I Didn't Say It

Adam Kinzinger, Illinois GOP Congressman who is not a goose-stepping party over country loon, on Thing 45’s activities during the insurrection:

“I can’t necessarily say that the motives behind every piece of information we know we’ll be able to explain. But this is going to open people’s eyes in a big way. The reality is—I will give you this preview—the president didn’t do very much but gleefully watch television during this time frame … But I could only imagine, as — I mean, I knew what I felt like as a U.S. Congressman. If I was a president, sworn to defend the Constitution—that includes the legislative branch—watching this on television, I know I would have been going ballistic to try to save the Capitol. He did quite the opposite … And if the American people watch this, particularly—I say this to my fellow Republicans—watch this with an open mind. And is this the kind of strong leader you really think you deserve?”

Kinzinger makes it clear that the Committee knows what Thing 45 was up to while the Capitol was under attack; he was watching TV, watching his supporters, whom he had riled up, engaged in an act of domestic terrorism.

This is a violation of his oath of office and could lead to criminal charges against the former traitor for refusing to act while people were dying at the Capitol.

Yes. Please.

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Malaria*, former First Lady Third wife, saying she was “fulfilling” her official duties on January 6, 2021, and knew nothing of a riot:

“As with all First Ladies who preceded me, it was my obligation to record the contents of the White House’s historic rooms, including taking archival photographs of all the renovations. Several months in advance, I organized a qualified team of photographers, archivists, and designers to work with me in the White House to ensure perfect execution. As required, we scheduled January 6, 2021, to complete the work on behalf of our Nation.”

Fuck you, you illiterate co-conspirator. You must be the only person in the entire world who had no idea there was an attack on the US Capitol, even though was happening just down the street.

And I guess the only TV in the White House was the one the traitor watched, and no one had a phone the entire day.

Once again, Malaria, fuck all the way off.

*Thanks to Unknown, who commented earlier week to say they call Melania “Malaria.”

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Jon Stewart, accepting the March Twain prize earlier this year:

“It’s just a reminder to people that democracy is under threat. Authoritarians are a threat to comedy, to music, to thought, to poetry. It’s not the fragility of the audiences … it’s the fragility of the leaders. And the way to guard against it isn’t to change how audiences think, it’s to change how leaders lead.”

If we allow these kinds of authoritarians into office one day soon they will have come for all of us because they want an America that is all white, all straight, all Christian.

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Adam Ebbin, Democratic Virginia State Senator, taking GOP Governor Glenn Youngkin to task for saying that same-sex marriage was legally protected in his state:

“It is clear there is a bull's eye on the LGBTQ community so, it was disappointing to hear Youngkin, when pressed on whether he intended to protect marriage equality, erroneously reply, ‘In Virginia, we actually do protect same-sex marriage ... That’s the law.' Let's set the record straight. Since the passage of the infamous 2006 Marshall-Newman Amendment; Virginia’s Constitution has explicitly banned same-sex marriage ... until it was repealed in 2020. But our Constitution remains preeminent, meaning the thing protecting marriage equality in Virginia is the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. As the new Supreme Court has lurched to the extreme, Justice Clarence Thomas, in a concurring opinion overturning the right to bodily autonomy protected by Roe v. Wade, outlined the rights he believes should be toppled next — stating all rights born from the right to privacy are ‘erroneously decided’ and ‘errors’ to be ‘corrected.’ These rights include same-sex relationships, the right to birth control and the right, decided in Obergefell, to same-sex marriage.”

Youngkin is lying, as he has done ever since he began running for office and continued to do once elected.

Do not believe him, West Virginia.

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Cindy McCain, saying today's GOP would be unrecognizable to her late husband, John:

"I don't believe my husband would recognize it, but I do know one thing: he'd be fighting like the dickens to able to pull it back together and bring it back to what it was during previous Republican administrations and previous administrations as well. I'm still a Republican. I believe in the party and I believe in what we stand for. But right now we've lost our way."

I don’t think the GOP lost their way, I think they were led astray by a con artist and racist and rapist who bullied them into becoming his minions.

I will also say that Republicans like the McCain's could have, and should have, spoken up very loudly, and very often, about the direction the GOP was headed, and could have saved this country a lot of pain. 

