The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Steve Benson, Nate Beeler, Mike Luckovich, John Cole, Bill Day, Mike Smith

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Jim Morin, John Cole, Tom Stiglich, Nick Anderson, Bill Day

Random Musings

You know that “TrusTed” logo? Well, I like “DestesTed” better, but this is good, too.

See, it turns out that when you Google “TRUS” you get this:

"A transrectal ultrasound (TRUS) is an ultrasound technique that is used to view a man's prostate and surrounding tissues. The ultrasound transducer (probe) sends sound waves through the wall of the rectum into the prostate gland, which is located directly in front of the rectum."

Yup, that’s the very top Google result.

So, basically Cruz’s new logo is about an anal probe and the name ‘Ted.’ And I thought Frothy Mix was good …

I didn’t watch the Superbowl … I’m not into volleyball … but if I had, I would‘a been less interested in the game and more interested in the newest internet sensation: Hot Ref!

It seems Twitter declared Super Bowl referee Clete Blakeman, the 51-year-old former University of Nebraska-Lincoln Huskers quarterback to be “Daddy Ref,” and the true winner of the Super Bowl.

Though I wonder what in the world that hand gesture in that first picture means …

So February 8th was Chinese New Year, and this year is the Year of the Gorilla. But a San Francisco-based Chinese graphic designer kinda went a little sexual with a poster for the celebration.

Or maybe it’s just me … ?

A couple of more things about the Superbowl:

Lady Gaga can sing and rocked the National Anthem — picture Madge singing it … don’t cringe — and Gaga did so with her regular, albeit sequined, clothes.

As for Beyoncé … she basically ripped off Michael Jackson, strippers, Britney Spears and the Black Panthers while flipping her weave and lip-syncing.

Bruno was good, but why was Chris Martin there? When he popped up between Bruno and The Weave, he looked like a nerdy high school kid trying to photobomb the cool kids.

But then there’s this, too: Red Lobster has reported a boost in sales following release of Beyoncé’s new track “Formation” in which she sings:

“When he f*ck me good I take his a** to Red Lobster.” 

Wow. That’s talent. Illiterate talent. Stupid talent. Pandering talent. With a weave. And a twerk.

So ... Carly Fiorina suspended her campaign? I'd always assumed she'd just fire it ... or ship it overseas.

I am loving American Crime — not to be confused with American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson which is also good. Great storytelling; great cast; great acting; interesting topic: can a man be raped? And what if he’s gay?

But, it also features one Andre Benjamin who is just delicious.

Just sayin’.

Well, it looks like the Ali Forney Center’s Love Thermometer blew past the $200,000 goal in their campaign to purchase Harlem’s hate church, which is scheduled to go to public auction on February 24th.

AFC founder Carl Siciliano has noted, even if the purchase doesn’t go through, the contributions are desperately needed for our LGBT homeless brothers and sisters.

Win … win.

Chris Christie also suspended his campaign because Krispy Kreme is doing a Two-Fer on the Jersey Shore.

Or something …

Minute Rant: Six GOP Presidential Hopefuls Sign Anti-Gay Plegde

At the last democratic debate, Hillary Clinton closed by saying that if a Republican took the White House in 2016, we’d lose … a lot.

We’d lose Planned Parenthood; we lose LGBT rights, including, some GOP candidates have said, the right to marry; we lose in women’s rights, in healthcare and in Social Security. So it would behoove anyone who is voting to remember that the GOP is ant-women, anti-healthcare, anti0LGBT, anti-Social Security, anti- … well, just anti-.

And that isn’t made any less clear that then press release issued by Maggie Gallagher — apparently unable to reprise her role as Jabba the Hutt in the new Star Wars — which states that six GOP presidential candidates have signed a pledge to sign the First Amendment Defense Act [FADA] into law within the first 100 days of their administration.

What is FADA, you ask? Well, it’s a law that would bar the federal government from acting against anyone who discriminates against LGBT Americans in the guise of “religious liberty.”

So, anytime anyone wants to fuel their anti-gay hate, all they have to do is say the Baby Jeebus made ‘em so it and it’s legal under a President GOP.

