Bobservations

The other morning I was walking past our bedroom when I heard Carlos talking to Rosita:

“She’s such a pretty girl. Pretty girl. Ohhhhhh, she’s so pretty. Pretty girl. Such a pretty girl. Who’s the pretty girl.”

“Why don’t you two get a room.”

“This is our room.”

I guess I’m sleeping in the guest room now?

This Tuxedo memory is from November 2019 and is entitled “Tuxedo Went To The Vet”

I noticed Tuxedo had licked the fur off the back of his front leg and so, after Carlos did a quick check, we took him to the vet to see what was what. Turns out it may have been a bug bite that he scratched and then cut into his skin, so he began licking to clean it and the fur came off; or, it is the result of a play fight with either Max or Consuelo. Either way, it’s nothing bad and he’s on antibiotics—which he hates—and a twice daily cleanse of the area.

But this isn’t about that, it’s about the joy of Tuxedo. See, he was a bit of an abused cat when we rescued him; he’d been adopted out several times and always returned to the vet’s office in Miami as “mean.” Then we took him and let him acclimate to our house and the five other cats we had at the time, and Tuxedo has become the sweetest, friendliest cat ever.

And that leads us to the vet’s office in Smallville.

While he cried in the car on the ride, once there he was calm and watching the goings on from inside his carrier. When we got in with the vet tech, as she was weighing him and checking him out, he was perfectly calm and easy going. Then came to thermometer up the butt; and he was calm and handled it like any bottom at any gay bar anywhere … or something. But … as she finished with him, Tuxedo stood on his hind legs and put his paws on my chest and rested his head against me. The vet tech squeeed with delight about the hug he was giving me.

When the doctor came in, the vet tech was holding Tuxedo for the exam, and he stood on his hind legs and gave the vet tech a hug, too. The doctor loved that and asked if Tuxedo would give her a hug and, yes, he did. And then they took his picture while hugging the doctor.

Long story a little shorter … as we left with his medications we stopped to pay at the desk and were asked our pet’s name.

“Tuxedo.”

“The one who hugged the doctor?”

“Um, yeah. Do you want one?”

“Can I?”

And she could.

At the Emmy’s this week first-time nominee, for Reservation Dogs, D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai made a powerful statement by arriving with a red handprint over his mouth, symbolizing solidarity with missing and murdered Indigenous women. It stands for all the missing sisters whose voices are not heard. It stands for the silence of the media and law enforcement in the midst of this crisis.

If you didn’t know about the epidemic of missing and murdered Indigenous women, and how little help is giving by local authorities and government agencies to tribal police, take a look at Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women USA MMIWUSA

A friend posted to Facebook that according to PureWow she, as a Virgo, is one of two excellent cult leaders, with Aquarius, which is me, being the second. I commented that I needed my own cult, and she posted what my cult would be like according to PureWow:

"Fixed air sign Aquarius leads a stylish cult. Ruled by Saturn, planet of discipline and structure, Aquarius is a sign that others naturally look up to as an authority figure. All of the air signs are social and very into spreading knowledge and ideas. But unlike their fellow air signs [Gemini and Libra], Aquarius loves the info, but also has a lot of style in their approach to travel, education and cult-ivation. This is because Aquarius’s ninth house is Libra, another Venus-ruled sign. Aquarius is very strategic when it comes to starting their cult. The PR is always on point. Who can resist a great logo in a cute font? Or a targeted merch drop? Joining the cult of Aquarius is like joining a scene that never goes out of style."

Oh, I need to jumpstart my cult.

Pearl Jam singer Eddie Vedder recently changed the lyrics to their song “Daughter” to make a politically charged statement.

At a Wrigley Field show last month, in the middle of their song “Daughter,” the band played a portion of Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall, Pt. 2” but fans noticed a slight variation as Vedder took the opportunity to change the lyrics to something a little timelier. Where the song would normally say, “Teachers leave them kids alone…” Vedder sang:

“Politicians leave our daughters alone.

A woman’s right to choose is her own.”

Just another way to get the message out that one party is pro-women and the other is own women.

There is nothing like having some cakes as a midnight snack; and you all know exactly what I mean.

Speaking of musicians doing good work, Jon Bon Jovi, known for helping the unhoused, the hungry and America’s vets, talked someone out of taking her own life in a video shared by the Metropolitan Nashville Police Department.