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I Didn't Say It

Cindy McCain, speaking to CNN about Arizona’s GQP-led recount of an election that has already been called:

“Listen, this whole thing is ludicrous, quite frankly. It’s ludicrous. And this also comes from a state party in Arizona that refused to be audited themselves on votes that were cast within their own party communications. The election is over. Biden won. I know many of them don’t like the outcome, but, you know, elections have consequences. “And so this does not surprise me, you know, that things are just aloof and crazy out there right now with regards to the election.”

Cindy is a lady and ‘ludicrous’ is a polite way of saying ‘fucked up mess’.

I am not a lady, so this business in Arizona, where they are now looking for bamboo threads in the ballots because that proves they came from China, is a ‘fucked up mess.’

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Josh Hawley, GQP insurrectionist and lying traitor, saying it’s a “slur” to lump in those patriots with those other patriots who ransacked the Capitol:

“That was as I was entering the House chamber the morning of the 6th. Those were demonstrators who were out there on the plaza, on the far end of the plaza standing behind barricades, waving American flags. Some of them were calling, so I gestured toward them [He held a fist in the air]. They had every right to be there. When I walked by that particular group of folks were standing there peacefully behind police barricades. I don’t know which of those protesters if any of them participated in the criminal riot.” 

When you raise a fist to insurrectionists, you are condoning insurrection.

Josh Hawley is a traitor to this country. And he has blood on his hands.

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Rick Santorum, on CNN, proving just how racist and ignorant Republicans are:

"We birthed a nation from nothing. I mean, there was nothing here. I mean, yes we have Native Americans but candidly there isn't much Native American culture in American culture.”

Racist, homophobic, ignorant fuck.

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Newt Gingrich, on Fox News, speaking the GQP anti-LGBTQ+ card:

“Every idiotic thing that the Biden administration has done in the first 100 days, you begin to realize—whether it’s threatening everybody who believes in the Second Amendment or it’s attacking everybody who believes in right to life or it is attacking people of traditional values who are appalled that this administration would fly the gay flag at American embassies all over the world. I mean, you just go down item by item and it’s almost like they have a checklist of ‘What can we do that will really, truly, infuriate traditional Americans?’ And I’ve never seen anything like it. I couldn’t imagine any administration which had been this deliberately anti-American and it’s deliberately committed to infuriating the majority of the American people.”

Newt Gingrich talking about an "assault on traditional" values is the height of hypocrisy.

This is the same Newt Gingrich who cheated on his first wife while she was fighting cancer, and then told her he was divorcing her so he could marry his mistress while she was in the hospital.

This is the same Newt Gingrich who then cheated on his second wife with a devout Catholic woman whom he would then leave his second wife for, making his devout Catholic mistress his third wife.

I guess those are RepubliQAnon family values.

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John Kennedy, GQP loon, ranting on the Fox News show Outnumbered about President Biden:

“What President Biden has done is immeasurably reckless and foolish. He’s gone full wokerista. He has joined those people who believe that America was wicked in its origins and that the American people are even more wicked today, that we have millions of Americans who are racist and misogynistic and ignorant, especially if they didn’t vote for him. And the wokeristas, who Mr. Biden has joined, have contempt for America. They should have gratitude. And I am very, very disappointed in President Biden. I knew he would be left of center. I didn’t know he would be left of Lenin. He knows better. He knows better.”

Um, loon? May I call you loon? One look at the Republican party, with your Confederate flag-waving, racist epithet spewing, Black Lives Don’t Matter toothless cousin-fuckers should tell you that America has tens of millions of racist, misogynistic, ignorant fools.

Look in a mirror, bitch.

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Jake Tapper, on the GQP’s continuing lies about The Big Lie, and how he won’t have them on his show:

“The lie about the election on its own is anti-democracy, and it is sowing seeds of ignorance in the populous, and obviously has the potential to incite violence. But beyond that is, if you’re willing to lie about that, what are you not willing to lie about? And that’s where we are when it comes to the House Republican leadership, McCarthy and Scalise, and where we are with too many leaders of the Republican party. They’re not willing to tell their voters the truth. What does that say about them? If they’re willing to lie about Joe Biden wanting to steal your hamburgers, and QAnon and the Big Lie about the election, what are they not willing to lie about? Why should I put any of them on TV?”