The pledge was orchestrated by Jabba’s, er, Gallagher’s American Principles Project, the Family Research Council, and the Heritage Foundation, all of your basic hate groups.

And the six signees are not so surprising, but are Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Rick Santorum, and Marco Rubio.

Jabba, er, Maggie said:

“It has become clear that the First Amendment Defense Act is rapidly becoming a signature issue that unifies the GOP. Three out of the four top contenders for the nomination — Carson, Cruz, and Rubio — have pledged to prioritize passing FADA in their first 100 days of office. Additionally, Bush, Graham, Paul, and now for the first time, Donald Trump, have publicly expressed support for FADA. Real, concrete protections for gay marriage dissenters appear to be just one election victory away.”

To be fair, the chances of FADA being passed by Congress are extremely slim, and these Hate Groups know it, but there are still Hate Groups out there trying to set us back, and still some candidates out there willing to do their bidding.

And do we want to go back to the way things were?

Random Musings

In the Gay Bashing trial of Kathryn Knott, after deliberating for a day, the jury returned no verdict but did ask for material to review.

Jurors asked to see a written copy of the charges Knott faces, all the videos that had been played during the trial and statements some witnesses gave to police detectives; they also wanted to see the victims, Andrew Haught's and Zachary Hesse’s statements, as well as the statements given by the three independent witnesses: two women who were waiting at a bus stop and saw part of the fight, and a man who lived in a third-floor apartment on Chancellor Street.

Deliberation began again this morning. I hope I’m sensing a book ready to be thrown at Knott.

In Hot Man News: Idris Elba returns to BBC America tonight with new episodes of Luther. You know I’ll be watching.

[1, 2, 3]

In an act of desperation, Bill Cosby, accused of rape or inappropriate sexual conduct by fifty-seven women, has decided to countersue just seven of them, alleging they were out to defame his reputation and profit along the way.

Yeah, women cry rape to pad their bank accounts … seven of fifty-seven women.

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Earlier this week Donald [t]Rump faced a new rival for the top spot in the polls: Ted Cruz. [t]Rump instantly went on the attack, calling Cruz a maniac.

Pot.Kettle.STFU.

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In other GOP Maniac news, future failed GOP presidential candidate, and billionaire asshat, Carly Fiorina appeared in a new piece of campaign propaganda this week in which she … wait for it … it’s so crazy it makes [t]Rump seem like a sane choice … in which she interacts with dogs and makes idiotic jabs at President Obama, telling two of the puppies she’s cuddling with:

“You know, President Obama ate one of your cousins! Vote Republican.”

And then she puts a Milk-Bone dog biscuit in her mouth and chews on it, saying, “I used to eat Milk-Bones as a kid. I thought they were very good.”

Seriously. Then she tells the dogs they could serve as the other GOP  candidates in her debate prep.

Cra-zy.

P.S. How many bitches do you see in that photo?

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In Karma News … Martin Shkreli, that asshatted drug company entrepreneur, who jacked up the price of a life-saving pill from $13.50 to $750, then said he’d lower the price, then never did, was arrested on securities fraud related to another firm he founded.

Prosecutors charged him with illegally taking stock from Retrophin Inc., a biotechnology firm he started in 2011, and using it pay off debts from unrelated business dealings. He was later ousted from the company, where he’d been chief executive officer, and sued by its board.

Karma is such a bitch. I love her!

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Down there in Texas, Republican Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller took his War On The War Against Christmas to a whole new low: on Facebook, he threatened violence against anyone who wishes him “Happy Holidays”:

“If one more person says Happy Holidays to me I just might slap them. Either tell me Merry Christmas or just don’t say anything.”

Not surprisingly, Miller is getting trolled heavily for his “Happy Holidays” post.

And if you’d like to join in, take a moment, if you Tweet, and head over to @MillerForTexas and wish him Happy Holidays.

I, myself, found him on Facebook and  said:

Happy Holidays Asshat! Better?

If you Facebook, say Hey to the wingnut HERE and HERE.

