The Funny Papers

David Fitzsimmons, Matt Wuerker, Darrin Bell, Marc Murphy, Bill Day, Mike Smith, Kevin Siers, Clay Bennett, Ed Hall, Nick Anderson, Michael de Adder, Drew Sheneman, Jack Ohman, David Horsey,

I Didn't Say It

Glenn Youngkin, Virginia Governor-elect, on his underage son who twice attempted to vote at the same location in the space of 20 minutes:

“It was silliness, I think. There’s real confusion on where a 17-year-old can vote or not. And so he had a friend who suggested that he might be able to vote. He went up and asked. I know my son is an incredibly respectful young man. He presented his ID and when they said he couldn’t vote, he said okay and he went to school. I am a little bit frustrated that the media is paying so much attention to it. It’s my 17-year-old son and I’d really like everyone to leave my family alone.”

Oh Glenn, you typical hypocritical lying Republican.

Your son tried to vote illegally twice, the second time after being told he wasn’t eligible to vote, so this ‘He didn’t know’ BS is just that. You’re setting quite the tone for your term as governor when you have family members trying to cheat the system and you attempt to ignore it.

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Howard Stern, on Green Bay Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ Big Lie:

“If there was decency in this world, you know, I would throw this guy out of the football league so fast. What he did to his fellow teammates … this fucking guy, they should throw him out of the league so fast. We have no time for idiots in this country anymore. We don’t want you. We want you to all, either go to the hospital—stay home—die there with your Covid. Don’t take the cure, but don’t clog up our hospitals with your Covid when you finally get it. Stay home, don’t bother with science, it’s too late. Go fuck yourself, we just don’t have time for you.”

I feel like Howard. I’m over these fools, especially ones who lie and say they got the vaccine and then get COVID and admit they didn’t get it.

Fuck all the way off.

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Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers quarterback and vaccine liar,  seeming to lie about his lie:

“I made some comments that people might have felt were misleading. I take full responsibility for those comments … I have a ton of empathy for people going through pandemic, lives lost and the lives forever changed.”

Misleading? Huh. You were asked if you had taken the vaccine and you said ‘Yes.” Where, the world asks, was the misleading part? Was it in the lie?

Rodgers then played the victim card and said he “just shared his point of view, and now he’s being crucified for it.” Again, Aaron, you aren’t Jesus  and you weren’t crucified or cancelled, you were called out for being a liar because you were caught in a lie.

Now, as I have been saying to a great many people this week, in the blogs, and in real life, ‘Get the fuck outta here.’

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Dennis Prager, conservative radio talk show host, comparing the way anti-vaxxers are treated and then lying about people with AIDS:

“If we survive this as a free country, historians will just ask, ‘How did this happen? How did people get governed by irrational fears? Whether it is of the non-vaccinated, who are the pariahs of America as I have not seen in my lifetime any pariah group like this. During the AIDS crisis, can you imagine if gay men and intravenous drug users, if had they been pariahs the way the non-vaccinated are?”

I guess Prager forgot the many AIDS patients who died because people feared touching them.

I guess he forgot the AIDS patients whose families kicked them out of their homes and disowned them.

I guess he forgot the conservatives who suggested AIDS patient be put into camps.

Side story: I know a man who was diagnosed with HIV way back in the 80s, and after the doctor gave him the diagnosis and said there really wasn’t much they could do, he got up to leave as the nurses came into the room and scrubbed the chair he sat in and the door knob he touched and tossed out the magazines he read in the waiting room, so Dennis Prager can fuck all the way off.

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Liz Cheney, Wyoming GOP Representative, calling the claims that the insurrection was a “false flag operation” perpetrated by liberals to stain Thing 45s presidency:

“It’s the same kind of thing that you hear from people who say that 9/11 was an inside job, for example. It’s un-American to be spreading those kinds of lies, and they are lies.”

Simply and direct. Lies. All of the GOP’s excuses: lies.

