Saturday, September 18, 2021

I Ain't One To Gossip But

Of course, I am not sorry … but Bill Cosby is finding out the hard way that being an ex-con, even a famous, wealthy entitled ex-con, ain’t easy.

Y’all know that Cosby went to prison for ALLEGEDLY drugging and raping Andrea Constand—among many others—but then saw his conviction overturned because the prosecution screwed up. Cosby was released from prison, saying he was innocent, which is an untruth, and instantly set about planning a comedy tour to get his bank account filled up again. But the tour—and try as I might, it won’t be The Rape Isn’t Funny Tour—has been put on hold due to an upcoming civil trial in which Cosby is accused of … wait for it … sexual assault. Again.

It seems Cosby is being sued by Judy Huth who claims he “pounced on her at the Playboy Mansion in the ’70s, when she was just 15.” A trial date has been set for April of 2022 and so Cosby’s spokesperson Andrew Wyatt is saying that “Cosby wants to avoid going on tour for the moment because he doesn’t want this dark cloud hanging over his head … as he seems to think the case would become all the media talks about while he toured.”

Or because he’ll be found guilty … again … and would have to cancel the tour and could be sued by the venues he’d booked.

Easy solution: have Cosby do his act in the cafeteria of whatever prison he ends up in.

Works for me.

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Speaking of sexual abusers on trial, what’s new with R. Kelly?

His defense team has tried every trick in the book to get the myriad of charges against Kelly thrown out and now it’s clear they have reached the bottom of The Excuse Barrel because the newest one is:

“It was the MSG!”

One of Kelly’s many victims, identified only as Sonja, testified that in 2003 that she met R. Kelly in Utah and he invited her to his studio in Chicago. Sonja, who was twenty-one at the time and a radio station intern, chose to go because she thought an exclusive interview with R. Kelly could jump-start her career.

But things went south the moment she arrived. Sonja testified that one of R. Kelly’s employees ALLEGEDLY asked if she needed a condom, to which she replied: “No, I’m not here for that.” That employee also ALLEGEDLY asked for her contact information and had her an NDA to sign along with a set of rules as to how she should behave in R. Kelly’s home—like needing permission to eat or use the bathroom.

Sonja claims she was locked inside a room for three or four days, begging for food. Finally, she was given Chinese food and became sleepy. When she woke up, she saw Kelly “doing up his pants in the corner” and felt “some wet stuff in between my legs.” She says she did not consent to any sexual acts with Kelly and after it was over, she ALLEGEDLY told not to tell anyone about the encounter and did so out of fear since R. Kelly’s people had all her contact information of her closest family and friends.

So, where does the MSG come in? From the myth about Chinese food making you sleepy or sick, and that’s what happened to Sonja, not that she was drugged by Kelly so he could rape her.

It was his fault; it was the Lo Mein.

Seriously.

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Tori Spelling is clearly so desperately for attention that she’s taken a page from Khloé Kardastrophe’s playbook by restructuring her face. Only Tori took it all too literally and restructured her face to look like Khloé’s twin.

Last week she celebrated the wrap of her MTV show Messyness with co-star Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi and most folks thought it was Khloé and Snooki doing up the town.

Why? WHY? Well, maybe if Tori starts looking like a Kardastrophe Kris Jenner will mistake her for a long-lost daughter and bring her into the family and all Tori’s money problems will be over!

PS That is "real" Khloé down there.

Y’all all know 50 Cent is a pig, but he recently became even piggier.

After the ALLEGED drug overdose of The Wire actor Michael K. Williams 30 Cent, AKA Curtis Jackson, posted some emojis of wide-open eyes alongside a screenshot of The New York Post’s report of William’s death with this caption:

“Damn if you didn’t see Raising Kanan check it out that fentanyl is no joke, killing the clientele. R.I.P micheal k Williams.”

Yes, he misspelled the actor’s name, but made sure to follow that with hashtags promoting his line of wine and cognac.

Curtis has had a long feud with Williams about … who cares … but to promote your TV show and businesses on a man’s death is sick, even for Piggy Cent.