They’ve done nothing for healthcare but have whined ad nauseum about Dr. Seuss.

No plan for infrastructure but lied about Biden outlawing red meat.

They’ve denied COVID, denied the vaccine, and but swear the government is buying Kamala Harris’ book to give to migrant children.

They still say the twice-impeached, one-term loser won an election which he did not.

Why bother speaking to liars?

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I Didn't Say It ...

Cindy McCain, on being censured by the Arizona GOP for her support of Joe Biden and marriage equality:

“I’m not surprised by the continuous insults and personal attacks from Arizona GOP Chairman Kelli Ward. She’s shown how attacking Republicans like me can impact elections—her involvement in both Senate elections to replace Jeff Flake and my husband John McCain, two regular targets of her personal attacks, resulted in Democrat wins. As Chairman of the AZGOP she managed to turn Arizona blue in November for the first time since 1996. Maybe she should be reminded that my husband never lost an Arizona election since his first win in 1982; he and Governor (Doug) Ducey are the last two Republicans to win statewide races in Arizona. Now Ward sides with Congressmen (Paul) Gosar and (Andy) Biggs on supporting the mob of angry Trump extremists who attacked our Capitol, disrupted our constitutional elections process and threatened our Democracy.”

Um, it looks like you shouldn’t come for Cindy unless she sends for you.

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David Hogg, Parkland survivor and gun control activist, on that video that surfaced this week of Representative, and QAnon nutbag, . Marjorie Taylor Greene stalking him on the streets of Washington D.C. and telling him she has “a concealed carry permit “and carries a gun:

“What I always says to myself is, ‘if they shoot me they prove my point.’ The reality is they can’t kill a movement. It’s funny when they say we’re paid off. There’s no amount of money you could ever pay us to do this work because it’s not why we do it. None of us want to be doing this, but we have to, because sadly, corrupted elected officials like Marjorie Taylor Greene are in Congress and would rather choose to protect guns than children. It’s just a horrific reality.”

Hogg appeared on CNN last night and urged people to Text Resign to 954954 to add your name to a petition to have Greene removed from office.

It’s legit.

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Nikki Haley, former UN Ambassador, who once rightly said the former present is the worst thing that could happen to America now wants us to leave him alone after he incited a violent mob to attack the Capitol:

“Does he deserve to be impeached? Absolutely not. .. They’re trying to just kick him out the door. … I don’t even think there’s a basis for impeachment. The idea that they’re even bringing this up. They didn’t even have a hearing in the House. Now they’re going to turn around and bring about impeachment yet they say they’re for unity… I mean, they beat him up before he got into office. They’re beating him up after he leaves office. I mean at some point I mean give the man a break. I mean move on … ”

Give the man a break? He incited a riot that attacked our Democracy because he was butt-hurt he’s a loser?

I still remember South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley saying that the former president would be the worst thing to happen to this country and now she carries his water.

Off is the direction Nikki Haley should fuck.

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Jimmy Gomez, California Democratic Representative, on introducing a resolution to expel QAnon nutbag Marjorie Taylor Greene from Congress:

“As if it weren’t enough to amplify conspiracy theories that the September 11 attacks were an inside job and the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School was staged, a string of recent media reports has now confirmed that Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene had previously supported social media posts calling for political violence against the Speaker of the House, members of Congress, and former President Barack Obama. Such advocacy for extremism and sedition not only demands her immediate expulsion from Congress, but it also merits strong and clear condemnation from all of her Republican colleagues, including House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Her very presence in office represents a direct threat against the elected officials and staff who serve our government, and it is with their safety in mind, as well as the security of institutions and public servants across our country, that I call on my House colleagues to support my resolution to immediately remove Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene from this legislative body.”

Sadly, I don’t think the GOP will ever condemn someone like this lunatic, again, out of fear of retribution. They’d rather the country fall into the hands of these tools than grow a pair of balls and stand up for what’s right.

