Why Is It ...

… that if it’s inappropriate and tasteless and rude, chances are I will find it fucking high-larious.

… that people need to understand that I refer to myself as a “free spirit” because it sounds classier than “out of fucking control.”

… that I want to normalize work emails  with: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

… that I am so antisocial that I will walk past people I know.

… that I don’t even have a sense of humor anymore. Nowadays it’s just sarcasm and a general dislike for the majority of the human population.

… that some of you people need to go to Church because I don’t want you in Hell with me.

… that if you hate me, join the club. There are weekly meeting at the corner of Fuck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd.

… that if you are testing my waters you’d best know how to swim.

… that the reason I don’t make excuses for horrible people is because I know you cannot put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

… that if y’all think I’m crazy do you really think it’s a good idea to fuck with me?

Why Is It ...

… that I haven’t been able to teach my body that the fight or flight response is supposed to be for life or death situations, and not answering an email.

… that whenever I see two people arguing online I believe whoever spells correctly.

… that blocking someone on social media isn’t enough; I want them to have lice.

… that every so often I burn sage in the house and then I pass out because I’m the negative energy

… that when life gives me lemons I just eat them whole; I choke that lemon down … skin, pulp, pith, seeds, and all. And I don’t break eye contact with the lemon. I figure life will stop being a bitch if I show it that I am done fucking around.

… that no one seems to be aware that, for me, the lack of coffee may cause memory loss and sometimes memory loss.

… that it took me this long to realize I have just Three Moods: What the Fuck? Are you Fucking kidding me? And Fuck this.

… that those who like my social media posts are happier, more intelligent and better looking than those who don’t … according to a study I made up in my head.

… that being human is sometimes so miserable that I’d rather be a baby hippo who is allowed to bite everyone.

Tuesday Thought #4

Random Musings

After spending time with my Dad recently, I realized that, while some children take after one parent or the other, I am literally both my parents rolled into one.

My dad loves to say about my Mom’s cooking style that she prepared enough food for an army but the army never showed up; Mom used to make a lot of food ... leftovers were popular ‘round our house.

And I’m like that ... I’ll make soup or my famous Enchilasagna for Carlos and me and there’s enough to feed the neighborhood ... or to freeze and have for dinner well into the next year.

And as for Dad? Growing up he was the Light Monitor; he would make sure that we turned off any and all unnecessary lights throughout the house ... sometimes while we were still in the room.

And I do that ... I came home from work the other day and, in the kitchen Carlos had turned on the light over the stove, the light over the sink, the lights over the island, the lights over the kitchen table, and the lights in the ceiling; fourteen lights in all. He had also turned on the light in the sunroom, the lights over the wet bar, two lamps in the living room, the hall lights, the bedroom lights, all the lights in the bathroom and the light in the closet where he stood removing his shoes.

I suddenly became my Dad ... poor Carlos. But at least we had leftovers for dinner ... by candlelight.

Mike Huckabee is saying that Donald _____ could be the greatest president ever.

Mike.Huckabee. A man who ran for president how many times and couldn’t even get out of the gates?

Yeah, I’ll take him seriously.

At the end of last month I posted a story about Tom Doyle, whose longtime partner, Bill Cornwell, had died and left Tom the Greenwich Village home they shared for fifty-three years ... see post HERE. But some of Bill’s greedier relatives took the home away from Tom saying the two men had never married and lived as roommates in a one-bedroom apartment for all those decades and so that meant Tom shouldn’t get the house; they should and they should be able to sell.

Now a New York judge has blocked the property’s sale by the dead man’s relatives and ordered them to show cause why Tom Doyle, as their uncle’s “surviving spouse,” should not be declared the “sole heir.”

Please; try to make it clear how two men, who had planned to get married when same-sex marriage became legal in New York but never did, and who lived together for over half a century, were not a couple and so Tom Doyle should be kicked out.

Oh, yeah, you can’t. Greedy Motherfuckers.

From the WTF File:

This week Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson was named People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Seriously? He looks like an eraser.

From the Sit Down You Had Your Chance File ... more than half of the 112 anti-Trump protesters arrested in Portland, Oregon recently didn’t vote in the election.

Yes, they didn’t vote and when they didn’t like the outcome they took to the streets.

Sorry asshats, you don’t vote, you don’t get a say, cuz, you know, had you taken the time to cats your ballot, maybe the results would have gone the other way.

Sit.Down.

