Friday, September 09, 2011

PR9Ep7: After That Nut Bolted From The Room, They Should'a Locked The Door

Well, my goodness, didn't the drama show up last night? Of course, even without the preview from last week, you'd know there was gonna be fireworks when you heard the term "Group Challenge" because these folks--and, by that, I mean Bert and Josh M--don't play well with others.


So, what was the group challenge? The Intel-HP-Desktop-Create-Your-Own-Textile-Fashion-Show-With-Video-and-Music-Background. It was a long name for a long show, and if I was a Lifetime exec, I might have suggested "Beauties and the Bitch" as the title. Keep it simple, you know.


It all begins with Josh M, hair coiffed, eyebrows arched, succinct tones, making breakfast in the boy's room and kvetching about not being the winner of the previous challenge. He seriously thinks his Tree Dress was avant garde. And he's still burned up that he lost.


Omen.


On the runway Heidi announces they will be forming groups; leader-less groups. Anthony Ryan, as last week's winner, is in one group, and he picks Anya. Heidi draws a name from the velvet bag, and it's Josh, so he'll be on Team 2. He asks if this means he's the leader and Heidi once again says, "No leaders." Josh sulks to the runway, where he picks Laura.


Meanwhile, Anya picks Viktor, and Laura picks Kim, and Viktor picks Olivier, and Kim picks Becky and Olivier picks Bryce, and Becky picks....okay so he's last to get picked again and Bert gets on Team 2, muttering something about it being "the bad news."


In the workroom Tim tells the teams they will be creating their own textiles, and then putting on a five-piece collection fashion show, with a video backdrop they create and their own choice of music--that's the last we hear about music and I didn't really hear any new music on the catwalk, just the PR theme, so what was the point?


Tim also brings Betsy Johnson, wackadoo fashion designer extraordinaire, to talk about runway shows and themes and cohesion, and Betsy ends with a talk about cooperation, and leaving behind the idea of Me and Mine.


Omen.
Anyway let's rip.......on the one team that was all sweetness and light--even though they called themselves Chaos--and the other team that was a bucket full of crazy. I hope this doesn't turn into an All-Josh-Recap because I WILL NOT HAVE IT!!!!!!


CHAOS
Anthony Ryan came up with the idea of the Inkblot, but the rest of his team ran with it.
And he worked well with everyone except Olivier, who could barely make a jacket in two days, so Anthony Ryan was worried about "the pant" and threatened to pull the jacket from Olivier's hands.
His design, though not my favorite, was cute; a bubble skirt, and a semi-masculine blouse with a bright red bow-tie. Safe, though, really.
And safe won't get you to Lincoln Center. While Anthony started out high, he seems to be going kind of safe lately, and that won't make a fun runway, will it?
Bryce spent most of this episode, as he spends most of every episode, fretting about letting his team down, and he does so. Again.
His simple T-shirt and shorts was a tad too simple--even though the back of the shirt was pretty. Bryce needs to stop worrying about what others think and just do it, or he'll be gone soon.
And once he gets the Auf, maybe he could team up with Becky and open up a doughnut shop, or an antique store. An organic market. Anything but fashion, please?
Viktor is turning into a nice guy. Who knew? he seemed fun and funny and helpful and a team player. Who knew? And a good designer, as well. His evening gown was gorgeous and flowy and sexy.
After the week he was all bitchy queeny, i almost wrote him off, but then he turned back into a designer and not a TV caricature--i.e. Josh--and is able to design some beautiful things.
I could see him showing at Fashion Week.
I can't see him winning, yet, but I can see his show.
Olivier once again has time management issues and could only do a jacket--albeit a fabulous jacket--in the two days. In fact, Anya, who just learned to sew, whipped out a pair of pants for him. 
Olivier may have the talent to get to the tents, but i wonder if, even given two months, if he'd be able to pout an entire collection together.
And would his show be beige and grey and skin tones?
Anya's cocktail dress was the perfect blend of two of the Chaos fabrics. Simple and chic. And Anya, who has never been in the bottom, is quickly becoming one of my favorites to see in the Final Show. Plus, and I'll be saying this every week, I love to her her talk. I also love that she is, for all her flamboyance in wardrobe and hair and accessories, surprisingly drama-free.
NUTS AND BOLTS
Laura tried to play mediator with Bert and Josh. She tried to play counselor with Josh. She tried to play backstabber with Becky--whose work she called 'Judy Jetson with a vacuum cleaner'--and she tried to make a sophisticated jumpsuit, but ended up with something that looked like an Irene Cara reject from a 1980s video shoot. Sadly, the PR website had no photo of Laura's hideousness today so she is sans evidence of her tackiness. Does make me wonder who's she's schtupping to not get a picture up?
Kim got the ::::cricket:::: edit because she mostly stayed out of the drama, and away from N-and-B's wacky cog and gear, numbers, and graffiti fabrics. 
Luckily, Kim knows a horrible fabric, or three, when she sees them. 
Still, her dress, with the Tim Gunn dubbed Poodle fabric skirt, was a tad too short, though it was, by far, the best of N-and-B--which ain't sayin' all that.
Kim could show at Lincoln Center, but she needs to step up.
Bert got pissy about the computer not printing up his fabric design, and I can see why. Back in his day, you simply told a monkey in a "flint"-stone-box to draw out your design and he did it instantly. Then you gave the design to a woolly mammoth to fabricate. 
Bert did a lot of muttering, and dropping of the F-bomb, and then denying he dropped any bomb. His "friggin'" and "f**king" clocks didn't make the fabric cut, though he did send Josh over the edge. 
Bert's dress looked chic, if you ignored the cog fabric, the unfortunate length, and the clunky ankle boots he gave his model.
If Bert could time-travel back to the late 70s, early 80s, he could show in the tents there.
Becky created that cog fabric, which looked cool at first, but when it was used in an actual dress looked just awful. 
Not as awful, however, as the tank top and tube skirt she made in Home Ec back in 1997, and then saved up to bring to the PR in 2011. 
She loved her jacket, and, to be fair, it was cool, but even that jacket couldn't save her design, or lack thereof.
Josh stole the Bitch Crown from Bert and literally ran from the room with it. He began the show bitching about not winning last week. Then he moaned about not being the team leader and having everyone do his bidding. Finally, he exploded at Bert's use of the F-word--Seriously? What queen goes off on that?--and turned into Joan Crawford--Admit it, he has the eyebrows for the job--screaming: "Bert? Is this the undertones that people are talking about on the runway, where you walk away and say things under your breath? Because I will--I WILL--not stand for it!" 
And then he fake calms down, and fake apologizes, and then gets the phone home and cry edit where he talks about his mom dying. It was all too planned and came off as fake. I say, too late Josh. You're an egomaniacal bitch and all those tears won't change my mind.


