Money Can’t Buy You Class [or] What Happens When Parents Give Houses To The Kids

I am obsessed by celebrity real estate and how the so-called rich and famous live. More often than not the homes are designed to within an inch of their lives by a high-priced designer but sometimes a parent lets one of their children move into the manse and the child decides to take design into their own hands.

Case in point: Dr. Phil. He is one of Hollywood’s highest-paid celebrity “doctors” with an annual income of some $95 million, proving that being a charlatan on television pays, but I digress. Back in January 2020, Dr. Phil listed his Southern California mansion for sale and the listing went viral, with people all over social media poking fun  at the home, so let’s pile on …

The first clue as to what lie behind it is the gate, which resembles a tangled mess of tumbleweeds and branches, but then you get beyond that and the house itself is your typical Southern California Mediterranean Spanish hybrid looking m-effer. As soon as you drive into the house’s driveway, you see a completely normal-looking house, a perfectly livable home that many people would be happy to buy if they had the nearly $6M asking price.

With plenty of space for cars to park and exit as they please, the gate seems to be the only strange feature of the home until you take a gander toward the front door … before, it was a lovely, manicured space and then some sort of vomiting worm fountain was added and it’s all down a rabbit hole from here.

But first, the pool and grounds; in the backyard there is a stunning tapestry of flowers and foliage, with Roman statues surrounding the pool, and a serene dining area under a pergola. 

None of this prepares you for what goes on inside, other than the new addition of a fish puking fountain, so with further ado …

The real estate listing has made note of the property’s “eclectic finishes” but that description doesn’t do the home justice. When you enter the foyer of the 6,170 square-foot home you are instantly the star of your own Tim Burton fantasy. At first everything looks pretty standard, even considering the purple swing chair at the door; and while the color scheme isn’t my choice, it is a choice.

And initially, the living room looks like a standard living room, a kind of nice room, until you realize that nothing matches, and the longer you look, the weirder it gets. It’s mix-matched mess, with custom art and animal figurines surrounding the fireplace, but according to the listing, these one-of-a-kind pieces can be kept upon purchase of the property; as if.

And then comes the Great Room where things really get odd. The chandelier is Disney Evil Queen Castle, but it sits beneath a Beetlejuice, Alice in Wonderland  black and white checkered dome. But then you see the staircase, draped in woody vines that climb up to the second floor, wrapping around the bar with stools that have antler-like backrests. And then there are the many neon art pieces and colorful ornaments that appear everywhere in the home.

This second living room, which was described on the listing as “the fireplace” room, has a post-modern art-deco vibe, but there was no editing done at all. It seems like the interior designer—I kid, like they used an actual interior designer—had so many ideas that they poured them all into this one room.

One thing to note is that nearly every space in the house features figurines of rabbits and bears with no explanation; you cannot walk through any room without some faux animal giving you a side-eye.

And the dining room, with its creepy hairball chandelier and weird orange bear standing guard is enough to make dining out a necessity. Between the patterned rug and the patterned chairs my vertigo has kicked in and I am no longer hungry.

Of course, even if I were hungry the kitchen is the last place I’d want to spend time doing meal prep and such. Tio be honest, I love a black kitchen, but the shellacked back mess of cabinetry makes me think Hannibal Lecter is the hired chef.

So, let’s go to the Billiards Room … well, perhaps not. Between the blue painted floor, which looks like the heavy pool table was dropped onto, created the white cracks around each leg and another Beetlejuice ceiling, perhaps it’s best to go to sleep.

The Primary bedroom, with its soothing blue walls, though they look purple in the second photo, looks like a nice spot to nap, though that odd desk thing in the corner has me thinking it’s where Nosferatu sleeps; and then you have the neon Cheshire cat and that, what is it in the corner, a cat tree?

Perhaps the Beverly Hills Hotel is in order.

So, there you have Dr. Phil’s hideous house, but in the interest of transparency, a representative of the McGraw family wants to make it clear that Dr. Phil himself has never lived in the home and as such is not responsible for the lunacy of the space.

No, that honor goes to Phil’s thirty-seven-year-old son Jordan who is the one living in the home, and the one responsible for all of the … sorry I vomited in my mouth a little … design choices proving, as I said up top, this is what happens when a rich guy gives his son a multi-million home to play around with, until; Daddy decides to sell it and has to spend millions making it look less Tim Burton and more Beverly Hills.

Not Fries

Is George Lucas Really Auntie Mame?

In the film version of Mame — not the fabulous Rosalind Russell version, Auntie Mame, but the disastrous Lucille Ball Mame — the character of Mame visits the Upson Downs, the parents of her nephew, Patrick’s, girlfriend, Gloria, and finds them to be snobbish and anti-Semitic and just hateful. Mame is asked to help pay for a piece of property next door to Upson Downs so that Patrick and Gloria could live there, as opposed to "the wrong kind of people."

