I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Johnny Weir and his husband Victor Voronov are back on … again.

Let's recap: they were together until February when they had a nasty split, and then they got back together in March, only to break up again in April and then find their way back to love again in May. Wonder what next month holds? 

Anyway, Johnny posted this to Twitter:

"My husband and I have reconciled. Please respect our privacy and integrity at this time.”

Integrity? Now that’s funny.

Stephen Baldwin, the craziest Baldwin brother, which is quite a feat unto itself, was arrested in Manhattan last week for driving with a suspended license and having an expired temporary registration sticker.

Baldwin was stopped last Friday morning by a cop who noticed the expired Texas registration on his vehicle; Texas registration on a car owned by a man who does not live in Texas? That's so Baldwin. But, when the police officer asked to see his license, he handed over the exact same suspended license that got him arrested two years ago!

Did I say he was the craziest Baldwin? I meant the dumbest, and again that’s saying something.

Last summer, Dawn Noel was hired as a dancer for Britney Spears. “Work Bitch” video which could have been a big deal had Britney not broken Dawn's nose. So, now she’s suing Brit and throwing shade, as well.

Noel is saying that when Spears arrived at rehearsal she was in a “disheveled and confused state” which I would think meant she was Britney looking like your regular every day Pork Rind Eatin’ Britney, but I digress; Noel also says Spears had “difficulty executing even basic moves” and that when they were dancing side-by-side, Britney twirled, tipped over and snacked Dawn in the face. Dawn says it was the Nose Crack Heard ‘Round the World but Britney only muttered an “I’m sorry” and went back to dancing.

Dawn, though, left rehearsal and went to the doctor who told her that Britney’s slap had fractured her nasal bone and she would need surgery, so, naturally, Dawn is now suing Spears because the Brit Team promised to pay for the nasal reconstruction but never did.

It all seems kinda weird, because everyone knows that since Britney’s meltdown, her dancing has mostly consisted of her gyrating in one place, moving to another place and gyrating some more. And, everyone knows Britney doesn’t talk unless one of her handlers tells her what to say, so that whole “I’m sorry” thing was probably from an assistant.

I wouldn’t know Avril Lavigne if she walked into my home right now, and I wouldn’t know her music  if someone popped in an 8-track of hers in my car, so I don’t get this story.

See, I just learned that this Avril person, when on tour with her ‘music’, charges her fans — and that part makes me giggle because, well, fans — some $400 for a meet-and-greet; now that 400 doesn’t include the price of the concert ticket, though I think the concert ticket is included with your Happy Meal so, yeah.

At any rate, the meet-and-greet comes with a stipulation: do not touch Avril Lavigne EVER! And those up there are pictures to prove it; the fans look thrilled to meet Avril who looks like a wax figure of Avril Lavigne.

Now, contrast this with a Kelly Clarkson post-concert meet-and-greet. Kelly loves to let her fans touch her and, in fact, it’s usually Kelly doing all the touching and having fun.

And you don’t shell out four C-notes for the privilege, either.

I was gonna post something about the latest Willow Smith controversy. You know, the one where the thirteen-year-old girl was photographed lying on a bed next to a shirtless twenty-year-old Moises Arias.

Now, it wasn't a promo for a TV show, or movie, or album; it was just this little girl lying on a bed with a grown-assed man while her parents were anywhere but where they might supervise her.

But that's the M.O. for her, for lack of a better word, ‘parents,’ Will and Jada Closeted Gays Pinkett Smith. They have made it clear that they have a hands-off parenting style that basically means their children get to do whatever they want whenever they want—which is similar to what they teach at the Church of Scientology of which Will swears he is not a member.

Arias, who posted the photo to Twitter and then instantly deleted it, says he thinks of Willow as his “little sister” and considers The Smiths his “second family.” And Willow isn’t talking, though her mother, who was nowhere near that, um photo shoot, Jada, is speaking:

“Here’s the deal. There was nothing sexual about that picture or that situation. You guys are projecting your trash onto it. And you’re acting like covert pedophiles and that’s not cool.”

In Jada’s mind, letting a thirteen-year-old girl lie in bed with a grown man is our problem, not hers, but then she was out of town while this was going on..

That Madonna, still begging for attention on Instagram.

You know, she flashed her hairy pits once, showed herself cleaning her bathroom with her tongue, calling vegetables gay or calling her son the n-word because, oh hell, because she’s desperate for attention.

