The Emmy A-wk-wards

I watched the Emmy's last night because I'm a slut for awards shows. I was, however, a bit of a bored slut, and allow me to bullet-point it for you:

• Jane Lynch. Love her. A Fabulous gay. Not, however a fabulous host for an awards show. Funny bits, but not really funny.
• The opening musical number, where TV actors sang and danced in a pre-recorded skit was slightly reminiscent of last year when TV actors sang and danced in a pre-recorded skit.
• The Emmytones? Again. Not funny. Kind of creepy and sad, actually.
• Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell win Outstanding Supporting Actors for Modern Family. Loved that. And then Michael Alan Spiller wins Outstanding Directing for Modern Family. Loved that he looked like a Jon Hamm knock-off because I loves me some Hamm. And loved it again when Steve Levitan and Jeffrey Richman win for Outstanding Writing for Modern Family.
• Freaked out a little when Jane Lynch creeps into my head and steals my Modern Family Awards line.
• Ricky Gervais is still riding that Ooooh I was a naughty naughty host at last year's Golden Globes. Move on, Ricky. The rest of us have. Well, except for you and the Emmy producers.
• Charlie Sheen, doing his mea culpa, and looking like he'd been rode hard and put away wet while doing so, awards Jim Parsons Outstanding Actor in a Comedy for The Big Bang Theory, which I've never seen, and don't care to see, no matter how many people say it's funny.
• First truly funny moment comes when Amy Poehler is announced as a nominee for Outstanding Actress in a Comedy and marches to the stage. That sets up the joke as all the other actresses in that category join her, and when Mike and Molly's Melissa McCarthy is named the winner, they tiara her and rose her and crown her, I guess, queen. Still, a half hour in and this was the first funny bit?
• Laura Linney was robbed. just sayin'.
• Outstanding Reality Series again goes to The Amazing Race.
• Outstanding Writing for a Variety/Musical/Comedy goes to the Daily Show.
• Then there was something called The Lonely Island and a musical number which put the 'wk' in award; as in awkward. Michael Bolton? Seriously?
• Outstanding Directing of a Musical/Variety/Comedy goes to Don Roy King for the Justin Timberlake/Lady Gaga SNL. Pre-dick-in-a-box-table.
• Outstanding Musical/Variety/Comedy winner is The Daily Show, for the ninth consecutive year. Really? There has been no better mu-var-com in the last nine years?
• Jon Cryer and Ashton Kutcher lame joke us and present the Outstanding Writing for a Drama to Jason Katims for Friday Night Lights.
• Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama goes to Margo Martindale for Justified, which stars the seriously sexy Timothy Olyphant.
• Outstanding Director for a Drama goes to Martin Scorsese because Emmy always awards film folk when they stoop to TV.
• Jason O'Mara...seriously hot and Irish....presents Outstanding Supporting Actor ina Drama to Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones. I haven't seen that, but loved The Dinklage in the original British-Far-Funnier-Than-The-American version of Death At A Funeral.
• The Emmy's wasted my Husband-In-My-Head, Anderson Cooper, in some lame Jersey Shore mess, but then he introduced Katie Holmes and some guy. Katie. WTF happened to her face? She talks out the side of her mouth like she spends most of her time trying to say Help me that way. Just run, Katie. Nicole got away and she's happy now.
• Outstanding Actress in a Drama went to Julianna Margulies, who has the gayest looking husband ever. I ain't sayin' he's gay, I'm just sayin' that if he was, I would not fall outta my chair at the news.
• A retread group of Charlie's Angels give hunky Kyle Chandler the award for Outstanding Actor in a  Drama for Friday Night Lights. Kyle needs a new show because he's dee-lish.
• Downton Abby, one of my favorite shows from last year, wins Julian Fellowes an Outstanding Writing for a Movie/Miniseries/Drama Special award, and then wins Maggie Smith an Outstanding Actress for a Movie/Miniseries/Drama Special award, and then Bryan Percival wins the Outstanding Directing for a Movie/Miniseries/Drama Special award, and finally it wins an award as the Outstanding Writing for a Movie/Miniseries/Drama Special. Very well deserved.
• Barry Pepper gets the award for best use of fake teeth for playing Robert Kennedy in The Kennedy's, which was produced by the History Channel, then dropped by the History Channel, and ultimately shown at check-out lines at your local WalMart and Target stores.
• David Boreanaz looks like the Original Darrin from the Original Bewitched. Google them and see for yourself.
• Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Movie/Miniseries/Drama Special goes to Guy Pearce for Mildred Pierce and he thanks Kate Winslet for letting him schtup her on-camera. And then, of course, because, well, because she's brilliant and a film actress, Kate Winslet wins Outstanding Actress for a Movie/Miniseries/Drama Special for Mildred Pierce.
• And finally, Modern Family is crowned the funniest show EVER...or at least in the last year.
• Last, but not least, the very best thing about the show? It lasted just a hair shy of three hours. Three hours I won't ever get back, but just three hours.

What did you think, if you could stand it long enough to watch all of it?