Snarky Thoughts

It looks like there’s some movement in Kevin Costner’s attempts to get soon-to-be ex-wife Christine Baumgartner out of the family manse. According to Kevin, Christine is squatting in HIS house because, according to their prenup, she was supposed to get out within 30 days of her May 1 divorce filing. And even though Kevin gave her $1 million to find a Santa Barbara shack to rent she hasn’t packed her bags because now she wants almost $250K a month in child support to maintain the, ahem, “quality of life their three teenage kids are accustomed to" and he says Christine is holding the mansion  hostage until she’s guaranteed a big pay day. Now, all of that seems true given that Christine has ALLEGEDLY said she will only move when the court orders Kevin to cough up a dump truck of money.

My Thought: Is it too late for Kev and Chrissie to adopt me? I mean, as one of their children, I could get by on about $100K a month … a bargain in my mind.

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We’ve all had bad hair days … well, not me, mine always looks fabulous ... but poor Lana Del Rey had the Bad Hair Day to end all Bad Hair Days. Scheduled to perform at Glastonbury, alongside Guns N’ Roses, Lizzo, and Rick Astley, Lana was set to take the stage at 10:30 PM but failed to show for an embarrassingly long time because ... wait for it ... her hair took longer than anticipated; Lana acknowledged that her set might get cut short too because her mop wouldn't cooperate.

My Thought: Lana should’a slapped a wing on her melon because, as if on cue, and in mid-song, her set ended at her scheduled end time.

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As the Writer’s Guild of America [WGA] strike rages on, most actors are supporting the writers’ demands for better living wages in the age of digital streaming. It’s all about what is fair, unless you’re Kim Kardastrophe and only care about what’s fair to you. And what’s fair to Kimmy is crossing a picket line to film a wee spot in next season’s American Horror Story … I won’t be watching … and took to Twitter to talk about working, causing writer’s all through Hollywood, who are not writing for TV and Movies, to post on Twitter that Kim Kardastrophe … not to be confused with Meryl Streep but perhaps with the woman who brings Meryl her coffee ... is an idiot and a scab.

My Thought: I might be wrong, but I think the plot of this next season of AHS is the frightening idea that porn stars turned media whores think they’re actors. They’re not.

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Speaking of Hollywood couples splitting up, the low-rent version of Kevin and Christine, AKA Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, are also separating. But unlike the Costner split, this time it’s the man causing all the fuss, with Dean now claiming that for nearly two decades after the two began cheating with one another on their former spouses and then divorced those spouses and married one another, that he is a  victim of “entitled” Tori and her endless “demands” and that he tried anything and everything to please his wife. But then, after nearly two decades, he realized that Tori was using “their marital problems to stay relevant” and so Deano is dunzo.

My Thought: Tori has never been relevant. And Dean deserves what he gets because he picked her, schtupped her, divorced his wife, married her and then made a bushel of babies.

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The reason for the existence of Maury Povich’s “talk” show was to have people on who f**ked one another, leaving the girl pregnant and wondering if the Baby Daddy was the Baby Daddy. It all boiled down to Maury reading a sheet of paper and announcing, “You are the father,” or “You are not the father,’ and cheers and tears would follow. But, after nearly sixty years … I kid, it only felt like sixty years, Maury got the ax so what is he supposed to do? Well, he’s actually selling at-home paternity tests to so people can test themselves at home.

My Thought: How much will Maury charge to travel to each home for the reveals?

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Snarky Thoughts

Here in America many people think of Canada as that ideal place to live free and easy, but it does have its problems from what I’ve heard; there are violations of the rights of marginalized groups, abuses by Canadian mining companies, and one issue that has pushed why Canadian MP Matt Jeneroux  to the breaking point and filing an “official grievance” with the House of Commons: not a single tour date has been announced for Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour.

My Thought: Free healthcare, low unemployment rates, unusually friendly people and no Taylor Swift? Packing my bags now.

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Are you up for more Kevin Costner divorce drama? I told you last week that the future ex-Missus Costner, Christine Baumgartner, was refusing to move out of the couple’s California Manse despite it being a condition of their pre-nup, and now there’s a new hiccup. It seems that Costner’s ex-tenant—why are multi-millionaire movie stars taking in renters?—tech entrepreneur Daniel Starr might have become a bit too cozy with Christine. A source claims the two “hung out a lot” while Kevin was away filming, and when Kevin got wind of it, he “hit the roof.” Lawyers eventually got involved, and Daniel was forced to move.