JUDGING
Team Chaos gets the win for being sophisticated and having beautiful fabrics and putting in a Nina Garcia Necessary Pop of Color. Heidi liked all their looks, while Kors found some more sophisticated than others--like, say, Bryce's, which Kors said were a little "mall". He loved Viktor's evening gown and thought Olivier's jacket was the best piece of tailoring he's ever seen on the show. Guest Judge, actress Rose Byrne--and let's stop with these actress judges please--liked all the designs, calling them hip and cohesive. Other guest Judge, Rachel Roy, loved the prints. Nina loved the pop of color, and wants Olivier's jacket, but shuddered at their styling, which brought the collection down a bit.


Heidi asked who should win and they all picked themselves. except Mr Low-Self-Esteem, Bryce, who picked Anya. I was sure Olivier would win for the Perfectly Tailored Two Day Jacket, but the judges did give it to Anya, her first win of the season.


Team Nuts and Bolts was just a mess, both fashionably, and personally. Kors thought they took the theme too literally, and that Laura and Kim copped out on not using the fabrics because they knew they were awful. He hated Becky's outfit, the tank and the skirt--"What woman wants cancelled across her crotch?"


Heidi thought it all too busy, while Rose Byrne called the whole shebang unflattering. Nina had no words, except to say that their video backdrop was more like an ad for shoes or NYC cabs. Ouch. if all you can talk about at a fashion show is how bad the video is, what does that say about the fashion?


Heidi does call out Josh for being a bitchy bossy bully to Bert this week and to Becky in the past, and Josh bitches about how he is all design and no one else, least of all, Becky is as talented.


So, it comes down to a Becky-Josh verdict, and, as much as I find Becky's designs generic and dull, I was kinda hoping they'd kick Josh to the Bitchy Queen curb.


But, he is more talented, and he is a better show, so he gets the save. Still, I am kind of hoping he gets saved every single week until right before Lincoln Center and then he gets the boot. No tents, Josh. No tents. That's my wish.


And my wish for Becky is that she enjoy her vacation, and then go back home and burn all her sewing essentials because she needs to stop. Just stop.
Buh Bye Becky

8 comments:

froggy said...

Strange episode. No color in the fabric? I'm betting they said black and white only as color costs more $.
And Betsy Johnson, in and out in a flash? wth is with that?
JoshM - the man's mother died and we could care less - you got to be pretty bad awful for that reaction.

Loves your title. Why didn't they follow him into the men's room? Maybe the camera folks got into trouble for following Becky the day before. And I agree about stuffing way too much of the sponsor into the challenge.

Next week - a chance to insult real women's bodies. How fun! I hope some woman slaps Olivier around with her gi-NORMOUS breasts.

David Dust said...

On next week's episode:

"NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!"

... Josh Eyebrows

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

diatribesandovations.com said...

Spot-on review! Excellent post!

Rainbow said...

I seriously think that Josh needs some mood meds ... manic-depressive much????

But I think they will keep him around...he is the 2011 version of Gretchen

Biki said...

When the show came to the part where one is supposed to bite their nails over who is going to get "aufed" I was hunched on the edge of my sofa chanting, "both of them! both of them!" One for being a huge bitchy queen that made Madame Crawford seem laid back, and one for sewing some seriously boring clothing.

I am so happy that Anya won! I'm thinking if she keeps it up, she will make it to the tents. I'm waiting for Josh and Laura to go. Im way past done with the both of them. I find Laura to be as fake as a 10$ pair of Jimmy Choo heels.

jason said...

such a great recap! Great blog you have here. :)

Robyn said...

I have yet to see the episode but I wanted to know what I was getting into when I get home from work tomorrow afternoon. I. Must. See. Josh. Channel. Joan. Crawford.

Tivo Mom said...

OK I am not trying to be a bitch because you never get over the loss of anyone but Josh's mother died 2 years ago. Why are we supposed to feel sorry for him now? He is awful, just awful and is such a stereotypical fake ass queen that I just know he is going to the tents. Right now I am pulling for AR, Viktor (who knew) and maybe Anya. So long to Becky...bless her and her blue streaks heart.