I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

Charlie Sheen unlocked the door to his subbasement of crazy this week.
It seems that right after Charlie went nuts the last time, and then took his crazy to the airwaves and got fired from his job, he was fond of calling ex-wife, and mother to two of his children, Denise Richards, "fabulous" and "smoking hot."

He also said that he loves her "to death."
Now he's changed that statement, saying he'd love her to die.
His mood went from love to hate because of the unconscionable thing Denise Richards did: she rebuffed his request to allow their daughters, Sam and Lola, to be a part of that drugged-out, manic, crazy-fueled Dateline special.
Now, Charlie has taken to his Twitter feed--shouldn't his be called Nit-witter? Think about it--to call the once-'fabulous' Denise a "traitor and loser whore" and "dog thief."
Dog thief? How dare he!
A source--and by source I mean the porn star who holds the crack pipe for Charlie when he's too high to do it himself--says, "Denise didn't steal the dogs, he gave them back to her...[and they]...were in horrendous shape. He doesn't want the dogs, he wants to fight!"
And he did fight, Twatting: "We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH-neese POOR-ards. a vile kidnapper and now dog thief. hate."
What's odd, and really, what isn't odd about Charlie Sheen these days, is that the dogs were actually Denise's dogs, but after she and Sheen divorced she let him keep them at his house so that when their daughters came to visit, "they would feel more at home." She only took them back after his NYC-Hooker-In-A-Cupboard escapade, and one of the dogs has since died.
One of these people is a parent, the other is a crazed, drug-addicted menace. 

Hey, why shouldn't she?
Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince. Cher was probably the first--unless you count Jesus. But Liza's done it, and GaGa will no doubt soon be doing it, too.

So why shouldn't Lindsay Lohan?
It seems that La Lohan is sick of having a tie to her wack-nut father, and now wants to surgically remove the Lohan from her name, and forever be known as Lindsay.
A source--and by source, I mean Dina Lohan,Lindsay's enabler, and the spender of all the Lindsay money that still comes in from ventures like the Lohan Leggings and such--says, "Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."
Oh, Dina, you self-obsessed hack; you'll never change your name back to Sullivan. You'll keep the Lohan, because how else will anyone know who you are?
Well, you could change your name to Dina Famewhore.
Dina Spongingoffherdrugaddictkids.
Dina Doesn'twork.
Dina Moron.
Moron works because it sounds like Lohan.
Meanwhile, Back at Lindsay Lohan.
A family friend--and by friend, I mean the guy that distracts the jewelry store clerk while Lindsay fills her bag with necklaces--says, "So many of the greatest [sidenote: sorry to interrupt, but is he calling Lindsay one of the greatest? Tee hee] people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list. And it's a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay's father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name."
After all is said and done, I think we will be calling Lindsay Lohan by a single name:
Prisoner.

Don't you hate it when you get engaged and plan a fabulous wedding and buy a beautiful white dress and get your hurr did and nails done and fresh makeup troweled on and someone comes to your nuptials and steals the show?
Then you must know how Reese Witherspoon feels.

It seems that this past weekend Reese tied the knot with Jim Toth. And she wanted her friends, and, of course, the Hollywood A-listers, to share in her joy. But dammit it all to hell, Reese was upstaged at her own wedding by the arrival of new supercouple, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn.
A source--and by source, I mean the bridesmaid who broke the news to Reese--says, "Scarlett is Jim's client, but no one, including the bride, knew she would have turned up with Sean Penn. Turning up at a wedding with your boyfriend is definitely a huge statement, especially that wedding. What it's doing is announcing to the whole of Hollywood that they are serious."
Now, rather than everyone talking about the blushing bride and her new second husband, all mouths are agape about Scarlett and Sean.
Always a bride, never the center of attention, eh Reese?

Table-flipping,face-punching, foul-mouthed, bankruptcy-filing, one-head--look at her, that's no forehead, it's a one-head--'Real Housewives of New Jersey' star Teresa Giudice is dealing with yet another headache involving her husband.

It seems Joe Giudice, Teresa's numbskulled, thicknecked husband, was arrested at the family's New Jersey--soon to be auctioned off to pay bills--home last week, and charged with fraudulently obtaining a state driver's license.
Joe could face more than ten years behind bars.
That sound you hear is Teresa flipping a table.
It seems that last year, thug-lite Joe ALLEGEDLY went to the motor vehicles department, presented his brother's identification materials--ALLEGEDLY his own brother's marriage license and birth certificate--and got a driver's license for his own use.
Now, why would serial loser Joe need to do that, eh?
His own license had been suspended. And , the wonder daddy of four served eight days of a ten-day sentence last fall for driving with a suspended license. The license was first suspended in January 2010, when Joe crashed his car in the wee hours of the morning.
What a lovely man. Drunkard. DUI'er. Impersonator of his own brother.
And what about that lovely wife if his. Where was Teresa when Joe was arrested? Well, she had a scheduled appearance at a casino in the Pocono's--I believe it was in one of those 'Poke A Fame Obsessed Reality Star booths--so she had her family post bail for her husband.
In fact, on Twitter, or, like Charlie Sheen when it's Teresa Giudice, it should be Nit-witter, she didn't even acknowledge her husband's arrest: "Hanging out with my honey at Mt Airy Casino. Just finished dinner now we are going to check out the scene."
And see about getting a fake ID, eh Joe?