Still, good on Jimmy Gomez for leading the charge.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, New York Representative, on the GOP in the wake of the last occupant of the White House, and the party’s refusal to condemn—and instead, embrace—the violent right-wing QAnon and MAGAt forces:

“There are no consequences in the Republican caucus for violence. No consequences for racism. No consequences for misogyny. No consequences for insurrection. And no consequences means that they condone it. It means that that silence is acceptance. Far from distancing themselves from the most extreme elements of [his] base now that he’s out of power, Republicans are still attempting to wield those violent and racist forces for political gain.”

Again, they’re looking out for their cushy jobs and not the country and the traitors within their own party who fed the fires that attacked the Capitol.

Which is why … Vote Blue, No Matter Who.

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Mitt Romney, on the Republicans who say an impeachment trial would further divide the country:

“I say, first of all, have you gone out publicly  and said that there was not widespread voter fraud and that Joe Biden is the legitimate President of the United States? If you said that, then I’m happy to listen to you talk about other things that might inflame anger and divisiveness.”

It’s funny the GOP sees impeachment as divisive but don’t see insurrection the same way. It’s because they are also terrified of getting primaried by the one-term twice impeached loser that they will not stand up for America.

And that’s the divide.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Cindy McCain, lifelong Republican and John McCain’s widow, endorsing Joe Biden for President:

“My husband John lived by a code: country first. We are Republicans, yes, but Americans foremost. There's only one candidate in this race who stands up for our values as a nation, and that is Joe Biden. [W] what led me to this decision was like so many other people in the country I’ve been watching what’s going on and I’m deeply concerned and Joe Biden represents to me the kinds of values and integrity and courage that we want in a president. Someone who would have my back as a citizen as someone who lives in a neighborhood and has a family and all the other things that people do. I want to feel like my president cares about me and cares about this country, and Joe Biden does. I’ve known Joe for over 40 years and know the kind of man he is. I’m just so deeply honored to be a part of this.”

And, of course, _____instantly Tweeted that he hardly knows her, though that means nothing.

She knows ____and doesn’t want him in the White House.

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Donny Deutsch, MSNBC, proving that _____ is another Hitler:

“What was going on in early 30s Germany? Well, basically you had a destruction of the belief in the free press, you had a blurring between the executive branch and the Justice Department. You have creating an other, whether it’s Muslims, whether it’s Mexicans, whether it’s congressmen who weren’t born in this country. And then you have the destruction of free elections. And we’re here. And what is the difference between Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump? I’m not saying there’s a Holocaust, but when you look at the tactics, and that is where we are right now. I want to talk to my Jewish friends who are voting for Donald Trump. How dare you? How dare you, with what our people have gone through in history. You see a man who is a dictator, and once you give them an absolute power he is possible of anything. And if you are a Jew in this country and you are supporting Donald Trump, you are not looking back at our history! And you are blind and you are walking like a lemming off a cliff. It is time to wake up. I’m sorry, this is where we are! There is no difference from what Donald Trump is preaching from what Adolf Hitler preached in the early 30s. Let’s just say it once and for all.”

Seems pretty clear to me … CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE!!

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_____, calling into question RBG’s last words about waiting until after the election to fill her SCOTUS seat:

“I don’t know that she said that, or was that written out by Adam Schiff and Schumer and Pelosi? I would be more inclined to the second. That came out of the wind, it sounds so beautiful. But that sounds like a Schumer deal, or maybe a Pelosi, or shifty Schiff. So that came out of the wind.”

Fucking lying pig.

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Adam Schiff, responding to that statement:

“Mr. President, this is low. Even for you. No, I didn’t write Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s dying wish to a nation she served so well, and spent her whole life making a more perfect union. But I am going to fight like hell to make it come true. No confirmation before inauguration.”

It’s almost impossible to fight _____’s when they come at you non-stop, and from all sides. But if we take out the corrupt president, and his corrupt minions, it’s a good start.

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Nancy Pelosi, on what options Democrats have if _____ and Putin’s Bitch try to push through a Supreme Court nominee before the election or in a lame duck period:

“We have our options. We have arrows in our quiver that I’m not about to discuss right now. The fact is we have a big challenge in our country. This president has threatened to not even accept the results of the election with statements that he and his henchmen have made. So right now our main goal, and I think Ruth Bader Ginsburg would want that to be, would be to protect the integrity of the election as we protect the American people from the coronavirus. The fact is that this administration has been a total failure at protecting the health and well-being of the American people and it has had an impact on our economy. The lives, the livelihoods, and the life of our democracy are threatened by this administration. … We have a responsibility. We take an oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. We have a responsibility to meet the needs of the American people. When we weigh the equities, protecting our democracy requires us to use every arrow in our quiver.”