My Thought: Unless you really need the extra income to pay off your mansion mortgage, maybe getting a man to rent the guest house and become BFFs with your wife while you’re away isn’t the smartest thing to do.

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Sarah Jessica Parker, clearly reeling from all the press that Kim Cattrall is getting over her upcoming cameo in And Just Like That, has called the press to reflect on her relationship with Robert Downey Jr. She now says that she was “angry and embarrassed” during their romance, which took place amid his struggles with substance abuse because people around him “would be dismissive of me, but I had given him stability and tried to create a steady heartbeat that allowed him to show up on time.”

My Thought: She’s mentioning an old relationship that no one but SJP remembers—they were together from 1984 through 1991 and he didn’t get sober until twelve years after they broke up—just to make herself feel better about her little TV reboot?

PS In 1991 SJP met Matthew Broderick and they were married in 1997 and have three children, but by all means gush about how great you were to Downey Jr.

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Dean McDermott, AKA Mr. Tori Spelling, recently announced his separation from his wife on social media—“It’s with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and 5 amazing children, that [Tori] and I have decided to go our separate ways, and start a new journey of our own. We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time.”—and then just as quickly deleted the post. It seemed like another attempt at media whoring their lives but, I dunno, maybe not. Last week McDermott was seen without his wedding ring as he hauled boxes and duffel bags of his things into a Los Angeles-area storage unit. He is said to have looked “morose” that day, wearing sunglasses, distressed jean shorts and a white T-shirt that notably showed off his large tattoo of Spelling. For her part, Tori has remained mum on the split publicity stunt but was seen wearing a “Boys Lie” T-shirt  while McDermott was busy moving his belongings.

My Thought: You live by social media, you will die by social media. And the cynic in me thinks these two fools will try to spin a reality show out of their ruined marriage.

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Snarky Thoughts

Earlier this year actress-model-media whore Julia Fox began dating rapper-media whore Kanye West but after just six weeks of attention-grabbing theatrics, which included an essay about their second date, they broke up. Julia, never one to pass a chance at media attention, is still speaking about the, ahem, “relationship,’ saying it hurt her acting “career” and says she only began dating Kanye to … and this is rich … as in how rich Kanye used to be before going off the deep end again and losing all his contracts … Julia says she dated Kanye to distract him from attacking his ex-wife, Kim Kardashian.

My Thought: Bitch.Please.

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Nick Cannon has done it again. While it was just in September that he and Brittany Bell welcomed his 10th child, this week it was revealed that  Abby De La Rosa just popped out his 11^th and Alyssa Scott is still pregnant with his 12^th, who will likely be arriving next year.

My Thought: Cannon brags about spending millions a year in child support, but how much does he actually see his eleven soon to be twelve, children? If it’s not that much, he's still a deadbeat dad in my book.

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Oh, I am so sad … songbird—and mother to two of Nick Cannon’s spawn—Mariah Carey tried to trademark herself as the ‘Queen of Christmas’ again—the US Trademark Trial and Appeal Board rejected her prior request—and she has been denied again.

My Thought: Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus.

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Now that Gisele Bundchen has traded herself to the single ladies’ team since divorcing Tom Brady, their massive fortune has been split between the two of them. But … a charity they’re both board members on—the Luz Foundation—claims the ex-Mister-and-Missus Brady are actually less than charitable. In fact, these one-percenters ALLEGEDLY took that title quite seriously and gave less than 1% of their combined earnings over the course of twelve years.

My Thought: I’m not surprised, neither one of them comes off as giving.

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Dean McDermott hyped up his “hot wife,” Tori Spelling, by sharing a photo of the “actress” on his Instagram page:

“I mean . . . Holy Smoke Show!!! Hot wife ALERT!!”

McDermott recently dispelled rumors that the two were breaking up after months of speculation that he and Spelling were heading toward a divorce. 

My Thought: I wonder how Tori will feel when she learns that Dean posted a photo of Khloé Kardastrophe?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Dr. Dre and Nicole Young have been fighting over his reported $800 million fortune ever since deciding to split over a year ago. Nicole originally demanded $2 million a month in spousal support but did not get that; instead, she’s walking away with $100 million—an eighth of her husband’s wealth—or $2 million a month for four years.