At the end of the film, however, a busload of other unwed pregnant women arrives at the property and Mame reveals to the Upson Downs that she bought the property next door so she could build the Beauregarde Burnside Memorial Home For Single Mothers.

Well, in one way, George Lucas is Auntie Mame.

George Lucas has pledged to give away half of his vast fortune when he dies, but this isn’t about that.

He has also, though, already handed over nearly all of the billions of dollars he made when he sold the rights to Star Wars to Disney, but this isn’t about that either.

See, George Lucas spent years unsuccessfully trying to expand his production company’s studio in Marin County, California, but his oh-so-rich neighbors fought back against the idea of a film studio in their backyards. So, he dropped the expansion plans, and came up with a better idea: affordable housing.

Now, a la Mame, Lucas will take the land he owns next door to those rich bitches and build an entire neighborhood of affordable housing and pay for it himself:

“We’ve got enough millionaires here. What we need is some houses for regular working people.”

The Lucas Plan would see hundreds of lower-middle class families living right next door to Marin County’s version of the Upson Downs. The 224-unit affordable housing complex would go on Grady Ranch, where Lucas’ once-planned studio expansion would have been. This new plan would develop some 52-acres including “workforce and senior residences, as well as a community center, pool and an orchard,” and income requirements will be set; future homeowners will need to earn less than 80% of the area’s median income, which in Marin County is less than $90,839.

Lucas is also considering setting aside certain houses for teachers and local employees who are particularly vulnerable to housing costs but vital to any community.

Naturally, the Upson Downs of Marin County have not taken the news well as they seem to suggest that their McMansions and fancy cars entitle them to be separated as far as possible from the lower classes. When Lucas first announced his plan, both he and Marin County officials were inundated with hate mail from residents suggesting allowing poor people to live in the county will ruin it for everyone:

“We got letters saying, ‘You guys are going to get what you deserve. You’re going to bring drug dealers, all this crime and lowlife in here.’” — Carl Fricke, board member of the Lucas Valley Estates Homeowners Association

And there are some neighbors who say this is just George Lucas exacting revenge because they bested him at the plan for expanding his studio property; Lucas denies this, of course, but wouldn’t it just be the sweetest revenge ever?

Now all they need do is to build an R2D2 Memorial Home For Single Mothers.

Addicting Info

George Lucas photo
Lucille Ball 'Mame' photo

I'm Guessing The Owners Are Republicans ....

John Hoffman and Steve Sells paid $1.8 million for a home in one of Phoenix, Arizona's most desirable neighborhoods, Arcadia Park, and they knew they’d made a killing since the last owners paid nearly three million a few years earlier. As owners of 8081 Meridian, a company that develops luxury homes and communities, their plan was to tear down the house and divide the lot in two, build two luxury homes and make a huge profit.

Except .... The  four bedroom, four bathroom home—now listed at $2/3 million—was designed and built by Frank Lloyd Wright.

Now Hoffman and Sells are trying to sell the house fast before the Phoenix City Council votes on giving the house landmark status, even though they agree the home should be saved.

“If it becomes a landmark,” Sells said, “we’re out of business.”

Built in 1952, the house is actually autographed by Wright; a red tile near the door bears his signature. The wood on the cabinets, doors, desks, shelves and sofas, all designed by Wright, are gleaming once again, after  Sells diligently applied lemon oil in anticipation of the real estate caravans coming to see the house. Piano hinges, which line cabinets and doors from top to bottom, still hold strong, and the floor, in colored concrete, has cracks that show its age but also lend it a degree of rugged charm.

When Hoffman and Sells bought the home—from the couple who purchased it from Wright’s granddaughters—Sells thought they’d “hit a home run.” But then they learned that while the city had given permission to split the lot, they had never granted permission to demolish the home.

Demolish a Frank Lloyd Wright home just to make a profit. Seriously, they have got to be Republicans.

But, when Sells and Hoffman prepared to close the deal, preservationists involved in protecting Wright’s legacy reached out to the city, asking that the house be considered for landmark status. Sells said he had no idea of the significance of a Frank Lloyd Wright house, saying he didn’t even know there was a difference “between Frank Lloyd Wright and the Wright brothers.”

“I grew up in Idaho rodeoing,” he said. “We had no money.”

And apparently no books, no newspapers and no schooling. And, even after becoming developers and building houses they never heard of Frank Lloyd Wright?

