
But, as usual, I digress.
This whole episode played like it was gonna be an Olivier in the Bottom.
He hates people. He doesn't want to design for them, he doesn't want to hear them speak. He wants to design for people without least the ginormous kind....or butts that don't suck fabric up them.
Olivier turned nasty, this week. He doesn't want clients talking to him, at him, around him. he wants to create and let the public just shut up and wear it. Now, I will give him that he had a very high-maintenance client, but he couldn't even be bothered to listen to her. Or anyone who wasn't flat and quiet.
Like a model. Who knows better than to speak. Or eat. Ever.
Tim didn't like the yellow and blue mix, and called it crayon. He told Olivier he had time to change, but then mentioned Olivier's problem with time management, at which point even his clients threw him under the bus for working so slowly.
Maybe he has a point about them not talking?
His look on the runway was the same pleated, architectural, structured, beige look he gives us every week, and I'm over it. 
I'm over him, the accent, the bobby pins, the weird attitude, and the clothes. I once thought he'd make it to the tents, but now, even if given two months, I can't see him getting anything more than a glove done.
A glove he'd used to hold over a client's mouth when they speak.
Right out of the gate, she hopes her client is loaded, and has a hot, golddigger of a wife.
What that has to do with design I do not know, but I think it's more of a glimpse into what Laura is, and wants.
Of course, after working with the husband, the wife shows up, and, we learn that she is one of sixteen children, and never got to play with Barbie, so she wants to be a Barbie.
Right up Laura's alley.
At Mood, she picks teal and pink and I want to shoot out my TV set. Luckily, the pink doesn't make it to the dress, and neither do the glittery glamazon shoes that Real Life Barbie wanted to wear.
Still, I think this episode signalled the beginning of the end for Laura. This dress was safe, I guess, if you think Grecian Goddess Saloon Keeper is safe.
I don't. It looked a little Real Housewives of Athens.....Georgia to me, and though it was deemed passable, Laura's in the same boat as Kim. Pick it up, or pack it in.

On a personal note, when Anya was talking to her client's husband, she asked what colors his wife liked, and he just stammered and stalled. Carlos said, "He doesn't know what colors his wife wears?" 
Well, I put the PR on pause, and asked Carlos, "What colors do I wear?"
"Um, you don't like a lot of patterns...."
"That's not a color."
"Um, you wear blue and green and don't wear red!"
"Wrong! I have several red shirts in the closet."
Picture us on the PR as clients. Night.Mare.
At any rate, back to Anya. She decides to go Asian African One-sleeved Kimono, and I decide to throw up a little in my mouth. The she decides to go all crazy giraffe fabric, asymmetrical hem, and billowy one-sleeve, and I throw up a lot in my mouth.
Even Tim said the one-sleeve threw off the proportions of the dress, and he was oh so right. When it walked the runway, it seemed to lean to one side.
i will give Anya the hem and the fabric, because it worked out, but that sleeve. Oh dear.
Kors called her design fabulous, and loved the mixed ethnicity of it. Heidi liked it because she hadn't seen it before--which I don't know is a good or a bad thing--while Malin Ackerman just loved it. Nina, my darling Nina, loved the asymmetry, and the print, but loathed the sleeve.
A safe sleeve, I guess. Still I think Anya has what it takes to make it to Lincoln Center. Her designs are almost always good, and always interesting, so I can see her having a great show.

He was lucky because he picked the guy in the trendiest suit, who looked like he knew a little something about fashion. And, when his wife showed up, all trendy herself, and wearing basically the same skirt that Viktor had just sewn, it had 'Win' written all over it.
He seemed to have the easiest time of it, because his clients knew what they wanted, and he knew how to deliver. Even Tim had no critique, just praise, when he stopped by.
And praise it deserved. His dress was fun and chic and modern and flirty and cute. And, best of all, it seemed to be a good fit, literally and figuratively, for his client.
Heidi was in love with it, and Kors thought that, even though it was too accessorized, it was well-made and suited his client. Malin Ackerman loved the sheerness of the cap sleeves, and Nina thought it was charming, without being girly.
I thought it was beautiful and was waiting for a Congratulations Viktor that never came. Still, I think he has what is needed to make it to the tents, although others, who are more drama than design, could edge him out.

