I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Dr. Dre and Nicole Young have been fighting over his reported $800 million fortune ever since deciding to split over a year ago. Nicole originally demanded $2 million a month in spousal support but did not get that; instead, she’s walking away with $100 million—an eighth of her husband’s wealth—or $2 million a month for four years.

It sounds good, but I think I’d prefer getting a check for $2,000,000.00 every month and then working really  hard to stretch that out for thirty days, rather than $100,000,000.00 that’s supposed to last for life. Plus, Dre pays $50 million now and $50 million next year and gets to keep all of their seven homes and the rights to his masters, while Nicole gets  4 cars and the jewelry she got while they were married.

I may be wrong, but Nicole got played.

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If you ever, for even the briefest moment, didn’t think Tori Spelling was one of the dumbest people on Earth, think about this … Tori, and her husband-for-now, Dean McDermott and all five of their children have COVID-19.

Apparently, Tori and Dean, who haven’t been spending a lot of time together lately, did manage to get together for the holidays in their Superspreader Home, where they each got COVID, and then the kids also tested positive.

Both Tori and Dean took to Instagram with their tales of woe, and how sick they are, and how bad they feel because their kids got sick and their terrible parents and … I can’t shake the feeling that these too fools are trying to find a way to monetize and televise their entire family coming down with COVID so they can pay off that American Express card debt and then divorce freely with no bills.

They are that dumb, you know.

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Speaking of stupid people … singer Jason Derulo ALLEGEDLY attacked two men in a Las Vegas casino after one of the men shouted, “F**k you, bitch,” and the other dared to call him … wait for it … “Usher.”

Video shows Derulo pouncing on the hecklers at the Aria Resort and Casino while coming off an escalator after someone in the crowd shouts, “Why did you slap him, dawg?” and another voice yells “Hey Usher, **–k you, bitch!”

No one knows if the heckler really thought Derulo was Usher or was making a joke but being called Usher really set Derulo off. He ALLEGEDLY attacked the man who called him “Usher” and wrestled him to the ground as people tried to tear them apart.

It ended with Derulo being taken away in handcuffs though it’s unclear if the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department pressed charges against him. Derulo was, however, removed from the Aria property and ordered not to return.

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Another ALLEGED entertainer being investigated for ALLEGEDLY punching a stranger is one Kanye “Ye” West.

Last Saturday, at around 3AM, Kanye was leaving the private club, Soho Warehouse, in Los Angeles when a fan had the audacity to come near him and request an autograph. The fan claims Kanye cussed him out and then shoved him to the ground. Kanye fled the scene by the time police got there, but a report was filed.

I guess it doesn’t pay to be an Usher fan around Derulo, and it doesn’t pay to be a Ye fan around, well, Ye.

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Are Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas finished? Hard to say, though Priyanka is kinda teasing that news. You see, after several wedding ceremonies, and lots of press coverage, Priyanka Chopra officially changed her name to Priyanka Chopra Jonas.

But now, after using social media to say she and Nick hadn’t seen much of one another for a while, Priyanka Chopra Jonas changed all her social media handles to just Priyanka.

Bitch thinks she’s Cher. Oh Hell No.

Right after the name change the newly minted Just Plain Priyanka gave that interview where she says she and Nick spent most of 2021 apart, but then turned that on its heels when she said … wait for it … this woman shared all her weddings, honeymoon, and everything else on Instagram … that even though she changed her name all over the web, too many people are making something out of what might be nothing:

“It’s a very vulnerable feeling, actually, that if I post a picture, everything that’s behind me in that picture is going to be zoomed in on, and people are going to speculate. Because of the noise of social media, because of the prevalence that it has in our lives, I think it seems a lot larger than it is. I think that we give it a lot more credence in real life, and I don’t think it needs that.”

So says the woman who lives for social media and slyly changed her name to Priyanka Chopra Jonas and then  to Priyanka on social media and now says people pay it too much heed. Know how to make it all stop Just Plain Priyanka? Get off social media and stop talking.