The video shows Bon Jovi slowly approaching a woman on the John Seigenthaler Pedestrian Bridge. Bon Jovi happened to be filming a music video for his song “People’s House” when he and his team noticed the woman standing on the outer ledge of the bridge and clenching onto the handrails. He stopped a few feet away from her and spoke to her before moving closer alongside another bystander.

It’s unclear what was said, but Jon and the other individual convinced the woman to return to the main part of the bridge; they helped her back over the railing and then the trio walked away.

Bon Jovi has extensive training in interacting with people in crisis due to his Jon Bon Jovi Soul Foundation. He has chosen not to make a statement regarding his actions out of respect for the woman  but the Nashville Police Department has praised him for his actions.

Y’all know Diddy got nabbed, right? Well, according to the grand jury indictment, during that raid on his homes in Miami, Florida and Los Angeles the feds discovered “more than 1,000 bottles of baby oil and lubricant” for his ALLEGED Freak Off parties.

Bottom of Form

Diddy was charged with three counts: racketeering conspiracy; sex trafficking by force, fraud or coercion; and transportation to engage in prostitution. In addition Combs is currently facing at least eight lawsuits accusing him of sexual assault, rape, sexual misconduct and more. He remains in jail.

No word on what happened to all that lube but, in a world of Diddy’s be a Bon Jovi or a Vedder.

Atila Escolano Sánchez is a Spanish model and singer which is all very nice, but Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Howsabout a few quickies … this morning I walked into the kitchen and Consuelo and Rosita were eating breakfast in the same room and at the same time for the first time. I smiled, looked at them  and said:

“Morning ladies.”

I smiled, looked at Carlos and said:

“Morning lady.”

He growled back.

Last week he had a translation at the Lancaster Detention Center, so off we went. When the attorney arrived he and Carlos were buzzed inside while I waited in the lobby, and because I live for the funny, I said:

“See you in ten to twenty.”

He growled back.

Lastly, one night this week, while he was practicing his trumpet and I was reading, Rosita, for the first time, crawled into my lap and fell asleep. Carlos finished his practice, walked into the living and saw Rosita asleep and said:

“She sleeps in your lap? She goes back tomorrow.”

Then he growled and went into the kitchen.

This week’s Tuxedo Repost is from February 13, 2010

“SNOWville, Day 2 =)

I know we didn't have SNOWmageddon or a SNOWpocalypse, but this is big news for Smallville, er, SNOWville, as we usually get a one-day dusting of snow each year. Of course, everything came to a standstill; schools and businesses closed before the snow even fell, but it sure makes the town, and our house, look pretty.

Tuxedo's first experience with snow and, well, I'm not sure he likes it.”

This is my favorite picture of Tuxedo—okay, one of my favorites—because of the look on his face.

I miss that punim.

Thing 45-appointed Judge Thomas Parker of the US District Court for the Western District of Tennessee has declared that state's anti-drag Adult Entertainment Act is unconstitutional, saying:

“If Tennessee wishes to exercise its police power in restricting speech it considers obscene, it must do so within the constraints and framework of the United States Constitution.”

Let the drag resume …

I know it’s a Photoshopped image, but nevertheless it begs the question: exactly when did Jon Bon Jovi become Bea Arthur?

Out there in Salt Lake City of all places, copies of the King James Bible are being removed from school library shelves at elementary and junior high facilities in Davis County after a complaint that the scriptures feature material inappropriate—such as murder, sex, and incest—for children.

While I am no fan of banning books, what’s good for the goose …

On the LGBTQ+ friendly front, consulting firm Deloitte will donate $1 million to The Trevor Project, a LGBTQ+ mental-health nonprofit that supports youth in the community in times of crisis.

The donation will be distributed over the next two years and will fund the Trevor Project’s crisis counseling services, a web-based chat and a text-supported phone line, among other resources, and comes at a time of increased anti-LGBTQ+ legislative actions as well as right-wing pushback against acts of support for the LGBTQ+ community by corporate America.

So, Deloitte gets a huge Heyyyyy.

Elon Musk recently said Twitter’s advertising business was on the upswing but, um, yeah, liar gonna lie. It seems Twitter’s US advertising revenue from April 1 to May 1 was $88 million, or 59%, from a year ago.

Oh, I feel so bad for Elon.

So, with Thing 45, Ron DeSaster and Joe Biden all running for president let’s take a look at the messages their wives have sent with their fashion.

The always illiterate Melanie …

Casey DeSaster, whom Twitter has taken to calling either #TackieO due to her love for capes and opera gloves, or, my favorite, #WalmartMelania.