Josh Crawford--seriously, Joan Crawford would die...again!...for those brows--knew he could handle the challenge because he's done menswear, but, um, these guys were fat and that means more material. Oh Josh! Always winning friends.
But then it got worse for Josh. Even though he was designing for a woman, he was designing for a woman with simple tastes, and Josh Crawford don't do simple, y'all. If he can't bead it, jewel it, flock it, fur it, sequin it, or paint it, he's lost.
He tried to convince his client to let him add some silvery bling to it, and she wasn't playing. So, Josh convinced her to leave her bra in the workroom and go commando on the runway, and she did.
Sidenote: Highlight of the episode was Tim Gunn talking about the firmness of the woman's breasts like he was talking about peaches at Whole Foods. It was almost as funny as listening to me talk to a woman about her breasty thingies.
On the runway his dress was simple and chic, and flirty. So Not-Josh Crawford. Still, it was a lovely LBD...Little Black Dress.
But maybe that simple dress did the trick, forcing him to do something he didn't want to do, and to do it without a meltdown.
Heidi loved the lack of bedazzling, while Malin Ackerman--I figure if I keep saying her name I might know who she is--loved the back and the use of the lace. Kors thought she looked like a modern Grace Kelly and Josh Crawford was like, "Grace, who?" Nina gave it a classic, flirty wow, and then it got the win of the week.
Without immunity.
Which may not be good for Josh with a team Challenge looming next week. I....kind Josh. I think he's quite creative, but I don't want him staying on the show, and showing at Lincoln Center because he's gives good TV.

Anthony Ryan
Anthony Ryan muttered, "Oh crap!" when he saw the men.
Then he muttered another expletive when he found out they were doing clothes for women. "Whoosh."
His big burly beefy bear of a client wanted to replace a dress that was his wife's favorite, but was lost, or left behind, at an airport, so Anthony went all out for what they wanted, not what he wanted or wanted to do. Big mistake.
His design was retro all right; retro Supergirl from the 1940s. Big mistake.
Tim says it has no modern edge, but was glad Anthony tossed away the polka dots, or, as Tim called them, the Minnie Mouse.
I called his finished dress Cruise Ship Director on the Good Ship Back In Time. Retro can be fun, but it can also be modern and edgy and sexy. His design was off-the-rack drab. Big mistake.
Malin Ackerman said it looked like a cheerleader outfit for the College of Ugly--okay, that last bit was me. Heidi couldn't tell if it was Little Girl, or Old Lady, and, in fact, it was both. Nina couldn't stop staring at the white superhero belt that made the whole outfit boxy, while Kors called her Superhero Ice Skater.
But he was safe. Barely.
At the beginning of the season, i saw Color-Blind-One-Nut-Gay-Guy as a shoe-in for the tents, but with each week he seems to be losing himself and his aesthetic. Too many times in the bottom, Anthony, and the only tent you'll be in is the one in the backyard at home.

Bert was thrilled when he learned that they would be designing for the men's women, because that's what he does, week after week. cute little dress. Week after week.
He was, sadly, saddled with a breast man, who wanted his wife in a Cooch Covering Fig Leaf and little else. i could just imagine a Kors Kritique on that one! Oy!
All his client could do was talk about his wife's breasts and how they were the first thing he saw on her. How happy she must be to know that. And how thrilled she must have been to see her husband Motorboat a mannequin. On TV.
His client wants Boobs, all the time, and all out, but when his wife sees the design, she nixes it for a more subdued, but still cleavage-y, sketch. And when Tim sees it, that's his concern. Cleavage. Tim Gunn is concerned about cleavage. Never thought I'd say that. But Bert assures him that he'll rein in the breastiges and all will be fine.
Not so fast. He goes Bottom Three again.
His dress was stiff and tight, and really looked like something that could be ordered online. Heidi didn't say much, but Kors, though he thought it well-made, said it was too normal and too safe. Malin Ackerman...whoever....said it was 'Nice.' Ouch. But Nina, my darling Nina, declared it too short, too shiny, and too stiff.
Bert got a save, though Heidi warned that if he doesn't come up with something different, i.e. better, he be riding the Auf Wieder Train next week.


