Ain't That America XI

Here we are again with some crazy, and illegal, shiz in the GOP … from The Felon to Border Barbie to the CouchHumper … FauxChristian grifter Mike Johnson … the Pedophile Protection Party … along with some good news, some resistance and some funny …

A self-entitled  asshat who fancies himself a hillbilly … JD Vance’s team had the Army Corps of Engineers in Louisville, Ohio, take the unusual step of changing the outflow of a lake to accommodate a recent boating excursion for his family who were taking yet another vacation.

The Department of Homeland Security is holding up more than $100 million in preapproved funds intended to help hurricane-battered North Carolina clean up storm damage and fix infrastructure still in disrepair almost a year after Helene hit the region.

On July 22, North Carolina Governor Josh Stein sent a letter to DHS Secretary Kristi “DogKiller” Noem urging her to release the funds FEMA had already approved but DHS says FEMA had already “delivered substantial assistance to North Carolina.”

And that’s all! No more! Billionaires need tax breaks and Kristi needs her lips done again and her extensions done again and she has more Kristi Koncentration Kamps to open.

The Kennedy Center is apparently dropping the rainbow ribbon on its lifetime achievement medal following The Fascist takeover. The ribbon will likely be redesigned, possibly in black or gold because the rainbow flag is synonymous with the LGBTQ+ community and that annoys the Diddler on the Roof.

Of note: the ribbon has nothing to do with the LGBTQ+ community; the rainbow ribbon simply symbolizes the wide spectrum of skills and diversity within the performing arts but … scare the base.

House Speaker Mike Johnson is accused of using campaign money to pay his rent according to the Campaign Legal Center who described it as a “clear-cut violation of federal campaign finance laws.” Johnson is currently residing at the home of GOP colleague, Representative Darrell Issa. The complaint detailed five campaign fund disbursements of $2,500, or $12,500 in total, for “rent” to Greene Properties Inc., which is owned by Issa.

Sidenote: Johnson claims he doesn’t have a personal checking account but you know who else doesn’t have checking accounts? Drug dealers and criminals. Just sayin.’

The US Air Force announced it would deny all transgender service members who have served between 15 and 18 years in the military the option to retire early and would instead separate them without retirement benefits.

Transgender men and women who served their country honorably, unlike President Cankles AKA Cadet Bone Spurs AKA The Draft Dodger AKA The Fat Gelatinous Tub of Hate, will have to take a lump-sum separation payment or be removed from the service.

Fuck him.

During an interview with Newsmax, The Felon was asked about KKKaroline Leavitt’s performance during her daily press briefings, and he said:

“She’s become a star. It’s that face, it’s that brain, it’s those lips, the way they move, they move like—she’s a machine gun.”

Those lips are pressed firmly to The Felon’s ass no matter what pervy thing he says.

The Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations released a report unveiling that Leon Skum’s brainchild, DOGE, had generated at least $21.7 billion in waste across the federal government between January 20, 2025, and July 18, 2025.

Think of how many children could be fed, how many unhoused people given a place to live, for $21.7 billion.

The official GOP social media accounts posted an image of The Felon standing in front of a car with a caption saying, “Making Automobiles Great Again.”

Sadly, the car pictured was not an American car, but the Russian Lada.

The stupid, it burns.

Stephen Falco, the so-called “christian” leader of an Indianapolis church is calling for members of the LGBTQ+ community to be put to death or to kill themselves:

“There’s nothing good to be proud about being a faggot. You ought to blow yourself in the head … you’re so disgusting. A bunch of faggots that want to come around, walk on our streets, and demand our children.”

Why is this important? Indiana Lt. Gov. Micah Beckwith publicly shared his invitation to the “death to gays” church.

PS Beckwith better be careful. He has a severe case of gay face.

PPS Falco should be careful because every single day another so-called man of god is arrested for being a child molester.

Stephen Miller AKA Pee Wee German told Fox News he wants ICE to arrest 3,000 or more immigrants per day.