It sounds good, but I think I’d prefer getting a check for $2,000,000.00 every month and then working really  hard to stretch that out for thirty days, rather than $100,000,000.00 that’s supposed to last for life. Plus, Dre pays $50 million now and $50 million next year and gets to keep all of their seven homes and the rights to his masters, while Nicole gets  4 cars and the jewelry she got while they were married.

I may be wrong, but Nicole got played.

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If you ever, for even the briefest moment, didn’t think Tori Spelling was one of the dumbest people on Earth, think about this … Tori, and her husband-for-now, Dean McDermott and all five of their children have COVID-19.

Apparently, Tori and Dean, who haven’t been spending a lot of time together lately, did manage to get together for the holidays in their Superspreader Home, where they each got COVID, and then the kids also tested positive.

Both Tori and Dean took to Instagram with their tales of woe, and how sick they are, and how bad they feel because their kids got sick and their terrible parents and … I can’t shake the feeling that these too fools are trying to find a way to monetize and televise their entire family coming down with COVID so they can pay off that American Express card debt and then divorce freely with no bills.

They are that dumb, you know.

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Speaking of stupid people … singer Jason Derulo ALLEGEDLY attacked two men in a Las Vegas casino after one of the men shouted, “F**k you, bitch,” and the other dared to call him … wait for it … “Usher.”

Video shows Derulo pouncing on the hecklers at the Aria Resort and Casino while coming off an escalator after someone in the crowd shouts, “Why did you slap him, dawg?” and another voice yells “Hey Usher, **–k you, bitch!”

No one knows if the heckler really thought Derulo was Usher or was making a joke but being called Usher really set Derulo off. He ALLEGEDLY attacked the man who called him “Usher” and wrestled him to the ground as people tried to tear them apart.

It ended with Derulo being taken away in handcuffs though it’s unclear if the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department pressed charges against him. Derulo was, however, removed from the Aria property and ordered not to return.

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Another ALLEGED entertainer being investigated for ALLEGEDLY punching a stranger is one Kanye “Ye” West.

Last Saturday, at around 3AM, Kanye was leaving the private club, Soho Warehouse, in Los Angeles when a fan had the audacity to come near him and request an autograph. The fan claims Kanye cussed him out and then shoved him to the ground. Kanye fled the scene by the time police got there, but a report was filed.

I guess it doesn’t pay to be an Usher fan around Derulo, and it doesn’t pay to be a Ye fan around, well, Ye.

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Are Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas finished? Hard to say, though Priyanka is kinda teasing that news. You see, after several wedding ceremonies, and lots of press coverage, Priyanka Chopra officially changed her name to Priyanka Chopra Jonas.

But now, after using social media to say she and Nick hadn’t seen much of one another for a while, Priyanka Chopra Jonas changed all her social media handles to just Priyanka.

Bitch thinks she’s Cher. Oh Hell No.

Right after the name change the newly minted Just Plain Priyanka gave that interview where she says she and Nick spent most of 2021 apart, but then turned that on its heels when she said … wait for it … this woman shared all her weddings, honeymoon, and everything else on Instagram … that even though she changed her name all over the web, too many people are making something out of what might be nothing:

“It’s a very vulnerable feeling, actually, that if I post a picture, everything that’s behind me in that picture is going to be zoomed in on, and people are going to speculate. Because of the noise of social media, because of the prevalence that it has in our lives, I think it seems a lot larger than it is. I think that we give it a lot more credence in real life, and I don’t think it needs that.”

So says the woman who lives for social media and slyly changed her name to Priyanka Chopra Jonas and then  to Priyanka on social media and now says people pay it too much heed. Know how to make it all stop Just Plain Priyanka? Get off social media and stop talking.

Please.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Goddess, could Meghan McCain be a viler individual? Short answer: no.

On The View this week—her last week thank the goddess—McCain took a swipe at Kathy Griffin in response to Kathy’s announcement that she has lung cancer and was undergoing surgery. See, Meghan still has her granny panties in a twist over jokes Kathy made jokes about Clay Aiken’s sexuality years ago:

“I don’t like her; I’m never going to like her.”