Please.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I sometimes wish these divorcing celebrities would take the high road, and divorce peacefully and privately and amicably, but then who the hell would I talk about, amirite?

Dr. Dre has been in a contentious divorce battle with soon-to-be-when-the-money-issues-are-resolved-ex-wife Nicole forever. The once-happy couple was married for over 24 years before Nicole filed for divorce and the messiness started.

Nicole claimed Dre tore up their prenup in a romantic gesture and so she wanted $2 million a month in spousal support. Well, Dre wasn’t keen on cutting a $24 million yearly check, so he brought the prenup back. Then he had an aneurysm and apparently felt bad, so he coughed up $2 million to Nicole for expenses. When he recovered, Nicole threw down the Cheating Gauntlet and tried to subpoena Dre’s ALLEGED mistresses over houses he ALLEGEDLY bought them, and the gloves were off again.

Now the ball is in Dre’s court and so what does he do? He recorded a diss track where he talks smack Nicole cuz that’s how grown folk act:

Trying to kill me with them lies and that perjury

I see you trying to f**k me while I’m in surgery

In ICU death bed on some money shit

Greedy bitch take a pic

Girl you know how money get.

Isn’t that lovely? And just think how his children will feel hearing their father talk this way about their mother.

And how they’ll feel when Nicole decides to respond in kind.

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I haven’t read Mariah Carey’s memoir because, well, simply put Mariah Carey, but apparently her family is a hot mess—she ALLEGES that her older sister Alison, who was arrested for prostitution in 2016, drugged a twelve-year-old Mariah and tried to sell her to a pimp.

No, not Tommy Mottola.

Mariah also had stories about a violent incident ALLEGEDLY involving her “ex-brother” Morgan which has caused him to sue his, I guess, ex-sister for defamation and “intentional infliction of emotional distress.”  Morgan says Mariah’s book “damaged his reputation” and he needs coins to make it all better.

In his legal fling, Morgan ALLEGES Mariah damaged his reputation when she wrote about a violent struggle he had with their father:

“It took twelve cops to pull my brother and father apart. The big bodies of men, all entangled like a swirling hurricane, crashed loudly into the living room.”

Well, first off: I’m’a file suit against Mimi for the line the “big bodies of men, all entangled like a swirling hurricane.” I mean, that hurt my ears beyond repair. But, back at the lawsuit: in the book Mimi says Morgan “pushed my mother with such force that her body slammed into the wall, making a loud cracking sound.”

Morgan says both accounts are lies, though he says any “actual fights with his father never happened when Mariah was a child” and that “there’s no way 12 cops would respond to a domestic violence report.”  He also says there’s no way he would have ever hurt his mother because he loves her; oh, and because tons of people witnessed the “deep affection” between him and his mother. He even claims Mimi contradicted herself in the book when she recounted her mother once saying, “Morgan is the only one I love.”

Morgan’s action calls for the payment of unspecified damages, and seeks “a judicial determination that many of the passages in [the memoir] … are false and defamatory”. It claims the book caused Morgan “serious damage to his reputation and to his personal and business affairs” and “extreme mental anguish”, and that it negatively affected negotiations for a feature film he was developing.

But it all goes away when the coins come his direction.

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This week Alec Baldwin decided he needed more attention and Tweeted a link to a CNN article entitled “Gillian Anderson’s American accent throws some people off”. It was about how Gillian Anderson bounces between her British and American accents.

Kinda like Alec’s esposa, er, wife, Hilaria Hillary, who goes back and forth between her native Spanish and her more native English? Y’all remember the kerfuffle when we learned that Hillary Baldwin is not from Spain and has been pretending to be Spanish for years, even though she was born and raised in New England?

But Alec missed the mark here because, while Gillian Anderson was born in Chicago, shortly after her birth, her family moved to London, where they lived until she was 11 years old. After that, they returned to America, but still summered in London.  So, clearly Alec saw imagined similarities between Anderson and Hillary but, to be fair, Gillian has never pretended to be from England, never acted as though she couldn’t pronounce an American English word, and didn’t say things like “lift” and “bangers and mash” because she was faking her ancestry.