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13 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

I actually went to a Cosby
show - a looooong time ago.
He came to our college about
1977. Who knew?!
xoxo :-)

Mistress Maddie said...

Bill Cosby touring?????? What tour? Was he going to hawk Jello Pudding Pops or qualudes? It's not like he sings or anything. A tour.......besides...I don't think his system will allow him much more.

Helen Lashbrook said...

What planet do these toe-rags live on? They're all a crowd of wastrels who need to do a real job. How about the blokes all work down a coal mine and the women do litter collection in inner cities. Then they might appreciate their privileged lifestyle. Who am I kidding?

Anonymous said...

And MSG makes a girl wet too?

Agnes Goldberg-DeWoofs said...

My question is if Tori is so broke and owes everyone and their mother money, who paid for the plastic surgery of this magnitude? And what plastic surgeon in their right mind would perform it, never seeing the money, most likely???

Moving with Mitchell said...

I thought the Tori Spelling new face bit was a joke. Oh my frickin’ god.

Dave R said...

Guttersnipes, every last one of them... except Tori, who's already gone down the drain.

Steve Reed said...

Who on earth would pay to go see Cosby now?! That tour was cancelled I'm sure because he has zero chance of selling tickets.

Janie Junebug said...

Cosby disgusts me. Even when he went through his criticizing-young-men phase he was sanctimonious and obnoxious. I'm not that surprised that he was released. When he was convicted, I wondered how the prosecution could use his deposition against him after previously saying it would not be used. Why would he need to tour with all the $ he has? Interesting that when he was charged he was portrayed as an frail, old man who's legally blind yet he was on tour at the time and now wants to tour again.

Love,
Janie

Bob said...

@TDM
I wonder if he attacked anyone after that show since that seems to be how he rolled.

@Maddie
I think he was doing Quaalude flavored Kool-Aid or something ...

@Helen
They are the self-entitled talent-less cretins of that bunch.

@Anon
I know nothing about that!

@Agnes
Well, she doesn’t pay her credit card bills so she may have found an old Discover card in a sofa cushion and ran down to the nearest strip mall plastic surgeon!

@Mitchell
Sadly, as usual, Tori’s a bit late to the game. She should have gotten the “Kardastrophe” face when their show was still on.

@Dave
I think it was just Tori’s old face that went down the drain.

@Steve
I’m sure he has SOME fans ...?
I mean, OJ still has fans.

@Janie
He wants to tour because he thinks it’ll save his reputation and legacy, but he’ll always be known as rapist to me.
xoxo

uptonking said...

Fiddy Cents... great PR campaign. Associate product with death...

Tori - Soon there will only be one face - and it ain't God's - all celebs will have the same plastic surgeon and all look alike.

R Kelly? Is he in jail? Because that is where he needs to be. The man is sick... I mean, I am okay with water sports, as long as everyone is of age and can consent... like this man is so evil, he has to trick people into having sex with him? What? Like there isn't a ton of women who would do that like... at the drop of a mic? Weird choice, Mr. Kelly...

Cos needs to be in prison. And they found him guilty - he is guilty - no allegedly about it... he got off on a technicality. Period. Fool is guilty. Who is gonna go see him in concert? The orange ogre? R. Kelly? Matt Gaetz?

Thanks for the dirt. Kizzes.

Bohemian said...

Once a Sex Offender ALWAYS one, it's not a matter of IF they will reoffend, just WHEN. I'm retired from a very large DA's Office and the ONLY files we kept FOREVER were Sex Offenders, not Murderers or any other Crimes, just Sex Crimes... because, that's how they are hard wired and the only way they will not victimize is if no victims are available to them. They should never get out of Prison and only a small minority ever serve Time.

Bob said...

@upton
Fiddy’s apig of epic proportions.
You’re so right about the One Face.
I think R.Kelly is in jail, awaiting trial on all his sexual assault cases, which I read last week include young women and at least one young man.
I’d like Cosby to be wiped fprever from our minds. No funny dad, but rapist. Rapist.

@Bohemian
You said it. 100%.