But this week, when she was a no-show at the Met Ball, tongues began wagging as to why Madge didn’t show. I mean, no one loves being the center of attention more than an aging diva, so Madonna posted a kinda NSFW picture to her Instagram account showing her bare breasts all wrapped up in straps, with the caption:

“What i wanted to wear to Met Ball but Anna said Not this year! So I’m gonna work on music instead?#artforfreedom.”

That photo there is the censored version Madge also provided for the millions of people around the world have no interest in her nipples.

So, did Anna tell Madonna, who wiggled her bare ass at last year’s ball to tone it down and did Madonna retaliate by posting that picture or, as I said, is it just a case of Desperately Seeking Attention, Part 17?

More Brit? Well, actually Daddy Brit.

See, Britney’s daddy, Jamie Spears, had a real job before Britney became famous and he kept at it, even when his wife went all Hollywood as Brit’s momager. But Jamie stepped forward when Britney went crazy in 2007 and was named her conservator and that’s how it’s been for the last six years.

Rumor has it that Jamie is the one making all the decisions, and finagling ways to make her lifer seem normal. Apparently, the only reason Brit’s allowed to be alone with her children is because Jamie Spears and Kevin Federline have come to an agreement about custody, and the whole time Britney was engaged, well, both times, Jamie was running the show.

And now, after six years on the job Jamie wants a raise and has taken his case to court.

He has petitioned for more money as compensation for serving as his daughter’s conservator and the co-conservator of her estate. Right now he gets a $16,000 per month “allowance” plus an additional $2,000 a month to pay for an office space.

Now he wants money from Atara Tours, Inc. for the services he provides Britney during her stint at Planet Hollywood because he believes doing that work is above and beyond his 16k monthly allowance. And so he wants 1.5% of the gross revenues — tickets and merchandise — from each and every show because, yeah, Crazy Daughter said I could.

Boy, he kinda makes Will and Jada look like model parents.

Rumor has it that Mariah Carey is ready to pull the plug on her marriage to perennial joke Nick Cannon.

Things ALLEGEDLY went south after Nick released his controversial new “comedy” album White People Party Music and then talked about banging Kim Kardastrophe while promoting it; he also let slip some details of his — wait, I need to stop gagging — sex life with Mariah.

Still, the only thing holding Mariah back are her worries that Nick, who is best known as some second-rate Ryan Seacrest on a third-rate talent show, might want a hefty portion of Mariah’s $515 million dollar fortune as a payout for staying married to her for six years.

Yeah, I’d say $250 million is compensation enough for being Carey’s lackey.

Katherine Heigl hasn’t had a job in years, unless you count going on Kickstarter to ask people to donate to her new movie because she doesn’t make any money, or suing Duane Reade because they Tweeted a picture of her coming out of a Duane Reade.

But now, inexplicably, NBC has decided Heigl should return to television — the medium she left years ago because she was a star and TV was for losers.

NBC announced Tuesday that Heigl will star and executive produce a new CIA drama called State of Affairs which Heigl describes as Scandal meets The West Wing.

Funny, I thought Scandal was Scandal meets The West Wing.

Howsabout a little Miley?

It seems that little Miss Cyrus, still recovering from her allergic reaction to antibiotics and not a drug overdose, is refusing to go on The Voice because she hates Christina Aguilera. Hmm, I guess no one told Miley that Christina isn’t on the show this year, or, maybe, Miley had an allergic reaction to brain function.

Still, Miley says she will never do the show because, even with Christina away while she’s pregnant, the show is still Christina’s and Miley wants no part of it because, ALLEGEDLY, Miley didn’t like that Christina tweeted a shout-out about something she wore during a concert in January:

“Cheers from one dirrty girl to the next @MileyCyrus…wear em’ loud & proud, girl-yes!” with a picture of Cyrus wearing chaps.

Cyrus believes Aguilera really wanted to point out that SHE wore chaps to perform in first!

Oh, brother.

Star Magazine’s newest headline is “Ben Caught Cheating.”

Oh no, is this the end of Bennifer-Lite … Bennifer 2.0? No, it’s an article about how Affleck was kicked out of a Las Vegas casino for counting cards at a blackjack table. But, this latest mini-scandal has caused a rift in the Affleck-Garner merger, er, marriage because Jennifer was apparently humiliated at being asked to leave the casino with her gambling-addicted husband.

See, Jen demanded to go to Vegas with Ben because she doesn’t trust him, and he felt like he had no choice but to take her. But she mostly stayed in the room while he spent his nights in the casino winning and losing thousands of dollars and she’s annoyed because she’s Mommy all the time while he is Card Shark every night.

