I Ain'tOne To Gossip But ...

Rumor has it that Kim Kardastrophe is a billionaire, but money can’t buy you brains.

Kimmy, who has been studying to be a lawyer for some time now, has failed her baby bar exam in California and now her dreams of being a real-life lawyer might go up in flames … like her marriages.

Kim made it official on a preview of Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes, where she fessed up to flunking, but rumor has it that she failed the test months ago and saved the shame to air it on national TV.

Perhaps a little less time living your life for TV and more time actually studying, and you might pass next time.

Oh, who am I kidding …

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Another demon spawn who lives her life for social media is Kelly Osbourne—before on the left and after on the right—who took to Instagram to clap back at online haters who say she’s had plastic surgery:

“I just want to bring up a topic that you guys are all talking about, because I’m always really honest and really upfront about what I’ve done to my body, and who I am, and I have not had plastic surgery.”

Kelly, who did lose 85-pounds last year, insists  she has “never done anything to [her] face other than a couple of injections in [her] lips, in [her] jaw and in [her] forehead.”

So, every but plastic surgery.

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I guess when you really have nothing to do, you dredge up gossip about dead people? Amirite Quincy Jones?

In the first installment of The Hollywood Reporter’s Icon series of interviews, 88-year-old Jones says he refused to work with Elvis Presley because Elvis was “a racist mother…” and that he wouldn’t work with him:

“ I was writing for [orchestra leader] Tommy Dorsey, oh God, back then in the ’50s. And Elvis came in, and Tommy said, ‘I don’t want to play with him.’ He was a racist mother—I’m going to shut up now. But every time I saw Elvis, he was being coached by [“Don’t Be Cruel” songwriter] Otis Blackwell, telling him how to sing. “

Otis Blackwell told David Letterman in 1987 that he and Presley had never met. But that’s not the issue; Quincy Jones never explains why he thought Elvis was racist, just says it’s so. Now, yes, Elvis has left the building and so he cannot respond, but if you’re gonna call someone a racist you better have the tea to back it up.

Or else just sit there and be quiet.

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Is there anyone, anyone, on the planet thirstier than Jennifer Lopez?

Nope. I mean, we all know she and A-Rod broke up in January, got back together in February, split up in March, and now we find out she was with Ben Affleck in April … on the down low. Oh, not to look like she wasn't man-jumping, but because Bennifer 2.OMFG wanted to announce their reunification on Instagram before anyone knew about it because, you know, publicity.

But that plan fell apart when, just a couple of weeks after JLo called it quits with A-Rod, B-Fleck was spotted arriving at her LA home in her white Escalade where he stayed, behind closed doors, for more than a week because JLo ALLEGEDLY wanted to make the announcement that their once true love was true again on social media. But Ben ruined that by being seen behind the wheel of her car going to her house.

So plans were changed, and Bennifer 2.Oh-no-they-bettah-don’t was seen riding in a car at his place in Montana, then he was spotted on her balcony in Miami, and then, to top all that off, Ben began wearing the watch she gave him back when they were both relevant, and then packed away when they became irrelevant. Clearly, though, we are moments away from Bennifer 2.Oh-what-are-they-thinking PDA, because that’s how JLo rolls, and drags her men along with her.

True facts, though … no one knows how serious JLo and Ben are about each other, due to the fact that, as one source puts it, they’re two people who can’t ever be alone.

Sadly, the thirst is real.

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Miles Teller—whom I loathe even though I cannot think of one thing I’ve seen him and still I find him a smug prick—and his wife Keleigh Sperry went on a couple’s vacation to Hawaii with Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley. And apparently Miles was punched in the face for stiffing a wedding planner of $60,000.

First things first, it wasn’t me …I wasn’t in Hawaii recently. But Miles and Keleigh are now giving their side of the story, and they are saying the attack wasn’t at all about being cheap self-entitled pricks, but that it was just a random beat up the smug prick in the bathroom kinda thing.

You see, Mr. and Mrs. Smug Prick were having dinner at Monkeypod Kitchen in Maui when Miles went to the bathroom and while in there, he was confronted by a dude who was mad at him for skipping out on that huge wedding planner bill and so the guy punched Miles in the face. Police were called and Miles, who wasn’t injured badly, vowed to press charges, but … afterwards, Keleigh told an Instagram Story to set the record straight and to defend herself and Mr. Smug Prick against the accusations that they’re entitled pricks who don’t pay their bills by claiming that Miles was not attacked over money and that two strangers jumped him in the bathroom and it’s happened before:

“The story reported about Miles being punched in the face by @TMZ over ‘MONEY’ is completely false. Miles was jumped by 2 men we have never met after they trapped him in a bathroom. It seems these same men have done this to many people and we appreciate your support Maui.  This is now a criminal investigation.”