Of note, no mention of those arrested being criminals. Just brown people with accents.

Stephen Adams, the GOP President of the Utah Senate, just intervened to loosen the age of consent laws after an adult was charged with having sex with a thirteen-year-old child.

The adult in question is a relative of Adams.

The GOP has become the Pedophile Party.

When Democrat Representative Delia Ramirez, a Guatemalan American representing Illinois’s 3rd district, spoke at the Pan-American Congress in Mexico City, she infuriated MAGAts, the GOP and the Department of Homeland Security because they say she said:

"I’m a proud Guatemalan, before I’m an American.”

A video of the event shows Ramirez, who began her speech in English, concluded her remarks with a few words in Spanish …

“Yo soy guatemalteca con mucho orgullo porque primero que soy americana.”

… which translates roughly to:

“I am Guatemalan with great pride because first and foremost I am American.”

But, hey, when you can lie and spread hate why not do that, eh GOP?

JD Vance is on a summer break in Britain even though he’s not always been such a fan of that country once branding it an “Islamist” hellhole bent on ending free speech.

Locals have sworn to make Vance’s vacation as uncomfortable as his recent ski outing in Vermont, where he was accosted by protesters at every turn.

By the way, JD Vance has taken SEVEN vacations in his first 6 months in office: Vermont, India, Greenland, the Vatican, Disneyland, the UK, and Ohio.

Meanwhile, Americans are trying to afford groceries, rent, and meds while getting crushed by taxes and tariffs.

The Smithsonian National Museum of American History is reinstating the references to The Felon's two impeachments in its "American Presidency" exhibit. The museum had previously removed a temporary placard mentioning the impeachments, prompting criticism and accusations of bowing to political pressure but the museum maintains the removal was to address current events and make way for a more permanent update.

He tried to erase history but we will never forget.

Texas House Speaker Dustin Burrows tried to gather a quorum to hold a vote on a new congressional map that could flip five Democrat seats to Republicans last week but with more than 50 Democrats nowhere near the Capitol, it didn’t happen.

Representative Gene Wu, chair of the House Democratic Caucus, is fighting an attempt by Attorney General Ken Paxton to vacate him from his elected office if he doesn’t return to the chamber.

 Republicans are asking The Felon to send the FBI to arrest House Democrats to aid and abet the GOP into cheating a win for The Felon.

Democrats’ best bet to flip a Long Island House seat that’s been red for more than a decade falls on Chris Gallant is a Black Hawk pilot, Army veteran, national guardsman, former air traffic controller and union leader , volunteer firefighter and out gay man.

Gallant is looking to turn that stellar resume into a competitive political campaign and help the Democratic Party retake the House majority in 2026.

Vote Blue Long Island.

The Republican-controlled Senate Appropriations Committee dealt a crushing defeat to The Felon by rejecting his brutal cuts to the National Institutes of Health and instead increased the NIH budget by $400 million.

Snap.

Audience members attending a town hall for GOP Representative Mike Flood in Nebraska began booing and jeering Flood shortly after the event started.

Flood kicked off the town hall by talking about The Felon’s “Big Beautiful Bill,” focusing on health care implications for Nebraskans and when he told the crowd there is a work requirement to receive health care, many attendees booed.

The crowd also chanted “tax the rich,” which Flood addressed. He argued that a Democratic plan to raise taxes on the high-income households would hurt businesses and employment. His response did little to quell backlash from audience members.

It’s the same old song-and-dance; the GOP gives tax breaks to the rich telling the rest of America that it will help everyone and yet it never does.

Vote Blue.

Roland Mehrez Beainy, originally from Lebanon and owner of the recently opened Trump Burger restaurant in Houston is facing deportation after failing to leave the U.S. on time and being arrested by the ICEstapo.

I mean, come on! You vote for a guy that says he wants to deport “illegals” and then you open a burger place in his name and then you get deported?