And so, Twitter, and Gillian Anderson fans, came for Alec and read him so badly for filth that he once again claimed social media is for haters—but not when he uses it—and he’s done with it; again. And then he posted a nearly ten-minute-long video on Instagram bitching about the haters:

“Wanted to post a quick video to say that I deactivated my Twitter account today.”

But he clearly kept his Instagram because where else can he seek attention. In the video, Alec does not name Gillian by name but explained about his stupid Tweet:

“I just wrote, ‘Oh, that’s interesting.’ And of course, you can’t do any irony on Twitter—you can’t do any irony in the United States anymore because the United States is such [an] uptight, stressed-out place and such an unpleasant place right now.”

He goes on to say he’s a “huge fan” of Anderson’s and didn’t mean to offend her, but found it similar that both Gillian and his wife—who, remember, even changed the spelling of her name to pretend to be Spanish—are influenced by different cultures:

“But I find that, of course, on Twitter, which is where all the a**oles in the United States and beyond go to get their advanced degrees in a**hole-iness, that I had used it as a news aggregator, and I suppose I will do my best to find other places that are similar in their news aggregation in real time and periodicals I like.”

Take it down a notch, Karen. It was clear you were trying to explain away your wife’s decades long lie by comparing her to Gillian Anderson when there is no comparison. So stay off Twitter if it’s too hard, but be prepared for the haters, AKA—in your case—the truth tellers, to find you elsewhere.

And, as you wife would say in her "native" tongue:

“Adios.”

Oops. I mean Goodbye.

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Remember that whole sexual harassment scandal involving former CBS bigshot Les Moonves? The one that cost him his job? Yeah? Well, it’s also cost CBS tens of millions of dollars after the network was court-ordered to pay actress Bobbie Phillips for the sexual harassment claims— including her allegation that Moonves forced her to perform oral sex on him in a 1995 meeting—after the network leaked the story to the media.

Phillips says that in 1995 Moonves dropped his pants in front of her and said:

“Look how hard you make me. Be my girlfriend and I’ll put you on any show.”

He then, ALLEGEDLY, grabbed her by the neck and forced her to perform oral sex. Phillips was able to break free by grabbing a baseball bat after he was interrupted by a phone call.

Moonves later said to Phillips’ longtime Hollywood agent, Marv Dauer:

“If Bobbie talks, I’m finished.”

And he is.

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Last week 36-year-old Katharine McPhee gave birth to her first child, a son, with her 71-year-old husband David Foster.

The boy is David’s first son, and joins his five stepsisters, four of whom are older than his mother.

That’s all.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Boy, those royals are a pissy, petty bunch.

Over the weekend the UK celebrated Remembrance Day, which falls on November 11, to commemorate the end of WWI, and pay homage to the soldiers from wars that followed, like WWII and the Gulf War.

But the Royal Family turns up for Remembrance Day ceremonies on the Sunday prior to the 11th, to lay wreaths at the Cenotaph. And normally that would include Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, but since they no longer live in the UK, Harry asked his family if they’d lay a wreath on his behalf.

The family said ‘No.’

Prince Harry. War hero. And since his family is a bunch of pissy, petty self-entitled asshats, Harry and Meghan held their own private wreath-laying ceremony at the Los Angeles National Cemetery. The couple laid flowers at the gravesites of two commonwealth soldiers, one who served in the Royal Australian Air Force and one from the Royal Canadian Artillery. They also placed a wreath at an obelisk in the cemetery that features a plaque that’s inscribed, In Memory of the Men Who Offered Their Lives in Defense of Their Country.

Shame on their family.

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Nicole Young and Dr. Dre have been going at it in court over their ongoing divorce. Dre won the battle of paying for Nicole’s security, but not at the increased rate. Small victories, I’m guessing.