Nearly two years after he shoved his face into a piece of scenery during the Tony Awards, Bret Michaels has decided to sue the program.

In a lawsuit targeted at Tony Awards Productions, CBS and a boat load of others, for unspecified [i.e. scads] damages and costs. Michaels says he “suffered a near fatal subarachnoid hemorrhage."
Odd, because at the time he said he just had to get stitches for a cut lip.
His lawsuit goes on to say that "[t]hrough his sheer will to live, see his children grow up, Michaels was able to survive this trauma. Although he put a brave face on for the public, the fact is that the injury left Michaels clinging for his life and in excruciating agony. It was only through months of hard work and dedication – that continue to this day – that Michaels has been able to resume some semblance of his life and career.”
Hmmm, after that horrendous smack in the face by a screen, didn't he appear on The Hair's reality show? And wasn't he on every single talk show, rattling on about his brain injury and how he battled back from the brink of death without ever once mentioning that his traumatic head banging was a result of the Tony Awards faulty screen lowering?
Me thinks someone has huge medical bills to pay, and he wants Tony to cough up the dough.
Someone oughta smack him in the head.

Chris Brown.
He beats up his girlfriend and gets a little fine and some community service, along with a couple of anger management courses.
M'kay.

Then he goes and ALLEGEDLY 'rihanna's' his dressing room at Good Morning America last week because Robin Roberts dared to ask him about the beating of his ex-girlfriend.
Now, probably the worst thing that could happen tot his poor man, is he is being snubbed by a couple of celebrity dancers on 'Dancing With The Stars'.
Oh, the humanity!
It seems Brown got a chilly welcome from some of the celebrities when he performed in the ballroom this week, especially from Kirstie Alley, Wendy Williams and domestic abuse victim, Cheryl Burke, who said, "As a victim of domestic violence, I don't agree with him coming on the show, but it's out of my control."
I agree, he isn't, or maybe wasn't, a good guy, but do we hold that grudge forever, or do we move on?
And Wendy Williams--whom I love for the fact that she doesn't know when to keep quiet--has been quite vocal about her dislike for Chris ever since he attacked then-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009. After his 'GMA' blowup, she said on her talk show that she was "disgusted with this little boy."
I imagine she was more than chilly when he showed up on DWTS.
Kirstie Alley, while she get her yap closed, except when she was eating, basically stayed clear away from Brown while he was in the building.
But even show host Tom Bergeron warned that there might be trouble if he had to interview Brown. "I did say to the producers that it might be to their advantage to not have me interview him, because my natural tendency would be to say something."
i understand the disgust.
I understand the anger.
But how long does Chris Brown have to pay for this? Now, don't get me wrong, I don't like the guy, and, had I been a part of the show--[sidenote: I giggle, picturing myself doing the cha cha]--I would have steered clear of him, too.
But I'd'a kept my mouth shut.

You can come to the party in an egg.
You can come to the party in a meat dress.
You can come to the party with a plastic lobster on your head.
But DO NOT get drunk and play the fool at a Lady Gaga birthday party.

We have Adam Lambert to thank for this lesson, and I'm sure there will be a PSA about it soon.....The more you know......shooting star!
It seems that close friends of Gagas--and I believe that means the good folks at Egglands Best and the Meat council--threw her a surprise 25th birthday party at La Cita Bar over the weekend, and Adam Lambert--not one of the official guests...party crasher--came as a guest of Scissor Sisters.
And came drunk. ALLEGDLY.
Perez Hilton who was also at the party--because he's had his enormous pink-haired head up Gaga's ass since day one--says Adam Lambert began some intense fist-pumping and kept beating on the walls until he actually punched a hole in the bar's low ceiling.
A source--and by source I mean the minion who carried Gaga around in an enormous Gucci bag--says, "Adam acted like an animal. He kept jumping up on the tables and chairs and screaming. When they brought the cake out he tried to smear it in Gaga's face and put a doll from the cake in her mouth!"
Then he tried to sing to Gaga.
How.Rude.
Singing. To the birthday girl. At her birthday party. How.Rude.
But, ALLEGEDLY, that was the final straw in Gaga's scarecrow headpiece, and she ordered her security team--AKA The Keebler Elves--to throw Lambert out.
And, as we are all apt to do these days--except me, because I don't Tweet--Lambert later tweeted: "Was trying for celebratory gesture 4 gaga's B- piñata style...instead my fist is all bruised and la cita has a hole in the ceiling. #sloppy".
Indeed.
But I hear his mascara never ran.
Now that's a star!