After he was caught cheating, and asked to leave the casino, apparently Jennifer threw the book at him, crying about how embarrassed she is by his antics.

I, however, look on the bright side. After Affleck gets done playing Batman, maybe he can do another film called Bet Man.

Just saying.

The world was all abuzz last weekend at the thought of the unholy matrimony that was supposed to go down between Giant Ego, AKA Kanye West, and Giant Ass, AKA Kim Kardastrophe. And we all waited breathlessly as the pair attended the Met Ball in hopes of hearing them talk about their pact with The Devil, AKA That Woman.

But … the wedding never happened. Famewhore say what?

See, even though Ego and Ass — sounds like a new cop comedy on Fox — got a wedding license last week they have yet to seal the deal because they are still hammering out the details of their prenup. And it won’t be signed — hopefully in That Woman’s blood — until sometime this week, and so there will be no tasteful and dignified wedding until the bloodstains are dry.

It totally makes sense, because he’s a Giant Ego who loves all things Italian, and she is a Giant Ass who loves the limelight, and since they both know this marriage won’t last, they want to protect the most important thing in their lives: the bank accounts.

Ah love … for money and a TV show.

I Didn't Say It ...

Dolly Parton, on marriage equality:

"I think everyone should be with who they love. I don't want to be controversial or stir up a bunch of trouble but people are going to love who they are going to love. I think gay couples should be allowed to marry. They should suffer just like us heterosexuals."

Good on Dolly, though I can do without the tired ‘let The Gays be miserable, too’ joke.

Chris Martin, Coldplay singer and recently consciously uncoupled from Paltrow, on boyband One Direction and singer Harry Styles:

"I think One Direction are the biggest band in the world, their songs are great. I'm saying One Direction are brilliant and I'm not kidding. You know why? Because their songs are really good and I don't think that any of them are going to go solo. I think they appreciate their chemistry from watching their movie... Harry has come to a couple of our shows, I think I probably said the same thing about chemistry. I can't remember - I was too enamoured with his hair cut. I was like this, 'I was pretty sure I was a straight guy before' - I was having a hot flush."

Hmm, maybe that’s why the conscious uncoupling?

Cliven Bundy, asshat rancher and Teabagger darling, explaining that he’s a racist because of Martin Luther King:

"I took this boot off so I wouldn’t put my foot in my mouth with the boot on. Let me see if I can say something. Maybe I sinned and maybe I need to ask forgiveness and maybe I don’t know what I actually said. But you know, when you talk about prejudice, we’re talking about not being able to exercise what we think and our feelings. We don’t have freedom to say what we want. If I call — if I say negro or black boy or slave, I’m not — if those people cannot take those kind of words and not be offended, then Martin Luther King hasn’t got his job done then yet. They should be able to — I should be able to say those things and they shouldn’t offend anybody. I didn’t mean to offend them."

Seriously how the Teabaggers ever elect anyone when their heroes are people like this fool is beyond me.

Bill Maher, on Cher's detractors:

“Stop saying 67 year-old year old Cher shouldn’t dress like this anymore. What’s she’s supposed to do, go out on tour wearing a pantsuit from Ann Taylor? You’ve got to admire anyone that can still fit into their old 70s rhinestone butt thong, whether it’s Cher or Richard Simmons. I say she still looks hot – even if that pastie doubles as an estrogen patch.”

It’s Cher, bitches, and she ain’t changing just because she’s getting older.

That’s why we love her.

Andrew Sullivan, on the Brendan Eich/Mozilla mess, and Donald Sterling’s racism:

"If Brendan Eich had made comments telling his friends to keep away from faggots, if he’d used any such terminology or had ever been shown to have discriminated against gays in the workplace or in his daily interactions, then his case would be very similar. But no such comments are in the public or private record, and there’s zero evidence that he ever acted in the workplace to harm gay employees. Au contraire, which is why gay Mozilla employees were divided about his ouster, with some supporting him. Sterling’s remarks, in contrast, reveal him to be a crude, foul bigot – which is why there is no division at all among African-Americans in the league – or beyond the league – about his fate."

True dat. Eich may have donated to Prop H8 and he may have voted Prop H8, but in this country he has that right.

Sterling’s blatant slave-owner mentality is a horse of a different color.

Victor Voronov, Johnny Weir’s on-again-off-again-on-again, and now apparently off-again, husband, saying Weir is “morally reprehensible":

"I was blinded by fear. Love and fear go hand in hand. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm codependent...I can't have a relationship with a woman again because now I'm openly gay. And I can't have a relationship with a man because I'm uncomfortable with my sexuality still."