So, Nicole wants a big win, and has asked the courts to have Dr. Dre’s legal team tell her about any potential paternity issues he may have hidden from her during their union. Doh. She wants the tea on secret babies that might affect her coin beg.

Luckily, Judge Maury Povich will have the results … right after this message.

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Well, Johnny Depp lost his libel suit against The Sun for calling him a wife beater. The good news is that, now, you can call Depp a wife beater and not get sued, while the bad news is that Warner Bros., who’d been hoping a judge would rule differently and they wouldn’t be the studio that hired a “wife beater,” will have to make the third Fantastic Beasts movie sans Johnny.

You see, Johnny, so as not to bring wife beater baggage to the film shoot, has resigned from the role. But wipe those tears y’all because Johnny Wife Beater Depp will still get a paycheck.

Johnny has a pay-or-play contract, which stipulates that he gets paid whether or not the film gets made or his role gets recast, or he quits because he lost a libel suit which states he’s a wife beater. And, by quitting, Johnny saved his coins, because has Warner Bros. fired him, he might not have gotten his coins, which is ALLEGEDLY in the eight-figure range.

So, if you’re feeling sort of sorry for wife-beater Johnny … don’t.

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I used to think Ivanka was the decent _____ because she was so poised and soft-spoken, but I realize now that was all an act, and she is a complicit, murdering, con artist, grifting criminal just like Daddy.

Fuck her. And that’s why I believe this story, and not Ivanka’s version of it.

The story broke this week that Ivanka and her eunuch husband, Jared, had pooled their children out of DC’s Milton Gottesman Jewish Day School of the Nation’s Capital two weeks before Election Day and three weeks after an outbreak of COVID-19 cases in and around the Superspreader White House. The Kushners took their children to a new school, the Melvin J. Berman Hebrew Academy in suburban Maryland, because Berman offered more in-person classes during the pandemic.

Or were they forced to remove their children because parents at Milton raised concerns that the Kushners were seen at events not complying with the coronavirus protocols that Milton demanded of its parents. And because the school would not tell the parents whether the Kushners had informed the school of the last day of contact between the infected president and Ivanka’s rugrats.

Which makes more sense? The Kushners taking their kids out of  a DC school—close to home—because another school had more in-person schooling, or that the Kushners were asked to remove their children because they cavort with superspreaders, masklessasshats and viral soon-to-be ex-presidents?

Uh huh.

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Now, to cleanse the air of the Kushner stink, I will turn to one Gary Sinise. We don’t get a lot of snark about Gary Sinise too much because he lives a quiet life, doing good things for a lot of folks, notably our military veterans.

In fact, this week, for veteran’s day, Sinise, who runs the Gary Sinise Foundation, partnered with Veterans United Home Loans to help some veterans pay off their mortgages. Sinise and Veterans United Home Loans created the “Make It Mean More” campaign on Twitter, where for every “thank you for your service” tweet sent out, $25 was donated to pay off a veteran’s mortgage.

And Gary Sinise actually made many Zoom calls to veterans letting them know that they were now mortgage-free, and took zero credit for the program, saying he was just delivering good news.

But he does more than that; one of the programs in his foundation builds specially adapted smart homes and modifying dwellings for disabled veterans’ special equipment.

See, there are decent celebrities out there doing wonderful things for others, and asking for no glory, except maybe a donation … which you can give if you want to stop in at the Gary Sinise Foundation

Just sayin’.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week in Bobservations we talked about that new book coming out about Melanie* … written by [former] friend, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff.

Wolkoff came to work for Melanie for the inauguration and then stayed … until they had a falling out, and she left, and wrote Melania and Me: The Rise and Fall of My Friendship With the First Lady.

We learned last week that Melanie hates her husband’s other wife … no, not Ivana and not Marla, but the Daughter-Wife, Ivanka. But now we hear that Melanie isn’t Poor Melanie, she’s really an awful person who made her bed, lay down in it, and put her heels to Jesus because …. Coins.