And Happy Holidays.

Well, this isn’t too much of a surprise, as the charges were kind of an overreach, but a judge in the Freddie Gray trial has declared a mistrial in the case of Baltimore Police Officer William Porter.

Jurors said they could not reach a verdict on any of the charges against Porter, which included involuntary manslaughter, second-degree assault, reckless endangerment and misconduct in office.

I can understand the no verdict in some of those charges, but reckless endangerment — he didn’t put a seat-belt on Gray in that police van — and misconduct — he ignored Gray’s calls to see a doctor — seemed like a sure bet.

Hopefully, a new trial will result.

The other five officers go to trial next month.

Lastly, my father loves eagles, and luckily lives very bear a spot where eagles gather to, well, fish. And so the other day he took these photos while out walking his dog.

Ain’t that a beautiful sight?

The GOP Silence About The Planned Parenthood Terrorist Attack Is Deafening

I’ll say it again: Robert Dear, a Christian, conservative, anti-choice gun nut went on shooting spree at a Colorado Planned Parenthood office last week and the GOP remained mostly silent because … Christian conservative anti-choice gun nuts are their base and they don’t wanna rile up the nest. And some folks on Twitter came for me because of that statement and yet the facts seem to shore up my statement.

While President Obama denounced the shooting, as he has denounced every other shooting in this country — shootings that have occurred almost every eight days in 2015 — the Republicans have said little, or nothing, or have continued to spread lies about what happened and why.

At the end of last week not one of the 14 or so GOP presidential candidates had even bothered to acknowledge the attack, let alone condemn it; so what does that say about the GOP? By comparison, all three Democratic candidates had commented upon, and denounced the terrorist attack.

Over the weekend, on Saturday, Ted Cruz was the first GOP presidential candidate to acknowledge the attack, and he did strongly condemn it; but by Sunday, however, he had switched gears and declared that Robert Dear was "a transgendered leftist activist," and then on Monday he made the ludicrous claim that most criminals in this country are Democrats.

His rival, John Kasich did, however, Tweet this … a day after the terrorist attack:

Nice, I guess, but what does he plan to do about these kinds of attacks? We don’t know because he’s said nothing about that.

But, slowly, step by step, the other GOP presidential candidates began to speak about the shooting, although most failed to denounce the actions of Robert Dear or offer any support for Planned Parenthood.

Donald [t]Rump called in to  "Meet the Press" and declared Robert Dear to be a "maniac" and then added:

"I see a lot of anxiety and I see a lot of dislike for Planned Parenthood."

You know, so they asked for it? In a [t]Rump world if you are disliked then it’s your fault someone comes for you, guns a’blazing.

On “This Week” chief GOP loon — and, yeah, that’s saying a lot — Ben Carson said the attack "should be condemned very strongly," then blamed it on "extremism" on both sides. 

I'm still trying to figure out how liberals and pro-choice Americans are to blame for a Christian conservative anti-choice gun nut opening fire at a Planned Parenthood.

Jeb Bush, also on Sunday, two days after the attack, said:

"There is no acceptable explanation for this violence, and I will continue to pray for those who have been impacted."

That seems to be the most generic thing I have ever heard; it sounds like it came out of a Condolence Generating website.

Over there on CNN, on Sunday, Mike Huckabee said:

“I don’t know any pro-life leader, any — if you can tell me one, please correct me — but I don’t know of anybody who has suggested violence toward Planned Parenthood personnel.”

I have one, Mike! Oooh! Oooh! Pick me, pick me! I think of Carly Fiorina, the  billionaire businesswoman who ruined the lives of Hewlett Packard employees whilst pocketing millions into her own bank account.

Let’s lay some of the blame at Carly’s feet because it was just a couple of months ago that she stood on a stage at a GOP debate and outright lied about Planned Parenthood; remember her talk about seeing that video — since declared to be fake — of Planned Parenthood selling “baby parts” ... a phrase Dear shouted while he killed innocent people.

And she’s offered no comment, no apology, no support because …. GOP base.