Sorry, not sorry, as Judge Judy would say, “You picked him.”

To celebrate his 41st birthday, the GOP gave JD Vance’s waistline a digital nip and tuck as seen in a photo of Vance overlaid with the message:

“Happy Birthday Vice President J.D. Vance.”

Vance’s left thumb seems to have thinned itself into oblivion, while the stars on the flag behind him—particularly around his head—look distorted and blurred. His right triceps seem almost to vanish, blending into a misshapen arm that doesn’t quite align with the rest of his physique.

And compared to the original image, which was taken on Inauguration Day as Vance arrived to take the oath of office at the Capitol, the space between his waist and right arm appears widened—possibly to make his torso look slimmer.

They left the mascara on though.

Funny, cuz it’s true.

You know what to do …

Ain't That America VIII

Another week, and more scandals ... Jeffrey Epstein is dead but his story and connection to The Felon will not die ... our attack on Iran wasn't at all what The Felon said it was ... Josh Hawley flip-flopped like a dying fish on a dock ... James Comer proved himself both stupid and hypocritical in one swoop of a pen ... and Gym Jordan might have to testify to his part in a college rape scandal after nearly twenty years ... and some Good News, too ...

The Felon has been diagnosed with a “benign and common” vein condition known as chronic venous insufficiency after he noticed swelling in his legs; according to Johns Hopkins, chronic venous insufficiency occurs when veins in the legs struggle to allow blood to flow back up to the heart.

And because his veins are filled with cheese.

The team at the state Department’s Office of Casualty Assistance, which supports US diplomats and their families abroad in the event of death or severe injury, received termination notices last week as the team was repatriating the remains of a senior US official who died in a car crash in Mexico. The State Department says that such future operations will be handled by another department though staff in that department have no experience in dealing with such a solemn task.

Just dead people so who cares, right?

Remember the Great Obliteration of the three nuclear enrichment sites in Iran struck by the United States missiles last month?

One was destroyed but the two others were not as badly damaged and may have been degraded only to a point where nuclear enrichment could resume in the next several months.

He lied to us again.

In Stoopid News The Felon claimed during an Oval Office press event that he was “surprised” that Jerome Powell was appointed Fed Chair.

Funny, cuz The Felon is the one who appointed him in 2017

GOP Senator Josh “Chicken Run” Hawley has introduced legislation that would repeal the cuts to Medicaid that he helped make possible only two weeks ago.

Seriously, you cannot make this shiz up.

Florida’s Director of Emergency Management is defending the conditions at the “Alligator Alcatraz” internment facility, arguing that people sheltering from hurricanes wish they had the kind of space undocumented immigrants get at the site.

No food, few toilets, sleeping on the floor. Sounds plush.

Five months into its unprecedented dismantling of foreign-aid programs, The Felon’s Regime has given the order to incinerate food instead of sending it to people abroad who need it.

Nearly 500 metric tons of emergency food—enough to feed about 1.5 million children for a week—are set to expire and America will just burn it rather than feed children.

Well, since the children are no longer fetuses, The Regime doesn’t care about them.

Republican lawmakers have blocked a move that could have forced The Felon’s Regime to release the files on the sex offender Jeffrey Epstein’s death and investigation with all but one of the GOP members of the House Rules Committee voting against a Democrat amendment that would have allowed Congress to vote on whether the files should be made public or not.

He’s on the list.

GOP Representative James Comer has been leading the probe into Joe Biden’s cognitive state during his presidency, with Republicans alleging that Biden’s occasional use of an “autopen” to sign documents—a practice other presidents have done as well—proving he wasn’t fully in control or aware of what his administration was doing.

But documents show that some of the letters and subpoena notices James Comer sent out in connection with his investigation have been signed using a digital signature—not written by the congressperson himself.

Every GOP accusation is an admission and I need James Comer to have a cognitive test.

Hundreds of immigrants with no criminal charges in the United States are being held at Kristi’s Koncentration Kamp in Florida that federal officials have characterized as a place where “vicious” and “deranged psychopaths” are sent before they get deported.