First off, Vic, shut up. You picked him, and you knew he had baggage, and handbags. I could tell that just by seeing his picture.

And let’s be queer, you can’t have a sexual relationship with a woman because you’re gay and you don’t swing that way, and if you can’t have a relationship with a man seek therapy.

Stop whining, sit down, and shut.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh, hell to the No-prah. Lindsay Lohan took a giant payday and then failed to deliver as promised though she kept the money?

Indeed, it's true; Lindsay Lohan has turned out to be a losing bet for Oprah’s OWN network because, not only did her reality show docu-series fail to score big ratings — in fact it was often trumped by SpongeBob Squarepants — now an OWN insider — either Gayle King or Oprah's personal cupcake feeder—says:

"Lindsay agreed to be authentic and give the cameras full access to her life, but she didn’t. Instead, she didn’t film when she agreed to, did almost no publicity for the show and was drinking since almost day one of filming.”

And so now it looks like the once in-the-works Season Two of Lindsay will never, ever happen. See, the Big O was planning on renewing Lindsay’s reality show  docu-series if it turned out to be a success, but even the premiere was a bust, seen by just 700,000 viewers, which may seem like a lot, until you realize that reruns of The Big Bang Theory — re-effing-runs — average about 4 million viewers.  Lindsay was more like infomercial numbers, though most people ain’t buying what she’s selling.

And so it sounds like soon-to-be-out-of-work Lindsay can keep doing the sit-com-guest-shot career, though she might wanna hurry because her last appearance, on CBS’ 2 Broke Girls, was their lowest-rated episode of the season. In fact, as I saw promos several times before that 2BG episode aired, and not once was the name Lindsay Lohan uttered as a guest star; you only got a brief glimpse of her.

Huh. Sounds like just another day in her, ahem, career.

The Tale of Two Rings.

After consciously uncoupling last month from Gwyneth 'Is This My Head Or Is It A Macy's Parade Balloon' Paltrow, Chris Martin went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame without his wedding ring on and apparently had a grand time. 

Meanwhile, Poor Gwynnie is traipsing all over LA flashing her wedding band, like she's trying to make it seem like Chris is the one who wanted to uncouple, and boasting to pals that she STILL has Martin wrapped around her finger, and if she wanted him back, she'd have him back.

But Chris is telling friends that Gwyneth is so self-involved that she believed she was more evolved than him, and so she could better emotionally handle screwing other men while maintaining the picture of a happy marriage to her public.

My take: they've both been banging whomever they've wanted to for years only now, from what I hear, though rumor has it that Chris Martin might have actually fallen in love with one of his trysts and that sparked the uncoupling.

Uncoupling. It still makes me giggle.

Shortly after Johnny Weir returned from the Sochi games, everything fell apart in his marriage in spectacular fashion. Chronologically, just before Weir left for the Olympics, his husband Victor Voronov accused him of assault, only to drop the charges, and that was when Johnny announced they were splitting up.

Then it got crazy. Johnny and Victor both lobbed accusations at one another; Johnny claimed Victor assaulted him, and added that Victor was trying to blackmail him with some old nude photos of Johnny that Victor had taken; and there was talk of emotional abuse, and who got the purses and, well, it was a mess.

I say was, because now, unlike Gwynnie and Chris, Johnny and Victor are consciously recoupling.

Over the weekend Victor and Johnny agreed to reconcile and Johnny plans to move back into the family home this week, though there are some strings; Victor wants Johnny to sign a document agreeing to publicly apologize for all the nasty things he said about Victor, and Johnny must also agree in writing that he will no longer let his mother meddle in the marriage and will her nose out of their finances.

It's a post-pre-nup, I guess.

Dina's guilty, y'all. Yup, earlier this week Dina Lohan set down her box of wine long enough to appear in court and admit to being a drunk who drives.

Shocking though, that unlike her daughter she didn't find a way to blame it on literally everyone else, including, but not limited to, Franzia, the city of New York, the Long Island Expressway, any and all cars ever made, or me.

Since it was Dina's first DUI, the judge gave her 100 hours of community service and she’ll have to take a DUI class, though, if she's anything like Lindsay she won't do either and then go to court with the words 'F**k you' painted on her talons.

Her license was also revoked, and an interlock will be put in her car and she’ll have to pay a bunch of fines, so hopefully Lindsay can scam another TV show into giving her a guest shot because all that Oprah money is gone and Mama needs to stay out of the Big House.

