I Ain't One To Gossip But

Of course, I am not sorry … but Bill Cosby is finding out the hard way that being an ex-con, even a famous, wealthy entitled ex-con, ain’t easy.

Y’all know that Cosby went to prison for ALLEGEDLY drugging and raping Andrea Constand—among many others—but then saw his conviction overturned because the prosecution screwed up. Cosby was released from prison, saying he was innocent, which is an untruth, and instantly set about planning a comedy tour to get his bank account filled up again. But the tour—and try as I might, it won’t be The Rape Isn’t Funny Tour—has been put on hold due to an upcoming civil trial in which Cosby is accused of … wait for it … sexual assault. Again.

It seems Cosby is being sued by Judy Huth who claims he “pounced on her at the Playboy Mansion in the ’70s, when she was just 15.” A trial date has been set for April of 2022 and so Cosby’s spokesperson Andrew Wyatt is saying that “Cosby wants to avoid going on tour for the moment because he doesn’t want this dark cloud hanging over his head … as he seems to think the case would become all the media talks about while he toured.”

Or because he’ll be found guilty … again … and would have to cancel the tour and could be sued by the venues he’d booked.

Easy solution: have Cosby do his act in the cafeteria of whatever prison he ends up in.

Works for me.

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Speaking of sexual abusers on trial, what’s new with R. Kelly?

His defense team has tried every trick in the book to get the myriad of charges against Kelly thrown out and now it’s clear they have reached the bottom of The Excuse Barrel because the newest one is:

“It was the MSG!”

One of Kelly’s many victims, identified only as Sonja, testified that in 2003 that she met R. Kelly in Utah and he invited her to his studio in Chicago. Sonja, who was twenty-one at the time and a radio station intern, chose to go because she thought an exclusive interview with R. Kelly could jump-start her career.

But things went south the moment she arrived. Sonja testified that one of R. Kelly’s employees ALLEGEDLY asked if she needed a condom, to which she replied: “No, I’m not here for that.” That employee also ALLEGEDLY asked for her contact information and had her an NDA to sign along with a set of rules as to how she should behave in R. Kelly’s home—like needing permission to eat or use the bathroom.

Sonja claims she was locked inside a room for three or four days, begging for food. Finally, she was given Chinese food and became sleepy. When she woke up, she saw Kelly “doing up his pants in the corner” and felt “some wet stuff in between my legs.” She says she did not consent to any sexual acts with Kelly and after it was over, she ALLEGEDLY told not to tell anyone about the encounter and did so out of fear since R. Kelly’s people had all her contact information of her closest family and friends.

So, where does the MSG come in? From the myth about Chinese food making you sleepy or sick, and that’s what happened to Sonja, not that she was drugged by Kelly so he could rape her.

It was his fault; it was the Lo Mein.

Seriously.

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Tori Spelling is clearly so desperately for attention that she’s taken a page from Khloé Kardastrophe’s playbook by restructuring her face. Only Tori took it all too literally and restructured her face to look like Khloé’s twin.

Last week she celebrated the wrap of her MTV show Messyness with co-star Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi and most folks thought it was Khloé and Snooki doing up the town.

Why? WHY? Well, maybe if Tori starts looking like a Kardastrophe Kris Jenner will mistake her for a long-lost daughter and bring her into the family and all Tori’s money problems will be over!

PS That is "real" Khloé down there.

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Y’all all know 50 Cent is a pig, but he recently became even piggier.

After the ALLEGED drug overdose of The Wire actor Michael K. Williams 30 Cent, AKA Curtis Jackson, posted some emojis of wide-open eyes alongside a screenshot of The New York Post’s report of William’s death with this caption:

“Damn if you didn’t see Raising Kanan check it out that fentanyl is no joke, killing the clientele. R.I.P micheal k Williams.”

Yes, he misspelled the actor’s name, but made sure to follow that with hashtags promoting his line of wine and cognac.

Curtis has had a long feud with Williams about … who cares … but to promote your TV show and businesses on a man’s death is sick, even for Piggy Cent.

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