I wonder how McCain would feel knowing all the people who said they didn’t like her father after his cancer diagnosis. Oh wait, we know because she’s talked about it endlessly. So this is just another case of Meghan McCains self-entitled, spoiled little rich girl, conservative bitch-i-tude because Meghan also had zero problems when her rightwingnutjob husband, Ben Domenech, made gay jokes about Seth Meyers when Meyers dared make fun of his wife.

I cannot wait for this awful human being to be off TV for a while …a long while.

Sidenote: Clay Aiken sent Kathy lots of love and prayers for her surgery, which went quite well by the way. So, you see …Meghan McCain is a horrible hypocritical person. Be gone before someone drops a house on you.

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Back in May  when JLo and Ben Affleck  reconciled 17 years after their initial split, one of JLo’s exes—and there are many—Diddy, posted an old paparazzi photo of him and JLo holding hands. Commenters took the since-deleted post as Diddy trolling Bennifer 2.OMFG but now Diddy says his motives were pure and, “that’s just my friend.” 

Oh, and he used the interview to announce that he’s changed his name again … he was Sean Combs, then Sean John, then Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, and now he’s …wait for it …it’s desperate … no, it’s not literally desperate … it’s Love.

Seriously. I thought he’d choose something more relevant, like ‘Over.’

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Homophobic rapper DaBaby—seriously that’s the name he chose—is apologizing for being a rabid homophobe who is also ignorant AF about  HIV and AIDS.  I mean, he said some antigay shiz, and was called out for it by the likes of Elton John, Madge, Questlove, and even his one-time collaborator Dua Lipa, but wasn’t about to apologize.

See, at last month’s Rolling Loud music festival, DaFool, used his time on stage to wax poetic about women whose “pussy smell like water” and how he loves them. What he does not love, however, are men who are “sucking dick in the parking lot” and people with HIV, because he doesn’t want to be around something “that’ll make you die in two or three weeks.” So, like I said, a lot of famous folks took DaBaby to task and he doubled down and refused to apologize until … he was dropped from several high-paying gigs and thought he might soon have to change his name to DaBrokeAss. And so he said this:

“I ain’t trippin on y’all, do you. Y’all business is y’all business.”

Not really an apology, and not enough to keep the jobs from disappearing. He lost a campaign with the clothing brand boohooMAN, and was dropped from several music festivals including Lollapalooza, the Governors Ball, and Day N Vegas. And now he’s sorry, posting his to Instagram:

Oops, sorry DaBaby, but when you apologize by blaming social media for making your bigotry go viral, you still aren’t really apologizing, and the jobs keep looking at you and saying:

“Um. It’s a DaNo.”

After his Instapology DaBaby was dropped from the Austin City Limits Festival and the iHeartRadio Music Festival; he will not be performing at the Can’t Wait: Live! benefit concert in Philadelphia or the Parklife Festival in Manchester.

DaBaby is DaIdiot. And I’m SorryNotSorry.

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When you are being accused of being part of a million-dollar scam with your ALLEGEDLY soon-to-been-husband, Rule One is “stop talking.” Especially when you appear on a reality show and your words are on film for all the world to hear. Know what I mean, Erika Jayne? 

It seems that statements that the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “star” made on the show can and will be used against her in a court of law by Ronald Richards, the attorney investigating the bankruptcy case of Girardi Keese, her “estranged” husband Tom Girardi’s law firm, who says:

“The show is a treasure trove of self-authenticating admissions from non-scripted actors who did not anticipate that many months later those statements would come back to haunt them or that they would be investigated. This is because none of the housewives have a duty to tell the truth on television. They are now caught in [an] undesirable legal position, were they lying then or now.”

And this has Erika Jayne ALLEGEDLY running scared because she just asked the court to remove Richards from the case, claiming he made “false and inflammatory social media posts and public statements” suggesting that she was not participating in his investigation. She also slammed him as a “clown ass,” “low budget” lawyer on Twitter.

Oh, someone’s nervous.

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Poor Dean McDermott, AKA Mr. Tori Spelling. He and his wife have long been rumored to be breaking up because their lives are no longer interesting enough to sell to any channel for a reality show and why stayed married if it no longer turns a profit?

The gossip started last March when Tori made sure to be photographed without her wedding ring—which she probably hocked to pay a credit card bill—and then celebrated their eldest daughter’s birthday without Daddy Dean, and then left him off the family Christmas card, didn’t say squat to him ON SOCIAL MEDIA for Father’s Day and took the word “wife” on her Instagram page, though she inexplicably left the word “Actress” there.

