I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

After Renée Zellweger shaved off her beard, i.e. she and Bradley Cooper broke up--he has ALLEGEDLY gone back to his previous, um, "girlfriend".

I mean, one mustn't allow those rumors of gayness to resurface, must one? So, yes, it seems Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston are not-so-secretly dating again.
A source--and by source, I mean the guy that knows Bradley Cooper intimately....and I wish it was me--admits that the pair, who had "dated" back in Oh-Nine, have been in touch recently, saying, "Jen always had a soft spot for Bradley, and she thinks he is very attractive and charming."
And he has a soft spot for her, if you get my meaning.
Back in Oh-Nine, while promoting "The Hangover," and needing any and all kinds of press, rumors swirled about Cooper and Aniston. Bradley sashayed them off, saying, "I met her three times in my life. My mom loves it, but unfortunately it's not true."
My mom loves it? Every g_y boy tells his mama about his "dates," even when the "dates" are with girls. And, of course, as Cooper was saying it wasn't true, and he'd only "met" Jen, there were pictures taken of the "couple" dining in NYC. So much for the old, I don't know her.
I picture Bradifer, er, Coopeston....OMG, none of these work....um, Jenniley....Hmmm, maybe....staying together long enough to promote a couple of movies, and then there will be an amicable split, and Cooper will find another actress to team up with.
I ain't sayin' he's gay, now, I'm just sayin'.....hmmmm.

And speaking of hmmmm, where does a former boy-bander go when the bloom is off the rose?
I mean, if you a New Kid, or a Backdoor, er Backstreet Boy, you reunite as new Kids On The Block Doing The Nasty With Some Backstreet Boys and you go on tour and make a few dollars more.
But, what about the boys in the band, Ninety Eight Degrees? Yeah, the one that had Jessica Simpson's ex-husband in it. What about those boys?

Well, if you're Jeff Timmons and you haven't had much success parlaying singing with prepubescent boys until you're long out of puberty into a successful adult career, you become a, and he did, Chippendale's dancer.
Yes, Timmons will don a bow tie, and little else, except some booty shorts and body oil to spend four weeks--What? he couldn't get hired full-time?--with the strip/dance crew Chippendale's in Las Vegas.
Timmons, now thirty-seven, and a bit long in the tooth for boy bands and male strippers--will be shakin' what his mama gave him at the Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino from May 12 through June 5. A press release states that as soon as Timmons comes on-stage, "the temperature will rise"--Get it/ ninety-Eight Degrees!--to be the guest star for the strippers, and the emcee.
Boy band to male stripper.
Yeah, that is the chain of succession, I guess,

Rod Stewart, nearing one-hundred,forty-seven years of age, is said to be thrilled at becoming a grandfather, but not so thrilled that his grandbaby daddy, Benicio del Toro, so causally impregnated his daughter, Kimberly.

Really, Rod? This from a man who has eight children with six different women?
It seems that Benicio's "people" announced through the press that del Toro is the daddy of Kimberly Stewart's baby, but that the two are not a couple. I guess it was just kind of drive-by impregnation. And Rod had hoped his daughter would have taken that walk down the aisle before getting knocked up, even though her own daddy did it the other way round on more than one occasion.
A friend of Rod's--and by friend, I mean his crypt-keeper--says, "Rod might seem like a wild man but deep down he is very conservative. What dad doesn't dream of his daughter's wedding day before she starts a family?"
Maybe the dad who knocked up six different women eight times? He has a son and a daughter with first wife, Alana Hamilton; a daughter with Kelly Emberg--whom he never married; two children with second wife but third baby mama, Rachel Hunter; and two children with Missus Stewart Number Three. He is also the father of a daughter who was born in the 1860s, er, 1960s, and put up for adoption.
Just sayin'.


So, what happens when your life of cocaine and hookers get you fired from your TV show and then you become some kind of trainwreck Twitter star and decide to take that mess on the road and then bomb magnificently at it? What do you do next?

Well, if you're Charlie Sheen, and you believe what your hangers-on are saying, you use your stage show, the "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option," to, at first, hint, that you want your old job back, and then begin talking about how you're not supposed to talk about getting your job back.
But, let's be honest, he needs the work. Suitcases of cocaine and closets of porn stars don't come cheap.
Even though, in his "show" Sheen blasts his former CBS show, "One Man, One Boy, and One Deranged Cokehead", he has been dropping hints about his possible return to his series.
"There've been discussions, but I was asked not to divulge anything," Sheen recently discussed and divulged. "Had they told me at the end of Season 8 that that behavior wasn't going to be cool, I would have adjusted it."
So, um, Charlie? Someone has to tell you that luggage filled with drugs and houses full of hookers isn't cool behavior? That, asshat, is problem Number One on a long list of problems. Problem Number Two is that the idea of you returning to your old show is playing only in your head.
Lawyers for Warner Bros. TV, AKA The Defendants in Sheen's $100-million-dollar lawsuit to get his job back, released a staement saying Sheen's claims to a Boston radio station are completely untrue: "As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions, and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement in the series."
Of course, Sheen's lawyer, Marty Singer, who works round the clock keeping Sheen out of trouble, and fails miserably, shot back: "That's ridiculous. There absolutely have been discussions. As late as this Tuesday there have been discussions about Charlie coming back and everyone was involved."
Maybe the discussions were about Charlie coming back.............and cleaning out his dressing room. i mean, would you go in there without a HazMat suit?
Just sayin'.