Wolkoff spoke to Vanity Fair about the book and had this to say about Melanie’s ‘I Don’t Care, Do u’ coat, which she says was a purposeful choice and meant to be rude and bitchy. Wolkoff says Melanie told her:

“I’m driving liberals crazy. You know what? They deserve it.”

Ho said what? And then Melanie, who said she cared about children and bullying of children, was glad they put kids in cages at the border:

“They all went crazy about the zero-tolerance policy at the border. But they don’t know what’s going on. The kids I met were brought in by coyotes, the bad people who are trafficking, and that’s why the kids were put in shelters. They’re not with their parents, and it’s sad. But the patrols told me the kids say, ‘Wow, I get a bed? I will have a cabinet for my clothes?’ It’s more than they have in their own country where they sleep on the floor. They are taking care nicely there. Did Michelle Obama go to the border? She never did. Show me the pictures!”

Bitch, please, do not ever compare yourself to Michelle Obama. She went to Harvard and Princeton, is no man’s trick or third wife, and you are a Lesbian Softcore Porn Model. Take a seat, Karen.

Melanie also refused to move to D.C. until the shower and toilet in the White House residence had been replaced, until her office and closets were painted bright pink and until she had a glam room built in the residence.

But the best of all is how utterly ignorant Melanie is, because her first Christmas after the election, she actually sent out cards calling herself ‘First Lady-Elect.

Yes, Melanie believed America elected her First Lady. And she also believed her husband’s pussy grabbing, and porn star fucking and little girl ogling, and affairs were … how did she say it:

“It’s politics. I know who I married.”

Tee hee; she said married, when what she meant was, ‘I know who signed the check.’

And Melanie talked about her battles with her husband’s girlfriend, Ivanka,  over who was the real First Lady. It seems Ivanka and her staff wrote to Melanie about cohosting several events traditionally hosted by just the first lady, but Melanie wasn’t playing:

“Are you kidding me? Seriously? I’m not co-hosting.”

For the annual luncheon held for the governors’ spouses that Ivanka wanted in on, Melanie said:

“We need to let her know that I know this is a First Lady event done every year … OMG. They just want to take credit for it.”

Even better, er, pettier, is that every single dress Ivanka wore by a name designer, Melanie would scratch that designer off her list. And she refused to follow Michelle Obama’s policy of wearing American designers because, like her husband, if it was done by an Obama it would be undone by a _____.

Again, at first I felt sorry for this bitch because I don’t think she wanted to be First lady, but, you know, she took the coins, signed the contracts, spread her legs and did the deed, so let her pay for it.

*I call her Melanie because that’s what her husband called her in a Tweet a few years ago, and if her own husband can’t get her name right, why should I?

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Mariah Carey has new, old music coming out on the 30th anniversary of her first album, with the release of The Rarities—rare and unreleased songs from her career—and a book she, um, “wrote,” The Meaning of Mariah Carey. And she is promoting all this like mad and spilling tea everywhere … like if Eminem should be worried about the memoir and their affair.

Mariah tosses this word salad:

“There’s some songs that I can sing in response to that, but I will not do it. If somebody or something didn’t pertain to the actual meaning of Mariah Carey, as is the title, then they aren’t in the book.”

Oh, the shade! And then she dishes Ellen DeGeneres because, well, 2020 and everyone’s doing it! She talks about a 2008 interview when there were rumors Carey was pregnant. Mimi says Ellen was determined to get the news on her show and so she dared Mimi to drink Champagne until she was forced to announce her pregnancy. She miscarried soon after, but says now:

“I was extremely uncomfortable with that moment is all I can say … I don’t want to throw anyone that’s already being thrown under any proverbial bus, but I didn’t enjoy that moment.”

She doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus while actually doing the throwing under said bus.

I guess there’s more in the book but it’s probably crayon drawings of butterflies and old Polaroids of Mimi taken of the right side of her face only, and nary a mention of her disastrous New Year’s Eve performance because, none of that is important to being Mimi.