Miley Cyrus had to cancel a concert in Kansas City this week because she was rushed to the hospital with an :::cough cough::: “allergic reaction”  to some antibiotics she was on, and not any kind of drug or alcohol related issue no matter what anyone says.

Now, who would like to buy a bridge?

The hospitalization comes on the heels of Miley's beloved dog, Floyd, dying, and then her Mama sending a new dog in to take the place of the old one without bothering to get an identical dog so Miley would never be the wiser. Sheesh, has this woman never seen The Brady Bunch? You always replace a dead pet with an identical looking one so no one knows Floyd died.

But, Miley knew it wasn't the same dog so she instantly gave it away and then ALLEGEDLY partied away her pain which lead to "antibiotic allergies."

Still, while Miley may have been rushed to the hospital because of a reaction to antibiotics, it seems the reason she was on the meds in the first place was because she wore herself down by partying extra hard since her dog was taken to a farm where he could run around in an open meadow. 

Yeah; that's easier to buy than an allergic reaction to penicillin.

I don’t watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta because those women are so trashy, but every so often I peek in on the reunion show to watch all the drama balled up into a neat little package.

Well, this seasons’ reunion might be better than a Jersey Table Flip because it seems that one of the “housewives,” Porsha Stewart [right] found herself arrested for assault after attacking Twirling Kenya Moore [left] during a reunion taping.

And Andy Cohen who never met drama he didn’t want to sign to a contract, says:

“To me, it came out of nowhere. The other women felt that Kenya kind of provoked her a little bit and was provoking her. I think I was just so shocked and so surprised, and I was just really upset. I don’t want that happen. I think it’s gross, and I think it’s just totally inappropriate, it’s wrong, it’s not entertaining. It’s just bad.”

Yet he’s airing it and talking about it. But he did give Porsha her pink slip for the attack, so maybe he’s sorry about it, or maybe he’s angry she didn’t attack all the women.

When Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé Knowles were both spotted leaving the same L.A. dermatologist on the same day last week, fans wondered if they’d finally bonded during a girls’ day out. But it appears that the dual skin appointments were just an accident, because ain’t no way Beyoncé is gonna hang with the Kash Kow no matter how much Kanye begs.

She ain’t gonna fold like Anna Wintour, y’all.

Apparently,when Kash Kow arrived at the doctor’s office, she “seemed so excited to see Beyoncé and ran over to her like an eager puppy, but Beyoncé looked like she wanted nothing to do with Kim and was really trying to stay away from her.

To be fair, the two women did have a brief chat — though I guess it was mostly Beyoncé saying, ‘Sorry. Who are you again? — about their respective oddly named children, Green Hydrangea and WestCoast thought the attempt to bond over mommyhood was not exactly well-received.

Beyoncé looked like she couldn’t have cared less,” a source — possibly That Woman, in for her weekly lamb placenta facial — says. “It seemed so clear that she did not want to talk with Kim and was just being polite to her. They really didn’t look at all like friends.”

And why would they be? Beyoncé, Jay Z, and, yes, even Kanye, are entertainers and performers who’ve based their careers on talent and drive.

Kim based her career on being able to lie on her back with her heels to God.

A not so Glee-filled set? Rumors are flying that Lea Michele — who considers herself the star of Glee — and Naya Rivera are battling divas both on-camera and off.

The Naya Fans say that Lea held up production while she dealt with a 'personal issue,' and Naya went to the producers to complain about the hold up. Well, Lea heard about this and dramatically exited stage left and never came back to the set.

The Lea Fans naturally have a different story. They say that Lea and Naya weren’t even shooting scenes together when she asked for a break, and never knew Naya complained about her. But, the Lea Fans say that it was Naya who was kicked off the set and was subsequently fired, though Team Naya says ain’t never happened.

Still, there was an interesting Blind Item circulating around the net this week which might help explain all the drama:

There was a TV actress who broke up with her musician boyfriend after she read text messages on his phone between him and one of her co-stars whom he ALLEGEDLY screwed on the side. While both sides are spinning their own ‘truth’ publicly, we do know that there are two facts that both sides privately acknowledge as being true:

#1: She broke up with him; and

B: She ended it because he cheated.

It seems kinda clear that this blind item is about Naya and Big Sean who recently broke off their engagement, and most people suspect that Sean was banging on Lea’s door which may, or may not, have lead to one diva, or the other, walking off the set.

Stay tuned. And maybe stay tuned to Glee because their ratings are way down and they either need better stories or some hot gossip to keep folks interested.