But … gosh, this is as many buts as there are in a Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes episode … TMZ has updated their story and according to them, this was not a case of a random punching of a smug prick in a men’s room, because, ALLEGEDLY, one of Miles’ attackers is married to the woman who helped plan Miles and Keleigh’s Maui wedding in 2019 and was stiffed out of $60,000. And Tre Lovell, the lawyer for the wedding planner and her husband, told TMZ that the bathroom fight was over money:

“It is my understanding that the altercation was a dispute over money pertaining to the couple’s wedding. We are currently evaluating my clients’ legal claims that may exist surrounding the incident, statements made about the incident and the parties previous business dealings.”

Hopefully, Miles and the wedding planner’s husband will keep the fighting all the way to Judge Judy because she loves to smack down self-entitled smug pricks who don’t pay their bills; and she does it on TV and not the bathroom.

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I Didn't Say It....

True Blood's Ryan Kwanten, on his gay brother:

"My youngest brother, Lloyd, is gay. He’s a doctor, so he got every ounce of intelligence in the family. He was probably about 18 when he came out, and I can wholeheartedly tell you that from the day that he did, he was a changed man for the better. The sheer beauty of who he is really came through...There was never an issue (with my family). My parents always encouraged an open channel of communication, so we talked about that and everything else. That’s something lacking in a lot of modern-day families — just talking. It’s almost a lost art form."

First off: Helloooooooooo. But I digress.

This is how it should be.

When Portia de Rossi Degeneres was on Oprah a couple of weeks back, all she said she hoped for was that when someone came out, to family or friends, the response would be "So what?"
I long for the day when coming out won't be a big deal, it will just be.


Indiana Republican and Asshat, Mike Pence, on DADT:

"I would still have a problem with it because there’s no question to mainstream homosexuality within active duty military would have an impact on unit cohesion would have an impact on recruitment, an impact on readiness, that’s been established and written about and chronicled for many many years and I believe we need to continue to keep the focus of our military on the mission of the military. Don’t ask don’t tell was a compromise back in the early 90s, it’s been a successful compromise we ought to leave it like it is and and not run the risk of impacting the readiness of our military or recruitment for our military because of an effort to advance some liberal domestic social agenda."

I have a problem with someone who isn't in the military speaking for the military via their own homophobia.

People in the military said repealing DADT won't have any effect on unit cohesion, but Mike Pence, who is not in the military, disagrees.
It's not DADT he's against, it's equality in any way shape or form for the LGBT community.

Mama Grizzly Bore, on the Obama's and America:

"Certainly his wife expressed this view when she said during the 2008 campaign that she had never felt proud of her country until her husband started winning elections. In retrospect, I guess this shouldn't surprise us, since both of them spent almost two decades in the pews of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's church listening to his rants against America and white people."

Leave it to Mama Grizzly Bore to bring up a two-year old subject and treat it as though it's fresh and new.

Juts shows that she has nothing new to offer.

Except homophobe-spewing daughters.

Quincy Jones, to a reporter who compared Kanye West to him:

"How man? No way. Did he write for a symphony orchestra? Does he write for a jazz orchestra? Come on, man. He’s just a rapper. There’s no comparison. I’m not putting him down or making a judgement or anything, but we come from two different sides of the planet. I spent 28 years learning my first skill. I don’t rap. It’s not the same thing. A producer has to have some sort of skills that enable him to be a producer. It’s totally different to know what to do with 16 woodwinds you know from piccolos down to bass clarinet. It’s a whole different mindset. No comparison. None."

I agree.

Maybe when Kanye has about fifty years or so under his belt and has accomplished even half of what Jones has accomplished, will he be any sort of equal.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, on how the 14th Amendment was not written with the intent of granting equal protection to ALL Americans:

“The due process clause has been distorted so it’s no longer a guarantee of process but a guarantee of liberty. But some of the liberties the Supreme Court has found to be protected by that word - liberty - nobody thought constituted a liberty when the 14th Amendment was adopted. Homosexual sodomy? It was criminal in all the states. Abortion? It was criminal in all the states.” “The way to change the Constitution is through amendments approved by the people, not by judges altering the meaning of its words.”

This just sends shivers down my spine.

Justice?

Hardly.

Apparently Scalia doesn't buy into the concept of a living Constitution that changes with time.

I, apparently, don't buy into the concept of Antonin Scalia.