The episode began with Bryce in the bathroom, flat-ironing his hair--and what's with all these designers and their flat-irons?--and lamenting the fact that he's never won a challenge. That means either one of two things: Bryce will win this episode, or Bryce will be Auf'd. And I think we all knew, as we watched, which one it would be, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Bryce is sweet. He has a boyfriend who's probably sweet, too. But Bryce either cannot make up his mind, or he changes it every two seconds. And neither one of those things works well in the PR.
His sweet client's sweet boyfriend wanted cutesy, girly, elegant and pink.
♪♫ Some of these things are not like the others♫♪ 
So Bryce wants to create a look that's all about love because his client loves his girlfriend and Bryce loves his boyfriend, and his client loves pink and Bryce would love to win.
His pink fabric is all wrong, so he dyes it a hotter pink, and then is scared of that. He tells his client he may lose all the pink, and she's fine, as long as the dress is cute and fun. But then he creates a dress that has pink in it, and she likes it, but he thinks maybe she doesn't like it enough, and then Tim says he likes pink and Bryce decides to scrap that dress and go all pink.
And he does, but the dress doesn't fit, unless his model lost fifteen pounds over night. His dress was cute, but too big; and had pockets that were too big. Saddlebags, really, and what woman wants those?
Nina thought the dress had too many details: Big pockets...a trim piece at the hem...crosspieces on the back....a little black belt. The dress was wearing the client. Malin Ackerman loved the pockets, but then she is an actress, or just someone they pulled in off the street to fill an empty chair, so what does she know?
Heidi liked to color, but didn't get the pockets, until Kors told her they were made for eating at a buffet. A pocket for a pork chop, a pocket for a beer. And room leftover for cake!
Or getting Auf'd, which finally happened to Back Of The Pack Bryce. He had too many second-guesses to make it to the tents. He did have lots of good ideas, and some good design, but he spent so much time thinking, and rethinking, that he could never accomplish anything.
Buh Bye Bryce. You're sweet, but Auf'd.


froggy said...

Spot on! As always.
For the dreaded Real Women Are Icky! episode this one wasn't that bad... though BoobyHusband is going to be the topic of conversation in their social circle for years to come. Dear gawd. Married men everywhere were muttering STFU if they happened to be in the room. GB got a good lesson in what NOT to say about girlfriends as he watched his mom and sister roll their eyes and insult BoobyHusband.
Tim saved the day! I love Tim, I will always love Tim. I could like to adopt Tim as my favorite uncle.

David said...

Love reading your comments. Saves me from watching it. Take my gay card away if you must, but I can't stand reality shows like this or American Idol or whatever crap the nets throw against the wall and expect us to watch. But I like a smart, funny guy who does not take this stuff too seriously.

Tivo Mom said...

I just thought that Viktor should have won. I am still waiting to wowed by someone and it has not happened yet. Loved the recap and I too am over Olivier.

Anonymous said...

Viktor was robbed!

I nearly forgot about how obnoxious Booby Husband was in the work room. I'm glad his wife appreciates him, but I got the vibe he likes the strip clubs.

As for Olivier, at least he has the designer diva attitude down. He now needs to work on his time management. Give him a collection to design and it's next season already.

Anonymous said...

Yay! I've been waiting for this post all day. I stayed up late last night so I could watch PR before I read your scathing spot-on review. You da man! Great post!

Joy said...

The only thing that saved Anthony is that Bryce was worse. Anthony has potential, so I'm glad he got to stay. Bryce has squeaked by several times.

Funny exchange between you and Carlos!

Biki said...

Ok, I've been listening to Oliver the entire run of the show, but until this episode he didn't speak a great deal. This time however he was a chatty cathy, and then i realized something, Oliver isn't faking an accent, he has a speech impediment. I let TH listen to him, and within a few sentences he said, "yeah he has trouble with his l's, r's and th's." If you dvr'd it look at him again, and notice how he often slows down and even pauses in unusual places while he's talking. Two of our kids had speech issues, and we were lucky to have good speech therapists, and it sounds like he wasnt as lucky.

I hated that Josh won, he is mean and cruel. I loved Anya's outfit the best. Yes, I really did! But if she didnt win, I wanted Viktor to win.

I cant decide who is going home next, Kimberly, Bert, or Anthony Ryan, or Laura.

The convo between you and Carlos was funny, and sounds like our house. I have more pink stuff than I can wave a stick at. Do I like pink? At all? Oh HELLZ no! And why do I have all this pink stuff? Cause my delightful TH thinks I like pink!