Ted Haggard...Now Gayer Than Ever

Homosexual not-wannabe, evangelical leader Ted Haggard's former church, New Life Church in Colorado Springs, disclosed Friday that the gay sex scandal that caused his downfall extends to a young male church volunteer who reported having a sexual relationship with Haggard.

Apparently, this young man spoke to church leaders in 2006, after Haggard's first sex scandal broke. You know, the one about Mike Jones, the male prostitute, and the crack?

Well, this young man, who was in his early 20s, said his, um, relationship with Pastor Ted went on for a "long period of time...it wasn't a one-time act." And he classified the relationship as a "consensual sexual" one. Church officials say they are certain the man was of legal age when he and the pastor started boinking.

Of course, Pastor Ted, looking to capitalize on his lies and deceit, drug use and propensity for prostitutes of the male persuasion, isn't speaking. He wants you to talk to his publicist, because there is a documentary about him airing on HBO this month.

The timing couldn't be more perfect.

And perhaps even more disturbing than Pastor Ted's agents and documentaries, and ever evolving sex scandal, is how his church handled the young man who came to them about his affair with Haggard.

The church reached a legal settlement to pay the man for counseling and college tuition, with one condition; that being that none of the parties involved discuss the matter publicly. So, let's get this straight, if I can do that. Pastor Ted preaches anti-homosexual hatred from the pulpit of the New Life Church, all the while he's hiring prostitutes, using drugs and having an affair with a young male member of his flock. Then Teddy runs to rehab to cure himself, not of his crack-headedness, but of his gayness. And the church sends the boy to college.

Now there's a scholarship I wish they'd had when I was in school. Boink the preacher, go to college. Where do I sign up?

Now, word comes that a Colorado Springs TV station is interviewing the young man, who is said to be coughing up a detailed report of his, um, relationship with Haggard. Obviously, the church wanted the boy to hesh up, but he has decided to go public.

Of course, not be outdone, in the "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" life lessons, Haggard will be speaking to Larry King and Oprah, to promote his documentary.

Fearing criticism, (really?) the church will not release the name of the young man who boffed the pastor, or release the amount of tuition, er, settlement. In fact, the church is saying it was not a settlement to keep the boy quiet, although he was told not to discuss the matter publicly, it was, and I quote, "Our desire was to help him. Here was a young man who wanted to get on with his life. We considered it more compassionate assistance — certainly not hush money. I know that's what everyone will want to say because that's the most salacious thing to say, but that's not at all what it was."

Compassionate assistance? You gotta love the spin doctor who came up with that one.

Brady Boyd, who succeeded Haggard as senior pastor of the 10,000-member New Life Church said, "This decision was made not as an attempt to conceal wrongdoings, but to protect him from those who would seek to exploit him. His actions now suggest that he has changed his mind."

Yes, Boyd, protect the young man by giving him hush money and sending him off to college. I think it was more about protecting your homophobic church. Boyd also says the church won't sue the young man for speaking out now, even though the young man took the cash and said he'd keep his yap shut. "We have legal standing to do that, but not the desire to," he said. Right, Boyd, no desire? Or no desire to have your 'church' publicly shamed again?