The Funny Papers

Jesse Duquette, Ed Wexler, Adam Zyglis, Lalo Alcaraz, Gary Huck, Michael de Adder, Clay Bennett, Mike Luckovich, RJ Matson, Nick Anderson, Slyngstad,  Joe Thibodeau, Daniel Boris,

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Bobservations

The other night as we watched the news there were reports that The Felon wants these large retailers to “eat the tariffs,” meaning earn less in profits because that’s good business. I ranted; I raged; and then I did a glorious spit-take when Carlos said:

“Eat the carrots? What does that even mean?”

Goddess, that man slays.

Sidenote: this is what will happen, a retailer imports, say, a doll. The doll costs them $5 but they mark it up to $10 for a nice profit; tariffs enter the picture and now the doll will cost the retailer $20 or more, so they mark it up to $30 to make their profit.

Then, when tariffs end and the doll goes back to costing $5 the retailer will lower the price of the doll to $20 and tell us how they are saving us money while making a larger profit.

Eat the rich.

This Tuxedo Says is from October 22, 2020, and is as relevant today as it was then … so cast a  goddamned vote … don’t piss off The Great Tuxedo.

I never go to Homo Depot anymore because of their anti-DEI stance; they aren’t loud about it, but they … shhhhhhhh … quietly erased DEI from their website.

But for this orange I may have to make an exception.

Adriana Smith is a pregnant Georgia woman who was declared brain dead in February but is being kept alive because of that state’s law banning abortion and the woman’s family has zero say in the matter.

This isn’t life, this is state-sanctioned torture.

Police in Slovenia are investigating the disappearance of a bronze statue of First Lady, and nude model, Melanie after the statue was sawed off at the feet and carted away.

The original statue was carved from the trunk of a linden tree but was mysteriously torched and replaced by a replica bronze statue that is now nothing more than shoes and ankles.

Sorry, not sorry.

Consuelo has always been the quiet, shy cat. When she first came to Casa Bob y Carlos over 14 years ago, she was the sweetie and while Tuxedo ran the house with MaxGoldberg as his Lieutenant Consuelo did as she was told.

But now that Max and Tuxedo have ‘left the building,’ Consuelo had decided that maybe she should be running things and so every morning she claws her way up the side of the bed to sit between her two sleeping Daddies and if one of us makes a sound …

Meow … Meow … Meow … Meow … which loosely translates as ‘Get up bitches and feed me.’

Don’t let the sweet face fool you, she’s a terrorist!

Now, the mainstream media, and I’m looking at you Jake Tapper and your new ‘book.’ We all know that Joe Biden is very ill while still active and jovial, but can you just shut the f**k up about his momentary lapses is speech that he made last year or the years before that and focus on that narcissistic gelatinous blob of orange flesh who thinks that … and these are all true … Mattel is a country … thinks he invented the word ‘equalizing’ … wants to annex Canada and Greenland … doesn’t know what he’s signing or what’s going on, … doesn’t care about disaster victims … and has no respect for the rule of law.

Could you do that? Could you please find your balls and your spines and do some legitimate reporting on facts??

After The Felon defunded PBS and basically canceled Sesame Street, Netflix announced it would be airing new episodes of the beloved show.

Perhaps when The Felon is finished with his McD’s Kid’s meal, and before he is put down for his nap, he might watch the show and learn something. Or is that asking for too much?

Ponder this ... in America in 2025, if you are caught protesting for Palestine, the government will say you are supporting Hamas but if you are the so-called president you can be gifted a $400,000,000 jet from a country that actually does financially support Hamas the GOP won’t say a word.

Chand Smith is a thirty-five-year-old model and actor from Stockholm, Sweden so the obvious question is … Would You Hit It?

Meme Dump