Jill Biden, with the simplest, yet most profound message.

This is Parker Gregory, fashion model and fitness expert. So, once again we ask the question: Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Carlos and I rarely fight. Oh, we have disagreements and discussions, but they hardly ever escalate into some sort of yelling kinda thing; we generally agree on most things, and those that we don’t, well, in the end, he does it my way. I kid; we just compromise. But … after his recent hernia surgery, I  made it clear he wasn’t to lift anything, and that included dogs and cats; he even slept in the guest room, door closed, to keep the cats from jumping on him.

We had his follow-up appointment with the surgeon last week, who was pleased with Carlos’ progress and happy he had very little pain. He gave the ‘OK’ for Carlos to resume playing the trumpet but cautioned him against lifting anything over twenty pounds for the next month or so.

And that’s the rub … we did the groceries and he tried to carry the bags. I reminded him that I would be carrying the bags, and once we got home, he could put things away. We went to CostCo and, again, he tried lifting a box filled with groceries and again I reminded him that I would be carry the boxes and once we got home, he could put things away. We also bought dog food—a fifty-pound bag because it was the only one they had—and AGAIN he tried to lift the bag and yada yada yada … We left the bag in the car because it was too big for the Pet Food Cupboard™, but on Sunday, I heard him in the garage, in the car, opening the back, and then coming inside.

He is NOT carrying that dog food, I thought. And then I heard the bag open and heard the contents being emptied into another container for storage and I went mad. But I held it in. I calmly did my thing. I went into the kitchen to fix dinner and when he came in, I got mad all over again, and  to cover my anger I threw a spoon into the sink from across the room.

“Is something wrong?” He said oh … so … sweetly.

5 … 4… 3 … 2 … 1

"QUIT FUCKING LIFTING THINGS! THE DOCTOR TOLD YOU NOT TO LIFT ANYTHING, AND I’VE TOLD YOU TO LET ME DO IT AND YOU WON’T LISTEN. STOP PICKING STUFF UP!!”

“But I feel—”

“NO ONE CARES HOW YOU FEEL! YOU’RE NOT A DOCTOR! I DON’T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO UNDERGO SURGERY AGAIN JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU’RE SMARTER THAMN A DOCTOR. YOU’RE NOT.

“STOP.LIFTING.THINGS.”

Then I asked if he wanted chopped scallions on his soup, because once the rage was released, I was in a good mood.

Carlos, on the other hand, hasn’t lifted another thing.

A Straight Pride group held their event in Dallas over the weekend and … three people showed up.

So, either there are only three straight people in Dallas, or the people of Dallas see a ridiculous stunt when it advertises on Facebook. Which was where the anti-LGBTQ Straight Pride group Protecting Our Next Generations [PONG] promised to discuss abortion [hint: it’s murder], marriage values [hint: Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve or Madam and Eve] and genders [hint: there are just two].

PS Two of the men that showed up were from Boston and the third was a Proud Boy from Hateville, USA, so not a single person living in Dallas stopped by.

Go figure.

Speaking of dumb homophobes, a _____ supporter in Minneapolis left an ignorant comment about a  gay bar after _____ held a rally in that city last month, and her ignorance went viral.

The gay bar in question, the Saloon nightclub, protested BLOTUS by flying the giant _____ baby balloon from its rooftop and this irritated _____ supporters so much that one, Pamela Ogletree, took to Twitter to proclaim that Saloon would no longer be getting her business.

A commenter asked: “Were you a frequent visitor??”

And one finally told her: “Cuz it’s a gay bar, Pamela.”

And suddenly a meme was born; one person turned the phrase, “It’s a gay bar, Pamela,” into a rainbow-colored enamel pin—it’s available for $10 with 50% of proceeds going to Out Front Minnesota, the state’s leading LGBTQ organization. T-shirts were made; signs posted; Tweets sent out.

“It’s a gay bar, Pamela” is the new “That’s so dumb.”

Pamela Ogletree has not responded to media requests seeking to understand how long she’d patronized the Saloon before it “lost her business.”

Deplorables are dumb.

Last Summer _____ said he would be pursuing gun control measures after a series of shootings in El Paso and Dayton. This fall he quietly dropped the plan because he was told it would hurt his election chances.

Earlier this Fall, he said he would meet with representatives of the vaping industry to try and stem the deaths from vaping. Now he’s shelved those plans, too, because, again,it would hurt his election chances.

