Bobservations

Y’all know we survived the hurricane with no damage, save some fallen branches and a butt-load of leaves and debris. So, even though the storm was still hovering over us on Sunday, I thought it best to get back to normal and I asked Carlos if he was making pancakes as usual for Sunday breakfast.

“Pancakes? We’re having a hurricane!”

“Well then, call them hurricakes and get to it!”

I kill me.

Another reason to keep your religion out of my government?

GOP …because, of course … Tennessee State Senator Mark Green who opposes Medicaid expansion because it prevents people from finding God.

Oh, but he does. Mark Green rejected billions in federal Medicaid expansion funds because he believed the funding would lead people away from Jesus:

“People go to God because of a physical need and they walk away with a spiritual need met. That’s the story of the Gospels. And so government has stepped in, at least in this country, and done all the work for the church. And so the person who’s in need — they look to the government for the answer. Not God. And I think, in that way, government has done an injustice that’s even bigger than just the entitlement — creation of an entitlement welfare state. I think it’s even bigger. And in this setting, I’ll share the story… I think it interrupts the opportunity for people to come to a saving knowledge of who God is.".

That’s right, Green would deny people in his state medical care in the hope that they might find God instead. It is at once both despicable and deplorable.”

Seriously. Another GOP asshat using God and fear for votes.

Roseanne says she knows how her character will be killed off of ABC's The Conners spin-off.

"Oh, they killed her. They have her die of an opioid overdose. It wasn't enough to just do what they did to me, they had to, so cruelly, insult the people who loved that family and that show. They had to cruelly insult them and that's what they chose to do. There's nothing I can do about it. It's done."

We loved that family, but not after you turned her into some rightwingnut _____ goose-stepper to match your off-screen persona. And we’ll love the family even more because they’ll get back to being topical and funny.

Still, we’ll have to wait and see if Roseanne’s right, though my money is her ‘cause of death’ is wrong ... it was "Ambien"..

I don’t watch Big Brother but apparently, last week, right after her husband Les Moonves resigned as head of CBS over sexual misconduct allegations, BB host Julie Chen, signed off the show with a new name …Julie Chen Moonves … for the first time ever.

And the backlash was swift, with one publicist, Danny Deraney, whose clients include Illeana Douglas, a Moonves accuser, saying he would no longer book any of his clients on Chen’s show The Talk.

Oh, except now Chen is stepping down from The Talk saying she has to focus on “clearing her husband’s name from accusations made 25-30 years ago and tending to her son.”

She signed off again, ’Julie Chen Moonves’ although, as I posted to Twitter, it sounded a lot like she said ‘Camille Cosby.’

#ByeFelicia

South Carolina Republican Senator, Miss Lindsey Graham used to be known mainly as a War Hawk and for being John McCain’s BFF. And, like most Republicans, he used to have open contempt for candidate _____, calling him unhinged and a kook and unfit for office.

But today? Graham lost his flipping' mind and has moved away from McCain, even before his passing, and perched himself in _____’s lap. And now he’s saying he "regrets" that McCain "didn't have more time" with the president, pointing out that McCain was able to forgive the men who imprisoned him in Vietnam. Graham optimistically theorized: "Who knows what would have happened over time?"

John McCain would have kept his opinion on _____ and not caved like a little bitch as Graham did.

That’s what.

More hurricane tales … On Friday before Flo visited, Carlos had the day off, while I had to go to work for a couple of hours. As I was leaving, he said he was going to do some yard work and I told him to be careful, because with the wind kicking up a little, branches could fall from the trees.

He said:

“So, I get hit by a tree. Think how much easier your life would be!”

“Easier? Think of all the phone calls I’d have to make. Think about me trying to say ‘Carlos is dead’ in Spanish to your parents! Think of me calling the police and the funeral home to get rid of the body! Think of me calling someone to take out the tree! It won’t be easy at all for me.”

Again … I kill me.

The Swamp has another resident, former South Carolina governor, and current US Ambassador to the United Nations, Nikki Haley.