 Greg Stanton, mayor of Phoenix, has been working with Sells and Hoffman to find a buyer, but if one isn’t found by the time the Council gathers next month to consider giving the house landmark status, Sells plans to be at the hearing, making his case: “Does the house deserve landmark status? Yes. This place needs to be preserved. But when three Wright granddaughters sell it for $2.8 million, for me to carry the cross for Frank Lloyd Wright, that’s not fair.”

See, for Sells, he wants it both ways. He says he wants to save the house and also says he wants to tear it down. He says he has no idea who FLW was, but I find it hard to believe the people who sold him the house never mentioned they bought it from Wright’s granddaughters, and that the house had been designed and built by Wright as a gift to his son and daughter-in-law.

Still, in Arizona, where all kinds of wacky laws are in place, ownership rights are strong; granting a property landmark status shields it from development or destruction for only three years and, so even if the Council approves the request, something else might happen, Sells said: “I’ll move in, invite everybody to come in and take their pictures, and I’m going to wait three years. Then I’m going to knock it down to recoup my losses.”

F**K history.  F**k preservation. Steve Sells wants to make millions.

source

Tyler Perry Is Selling His Queen-Sized Salute To Jesus Mansion

I was clued into this one from Round-The-Way gay, Neal, and , while I think I have a way with words, I let the writer of this piece speak for himself.

From The Real Estalker:

No matter how you slice it, dice it, bend it or turn it inside out, Tyler Perry is a real estate size queen. Thanks to an informant we'll call Georgia Peach, Your Mama has learned that the cross dressing actor/writer/director of scorchingly successful plays, films and boob-toob programs (House of Payne, The Family That Prays, Why Did I Get Married and all those Madea movies just to name a few) has recently listed Avec Chateau–his gigantic Fairburn, GA mansion–with an asking price of $3,695,000. 

Property records we accessed indicate Mister Perry purchased the unimproved parcel in April of 2001 for just $62,661 and proceeded to build a massive monument to his success and money. A 2004 article in Ebony magazine quotes Mister Perry on his big ol' house in Fairburn saying, "I wanted this house to be vast. I wanted to make a statement, not in any grand or boastful way, but to let people know what God can do when you believe." Queen, pleeze. If anyone were to ask Your Mama–and of course no one did– it's just ass-inine for Mister Perry to classify his desire for a hotel sized house as a glorification of God. Do you think Jesus lived in a damn mansion with more rooms than disciples? Come on now.

Anyhoo, located on rural Cedar Grove Road (sometimes knows as Highway damn 70), the 17,252 square foot behemoth of indeterminate architectural pedigree sits on an 11.4 acre parcel surrounded by much more modest homes. Listing information indicates the sprawling "L" shaped mansion includes 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms including a 4,000 square foot master suite that features a sizable sitting room, a giant bedroom in which the bed sits, natch, up on a pedestal two steps up from the inlaid wood floor, and dual custom fitted closets overlooking the elaborately fitted master bathroom. Listen puppies, Your Mama don't begrudge Mister Perry his screaming success and we allow that people with fat bank accounts are free to live any which way their mountains of money will buy. However, Your Mama can't help but think there's something, well, vulgar about having a master suite which measures more than twice the size of the average American home. Do any of the children really think Jesus, a man who hung around with thieves and prostitutes, would have had a 4,000 square foot bedroom?

Other lavishly decorated rooms–where were reportedly done up and did over by Mister Perry hisself–include a double height foyer with a swerving, dizzy making mahogany staircase and a large sculpture of a horse that for some reason appears to be leaning against the wall. A ballroom sized "grand salon" has 20+ foot ceilings and a chandelier about as big as the Hyundai his housekeeper drives to work and additional sitting and entertaining rooms include another double height room with a quartet of brown tufted leather chairs and sofas and yet another double height room with scarlet colored walls, beige carpeting and floor to ceiling windows flanking one of the homes seven wood burning fireplaces. A person could take down the Tioga State Forest burning up wood in all them hot boxes. 

A double height paneled library accommodates another large chandelier and a vertigo inducing spiral staircase leading to a gallery lined with book shelves. The dining room sports vermilion colored walls and yet another colossal crystal chandelier while the double height gore-may kitchen has been painted the brightest of yellows which, quite frankly, makes for an unharmonious aesthetic marriage with the mahogany cabinetry, taupe colored marble floors and black granite counter tops.

A home gym lined with floor to ceiling mirrors ensures Mister Perry can watch himself work out from all angles, and a home thee-ayter with eight red velvet seats and crimson colored walls has quite naturally been installed. Presumably this is where Mister Perry runs and re-runs his bank account filling films in which he plays the argumentative and gun-toting matriarch Madea.