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Jenna Ryan, convicted Capitol rioter, after being sentenced today to 60 days in prison:

“I’m disappointed that I’m being used as an example in my incarceration. Because I’m a public person and I have a Twitter account, I’m being punished for that. Because the media was doing what y’all are doing right now, I’m being punished for this. And it’s actually causing my incarceration and I think that is a travesty. I think everybody should be able to tweet without being persecuted and treated like crap. So watch what you tweet, because if you tweet, you can go to jail. It’s a free county and I’m allowed to say—you know—it’s free speech.”

Sure, Jenna, you can say whatever you like, though there are consequences; just like consequences for breaking and entering into the Capitol building to overturn an election.

Oh, and let’s not forget that Jenna is not just a traitor, she is also a racist, because just a few months ago she said:

“Definitely not going to jail. Sorry I have blonde hair white skin a great job a great future and I'm not going to jail. Sorry to rain on your hater parade.”

Another one who can fuck all the way off. Oh, and Jenna, that’s my Free Speech.

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Bobservations

Tuxedo has a thing where he wants to go outside and have us carry him around the yard and when he wants that, he howls. And this morning, I hear him howling at Carlos to go out, and Carlos argues back, and I’m thinking:

“You’re not going to win, sweetie pie.”

Tuxedo howls; Carlos says ‘No.’ Tuxedo howls; Carlos shouts ‘No!; Tuxedo howls; Carlos shrieks ‘Noooooo!’

And then I hear:

“Oh my god, your paws are so cold! Why are your paws so cold? Come into the bathroom and rest on the bathmat while I take a shower. It’s warm in there. And when I get done, I’ll take you outside.”

Tuxedo always wins.

For Tuxedo, the hypocrisy of the GQP smells a lot like what’s found in a cat litter box.

Prevea Health and Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers are ending their partnership after Rodgers lied about getting the vaccine and then tested positive for COVID, with Prevea saying:

“Prevea Health remains deeply committed to protecting its patients, staff, providers and communities amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. This includes encouraging and helping all eligible populations to become vaccinated.”

Rodgers also got a smackdown from the NFL after h lied, again, when he said an NFL doctor told him “it would be impossible for a vaccinated person to catch or spread COVID.” Rodgers says he doesn’t remember that doctor’s name. and so the NFL came for him, too:

“No doctor from the league or the joint NFL-NFLPA infectious disease consultants communicated with the player. If they had, they certainly would have never said anything like that.”

Aaron Rodgers is a liar, who endangered his teammates with his lies. Simple.

This week it was announced that evangelical leader crackpot Franklin Graham was scheduled for a very serious heart operation. My first thought was they were planning to install one, but this is better.

Graham had surgery after developing constrictive pericarditis, which causes inflammation and hardening of the sac surrounding the heart.

Yes, his heart has hardened. Seriously you can’t make this shiz up.

Elaine Chao, the Demon Wife of Mitch McTurtle, is the daughter of a Chinese Shipping magnate. She’s never worked a day in her life until she was appointed to a position in the Thing 45 White House as Transportation Secretary, but now she’s telling American workers it's their 'patriotic duty' to take whatever jobs are offered to them.

Note she never says employers have a patriotic duty to pay their workers a living wage because Chao is a complicit bitch.

Ingo Rademacher, a regular on “General Hospital” for the last 25 years, has been kicked to the curb for refusing to comply with the production’s vaccine mandate.

#ByeFelicia

Who saw this coming … the most diverse City Council in the entire country has just seven members and is in the last place I would ever think it would be.

For the first time, most of the members—four of the seven—are racial and ethnic minorities., and also for the first time, a majority—again four—are openly LGBTQ.

And that City Council is in … wait for it … it boggles the mind … Salt Lake City, Utah.

In writing his book Betrayal: The Final Act of the Trump Show,, ABC News’ Jonathan Karl saw photos of Michael Elizabeth Pence in hiding on January 6 but he wasn’t permitted to publish them in his book because the Pence team refused to give them to him.

Karl does day that one photo shows Pence in hiding and reading a Tweet from Thing 45 attacking him:

“It kind of looks like Pence is grimacing, but you can never really tell.”