At a time when the State Department is freezing salaries and cutting budgets, they spent $52,701 buying customized and mechanized curtains for the picture windows in Haley’s official residence. The 6,000 square foot residence has spectacular views, and costs $58,000 a month, and yet the drapes cost nearly the same.

The curtains themselves were $29,900, while the motors and hardware cost $22,801; Haley’s spokespeople say the cost isn’t that much, given that the drapes would be used for years and, wait for it, because it’s the height of ridiculousness, all Haley has is a part-time maid, and the ability to open and close the curtains quickly is important.

Seriously; that’s the reason.

Speaking of tools, years ago the architect of _____ Tower cameo _____’s office to show him the design for the residential elevator cabs. _____ looked at them and noticed a series of dots located beside the buttons you push for each floor. He demanded the architect remove the dots, and the architect said:

“We can’t. It’s the law.”

“Get rid of the [expletive braille. No blind people are going to live in ____ Tower. Just do it.”

He ended by hurling his favorite epithet at the architect by calling him “weak”.

Still, the braille stayed, and _____ turned out to be the weak one.

A couple of new shows set to air this fall, featuring hotties …

The Little Drummer Girl, based on a John le Carré novel, will air on AMC and is said to compare favorably to last year’s The Night Manager. All I know is that it stars Alexander Skarsgård, who is steaming hot … even when he’s reading nekkid in the snow.

Then there’s A Million Little Things, the story of a group of friends who become motivated to live fuller lives following the unexpected death of a friend. I’ll be motivated to watch because it stars David Giuntoli, a hot hottie formerly of Grimm, and Ron Livingston, formerly of many shows including Sex and the City.

But again, if Skarsgård wants to appear nekkid reading, that’ll be my go-to show.

It's Snarkurday!

Last week we talked Cardi B and her beef with bartenders at strip clubs who open their legs to Cardi’s boyfriend and Baby Daddy.

It seems now that Cardi B is just this year’s Azealia Banks because at last weekend’s Harper’s Bazaar Icons party for New York Fashion Week Cardi B wanted some of Nicki Minaj.

Cardi, swathed in a red Dolce & Gabbana brawl-gown—see what I did there? Not ballgown, but brawlgown …okay I’ll stop—spotted Nicki Minaj at the event at the Plaza Hotel and made a beeline for her.

Someone ALLEGEDLY pushed Cardi “from behind” and she “went flying” and then took that fight to Minaj to :::ahem::: “address lies Nicki was spreading” though she says she didn’t intend to swing at her. She shrieked “I’ll fuck you up” and threw a “giant red shoe,” and the back of her gown was ripped, and she ended up ass out. Cardi screams “let me tell you something” and launched herself at Nicki but was stopped by security … and dragged out.

Cardi left the party with a big lump on her head, no shoes and the title of Azealia Banks 2018.

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A few weeks back we reported that, following her divorce, Mel B was off to rehab for addiction to alcohol, perhaps drugs, and sex. Mel instantly took to TV to say she was going to rehab for PTSD and it had nothing to with sex and drugs and booze.

Or did it? The Los Angeles County Superior Court seems to disagree and in Mel and Stephen Belafonte’s continuing custody battle, the court had order …ordered … Mel to take random drug and alcohol testing after they found that she abuses substances:

“Based on the evidence presented, the court finds that there is a habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances/alcohol by the petitioner [Mel B].”

Mel and Stephen will split the costs of the drug tests 50/50 so for the next four months. And, to add insult to drunken injury, both parents are required to be sober while their child is in either of their care; a new nanny will be present when the child is with Mel.

To recap:

Mel B was accused of being an alcoholic and sex addict. She denied it all. The court said she’s probably an addict and needs to get tested regularly.

That should really mess up her PTSD.

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Back in July, Ronan Farrow’s published a piece in The New Yorker about multiple women who said they had been harassed and victimized by CBS CEO Les Moonves. The women claim Moonves forced them to perform oral sex on him, that he exposed himself to them without their consent, and that he used physical violence and intimidation against them. A number of the women also say Moonves retaliated after they rebuffed him, damaging their careers.

