The Funny Papers

JD Crowe, Randy Bish, Nick Anderson, Marc Murphy, Michael de Adder, Jack Ohman, Clay Bennett, RJ Matson, Ann Tellnaes, Benjamin Slyngstad, Adam Zyglis, David Horsey, Kevin Siers, Ed Hall, Mike Luckovich,

Bobservations

I like to scare Carlos because, well, I’m a child. So, when I come home from work I often sneak into the house, knowing he’s in the back office. I creep down the hallway stand at the door watching him on the computer and says:

“Boo.”

He always jumps and I always, again, because I’m a child laugh and clap my hands. Now, he has tried to do the same to me, but he doesn’t succeed because, since I do it to him, I am always ready for him, so when he jumps out and says ‘Boo’ I just say ‘Hello.’

One day this week I pulled into the garage and thought of a new tactic. I sent him a text saying I was just leaving work and would be home soon. I crept into the house, and I could hear his Siri reading him my text. Then he sent one back to me saying that dinner was ready. I crept down the hallway; I stood outside the office and saw him on the computer. I texted him, and he asks his Siri to read it to him:

‘Bob sent a new text: ‘Boo.’

And then I yelled ‘Boo’ and had to peel him off the ceiling.

I am such a child.

As I told Carlos, you may think Mary’s outfit was too short, but at least I didn’t see her vagina. Can’t say the same about Melanie.

Remington, the maker of the rifle used in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting to murder 20 first-graders and six teachers in 2012, has been ordered to pay victims’ families $73 million in damages.

Good. It’s a start.

It's OK for a cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up, but when I do it, I’m called antisocial.

The GOP is outraged about inflation and will running on that in 2022, but …

The Federal Reserve—which is in charge of fighting inflation—has 5 open seats to which President Biden nominated 5 highly qualified candidates and yet the Republicans didn’t even show up to the hearing.

Inflation is the fault of the GOP because they will fuck you and this country to keep themselves in power.

Thing 45’s new social media platform touts the return of Free Speech … if you have $4.99 a week to spend on it.

PS The truth is that $4.99 per week is going right into Thing 45’s pocket.

Dr. Deborah Birx has a memoir coming out that will focus on her contentious time as White House coronavirus task force coordinator in Thing 45’s administration.

Sorry, Deb, not interested in how you goose-stepped along with misinformation and outright lies while people died. You should have had a spine installed when you had the chance.

Sometimes when Carlos is in a hurry, he just hooks my leash to a chain outside the store while he shops inside.

Lauren Boebert has been named “Hottest Woman in Congress” by some MAGAt group, and she proudly posed alongside the award.

Note they spelled her name wrong on the award, and someone used a Sharpie—the Official Pen of QAnon loons and Traitors—to correct it.

Even better, the award came with a gift certificate to Red Lobster.

Garrett Swann is a digital marketing strategist and a social media influencer and model, and openly gay man, and kind of a salt-and-pepper hottie. So, Would You hit It?

Tuesday Thought #4

_____ Remembered Dead Children By Spending The Day With NRA Vulture Wayne LaPierre

Last Thursday marked the fifth anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting. I would have said something, but I thought, ‘Why bother?’ Five years ago, school children were murdered by a nut with a gun and our elected officials did nothing about so clearly, they fell guns are most important, more valuable, more worth protecting than children.

And I’m not the only one who ignored the anniversary. The Fat Bastard in the White House said not one word, no condolences for the families of the victims, no prayers for dead children; nothing.

Well, not nothing; President [For Now] _____ spent the day hosting Wayne LaPierre, the vile head of the NRA.

Yup. That’s our leader, spending the anniversary of the of the day that 26 people—including 20 children—lost their lives, with the man who, after Sandy Hook, said the solution that that gun massacre would be to arm more people in schools.

And at the White House press briefing that day, Fashion Victim Sarah Huckleberry Sanders was asked to explain “what _____ has done to try to protect the American people against a similar type” of Sandy Hook massacre and she mentioned … wait for it, it’s delusional … tighter border security.

Of course, she was instantly that the Sandy Hook shooter was a white young man who did not enter this country from another country; nor were the shooters who killed nearly 100 people during the massacres in Las Vegas and Sutherland Springs, earlier this year.

And so, Sarah Huckleberry Sanders finally admitted the truth, that _____ doesn’t think there is anything to be done to stop the bloodshed.

Nothing to be done about lunatics, armed lunatics, walking into schools, churches, movie theaters or concert venues.

Nothing.

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Bill Day, Darrin Bell, Jim Morin, John Cole, Tom Stiglich 

Good News Friday: Donate A Gun, Get A Peace Lily In Return

John Evans is a retired Methodist minister, and like most of us, he watched the events of the Sandy Hook school shootings in horror. However, unlike most of us, he got an idea, and soon the local Faith Coalition on Gun Violence was born.

In.South.Carolina.

And so this Saturday, at the Washington Street United Methodist Church, John Evans will accept your unloaded guns, no questions asked, and in return he’ll give you a Peace Lily. And, to further make his point, Evans wants the donated guns to be melted down and transformed into a piece of public art.

Evans, right, who still works as a pastoral counselor, hopes that his Peace Lilies for Guns will help combat gun violence peacefully through education, training and local community activism:

“As a coalition, we want to maintain conversations so people who are gun enthusiasts can come offer a point of view.”

Evans hopes that an open conversation between gun owners and gun control advocates will lead to serious discussions of violence prevention. Again, like many of us, he is bothered by an ineffectual Congress, both in Washington and South Carolina, that seems unable, or unwilling to take on the idea of gun control, but remembering all those who lost their lives to senseless gun violence, especially the children of Sandy Hook, keeps him going forward:

“Seeing the pictures of 6-year-olds touched something deeply in me. To think their lives ended, and they didn’t have a chance to even graduate high school.”

Evans has encountered some difficulty in getting his project going; a lot of local churches refused to get involved because they want to stay out of a political issues; I guess the loss of innocent life, though, is not an issue for them.

The Peace Lilies for Guns giveback will be held in the parking lot of the church, where Evans and some other coalition members are parishioners. People can bring any guns they no longer want, Evans said, and the Richland County Sheriff’s Department will destroy them; the department will save some pieces because Evans wants to work with local artists to create an abstract and metaphorical sculpture that John Evans hopes will be displayed in a public area, such as the Five Points neighborhood of Columbia, and will include the names of gun-violence victims.

“I like the idea of using something violent to talk about peace.”

I like the idea, too, and certainly hope they get a decent turnout, especially here in South Carolina, and I hope that, one day, there is a sculpture in Five Points to remind us, every day, that we need gun control — not gun confiscation — in this country.

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