The walled and gated grounds include a long driveway leading to a large circular motor court with, you got it, a fountain in the middle. The back side of Avec Chateau includes a vast terrace with both a fireplace and a fire pit, not one but two prayer gardens, a man-made waterfall, tennis court, several small ponds, a three tier outdoor amphitheater for impromptu performances, a circular spa and a negative edge swimming pool that spills down into yet another water feature.

Both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter go apoplectic just thinking about the yearly heating and cooling costs of a house like this. All those double height rooms ensure the heating and cooling systems are working over time all the time and the immense lawns and landscaping guarantee a team of mowers, trimmers and weeders be on the property several times a week. We know, some of you sassy children are gonna say a person who can afford a house like this does not worry about the running costs, but we do not want to hear it because, judgement or not, we think this is simply too much house and property for one man.

But Mister Perry, being the real estate size queen that he is, clearly thinks differently because he's reportedly packing his chandeliers and moving to an even more monumentally sized mansion off Paces Ferry Road in the suburbs of Atlanta that is sited on 17 acres overlooking the Chatahootchie River and is reported to measure in excess of 30,000 square feet. Dayum! Keep in mind children, Mister Tyler lives all by his lonesome. Could there be anything more depressing and lonely than rattling around a 30,000 square foot suburban mansion? Alone? No, we don't think so either but we're sure any discomfort Mister Tyler might feel is offset by his belief that his new mega-mansion, like his old mega-mansion, is a paean to the power of God. Whatever.

Mister Perry, who was once called the most bankable actor in Hollywood by Business Week magazine, does not just confine his God glorifying real estate to Atlanta and also owns a few premium properties in Los Angeles including a newly built and aggressively modern residence at the top of Blue Jay Way for which he reportedly paid $9,600,000. Also in his portfolio of prodigious properties is a 22-acre tract of land in the hills above Beverly where he once planned to build a 22,000 square foot Tuscan style monster mansion but for reasons unknown to Your Mama scuttled the project soon after the foundation had been laid. That property was previously on the market for $15,000,000 but seems to have disappeared from the MLS. 

Architecture Wednesday: Ellen & Portia Are Moving

That's right. The de Rossi-DeGeneres gals are packing it in and putting their house on the market for a cool $49 million. Or you can pay $60 million for the whole compound.

Ellen and Portia de Rossi-DeGeneres bought the 12,000-square-foot house back in Ott-Seven for $29 million, and then in 2008 the privacy-seeking pair paid $8.5 million for the house across the driveway. They proceeded to tear down that house to make way for expanded grounds, then purchased other properties for another $10 million, to keep their home just to themselves.

Now, they want to sell the pieces, or the whole shebang.
So, what exactly does $49 million....or $60 million...get you these days?

Well, for starters, the house is located in Beverly Hills, on it's own street, behind gates, and sits on 3+ acres. It features a 9,200 square foot main house, two guest houses, and another, completely separate, 3 bedroom house, which can function as a additional guest house for the estate or a separate home office.

That separate home has two en suite bedrooms plus living room, dining room and kitchen. There is also additonal space under the pool--you read that right, under the pool--for a fitness center, staff quarters, and a 10-car garage. Access to the under-pool areas are by way of a hidden staircase behind the all-wood pool cabana.

There's a master suite, extensive dressing area, three guest bedrooms, each with a private bathroom, and "private nudity-encouraging sunbathing terrace". The property features every conceivable amenity and state-of the-art security, all constructed with the finest level of taste, quality, and craftsmanship. The estate features incredible grounds, gardens, and spectacular city views overlooking the Los Angeles Basin. A once in a lifetime opportunity to acquire a world class estate.
Or maybe just a $49 million dollar piece of it?

source

Own A Little Bit Of the Rainbow

I don't know which came first, me being a big old queen, or me realizing how much I loved Judy Garland. Or, maybe, those two things just go hand-in-hand. I do know, however, that if I had a little extra in the bank account this month, I might want to buy myself a little something something.

A traditional red brick Bel-Air home has hit the market for $5.5 million.

Rarely does a home with the combination of both Hollywood & architectural history become available for sale. Located on famed Stone Canyon Rd, this much admired traditional home was designed for Judy Garland by Wallace Neff, the architect of California's Golden Age, the same year that she was cast as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. And celebrities including Quincy Jones and Marvin Gaye have also made this their home.

The house sits on over 2.5 acres, just minutes from the Hotel Bel-Air. The flowing floor plan & gracious rooms--perfect for entertaining--have hosted some of the most prominent figures in Hollywood. There are 5 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms in just over 5,500 square feet. Naturally, there is a cook's kitchen, a picturesque garden, pool, cabanas, and the original writer's cabin.

There is, alas, no Yellow Brick Road.

source