Carlos and The Globes

So we sat down to watch the Golden Globes last night, at least until Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters came on, because Carlos will not miss those shows, and, well, I probably wouldn't either.
But as we watched the LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET--I feel one must shout those words--I felt a little like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada--side note: LOVE Anne Hathaway--with Meryl Streep--side note: ADORE Meryl Streep. You know, the scene, at the museum, where Anne's character Andy is to help Miranda identify people before they come speak to her, so she will look as though she knows everyone and everything?
Last night, I was Anne Hathaway, and Carlos was Miranda....Carmen Miranda, I guess.
See, as we're watching LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET, and these celebs would walk across the screen, I would announce them to Carlos.

That's Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana? I don't know. Disney, I think. Anyway, I think she's the new Britney/Lindsay/Paris. She's going to be in rehab in a few years.

Oh, and that's Jeremy Pivens...no, he's not. He's kinda troll looking. Anyway, he just left a Broadway show because of "mercury poisoning" or because he just wanted out of the show. Moron.

Oooooh, Simon Baker. Loving.......him! He's Australian, you know. The Mentalist. Yum!

Eva Longoria....Parker. Oh, yes, you know her. Moving on.

Some girl from The Office. Well, I don't know who she is. But she looks twelve and that's a hideous dress. Cotton candy shouldn't even be eaten, much less made into a dress!

Salma Hayek...right, from Frida. She cannot go anywhere without hoisting "the girls" over the top of her dress.

Brad and Angelina. Love them!

Carlos, of course, knew that, but he laughed when they ignored Ryan Seacrest, who scampered down the stairs from his perch like a rat leaving a sinking ship to interview them, and they looked away. Ryan muttered something about how they had to rush in.....while they were standing on the carpet talking and posing. Poor Ryan.

Rene Zellwiger. Chicago? Right. What happened to her hair? What happened to her dress? Poor Rene. Some stylist will be looking for a new client tomorrow.

Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange! God, I love crazy. Drew's pulling off the Marilyn Monroe 'do' and Jessica just looks nuts....but in a good way, because I love her. Go rent A Thousand Acres.

Jello looks a mess. Oh god....back fat. Back. Fat. Jello, honey.....no......no.

There's Tom Cruise.....moving on....No talent lift-wearing homphobe.

Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, he's lookin' a little nutball, too. But he's had a nutball life, so......

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Gyllenhaal. Jake's sister? She was in The Dark Knight? Batman? With Heath Ledger? Right, Brokeback....with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Some take longer than others.

That's Laura Linney? She's in John Adams? We have the DVD.

Kate Winslet....Titanic. Yes, I know you've seen Titanic. She's made other movies, you know?

MERYL!!! I adore her!! Yes, i know you love Glenn Close, but Glenn Close is no MERYL!! Keep saying that and I'll boil a bunny!

Rumer Willis. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' daughter. Yeah, I know, she looks older than her own mother. Only in Hollywood.

Mickey Rourke. He looks like he's been rode hard and put away wet.

Springsteen won! The Boss? Well, they call him The Boss. I don't know who they are, but that's what they call him.

And it went on and on and on.