I’m not sure the Democrats can stop this, but I know that we all can stop _____ and McConnell at the ballot box, and in the streets if we have to do that.

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Olivia Troye, a former homeland security, counterterrorism and coronavirus adviser to Mike Pence, coming out for Joe Biden:

“The truth is he doesn’t actually care about anyone else but himself. When we were in a task force meeting, the president said ‘maybe this COVID thing is a good thing. I don’t like shaking hands with people. I don’t have to shake hands with these disgusting people. Those people are the same people that he claims to care about. These are the people still going to his rallies today. No matter how hard you work and what you do the president is going to do something that is detrimental to keeping Americans safe, which is why [I] signed up for this role. At this point, it’s country over party.”

Troye has been a Republican her whole life, a “McCain Republican” and a “Bush Republican” but now she’s voting for Joe Biden.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I’ve always liked actor Liam Neeson after seeing him as the deaf, mute war veteran in Suspect. But who knew that it might have been best for Neeson to be, well, mute in real life?

Neeson is promoting Cold Pursuit in which he plays a man who goes on a killing spree after someone close to him is killed or hurt or kidnapped; in other words, it’s like another Taken movie. But while talking with The Independent about the film Neeson shared a terrible story about how, when he was much younger, he spent days hunting for any black man to hurt or maim or kill … seriously. It began when a close friend told him that she’d been raped by a black man and that sent Neeson off:

“I asked, did she know who it was? No. What color were they? She said it was a black person. I went up and down areas with a cosh [a heavy metal bar], hoping I’d be approached by somebody – I’m ashamed to say that – and I did it for maybe a week, hoping some  ‘black bastard’ would come out of a pub and have a go at me about something, you know? So that I could kill him.”

Yes. He did say that because a friend of his was raped by a black man that he wanted to kill any black man that crossed his path. Seriously … mute would have been better than admitting you were on same racist hunt for any black man to kill.

Someone should tell Neeson when it’s best to stop talking because his promotional tour has become less about the film and more about his admission of racism.

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I’m’a just say it … Mo’Nique is a hot mess. She’s raised the roof over the way she thinks she was badly treated by everyone from Oprah to Tyler Perry to Lee Daniels; she thinks Netflix should be boycotted because they didn’t pay her as much as they paid Amy Schumer for a comedy special; while on The View she tussled with Whoopi Goldberg and then began calling Goldberg “the help” in a subsequent interviews; and now even Steve Harvey isn’t safe.

While appearing on Harvey’s chat show, Mo’Nique ALLEGEDLY got so irritated by Harvey that she threatened to hit him when he told her that she needed to publicly apologize to Whoopi and that’s when she threatened to hit him, and Steve said if she did that, her husband better come out onstage so they could square off.

Mo’Nique? You’re funny and talented, but you’re really angry. Switch to decaf, girl, because one day the punches will be coming at you.

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NeNe Leakes of Real Housewives of Atlanta has an ego as big as her veneers because she’s now saying that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Vanderpump stole PUMP restaurant from her.

Seriously. NeNe went on Jenny McCarthy’s SiriusXM show to accuse Vanderpump of theft though she couldn’t remember her name and started off calling her Lisa Rinna:

“You know I actually said the wrong name. … I meant Lisa Vanderpump. I did not mean to say Lisa Rinna. She knows that we have a little something, something she did to me. I’ve never really addressed it. … She did some real foul shit to me.”

NeNe says she was debating buying the space in West Hollywood that is now PUMP and opening a bar and even consulted restauranteur Vanderpump about it:

“At the time, Greg [Leakes] and I were living in [LA] and I was working on Glee and New Normal. We ride down that West Hollywood area where all the gay bars are—and I have a large gay fanbase—and I kept thinking, ‘It would be so cool if I had a bar right in here somewhere.’ And that space was empty and kind of raggedy-looking and torn down.”

Nene then spoke to Vanderpump about the idea of a bar and says Lisa convinced her not to do it, and then swooped in and bought the place herself.