The reaction to Farrow’s initial exposé was “less than” because Moonves is a powerful guy and because CBS’s toxic boys’ club had been covering up for him—and Charlie Rose—for years. In addition, Moonves denied everything and his wife, Julie Chen, stood by him.

Moonves and CBS quietly began working on his resignation and his Golden Parachute allowing CBS to save face and Moonves to pocket some massive coins. But then more women came forward and Farrow dropped another New Yorker exposé and now Moonves is gone but … not before he issued a statement calling all of his victims liars.

CBS actually thanked Moonves for his years of service :::gag::: and said he would not receive any “exit compensation,” at least not until an independent investigation was completed. CBS announced they would donate $20 million to “organizations that support the #MeToo movement and workplace equality for women. The donation will be deducted from any severance payments that may be due to Moonves.”

How nice … except Moonves’ severance package is said to be in the neighborhood of $120 million so after the deduction he’ll walks with $100,000,000.

Not bad for decades of sexual harassment and assault.

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Denise Richards—the ex-missus Charlie Sheen—married Aaron Phypers last weekend in an intimate Malibu wedding ceremony that included only their closest family and friends … and the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and a Bravo film crew.

Denise announced her surprise engagement two days before the wedding was to take place, and a few weeks after she began filming RHoBH which also means that some, or all of the wedding, was paid for by Bravo.

Ah, love; or at least the reality show version of it.

PS Wasn’t it nice that Aaron donned his barhopping best as his wedding suit?

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I Didn't Say It ....

Aaryn Gries, the 22-year-old with a penchant for saying racist things on Big Brother, on what she thinks of the other players who complain about her racism:

"That's the most obnoxious, annoying thing I've ever heard...I'm not even gonna acknowledge it, because it's the biggest joke. I really just think that it's the most immature thing ever. They call me Barbie and all sorts of ---- about me being blonde all the time, so what's the difference? I wish that I cared more about this, but I don't..."

Um, Blondie? Being labeled Barbie, or Blond, is really quite different from saying, about an Asian contestant, ‘Shut up and get me some f**king rice.’

You’re a racist dear, and you’re too dumb to realize it.

PS Am I the only who noticed—possibly because I have too much time on my hands—that Aaryn and Aryan are spelled with the same letters?

Just sayin’.

Julie Chen, Big Brother host, on the racism that continues in the BB15 house: 

“My heart is pounding. Am I the only one who feels so enraged?… I think it shows us all that in 2013, race is still a deeply, deeply personal issue [and] it is so extremely hurtful.”

I think Chen, and CBS, are milking this story for all it’s worth.

While I loathe people like Gries, I am quite sure she’s not the first person on that show, ever, to say racist things.

And, if CBS and Chen are so offended, remove Gries from the game.

Michele Bachmann, still pissy over Obama and immigration reform:

"He has a perpetual magic wand and nobody’s given him a spanking yet and taken it out of his hand...That’s what Congress needs to do, give the president a major wake-up call. And the way we spank the president, we do it through the checkbook. We have the power of the purse. The most powerful body in Washington D.C. is the United States House of Representatives, of which I'm honored to be a part.”

I imagine that spanking is how Michele disciples her wife, Marcus.

Hugh Jackman, while in Japan shooting The Wolverine, on relaxing in the hot springs and using a small towel to regulate his body temperature when its actual use is for modesty's sake:

"I was feeling uncomfortable and finally this guy in the tub grunts and points to my head and then grunts and points to my private parts. Finally I realised the towel was meant to be covering my privates and I'd spent about an hour just waltzing around this place with this thing in one hand and a beer in my other hand!" 

Sadly, no pictures were taken to document the event. 

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

John Oliver, interim host of The Daily Show, on the Zimmerman case and Florida law:

"According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following [the minor] and choose to ignore that, keep following the minor, get into a confrontation with them, and if at any point during that process you get scared you can shoot the minor to death, and the state of Florida will say, 'Well, look: you did what you could.'"

Sadly, and even though he does so with humor, that is exactly what happened.