Plainly: _____ wants guns and vaping to continue no matter how many are injured or killed because his winning reelection is more important than human life,

That’s all.

Last week, Lil Nas X became the first out gay musician, and rapper, to take home a Country Music Association Award when he and collaborator Billy Ray Cyrus won the “Musical Event of the Year” trophy for the remix of “Old Town Road,” which spent an unprecedented 20 weeks at # 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. They beat out the duo of Brooks & Dunn, the duo of Garth Brooks and Blake Shelton, and the group of Maren Morris and the Brothers Osborne.

Although Lil Nas X is the first gay musician to win a CMA for his own song, it isn’t the first time the show has handed out an award to an LGBTQ+ person. Brandy Clark and Shane McAnally both won for co-writing Kacey Musgraves’ LGBTQ+ anthem “Follow Your Arrow” in 2014. 

Still ….

Jon Bon Jovi is hot; younger and older; hot and hot. And compassionate.

Bon Jovi dedicated his newest song “Unbroken” to honor veterans suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD]), but he also, through his JBJ Soul Foundation, donated $500,000 to help build the Walter Reed facility in Washington DC for the homeless veterans.

The new facility expects 300 residents and offers a small gym, a courtyard, and a computer room. Residents can use the lounge as a meeting place among the occupants or when their family somes for a visit.

In another effort to help support veterans suffering from PTSD, all the proceeds from Bon Jovi’s song “Unbroken” will be donated to the Patriotic Service Dog Foundation, where veterans and first responders get to be paired with service dogs.

Jon Bon Jovi also owns and runs two Soul Kitchen restaurants in New Jersey where people in need can get a meal, and pay only what they can afford.

Hot, and compassionate.

Less hot, and less compassionate, and entirely full of crap, Dave Cathy’s Christian-owned Chick-fil-A has promised to stop giving to anti-LGBTQ charities, a vow it has made at least once before, and broken.

Don’t hold your breath, and don’t eat their crap chicken.

And finally, Isaac Churchill.

I don’t know much about him except that he’s a dreamy model with luscious hair …and lips, and really doesn’t mind taking his clothes off.

Oh, and I believe he lives in Milan. Dreamy.

I Didn't Say It ...

Patti Davis, author, screenwriter, daughter of Ronald Reagan, on _____’s response after the Tree of Life shooting:

“This president will never offer comfort, compassion or empathy to a grieving nation. It’s not in him. When questioned after a tragedy, he will always be glib and inappropriate. So I have a wild suggestion: Let’s stop asking him. His words are only salt in our wounds. Where does a grieving nation turn for comfort when the man who occupies the White House offers none? Our hearts are hurting. Places of worship are meant to be sanctuaries, not slaughterhouses. America is not supposed to be awash in fear. We’re all responsible now for tending to one another’s wounds, and if you stay blind to what those wounds are, you can’t help. Ignorance is not an option these days. This is a time for all of us to lead with the courage and compassion that is missing at the highest levels of our government.”

If we can’t get what we need from the Oval Office, or Congress, or the Statehouse, we need to remove those in office and try someone new.

Vote. Blue.

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_____, saying the divisiveness and violence will stop when the media changes the way it covers him:

“There is great anger in our Country caused in part by inaccurate, and even fraudulent, reporting of the news. The Fake News Media, the true Enemy of the People, must stop the open & obvious hostility & report the news accurately & fairly. That will do much to put out the flame… of Anger and Outrage and we will then be able to bring all sides together in Peace and Harmony. Fake News Must End!”

And there is calling the press—don’t forget the bombs mailed to CNN—is an enemy.

If the Fat Bastard could keep his pudgy digits off of Twitter and look in a mirror, he’d see the real face of Hate.

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Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, speaking in New Zealand on that country’s 125th anniversary of women’s rights to vote:

“Suffrage is not simply about the right to vote but also about what that represents: the basic and fundamental human right of being able to participate in the choices for your future and that of your community, the involvement and voice that allows you to be a part of the very world that you are a part of… it is not simply about the right to vote for women, but also about what that represents: the basic and fundamental human right of all people, including those members of society who have been marginalized whether for reasons of race, gender, ethnicity or orientation, to be able to participate in the choices for their future and their community.”

She may have been speaking to New Zealanders, but her words ring true here, as well.

PS She is one stunning woman. Just sayin’.