Cuz Michael Elizabeth Pence is always grimacing.

Also in LGBTQ+ news, the Navy christened its latest ship, a replenishment oiler named after slain civil rights leader, and one of my personal heroes, Harvey Milk, who served in the Navy during the Korean War and then became the first openly gay elected official in California when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1977.

The USNS Harvey Milk is the second ship in the Navy’s John Lewis class of fleet replenishment oilers, all of which will be named after notable civil rights leaders and activists. 

Jhonatan Mujica, a model from Donostia-San Sebastián Spain, is a single, smoldering man who now lives in London.

Would you hit it? Yes or No.

I Didn't Say It ...

President Obama, at the G20 conference in Turkey, on the GOP presidential candidate’s suggestions that they what to do about ISIS:

“If folks want to pop off and have opinions about what they think they would do, present a specific plan. If they think somehow their advisers are better than the Chairman of my Joint Chiefs of Staff and the folks who are actually on the ground, I want to meet them. And we can have that debate. But what I’m not interested in doing is posing or pursuing some notion of American leadership or America winning or whatever other slogans they come up with that has no relationship to what is actually going to work to protect the American people and to protect the people in the region who are getting killed and to protect our allies and people like France. I’m too busy for that.”

He’s no lame duck, it’s just that he has no more f**ks left to give.

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Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packer quarterback, calling out the fan who shouted anti-Muslim comments during moment of silence for the victims of the attacks in Paris:

“I must admit I was very disappointed with whoever the fan was that made a comment that was very inappropriate during the moment of silence. It’s that kind of prejudicial ideology that puts us in the position we’re in today as a world.”

It’s fear, but it’s stupid irrational fear.

I say it all the time and I will keep on saying it: Muslims are not terrorists, terrorists are terrorists.

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Ted Cruz, a Cuban refugee if you recall, pissing his panties because President Obama has criticized Republicans for wanting to keep out Syrian refugees:

“It is utterly unbefitting of the president to be engaging in those kind of personal insults and attacks. He talked about how he was belittling the Republican field as scared. Well let me suggest something: Mr. President, if you want to insult me, you can do it overseas, you can do it in Turkey, you can do it in foreign countries. But I would encourage you Mr. President, come back and insult me to my face.”

Gosh, a schoolyard taunt, from a man who just a couple of years ago declared that we should welcome any and all refugees from around the world.

Of course, that was before he was running for president and pandering to the idiotic wingnut base.

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Frank Ocean, rapper, blasting Donald [t]Rump for a tweet he sent out after the Charlie Hebdo attacks that was trending again following the terrorist attacks on Paris—[t]Rump’s original Tweet: “Isn’t it interesting that the tragedy in Paris took place in one of the toughest gun control countries in the world?”:

“On the real though Donald Trump. How is it ‘interesting’ that these shootings happened in a country that’s tough on guns? Tell us Don? Because it sounds like that vacuous observation was about giving your NRA-loving constituency a hand*** and spinning a tragedy for political gain and I’m thinking maybe using a situation where dozens of innocents have just been murdered in the streets isn’t the best time. No?”

Snap.

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Steven Anderson, “Christian” pastor, basically saying that the concertgoers at the Bataclan theater — who were there to listen to Eagles of Death Metal—kinda had it coming:

“When you go to a concert of death metal, somebody might get killed! You know, you’re worshiping death, and then, all of a sudden, people start dying!… Well, you love death so much, you bought the ticket, you love worshiping Satan! Well, let’s have some of Satan’s religion come in and shoot you! I mean, that’s what these people should think about before they go into such a wicked concert.”

Wow. Blame the victims of a terror attack for their own deaths.

How f**king Christ-like.

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David Bowers, the Democratic mayor of Roanoke, Virginia, suggesting we build internment camps for those Syrian refugees—though not in his town:

“I’m reminded that President Franklin Roosevelt felt compelled to sequester Japanese foreign nationals after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, and it appears that the threat of harm to America from ISIS now is just as real and serious as that from our enemies then.”

Even Democrats can be asshats and not learn a single thing from history.

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