Now that her husband-grandfather, Michael Douglas, is on the mend after completing treatment for throat cancer, Catherine Zeta-Jones has decided to check herself into the hospital. Or, more appropriately, the psych ward.

Her representative--and by representative, i mean the guy who keeps the painting of CZJ painted in the late 1800s up in the attic where no one can see it age--says, "After dealing with the stress of the past year, Catherine made the decision to check in to a mental health facility for a brief stay to treat her Bipolar II Disorder."
And, by Bipolar, he means her Obsessive Need To Be The Center Of Attention. After a year of people talking only about her husband, CZJ decided it was time to shift the focus back to her.
Of course, it wasn't just Michael Douglas and his cancer stealing the spotlight, it was those two kids of theirs always looking for mommy's love, and then that son of Michael's, Cameron, being sent to prison for dealing drugs, and then the first Mrs. Douglas suing for more money..
Don't.These.People.Know.It's.All.About.C.Z.J?
Just sayin'.

I think one should star calling Elizabeth Hurley The Boomerang.

She was with actor Hugh Grant until Hugh got friendly with a hooker.
Then she had a five-minute stand with billionaire Steve Bing, which resulted in her having Bing's baby--something he denied until he got three letters in the mail, D, N, A.
Then there was a short pit-stop back at Hugh Grant.
After which she up and married Arun Nayar.
Until rumors of an affair circulated, then came word of a divorce, and the revelation that her new love was Aussie cricketing champ Shane Warne, who was also married.
Now, she and Warne are "just friends" and she has ALLEGEDLY boomerang'd back to Hugh.
She has even admitted, in an interview with Hello magazine, that she and Hugh will "end up living together like Darby and Joan"--in England, Darby and Joan is an expression for an old married couple who lead a placid, rather hum-drum life.
I'm not sure about the hum-drum life, given his penchant for the Divine Brown's of the world, and her penchant for schtupping whatever comes along.
It sounds a little more Ho-hummer.
Just sayin'.

Kimora Lee Simmons is a moron.
That's all.
Well, okay, there's more.

It seems she shocked everyone by hitting a red caret event looking about thirty pounds lighter, and when asked about her sudden weight loss, and how she did it, the fool said, "I don't eat."
Yes, she did. This mother to small children says she didn't diet or exercise, she just stopped inserting food into her mouth. Half-joking, ALLEGEDLY, Kimora says, "I have shed the fat by not eating. But I don't like to tell the kids that so they think they shouldn't eat."
Apparently she still has some fat to lose.
In.Her.Head.
She says her new-found love for No Food Ever started when she moved to LA  and began hanging around with two "realtiy show" sisters--whom she won't name...though the letters K, K and K, seem to pop up: "I was out one night with two famous sisters, when a bunch of burgers were being passed around. I went to grab one and the two of them looked shocked. They said, 'We don't eat.' Then after I grabbed a burger, they said they were joking but I knew they weren't!"
So, she's taking dieting advice from a Kardashian.
Like I said, she still has the fat in her head.

Some people love her.
Some people hate her.

I fit snuggly in group two, and the reason is clear: there is no one on earth more enamored of Gwyneth Paltrow than Gwyneth Paltrow herself. And let's prove it, using her own words.
She says folks are "pissed off" at her because she's driven and unafraid of change, while they're not: "It's easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. Everything in my life that's good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it."
It's all good because she made it that way. All by herself. No help or support from her actor-director parents. No help from her singer-songwirter husband. No help from Harvey and Bob Weinstein. She made it all on her on, and no one else in the history of the world knows how to do that, and we're all jealous.
Seriously.
Um, Gwynnie, honey?
The reason I don't like you has nothing to do with the idea that you can change and grow and adapt, it's because you think you're better than everyone else, especially since the Weinstein Brothers bought you that Oscar.
Seriously, Best Actress? That's comical.
And you made a movie about being a country singer--which bombed, by the way--and now you think you can sing? Homey, you have all the stage presence of a Q-tip with a passable voice. Please, do not make a record. Let your husband sing. He can, you know.
But she goes on, pondering about why many people hate her: "My theory is twofold. I think there's a part of me that because I think I do a lot, I think my work ethic is the reason why I'm successful. I think that a lot of people don't want to put in effort and it's easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out. [They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that. Everything in my life that's good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it....If everyone has an opinion then no one has an opinion. Ultimately, it's not about me...It's a projection. Sometimes if I hear of something really unkind or somebody's really misunderstood me or something like that for a second I'll be like, "Oooh wow that hurt," but almost immediately I'll be like, "poor guy." What state are they in that they're seeing that or projecting that."
See, she feels sorry for us because we don't work as hard as she does, and we just aren't good enough.
Yeah, that's why we loathe you Gwyneth.