It’s like being arrested for DUI and sent to Death Row.

 Trump officials have directed staff at national parks to review all items in gift shops for anti-American content that “inappropriately disparages Americans past or living” or that includes “matters unrelated to the beauty, abundance or grandeur” of a natural feature in its description.

Erasing history.

Attorney General Pamela Jo Bondi has fired her personal ethics adviser because she ain’t got time for ethics!

She has files to scrub.

An ideologically divided Supreme Court on July 14 allowed The Felon’s Regime to fire hundreds of workers from the Education Department and continue other efforts to dismantle the agency.

They want to keep Americans poor and stupid so any scrap they toss your way is seen as a gift and you’ll continue to fall in line.

Maurene Comey, the daughter of former FBI director James Comey, was fired from her job as a prosecutor in the Manhattan U.S. attorney’s office, according to two people who were granted anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly.

Comey had worked in the U.S. attorney’s office for ten years and prosecuted both Jeffrey Epstein and his associate Ghislaine Maxwell. but there's nothing to see here except ...

He’s on the list.

George Retes, a US Army veteran, arrested during an immigration raid at a Southern California marijuana farm, says he was sprayed with tear gas and pepper spray before being dragged from his car and pinned down by the ICEstapo. Retes works as a security guard at Glass House Farms in Camarillo was arrested despite him identifying himself as a US citizen.

But, you know, he’s brown and works at a farm.

Pedophile enabler, and GOP Representative Jim Jordan, was deposed last week about allegations that he failed to protect the wrestlers he once coached at Ohio State University from a sexual predator.

Jordan has been running from this story since 1994, before he got into politics, has repeatedly and publicly denied any knowledge that the team’s doctor, Richard Strauss, was preying on the athletes.

But why hide Gym??

White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, AKA Pee Wee German, one of The Felon’s fascist friends went on national television and ridiculed the city of Minneapolis as a crime-ridden haven for undocumented immigrants.

But then Hennepin County Attorney Mary Moriarty responded:

“If we wanted a white supremacist’s opinion, we’d ask. But we don’t. So we won’t.”

Poor Pee Wee.

California will partner with the Trevor Project to provide suicide prevention support to LGBTQ+ youth; the announcement comes weeks after The Felon’s Regime said it will no longer provide national suicide and crisis hotline services to LGBTQ+ youth.

Cuz, it’s just kids and LGBTQ+ ones at that killing themselves so who really cares?

Fox News host Jesse Watters acknowledged this week that his program made a mistake he lied about California Governor Gavin Newsom’s phone call with The Felon during last month’s immigration raids in Los Angeles.

Newsom filed a $787-million defamation lawsuit against Watters and Fox News and both the network and their little bitch boy Jesse apologized.

The Felon’s Little Johnson claims his boss’s approval ratings are skyrocketing saying CNN—that bastion of journalistic integrity—says The Felon is at a 90% approval rating. But, facts are facts, and Nationalist Christian, AKA Nat-C, Mike Johnson is lying …

After declining slowly, but steadily, since the beginning of July, The Felon’s approval rating started to drop more quickly. His net approval rating was -6.9 on July 10th. A week later it’s down to -8.9. And his net approval on most of the issues has also fallen:

Immigration: -3.4 —> -7.4

Economy: -12.1 —> -14.1

Trade: -14.5 —> -17.5

Inflation: -24.5 —> -24.8

And the share of Americans who strongly approve of The Felon has fallen below 27% percent for the first time in his second term; 43% of Americans strongly disapprove of the regime.

The midterms are coming and you know what to do …

The Funny Papers

Rick McKee, Clay Bennett, Max Espinoza, Nick Anderson, Marc Murphy, Chris Britt, Jesse Duquette, Mike Luckovich, Gary Huck, Pedro X Molina, Trevor Irvin, Jack Ohman, Michael de Adder