I Ain't One To Gossip But .....

Hayden Panettiere has been having a rough few years. She had a child with world heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko before they split, and he has custody of a child they share.

Then she began a horrifically abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson for about a year until a judge issued a restraining order on Hayden’s behalf against him following his arrest on May 2 for assaulting Panettiere; police had answered four different calls to their home for domestic violence.

So, Hayden and Brian are done, but might still have a connection because now it appears that Panettiere is dating Brian’s brother, Zach, with whom she’s been seen out and about holding hands.

Now, maybe it’s nothing, but why in the world would you walk through the streets of New York holding hands with the brother of a man who has assaulted you several times, has been ordered to stay away from you, and has been prohibited from owning firearms?

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Now that she’s on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Denise Richards really needs to bring the drama if she wants to stay relevant so … cue yet another fight with ex-husband Charlie Sheen over child support.

Last year Charlie was rumored to be flat-broke and claiming he couldn’t afford the $20,000 a month Denise was getting for their two daughters, but Denise is now saying that’s a lie so he can hide his coins from her.

And she wants a new payday. Denise’s legal people are asking a judge to force Charlie into paying some back child support, saying:

“[Charlie] has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in ‘Two and a Half Men’ to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children … During the time frame since our last stipulation/order in 2016 he has failed to pay $450,000 in support while diverting over $600,000 in assets to adult family members and converting thousands of dollars into cash for his own personal use.”

Of course, Charlie Sheen is denying the whole thing in his own unique way:

“D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail.”

I see a very special courtroom episode for the next season of RHoBH.

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So, Jennifer Lopez has a new movie opening where she plays a stripper—I’m thinking it’s called the Jennifer Lopez Story or something.

Anyway … she plays a stripper seeking vengeance against some rich customers and because of that “female empowerment” angle, some folks on social media are now saying that … wait for it … it’s really rich … JLo will get an Oscar nomination.

Seriously? JLo on a pole is Oscar-worthy?

Be afraid, JLo, of walking downstairs ahead of Elizabeth Berkley, who was robbed of an Oscar nod for Showgirls.

Amirite?

Sidenote: there should be an award for how she keeps her face from moving.

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When famous people divorce, you always get that obligatory “irreconcilable differences” line and the plea for privacy during their difficult time.

Not so, in the case of Family Values High Priestess Sarah Plain, whose husband Todd filed for divorce after 31 years of marriage and dragged his soon-to-be-ex through the mud in his filing.

In court documents Todd Plain asked to dissolve the marriage citing an “incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife.”

In other words, he cannot stand to be in the same room as his wife.

What took you so long Todd?

PS Once you get that Silkwood scrubdown to remove every trace of Mama Grizzly Bore™ from you, gimme a call. You’re kinda hot.

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How I missed this Kardastrophe catastrophe I do not know, but apparently Mister Kim Kardastrophe—Kanye, I believe is his name—was building a low-income housing project that looked a little like Luke Luke Skywalker’s domed desert house on Tatooine in the backyard of his Calabasas home and never got a permit.

Permit? He’s a Kardastrophe, people!

Well, the neighbors saw Kanye Town going up in the backyard and instantly alerted the authorities who put the kibosh on the build after realizing that all the structures in Kanye’s backyard were permanent, and not prototypes—which is what he claimed they were. They gave Kanye until September 15th to come up with the proper permits, but I guess they made him pissy because all of the structures have been destroyed.

Too bad, Kanye Town might have been a good amusement park … The Ego-Tilt-a-Whirl … The Off Your Meds Roller Coaster … The House of Mirrors that makes your ass look enormous.

Could’a been huge.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

This is crazy, but then it’s Taylor Swift so … Swifty hates the paparazzi—or so she says—and so a story emerged a couple of years ago that Taylor was being carted around New York in a suitcase carried around by minions, so she could travel incog-Samsonite. But quicker than you could say Ego Gone Overboard, Swifty’s team made SPIN—authors of the original story—retract it.

Funny though, that now, boy bander Zayn Malik is saying the story as true. While talking about their collaboration on a song for one of those Fifty Shades movies, Zayn admitted that, ahem, “she was travelling around in a suitcase” as a way of avoiding paparazzi.

Cue diss track from Taylor about mean boy banders with big mouths in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …

And couldn’t someone just look a key to the luggage? Asking for a country.

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Is former Nashville star Hayden Panettiere being led astray by boyfriend Brian Hickerson?

Her friends think so, saying the actress is partying harder than Lindsay Lohan on a Tuesday afternoon and wondering about the time the police were called to a domestic disturbance involving Hayden, Brian, and Brian’s dad in South Carolina where an ALLEGEDLY Lohan-style liquored up Hayden let the cops in to find Brian ALLEGEDLY beating his dad with a Gatorade bottle. With David bleeding and bruised, police put the cuffs on Brain until Daddy said he’d just fallen down.

In addition, friends say that since Hayden and Brian became the new budget Sid and Nancy, that Hayden’s ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko  ALLEGEDLY took their three-year-old daughter to his home in the Ukraine; they also ALLEGE that Brian steals Hayden’s credit card when she’s sleeping and goes on a spending spree.

Still, Brian Hickerson—who sounds like a daddy-beating-credit-card-stealing dreamboat—wants y’all to know:

“Just to be clear, Hayden’s friends and family are not worried about her at all. Hayden is happy and healthy and so is our relationship. That is all I will comment on so please respect my privacy. Have a great day.”