Looks like it’s over, and rumor has it that Dean is cool with it except … they’re both too broke to break up. If only they’d paid their bills while they were married and were in debt up to their out-of-work eyeballs, maybe they’d have the coins for an attorney or two?

Someone needs a GoFundMe page.

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Sweet news? After almost 20 years of dating John Corbett and Bo Derek secretly tied the knot six months ago. John says:

“Around Christmas time we got married. Bo and I got married. After 20 years, we decided to get married. We didn’t want 2020 to be that thing where everybody looks back and hated it. Let’s get one nice thing out of this.”

Congrats to the happy couple.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When you got coins, some women will leap on your dick, no matter how old.

89-year-old British billionaire Bernie Ecclestone, the former head of Formula One Group, and his 44-year-old third wife, Fabiana Flosi, are having a baby boy. It’s his fourth child and will join older stepsiblings, 65-year-old, Deborah, 35-year-old Tamara and 31-year-old Petra.

That’s all.

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I’m not saying she has the virus; I’m just saying she’s really sick.

Canceled racist Roseanne Barr has crawled from the ooze once again to spread her special brand of insanity about COVID-19 and how it was designed to get rid of her generation.

Roseanne appeared on  Norm Macdonald’s YouTube series, Quarantined With Norm Macdonald, and blamed the pandemic on a secret group seeking to kill the wealthy boomers of the world. Roseanne told Norm she is safe in quarantine in Hawaii, where according to her, there is “one case”—real facts, Rosie, there are nearly 400 cases—and she says 99%” of the residents are obeying quarantine. Or maybe 99% of the residents are steering clear of Barr because she says shiz like this:

“Well let me tell you about it, Norm. You know I’m crazy, so I’m speaking as a crazy woman now. You know what it is, Norm? I think they’re just trying to get rid of all my generation. The boomer ladies that, you know, that inherited their, you know, are widows. They inherited the money so they got to go wherever the money is and figure out a way to get it from people.”

They? And they are … ? Well, she doesn’t say, because, more importantly that some secret society trying to murder a large section of the global population, is the fact that Barr is using her time in lockdown to work on a lawsuit against “Hollywood.” Not a ‘who’ or a ‘they’ in Hollywood, but Hollywood itself:

“I have the time now to research and come up with the perfect lawsuit [so I can] fuck over everybody in the fucking world over there.”

Like I said, she’s ALLEGEDLY not sick, but she’s sick.

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And since we’re talking crazy, it’s just a hop skip and a jump to Tori ‘BrokeAss’ Spelling.

In the age of COVID-19 many celebrities are doing social media shows; singers singing; dancers dancing; jokers joking; grifters grifting.

In a since-deleted Instagram post, Tori ‘Hard Up For Cash’ Spelling advertised a virtual meet and greet for 20 fans—which I’m fairly certain is all of her fans—scheduled for this past week. Those lucky losers with too much time on their hands could take virtual selfies—they’re actually called screenshots—and download a copy of the video call afterwards if, and only if, they sent Tori ‘I Need Coins’ Spelling $95.

Yeah, during a pandemic people have $95 to send to an out-of-work reality star so they can brag that they … got a screenshot? Well, some of her 20 fans—I kid, she doesn’t have that many—took to social media to drag the grifter …

“Of course it’s $95 because during a Pandemic we all have that to spare what a bummer…”

“People are doing free concerts and you are charging? How about you do a lottery and do random pics for the winners!!! Please!”

“Damn people are dying, and you still think how to gain money from us…what you were and what you became…”

But, to her rescue, came Tori’s husband, Dean ‘I Also Don’t Work’ McDermott who “claims” Tori was approached by a company to do the meet and greet and that the idea was to provide some entertainment, levity, fun, humor and love to fans who are social distancing:

“But no! Instead, because it’s Tori Spelling, she gets dragged and she gets the haters coming down on her for simply doing something to entertain people, but more importantly, to provide for her family. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with providing for your family at this time? All the studios, everything is shut down. She has no way to work like everybody else. She has no job to go to.”

Hey Dean, you unemployed hanger-on, married to an unemployed hack, look around … there are about 18,000,000 more of you out there so why should they spend any of their coins on you and your family when they have no income of their own? But Dean did go on:

“Why not drag people who are making millions of dollars doing this? And how do you know…she’s not giving part of this to charity?”