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David Ward, Former ICE agent, speaking on Fox News, and spreading fear about a caravan of immigrants:

“We have three tenants [I think he meant tenets] of problems here, we have national security, public safety and public health issues with these caravans coming to the United States.  Now in the national security realm, we’ve got all sorts of people, not only Central America but they’re coming in from Africa, from the Middle East and other places in this caravan. It has already been documented, it has already been noted by our intel people that are down there. We have these individuals coming from all over the world that have some of the most extreme medical care in the world. And they’re coming in with diseases such as smallpox and leprosy and TB that are going to infect our people in the United States.”

Seriously. Are they women and children, or terrorists or disease-riddled migrants hellbent on destroying America.

Um, they’re women and children escaping a dangerous life.

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Jon Bon Jovi, musician, on fame and reality TV:

“I think it’s horrific that we live in that world and I can tell you I’ve never given 60 seconds of my life, ever, to one of those Housewives of Blah Blah and Kardashians. I don’t know their names, I’ve never watched 60 seconds of the show, it’s not for me. What’s gonna be in your autobiography? ‘I made a porno and guess what, I got famous.’ Fuck, sorry, I’ll pass. Go and write a book, paint a painting, act, study, sing, play write. Fame is a byproduct of writing a good song.”

I’m with Jon about the Kardastrophes, who earned their fame from Kim’s legs being spread open on video, but, shallow me, I love a good Real Housewife!

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Chesley Sullenberger, retired airline pilot who performed the "Miracle on the Hudson," on _____ and America:

"To navigate complex challenges, all leaders must take responsibility and have a moral compass grounded in competence, integrity and concern for the greater good. Many are cowardly, complicit enablers, acting against the interests of the United States, our allies and democracy; encouraging extremists at home and emboldening our adversaries abroad; and threatening the livability of our planet. Many do not respect the offices they hold; they lack — or disregard — a basic knowledge of history, science and leadership; and they act impulsively, worsening a toxic political environment. We must rededicate ourselves to the ideals, values and norms that unite us and upon which our democracy depends. We must be engaged and informed voters, and we must get our information from credible, reputable sources. We cannot wait for someone to save us. We must do it ourselves. This Election Day is a crucial opportunity to again demonstrate the best in each of us by doing our duty and voting for leaders who are committed to the values that will unite and protect us.”

Sullenberger says he has been a registered Republican for the majority of his adult life but has "always voted as an American” which probably means he’ll be switching up the party this year.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t suffer fools, even the pint-sized ones.

It seems that the rocker, who has a reputation for being one of the hardest working men in music, says that Justin Bieber will begin to lose his, um, for lack of a better word, ‘fans’ if he continues to disappoint.

Said Bon Jovi: “Every generation has guys that do that, none of that is new. They run the risk of disrespecting their audience members who have worked hard to pay for their ticket, to give you the permission to take two or three hours of their lives — or in that kid’s case, 80 minutes of their lives. Do it once, you can be forgiven. Do it enough times and shame on you. They won’t have you back. Then it just becomes a cliché. It’s really not cool — you’re an a**hole. Go to f***in’ work!”

Bieber blames “technical issues” for one of his tardy parties, and also claims he was just forty minutes late but, when your core audience needs to be in bed by 9PM ….

PS I just had to include the picture of Bieber looking like he has to be carried in and out of cars because, well, it's high-larious! 

Y’all know I am no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow but this time I gotta hand it to her. 

See, about a year ago, both Paltrow and Kate Moss were invited to party in Mexico for Sir Phillip Green's 60th birthday; don't ask, I have no idea who he is. But the story is that Paltrow and the hard-partying CoKate Moss got into some kind of bitchfight while in Mexico and spent a year not speaking. Quelle horror!

It all started the morning that Moss woke up with her usual hangover, and stumbled out to her terrace where she spotted Gwyneth jogging on the beach.

Kate ALLEGEDLY said, “Why are jogging on vacation?” 

And Paltrow ALLEGEDLY replied, “So I don’t look like you when I get old.”

Kate then ALLEGEDLY threw some potato chips at Gwyneth and retorted: “Why don’t you eat some f—king carbs?!”

Apparently a lot of the party goers heard the exchange and had a good old-fashioned giggle fest, though Paltrow later denied it ever happened.

But, ironically, it was those damned carbs that reunited Kate, 39, and Paltrow, 40, last week when they crossed paths at a North London pizzeria. Paltrow was there with husband Chris Martin, and their kids Pear and Solomon, or something, when Kate spotted them and came over to the table. Paltrow and Moss then air-kissed and air-made-up.