Hillary Clinton, speaking to an African-American sorority about the Zimmerman Verdict:

"My prayers are with the Martin family and with every family who loves someone who is lost to violence. No mother, no father, should ever have to fear for their child walking down a street in the United States of America. Yesterday I know you heard from the attorney general about the next steps from the Justice Department and the need for a national dialogue. As we move forward as we must, I hope this sisterhood will continue to be a force for justice and understanding."

Hillary 2016.

That’s also what we need.

I Didn't Say It ...

David Barton, evangelical 'minister' and founder of WallBuilders, on what he thinks will happen now that DOMA is dead: 

“Now that there is no longer a definition of marriage as a man and a woman and DOMA’s struck down, guess what? Guess what happens in the military? Guess what is going to happen in the military? Guess who is going to enlist in the military just so they can have gay marriages and force chaplains to do that?”

Gays flood to the military so they can get married … and shot at in war zones.

Funny, Barton doesn’t seem to have a problem with all the folks who joined the military to get the GI Bill for their educations.

Henry Rollins, on the upcoming elections and the GOP:

"Bad News for the Haters Dept.: You realize that all those obnoxious 16-year-olds you see everywhere, texting their friends who are standing next to them, will be able to vote in the 2016 elections. Do you think you will be able to sell them on your anti-gay/anti-woman/anti-brown/black platform? Do you think they want to end up like you? I bet they don't. Governor Bobby Jindal said that you all have to stop being the stupid party. I don't think you can do it. How did equality become political? Because you can't handle science, change or the truth. America is on the move, you are not."

Out of step. Out of time.

Look at what’s happening in Texas this week; that’s the GOP.

Neil Patrick Harris, when asked about the possibility that he will host next year's Oscars:

"That's the kind of question if you say, 'No, I don't want to do it,' you look like a dick. And if you say, 'I'm dying to do it,' you look like a dick. So you're kind of left in the middle."

Although, if I say I want him to do it, I don’t look like a dick, I look like a raving awards show queen.

And I’m fine with that.

Julie Chen, on the racism on Big Brother, and how CBS aired the remarks in an effort to drive the story:

"CBS and Big Brother showed it because it is now driving a story. It is now affecting how the other players want to see her gone. You know, if it didn’t drive story, and it didn’t have a dynamic on what it is to the elements of the game, it maybe, you can’t just put it in there and say, 'Judge her, everybody.' It has to have to do with the game and the rules of the game...She and the other houseguests have no idea that it has made national headlines."

Actually, CBS first non-commented about the racist and homophobic remarks of several players, saying it wasn’t their job to police/judge the players.

But when it became a news story, suddenly CBS is using it to ‘drive’ the story?

Or raise the ratings?

Paul Katami, on leading the fight to end Prop H8, and how he felt when he was legally able to marry Jeff Zarrillo: 

"I felt taller, I felt lighter. I felt like I could breathe a little easier and I couldn't wait to call him husband...We fought for so long to be able to use that language that defines who we are privately and also associates us publicly...It makes a huge difference."

Wow. That sounds awful. I can see why NOM and all those hate groups rallied against marriage equality if it causes such absolute joy.

Jeff Zarrillo, on marrying Paul Katami after their four-plus-year long battle with the courts: 

"It was just such an amazing week because our lives changed in such a profound way, as well as thousands of others. You've seen wedding after wedding on TV and in the newspaper; we saw a lot in person when we were in San Francisco this weekend. Just seeing how their lives are changing because of our lawsuit has been really profound and frankly, a little heavy to take in at times."

It’s a new day, but, one day, all these same-sex couples getting married will just be couples getting married.

It’ll be no big deal.
As it should be.

Carol Channing, on the idea that Johnny Depp may play her in a film: 
"Every time I see someone impersonate me, I can't help but think I must have a hormonal imbalance. Johnny Depp has said he wants to play me in a movie. Wouldn't that be great? People say, "But he is a man," but it doesn't surprise me at all. I can’t remember the last time one of my impersonators didn't have a 5 o'clock shadow."

I think Depp would be perfect.