All of this is bad, all of this is reprehensible, from the GOP, but what about some of the others vying for the presidency?

Rand Paul has said absolutely nothing though on Monday — three full days after the massacre — he reTweeted this Tweet:

Huh. Must have been a slow news week because Rand Paul cannot even be bothered to mention homegrown terrorism because … Christian, conservative, anti-choice gun nut GOP base.

Chris Christie has also said nothing about this latest act of terrorism, though he did post this Tweet on Sunday about terrorism … just not domestic terrorism:

But perhaps the vilest, the most out of touch, the most pandering to the GOP base, is Marco Rubio, who has not only failed to acknowledge the attack at all, but did manage to Tweet about his online campaign store and the items up for sale; and then, more importantly of all, he Tweeted about a football game:

I could go on a tear about these candidates using fear as a tactic, except when the fear is caused and spread by their own very dear constituency, but they wouldn’t get it. They couldn’t be bother5ed to offer condolences to the families of the dead, the families of the victims, which include women and police officers and military veterans.

And these people, all of them, think they have what it takes to be president of this country even though they cannot be bothered to remember dead Americans, victims of homegrown terrorism.

Think about that when you vote; think about how you’d feel if it was your loved one senselessly gunned down and President Rubio, for example, Tweeted about the big game … or another President Bush said, “Stuff happens” or President Carson laid the blame at the wrong feet.

NCRM
Daily Kos

Ted Cruz: Liar and Lunatic

First off, let’s call it what it was: a terrorist attack.

I’m talking about that shooting last week at the Planned Parenthood on Colorado where Robert Dear went on a rampage and murdered three people and wounded nine others. Terrorism; by, as I said on Twitter, spurring the ire of some rightwingnuts, a Christian extremist. And then I received even more angry Tweets when I said the GOP wasn’t commenting because a Christian with a gun shooting up a Planned Parenthood was “their base.”

Because it is; when you are the party that calls Christianity the only real religion — and ask that only Christian Syrian refugees be allowed entrance to this melting Pot called America — and when you are in the back pocket of the NRA and have almost never condemned any shooting spree in this country and when you spout lie about Planned Parenthood — and I’m looking at you Carly Fiorina and Mike Huckabee — then that man, Robert Dear, is your base.

So, what to do what to do; well, Carly and the Huckster immediately set about saying their lies about Planned Parenthood selling ‘baby parts’ for profit was not in any way responsible for the attack … even though Dear shouted that message as he was killing innocent people.

But it’s Republican loon Ted Cruz, who I am sure readied his thoughts on the matter while sitting in a  bunker with an aluminum foil hat upon his head because he says, and I kid you not, that Robert Dear wasn’t a rightwingnut Christian Republican gun nut, but a … wait for it … it’s rich … but a leftist transgender female.

Uh huh. So, it’s the left and the transgender community to blame for this.

‘It’s also been reported that he was registered as an independent and a woman and transgendered leftist activist, if that’s what he is. We know that he was a man who was registered to vote as a woman. The media promptly wants to blame him on the pro-life movement when at this point there is very little evidence to suggest that.’

Wow. But if he wasn't pro-life, why shout about selling 'baby parts' Ted?

And Ted, why would you get your "news", not from reputable authorities, police or FBI, but from the conservative Gateway Pundit website that says Dear was listed as female on the Park County voting register?

And, again, from reputable sources, there is no evidence to suggest Dear was transgender, and that he was most likely listed as female due to a clerical error.

But hey, when you’re Ted Cruz and a member of your base has gone off and started killing people, you might sit in your bunker and kinda gleefully smile, but you’ll step outside and immediately begin lying and pandering and mislabeling the truth.

Robert Dear was a Christian extremist with access to guns and a mind fed lies about Planned Parenthood. In other words, he was the GOP base, which is why they will say nothing, next to nothing, or just outright lie about what happened last week in yet another act of homegrown terrorism.

Gay Star News

The Funny Papers

Bill Day, Randy Bish, David Horsey, Clay Bennett, Darrin Bell, Marshall Gamsey, Lee Judge, Paul Combs, Jim Morin