Sidenote: I give Paltrow points for the ‘So I don’t look like you comment’. I mean, look at them up there. Kate is younger than Paltrow, yet looks like Joan Crawford reincarnated.

Maybe Paltrow’s on to something?

I kid.

What would you do if you found yourself pregnant from one guy while still legally married to another? And what would you do if the guy that knocked you up, after said knocking, fled to Paris while you stayed in LA getting your picture taken walking into stores and cafes? And then, what would you do if, in the final stages of your pregnancy, you flew to Paris to be with the Baby Daddy but the Baby Daddy left the City of Lights for Milan?

Yeah, it’s hard being Kim Kash Kow Kardashian.

And, while some say that Kash Kow and her momager, media-whoring, pimp, Kris Jenner, flew to Paris to confront Kanye about rarely being in the same city, much less the same continent as his Baby Mama, he decided to skip town without a word and go to a photo-shoot.

Photo-shoot? Yes. Meeting your Baby Mama in Paris? Not so much.

Sidenote: KKKK’s new lips make her look more like a drag queen than ever—no offense to actual drag queens—and, seriously, they don’t have enough money to buy shoes that fit? Those little piggies are shoved into those kitten heels.

Poor Lohan. She can’t catch a break even in rehab lockdown. I mean, first they cut off her supply of Adderall, and now she’s getting sued?

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for $5 million by the company that released her line of leggings—Lohan and Leggings!! A can’t-miss-but-did—who claim that her “drug-addled image” caused low sales.

M’kay. I might buy that argument except for the fact that you knew you were hiring Lindsay Lohan! Amirite?

DNAM, the apparel manufacturer that partnered with Lohan’s leggings line 6126, just might be suing in retaliation because Lohan is suing them over a licensing dispute; the manufacturer is now claiming that Lohan’s tarnished reputation severely hampered their ability to sell her clothing line to buyers.

In the $5 million breach-of-contract counter claim DNAM ALLEGES that while Lohan’s leggings line was initially successful—go figure, but I’m guessing it sold mostly to prostitutes and hookers—buyers began pulling away from the line because, DNAM ALLEGES, “they did not want to be associated with Lohan’s drug addled image.”

In the spring of 2011, buyers canceled appointments and customers canceled orders, noting that “no one would touch the line.” Lohan, who was in rehab at the time—again, go figure—was unable to endorse the brand and now the company says that all Lindsay’s legal woes, coupled with her ALLEGED drug and alcohol addiction, devalued the brand.

And they want $5 million. From Lohan. The girl who can’t pay her hotel bill or her lawyer.

Good luck with that!

Restaurant workers are not fans of Johnny Depp. Rumor has it that he is the world’s worst tipper, and most servers would prefer to skip his table. And now he’s gone and pissed off the kitchen staff wherever he dines.

Depp was recently spotted eating at West Hollywood’s new vegan eatery Crossroads with new girlfriend Amber Heard and he kept the waiter at his table for some twenty minutes demanding to know the sugar, salt and fat content of each item on the menu that interested him, and then demanded a list of everything that was in the dish, including any ‘secret’ ingredients not listed on the menu. Then he asked exactly how the dish would be prepared.

After the drilling and the demand for perfectly healthy food, Depp dashed outside the restaurant and chain smoked until the meal came.

Yeah. I know.

Denise Richards is now a full-time single mother of five—her three daughters along with Charlie Sheen’s twins by his third wife, Brooke Mueller, who is currently trying her 27^th stay at rehab for a crystal meth addiction.

And since the chances are both slim and none that Mueller will get her children back after this rehab stay, and since chances are slim and none that Charlie is a good parent, Sheen has figured out the best way to make sure his sons get the best parent possible. Charlie Sheen actually proposed marriage to ex-wife.

A source close to Sheen—possibly Dina Lohan on a three way call with Lindsay and Brooke at Betty Ford—says, “When Denise took Charlie’s twins into her home last December after troubled Brooke entered rehab once again, Charlie suddenly realized it was the very first time his sons had lived in a healthy environment—and the first time he’d been able to begin building a relationship with them.”

But, no matter how much cash is involved—Sheen pays Denise some $55,000 a month in child support, and pays Mueller the same—Denise says she will NOT entertain is his plan to remarry.

She’s channeling the immortal Nancy Reagan and will Just Say No.