Charity? The only charity your family knows is the 95-bucks twenty people were gonna send your way.

Get a job. Get a life.

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And that bit of self-delusion and entitlement brings us again to our favorite victim of the pandemic, Gwyneth ‘Contagion’ Paltrow.

Now, I know this interview was done a while ago—though some of the quotes were gathered post-lockdown—but on the cover of Town and Country, Contagion appears alongside the headline:

“Gwyneth Paltrow Accepts Your Apology”

Um, bitch, please. I ain’t apologizing to you when you say moronic shit like …she invented walking:

“Walking is my new thing. My best mom friend out here is a real walker. She was living in Hong Kong with her banker husband, and I was in London with my musician husband, and we moved to L.A. after having been expats for a long time. She started taking me on walks.”

So, Contagion hadn’t walked until after she divorced Chris Martin? I guess she had the staff carry her around. And, even though she didn’t learn to walk 2016, she is on the cutting edge of health and wellness, no matter what you think:

“You can keep resisting it, but I’m on the right side of this. I’m watching the market. I’m watching what’s happening. I think what this wellness movement is really about is listening to yourself, tuning into what interests you, and trying things. Find what makes you feel better and go from there.”

Yes, no one had ever thought about health and wellness until Contagion popped open a diet book and then got her vagina steamed. And last but not least, she knows people don’t like her, but her reason why is laughable:

“The people who are triggered by me—‘I don’t like her because she is pretty and she has money’—it’s because they haven’t given themselves permission to be exactly who they are. It doesn’t mean anything to me, because it’s not about me. It’s about what I represent, and that’s about you.”

Hey, Contagion? Bob from Smallville, here, and I’m one of those folks that doesn’t like you, and it has nothing to do with you being pretty—and pretty was never a word I’d associate with you—or rich. It’s because you’re self-involved, and egotistical and narcissistic and arrogant and dangerous because you peddle some really ignorant shiz to women, and perhaps some men, who buy into it because you act like an expert.

You didn’t start walking until you were forty-four. Become an expert on that and perhaps we’ll change out minds. Become an expert on relating to people who don’t have $800 for a dildo or $1800 for a t-short or don’t want a steaming pu— … vagina. Until then, you do you, and I’ll do a human being who’s been walking since before I turned two, and all without your help.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

JLo had that stripper movie that was supposed to earn her an Oscar nomination …

Hold for laughter.

… but the film really underperformed and so what’s the old girl to do now?

First, wear that cut-down-to-there-and-up-to-there Versace dress that earned her all sorts of notoriety twenty years ago again this year and then suddenly have an old interview “unearthed” where you go JLo on everyone’s ass …

The Movieline interview is from 1998 and people are “rediscovering” it as Lopez starts her campaign for an Oscar nod …

Hold for laugher.

… so here are some highlights:

When asked about Cameron Diaz, JLo said she’s “a lucky model who’s been given a lot of opportunities I just wish she would have done more with. She’s beautiful and has a great presence, though, and in My Best Friend’s Wedding, I thought, ‘When directed, she can be good.’”

Jennifer Lopez, acting critic. But then she goes in after Paltrow, saying in that hushed JLo voice:

“Tell me what she’s been in? I swear to God, I don’t remember anything she was in. Some people get hot by association. I heard more about her and Brad Pitt than I ever heard about her work.”

Says the woman who dated Paltrow’s ex, Ben Affleck. Next up: Madonna:

“Do I think she’s a great performer? Yeah. Do I think she’s a great actress? No. Acting is what I do, so I’m harder on people when they say, ‘Oh, I can do that—I can act.’ I’m like, ‘Hey, don’t spit on my craft.’”

Acting is what I do? Don't spit on my craft?

Hold for laughter. But she goes on … she was “never a big fan” of Winona Ryder but thinks Claire Danes is a “good actress” and finally goes in on Salma Hayek:

“She’s a sexy bombshell and those are the kinds of roles she does. I do all kinds of different things. It makes me laugh when she says she got offered Selena, which was an outright lie. If that’s what she does to get herself publicity, then that’s her thing.”

Man, this Oscar campaign will be delicious with JLo’s own words coming back to haunt her.

JLo. Oscar.

Hold for laughter.