Sounds nice, until you realize that Brian Hickerson is being sued by his credit card company because he owes them $13,000.

The question is, though, how much does he owe on Hayden’s?

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Snoop Dogg wrote a play! Who knew? But this isn’t about Snoop and his play, Redemption of a Dogg, it’s about one of his co-stars, the diva known as Tamar Braxton, who plays his guiding angel in the piece.

At a recent performance in Washington, DC, Tamar disappeared halfway through the show and another actress took her place for the second half.  After the show, the audience was told she left due to “an emergency” but apparently is was because Tamar got hungry during the play and no one had food for her.

The first sign that Tamar was going to be a no-show was the extra-long intermission and the fact that the comedian who opened the show  took to the stage to entertain the crowd during the nearly one-hour intermission. And then, when the show resumed, another actress was playing Braxton’s role.

The fact is that Tamar left because she had asked a friend to bring her a plate of food but didn’t tell security, so the friend was denied; and that’s when Tamar went off … literally … screaming about herself in the third person:

“She’s not here for this … You can do this damn show without her.”

Eventually Snoop tried to calm down the hongray Braxton but she ended up storming out of the building.

Clearly, hell hath no fury like Tamar Braxton being kept from a meal.

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Last year rumors swirled that the least talented Baldwin brother, Stephen, was having an affair with one Ruth Perez Anselmi.

Now, Baldwin denied the affair, but when he was confronted leaving Ruth’s LA apartment, he ALLEGEDLY “recoiled in horror and tried to escape” while shouting at the paparazzi:

“You’re out of your mind, brother.”

And the story might have died down, but then Ruth took her tale of tail to the Daily Mail, claiming she met Stephen two years ago when he came to get a “massage” at the school where she was in “training”. Ruth claims she didn’t know Baldwin—is that a such a stretch?—nor did she know he was married, and claims that during the, ahem, rub-down, he asked:

“Do you know who I am?”

And she said:

“I said, ‘No sir, I don’t care, remove your clothes and get on the table.’ I was thinking, who is this person? He is thinking he’s God.”

Stephen Baldwin? Oh, for the love of the Baby Jeebus. Then, Ruth says, Stephen repeatedly asked for her number and kept coming back until she finally gave it to him. Ruth says she and Stephen hooked up about once a month for a year-and-a-half; they texted … they FaceTimed … she sent him sexy pictures.

And Ruth was only too happy to share it all with the Daily Mail, even posing on the very bed where she and Stephen did the nasty. She says she really liked his anatomy and he was … and this is priceless … the second-best lover she’s ever had. But the thing that threatened their continued trysts? Donald ______. Baldwin is a MAGA man and Ruth was less than thrilled:

“I said, ‘If you like so much Donald _____, call Donald ______ and he can do massage for you.’”

While Stephen was photographed several times coming out of her apartment building, once Ruth appeared at the door in one of Stephen’s t-shirts, to announce that she had had a “Monika Lewinsky moment’ during sex”.

Dear Jeebus. This woman loves to talk, which is good, because rumor has it that Baldwin, a born-again Christian, might be in hiding for a while.

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Last week we learned that Lisa Vanderpump, my favorite Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, was leaving the show.

Now it appears, fingers crossed, that I misspoke because Lisa herself is talking—at her Vanderpump Dog Foundation Gala—and saying not to count her out:

“I haven’t said anything for two months. Now, everybody’s been talking about this. I’ve just been going about my business and doing my things. I am in the show. I have not quit, and if I did quit, it wouldn’t just be a leaked story. I would be upfront, and I have a lot of loyalty to the production company and the network.”

Lisa did admit it’s been a rough year; among the real, or imagined fights with her co-stars, her brother also passed away:

“[It] has been a difficult season … But it’s been a difficult year for me personally, and the season was very challenging. So I’m in a lot of it, but there are some parts I skip, and I think people have seen that.”

But, Lisa says, people need to pay less attention to those “housewives” and more attention to wildfire rescue and puppies.

All much more important, eh? And I am beyond Vanderpumped that she might be staying.

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Paris Hilton is giving her latest ex-fiancé–she’s a perpetual bride-in-waiting—some serious grief … or she’s playing the media for a little fame once more.

Paris and Chris Zylka broke up about a minute ago, and she is ALLEGEDLY keeping the $2 million engagement ring. And maybe she should keep it, because, by all appearances, she paid for it herself to make her boyfriend look good when he slipped it on one of her claws.

See, how does Chris Zylka, who is ALLEGEDLY worth $4 million plunk down exactly half his net worth on a ring for a nearly forty-year-old serial dating ingenue?

Right? Paris.Bought.The.Ring.And they’re still trying to sell it that he did.

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Martha Stewart took an Uber … and, oy, what a time she had!

Stewart took her first Uber ride last weekend after, she says, she ordered “the most expensive version” and it was clearly not Stewart worthy; she says:

“I ordered the most expensive version to pick me up on Fifth Avenue and 57th street in front of Tiffany’s. The first Uber did not show up. The second Uber came ten minutes later and parked halfway down 57th street where I could not see the license plate. Then we were facing east when I had to go west and south. Took twenty minutes to face southwest. It only took a bit more than one hour. On top of it all the car was a mess inside and out!!!!!!!! And I want Uber to succeed!”

And then she posted pictures of her filthy, expensive ride on Instagram.

I’ll give her two things, she’s got nice shoes and she loves to throw internet shade.

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