Why Is It ...

… that if it’s inappropriate and tasteless and rude, chances are I will find it fucking high-larious.

… that people need to understand that I refer to myself as a “free spirit” because it sounds classier than “out of fucking control.”

… that I want to normalize work emails  with: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

… that I am so antisocial that I will walk past people I know.

… that I don’t even have a sense of humor anymore. Nowadays it’s just sarcasm and a general dislike for the majority of the human population.

… that some of you people need to go to Church because I don’t want you in Hell with me.

… that if you hate me, join the club. There are weekly meeting at the corner of Fuck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd.

… that if you are testing my waters you’d best know how to swim.

… that the reason I don’t make excuses for horrible people is because I know you cannot put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

… that if y’all think I’m crazy do you really think it’s a good idea to fuck with me?

Bullshit Barbie's CliffsNotes for Press Briefings™

Poor Kayleigh McEnany promised the press she’d never lie to them—which was broken the second that last syllable escaped her lips—but she never promised she’d be an incompetent moron, and yet here she is …

Last week Reuters photographer Jonathan Ernst captured a closeup of the binder McEnany brings with her to every briefing and, well, it’s high-larious and indicative of everything that’s wrong about this White House, Hot Mess.

You see, at every briefing, McEnany is seen flipping through her Cliff Notes of Press Secretary-ing  and then appearing to read verbatim from pre-written responses. Now, to be fair, there’s a lot of information on a variety of topics, so that explains the binder tabs marked “Covid” and “Test” as well as “PPE,” “Masks,” “CDC,” and “Cases.”

But then there’s the tab “Mary,” allegedly information on The Occupant’s niece who just released a tell-all book about her batshit crazy sociopathic uncle; or the one marked “Hogan,” which may refer to Maryland’s Republican Governor Larry Hogan who wrote a scathing Washington Post essay condemning _____’s pandemic response. 

And then there’s “Goya,” which I don’t think is an ethnic foods recipe section.

The other day McEnany—pronounced Mac-ah-ninny—seemed to read from the LGBTQ section after being asked about _____’s ban on transgender troops by saying:

“I haven’t talked to him about that specific policy, but this president is proud that in 2019 we launched a global initiative to end the criminalization of homosexuality throughout the world. He has a great record when it comes to the LGBT community. The Trump administration eased a ban on blood donations from gay and bisexual men and he launched a plan to end the AIDS epidemic by 2030, so we’re very proud of our achievements.”

But nary a word about the transgender ban because I guess there’s no tab for that?

Here are some of Kayleigh’s actual tabs …

This one is full because everything is Obama’s fault.

This one is the biggest and perhaps the only one she really needs. The other one is recipes.

This one is empty, and the Russia one contains Love Letters from Donny to Vladdy™.

And, lastly, sadly, she can’t even spell Mueller correctly.

Schiff to Gaetz: "Please absent yourself."

House Democrats have released the transcript from the closed-door deposition of White House adviser Fiona Hill at the time the GOP lapdogs, led by DUI Republican Matt Gaetz, were ordered out of the room by Democratic Congressman Adam Schiff and it’s high-larious.

Schiff, the House Intelligence Committee chairman, interrupted an opening statement from Republican Repugnant Jim Jordan to ask why Gaetz was present in the closed hearing:

Schiff: “Excuse me, could we suspend? Do we have any members here that are not members of the three committees authorized to be present? Mr. Gaetz, you’re not permitted to be in the room.”

Gaetz protested, saying he served on the Judiciary Committee, which he argued had jurisdiction over impeachment, but Schiff repeated his command to leave.

Gaetz: “Mr. Chairman, really?”

Schiff: “Yes, really. Mr. Gaetz, take your statement to the press, they do you no good here, so please absent yourself.”

Gaetz then asked if  Schiff was going to have him physically removed from the Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility beneath the Capitol.

Schiff: “You’re going to remove yourself, Mr. Gaetz.”

Jim Jordan, the one who knew about boys being sexually abused and assaulted and looked the other way, tried to defend Gaetz’s presence, saying the impeachment inquiry had heard about 20 hours of testimony with only 12 lawmakers present, and asked whether having an additional lawmaker present would hurt.

Schiff: “Mr. Gaetz, you’re not a member of the three designated committees that are participating in this interview. You’re not permitted to be here. That is the ruling of the chair, and you are required to 1eave.”

Gaetz asked the chairman to cite a rule justifying his removal.

Schiff: “I am citing the House rules and the deposition rules. You are not permitted to be here. Mr. Gaetz, you are simply delaying the procedures in violation of the rules. Please absent yourself.”

Please.Absent.Yourself. Goddess, I love that!

Schiff then told DUI Gaetz to take his “spectacle” outside and ordered a penalty to the Republican minority for their colleague’s misconduct.

Schiff: “I do want to say that this dilatory tactic will come out of the minority’s time for questioning.”

I believe he also ordered Gaetz to pick up his dry cleaning and have his car detailed.

NCRM

Tuesday Thought #2

A Monday Mockery: #TedCruzCampaignSlogans

Well, that didn't take long ...

Within minutes of GOP loon Ted Cruz announcing his soon-to-fail attempt at the presidency, Twotter came alive with soem high-larious repsonses:

And, to add insult to the stupidity, the domain name, TedCruz.Com is a pro-Obama Immigration page.

The comedy ensues ...

photo via FreakOutNation
story and Tweets via ForwardProgressives

Starting Monday Off With A Laugh ... And By 'Laugh,' I Mean Fox News

The good folks … how’s that for high-larity … over there at Fox News thought it would be fun to ask the Twitter-sphere to celebrate the demise of 2014 by #hashtagging what they were “:over” for the New Year.

As usual, Twitter responded by taking down Fox News after that dim-bulb-blonde-who-couldn’t-keep-a-job-at-The-View Tweeted that she was “over attacks on Christianity.”

I’m still trying to figure out who’s attacking Christianity, unless it’s people simply asking Christians to leave their religion out of there publicly run businesses, but I digress.

Here’s what some of the Twitterers told Fox:

via NCRM