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Well, it looks like the girl that Miley Cyrus jumped off of Liam Hemsworth to jump onto is out of the picture.

Sadly, just a few short weeks into their love affair, Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter are finished, though sources say Miley is doing fine this time around, she is “looking forward to being single.”

Until the next relationship/publicity stunt is arranged in …five …four …three…two …

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Dean McDermott, AKA Mister Tori Spelling, because, let’s face, that’s all he’s known for, recently came back from a 10-day Hawaiian vacation with his five kids and wife, and described it as “an orgy in your honor with your five kids.”

I don’t know how many orgies McDermott goes to but if they involve your kids someone should call CPS on this asshat because, in his own words, he shows that he is the worst parent ever:

“You have paradise right in front of you. You’re scuba diving and paddle-boarding, and they’re like, ‘Hey, Dad! Come and watch me do s**tty cannonballs in the pool.’… I’ve seen so many bad cannonballs. God bless them. They’re so excited about it, right? But for 21 years — my oldest is 21 — I’ve seen all this stuff.”

Yeah, so who cares if your kids are having fun.

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I’ll start off by saying I don’t care for Beyoncé. Drum me out of the Gay Club, I don’t care. To me she is an ass-shaking, weave-snapping, self-promoting so-so singer. Sue.Me.

For a few years  now Beyoncé has been trying to trademark her daughter’s name and has been in litigation with Wendy Morales, who has used “Blue Ivy” as the name of her wedding planning business since 2009. In 2012, Beyoncé and Jay-Z filed for an application to trademark their daughter’s name a month after she was born but learned about Morale’s company and lawsuits began.

Beyoncé tried to circumvent the suit by adding “Carter” to the trademark application, but Morales had that one blocked too, and has also refused to give up the rights to Blue Ivy unless Beyoncé wants to buy it for $10 million.

Beyoncé doesn’t give up coins that easily and so now she has a new argument in her case as to why she’s the rightful owner of the trademark: She says the words ‘blue’ and ‘ivy’ are synonymous with her daughter because no one in their right mind would ever ask, “Blue Ivy…the Boston-based event-planning company, or the daughter of Beyoncé?” And Beyoncé, who sings about girl power but doesn’t live it also shades Morales’ company by saying it’s “regional” and “small” business, with only three offices, a handful of employees, and a small social media presence.

Morales snapped back that she believes Beyoncé has no intention to use the trademark for business reasons, but Beyoncé disagrees:

“Indeed, the circumstantial evidence, including Blue Ivy Carter’s fame, her interest in fashion and design, and her familial relationship with two of the most famous performers in the world all support BGK’s intent to use the BLUE IVY CARTER trademark in connection with building a brand consistent with Blue Ivy Carter’s interests and skills.”

She adds that “Blue Ivy Carter is a cultural icon who has been described as a “mini style star” and has been celebrated for her “fashion moments” overs the years. Her life and activities are followed extensively by the media and the public.”

Quick, someone grab Beyoncé’s ego, it’s getting blown awayby the wind machine.

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While we’re talking former Destiny’s child singers, let’s talk about forgotten DC member, Michelle Williams. She is furious because people are confusing her with Oscar-nominated, Emmy-winning actress Michelle Williams and wants this nonsense to stop.

Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams took to Instagram Live to ask everyone to stop tagging and fighting with her over the gender wage gap speech that World Famous Actress Michelle Williams gave after winning an Emmy last Sunday night.

To be fair, if you confuse Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams, who is a black woman, with World Famous Actress Michelle Williams, who is white, you’re a special kind of moron, but still Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams should be grateful anyone at all is even talking about her because, before this, she was known as the girl Beyoncé literally stepped over.

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Former TV actor and hot drunk mess, Andy Dick, is in trouble again.

An arrest warrant has been issued for Dick—that sounds odd, doesn’t it—stemming from a 2018 incident in which Dick ALLEGEDLY groped an Uber driver … while he was driving … from the back seat … and groped the man’s crotch.

That’s some Dick, Andy.

This latest incident is not to be confused with the ALLEGED 2019 groping incident in a New Orleans club .... or the July 2018 incident in which he groped a woman on the street … or the time in 2017 when he was fired for ALLEGED sexual harassment for groping people’s genitals on the set of an independent film … or the time he was sued for rubbing his dick in some guy’s face.

This is new. Kind of. New story, same old Dick.

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