Only 15 Days Left

Tips to help you make it to inauguration day

Courtesy of 23/6News
It's almost too impossible to believe. Only 15 days and no more Bush cackle, no more Cheney snarl, no more sending anonymous letters to random people living overseas, apologizing for our leader and promising we'll try our best to do better next time. Obama's gonna be president for reals! In 15 days.
15 days is starting to feel like kind of a long time actually. That's over two weeks. A half a month. Bush only needs a week to destroy a country. With over two weeks we could be at war with the planet Saturn before Obama gets sworn in. How are we supposed to wait this out?
We know how hard the anticipation can be, so here are just a few tips to get you through this trying time as we wait to finally have a president who is more competent than your average housepet.
Tips On Making It Through the Next Fifteen Days Without Losing Your Mind

Keep drinking! You've been drunk since mid-2005 and it's worked like a charm. Why stop now when you've only got fifteen days left? To be sure that you don't accidentally stumble down some stairs and die before you get to see Obama sworn in, you might want to spend the next two weeks drinking in bed.

Go into the sewers. Deep underground in the darkness, you'll be far away from televisions and newspapers and any outlet that will let you know just how far the country can still fall in half-a-month.

Just keep cutting yourself. Slice into your inner thighs and on the underside of your upper-arms. The pain will distract you from the final six interviews Bush will give where he tries to seem apologetic but just comes off like he's sort of slow.

Get Hypnotized. Have someone hypnotize you so that every time someone says "President Bush" you hear "Puppies Playing In A Field of Cotton Candy" and you become filled with sunny happy feelings.

Pray. If you have a God, ask him or her to keep Bush from blowing up any planets over the next two weeks. If you don't have a God, use that bullshit you learned from that book "The Secret" and put it out to the universe or whatever. Just do your part! Only 15 days!