Um, People? If you were looking for Sexy Mens for your little magazine and could only come up with The Rock, might I suggest you take a look at ...

David Ajala, a sexy Brit with gorgeous eyes on USA’s Falling Water or ...

Deniz Akdenz, who plays Aladdin on Once Upon A Time where most of the fairy tale men are hothothot or ...

Juan Diego Botto, who plays a sexy Latino hit man on Good Behavior.

There’s some sexy men for you.

It must be Sweeps Month because shameless huckster “Dr.” Phil went to New Mexico and found actress Shelly Duvall, rumored to be suffering from mental illness, and brought her to LA to use her as a ratings get for his show.

Pig.

Again from the WTF File ... rumors are swirling that President-elect _____ is thinking of appointing South Carolina Governor, and virulent anti_____er Nikki Haley as Secretary of State.

I thought Rudy Giuliani was a horrid choice, but is _____ really thinking of putting someone in there who has almost no foreign policy experience?

I mean, why not me?

In North Carolina future ex-governor Pat McCrory is trailing his rival, Democratic Attorney General Roy Cooper, by about 5,000 votes.

But McCrory won’t go gently and is now filing election protests in 11 more counties.

McCrory, a Republican, is claiming voter fraud instead of just realizing he lost.

Go home, Pat, where you can pick and choose who uses the bathrooms.

An email scandal? Oh Hillary not again! How could you ... what? It’s not Hillary but future Vice President Mike Pence?

Yes, the Pence administration is fighting to conceal the contents of an email sent to Pence by a political ally while he was governor of Indiana. The email is being sought by a Democratic labor lawyer who says he wants to expose waste in the Republican administration.

But this isn’t the first time Mike Pence has sought to hide things from the public; after leaving Congress, where he served twelve years without passing so much as one bill of his own, Pence took the unprecedented step of sealing all of his records during his time in the House.

And keeping them sealed until 2022 or his death, whichever comes later.

Yup, Mike Pence is trying to hide secrets of his own, y’all. Go figure.

The Funny Papers

Steve Benson, Randy Bish, Ed Hall, Bill Day, Nate Beeler, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, John Cole, Clay Bennett

South Carolina Doesn't Want Miss Lindsey To Be President ... And That Crap About Emails

Last fall when South Carolina Senator, and the Not Gay … Seriously, he’s not gay … Lindsey Graham said he would be considering a run for the White House in 2016. And he made a point of saying whenever he was asked if he should run:

“At the end of the day, if I didn’t think I could win my home state, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

Well, that’s that then, because a new poll released last week shows that most South Carolinians … sixty percent, in fact … would not vote for Lindsey Graham in a presidential bid and, actually, think he should just stop talking about it ‘cuz it ain’t gonna happen.

Odd, since Graham has a 60 percent approval rating as a senator … though that’s mostly from Republican-aligned voters; and that means that forty percent of Republican-aligned voters in the state don’t think he’s all that and a bag of chips.

Graham has said he will decide by May whether to formally announce a bid and while I’m thinking it’s gonna be ‘No,’ if it’s a ‘Yes,’ let the games begin!

Miss Lindsey won’t be able to stand the heat and probably the people of South Carolina, hopefully, won’t be able to stand the lunacy of the man.

See, our own Senator, who actually sits on a technology subcommittee, has introduced and voted on bills related to the internet has announced that he has never ever sent an email.

And even though he says has not used e-mail at any time, ever, Lindsey Graham co-sponsored the Anti-Spamming Act in 2001, which would criminalize the “transmitting” of “ten or more unsolicited commercial electronic mail messages to one or more protected computers in the United States, with the knowledge that such messages are accompanied by or contain materially false or misleading information as to the identity of the initiator.” He is also a member of a Judiciary subcommittee regarding Privacy, Technology and the Law, though – again – he has never used one of the most basic bits of technology on the planet.

Typical politician; he’s on the committees, he's introducing legislation, and voting on things about which he has no personal knowledge or apparent use.

This all sprang from the Hillary Clinton non-scandal that the GOP is chewing on like a rabid dog related to an email account Clinton used while Secretary of State; Graham, in talking about that, said:

“I don’t email. You can have every email I’ve ever sent. I’ve never sent one.”

As I said elsewhere, I picture Graham sitting at an antique desk, putting quill into an inkwell, and then to lavender scented paper for his special brand of correspondence.

Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have someone email for him … or tend to his Grindr account.

ALLEGEDLY...

via Post and Courier and Addicting Info