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This week, in the forever ongoing relationship between divorced lovebirds Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, we learned that  Depp asked to delay their courtroom production of HeSaidSheSaid so he could film Fantastic Beasts 3. And so, while there will be a delay, there will also be another court case for these two wacky kids.

Amber Heard is now counter-suing Depp for ALLEGEDLY launching a “smear campaign” against her, and she wasn’t just talking about the layer upon layer of grease in Johnny’s hair.

Amber says she is “fighting back” against Johnny’s continued abuse, though if she’d just walk away, and ignore him, would there really be any abuse? I mean, these two seem to get off suing one another and airing the ugliness of their love in public, so shutting up might be an option?

When Johnny filed a $50 million suit against Amber—who claims it’s a pathetic attempt to, “remain relevant as his star otherwise wanes”—Amber filed a $100 million lawsuit of her own.

I see your $50 million and raise you $50 million.

Amber says she’s only suing because Depp says nasty things about her while she’s busy saying nasty things about him. She wants to be compensated because Johnny has publicly called her “cunt,” “whore,” “disgusting pig,” and “inhuman scum” and even changed a tattoo of her nickname, SLIM, to now read, SCUM.

I’ll stop for a minute because that’s some good shiz, though probably not worth $100 million.

Amber also claims Johnny “controls” hundreds of bots and social media accounts created specifically for the purpose of targeting her, saying some could even be tied to Russia.

I guess that could be true because we know Johnny spends no time bathing and putting on clean clothes, but I also have another idea …when Amber divorced Johnny, and won a huge settlement, she made a big play of giving most of the money away. Now it looks like she needs the coins and a new lawsuit is as easy as getting a job.

Just sayin’.

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After 24 years of marriage, Nicole Young has filed for divorce from Dr. Dre—real name Andre Young—an, as happens when love flies out the window, it all turns to the coins.

Dr. Dre wants to keep most of his ALLEGED $840 million fortune, so he wants their nearly three-decade old pre-nup enforced, even though he once tore it up in a romantic gesture, and even though Nicole says she was pressured to sign it.

And so she ain’t going down without a fight and while they will argue and argue and argue over how much she gets in the end, she’s asking for … wait for it, I love it …$2 million a month in temporary support… or $2800 a day.

Nicole filed legal papers claiming that she and Dre lived a quite high life and she needs $2 million a month to keep it going. She says she played an important part in Dre’s career and “was integral” to naming his hit record label Aftermath.

Wait, what? She helped pick out a name and thinks that earns her $2400 a day?

Yes, she does; she says she and Dre own five homes in Los Angeles, a multimillion-dollar private jet and yacht, numerous luxury cars, and an army of staff including a private chef, 12 security guards, 7 housekeepers, and more.

This is gonna get ugly … let me get some tea, pop some corn, and take my seat in the shade.

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I’m just gonna say this … I’ve long dreamt of Channing Tatum as a Fairy Princess and now, thanks to his daughter, I have an actual image I can use.

Yes, buff hunk Channing, with one of the most photogenic asses to ever appear on film, dressed as a fairy—in a splatter paint apron paired with a sleeping princess eye mask, pink, horned dragonfly double wing set, and buff toned guns—to read a children’s book, The One and Only Sparkella, that he wrote. And he posted his fairy picture on social media, saying:

“Guys, I don’t know about you but things got a little weird for me in quarantine. I ended up accidentally locking myself in my 7 year old daughter’s room. And I ended up finding my inner child. So this is what I created for my little girl. From what is, I guess, the little girl in me. Thanks for reading.”

And he dedicated the book to his little girl:

“To Everly, the most brilliant magical being that I have ever known. You are my greatest teacher. My only wish is for more time in this life to play in all of the magical realms we have created. This is also for all Dads that might have a little girl … Wear whatever, dance however, and be as magical as you can. Because I promise they will return the love.”

I’m giving him props for finding his inner girl, but I am more interested in his outer man.

Just sayin’.

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