Right, NeNe, I believe you …especially since PUMP opened almost five years ago and you’re only yapping now. And what might you have called it?  Because I’d rather hang at a gay bar called PUMP than one called LEAKES.

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In what I first thought was an epic joke, I’ve now learned that Tyra “Fivehead” Banks wants to open a theme park called … wait for it … Modelland in the Santa Monica Place shopping mall. Opening this year, the 21,000-square-foot space will be a “fantasy version of the modelling world” and will let visitors “be the dream version of themselves.”

For the love of Balenciaga, it isn’t a joke. And it will crash and burn faster than a Kanye West fashion show.

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Cindy McCain, the widow John McCain, has been a wealthy entitled heiress all her life. The bulk of the McCains’ wealth was always from Cindy’s family. Cindy has a daughter, Bridget, whom she adopted from Bangladesh.

Keep that in mind … in a radio interview on KTAR Cindy claimed she singlehandedly stopped a human trafficking incident at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport:

“I came in from a trip I’d been on and I spotted—it looked odd—it was a woman of a different ethnicity than the child, this little toddler she had, and something didn’t click with me. I went over to the police and told them what I saw, and they went over and questioned her, and, by God, she was trafficking that kid.”

McCain also said the woman was waiting for the man who bought the child to arrive from his flight, but Phoenix police say that, while officers did respond to Cindy’s call, there was no evidence of criminal conduct or child endangerment.

So, Cindy McCain sees a … and I’m guessing here … a brown woman with a white child … or even vice versa … and instantly calls the police? Cindy McCain, a white woman with a Bangladeshi daughter, called the police on a mother and child for merely existing.

Perhaps she and Liam Neeson should hook up and make the world safe from brown people.

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I thought NeNe’s story was the height of incredulity and then Tyra swooped in with Modelland. But neither one compares to this story …at the Grammys this Sunday Jennifer Lopez will be performing a tribute to … wait for it … it’s epic … Motown, the legendary record label celebrating its 60th anniversary this year.

I guess all those artists who were, or are, part of the Motown family, were unable to attend? Or maybe JLo wriggled her fat ass in the front of the line. More ironic is that Diana Ross will be performing at the Grammys as well, but not as part of the Motown tribute.

Seriously.

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Last week Michael Bolton was doing a live TV interview with Australia’s The Morning Show to talk about the release of a new album of hits which have been rearranged with an orchestra and it appeared to the viewers and to hosts Kylie Gillies and Larry Emdur that he had fallen asleep.

No surprise there, his music has also made me slip into a coma.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Gwyneth Paltrow just got through trying to un-wedge a wedgie from her mouth after whining about how hard her life is as a Millionaire Mom and now she's gone and done it again! Here she is, in context, y'all, so remember that when she says her words were twisted, saying how hard it is to read about what a douche you are online:

“You come across [online comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it’s a very dehumanizing thing. It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it. My hope is, as we get out of it, we’ll reach the next level of conscience.”

Yup, she compared reading "mean things" about Her Royal Assholiness to going to war, and one Cindy McCain, married to Grampa McCain, and mother of two sons serving in the military, is not happy with La Goop and Tweeted this:

“Gweneth [sic] Paltrow is a joke. Her life is like taking bullets for a soldier. What a joke! My 2 sons serving in the military should talk to her…Perhaps Gweneth Paltrow should go out on patrol with some soldiers. Kind of like a Red Carpet in her mind I guess!”

Oh yes she did. Snap. And I cannot wait for Gweneth — I may start using that spelling — to wriggle out of this latest bit of lunacy!

Emily Blunt recently sat down with the London Telegraph to discuss her co-starring role in the next Tommy Grrrl Cruise bomb, Edge of Tomorrow ... wait, wasn't that a 70s soap opera? Anyway, it's a routine interview until the writer brings up some snark Blunt tossed at Cruise and his kind of movies a while back.

See, back when she was a newbie in ‘The Biz’ Blunt said that she would rather do badly paid theatre for the rest of her life than ever accept a role “as a spear carrier in a Tom Cruise movie” and so when the interviewer reminded her of the quote, she denied it:

“I never said that! What an awful thing to say.” 

Oops, then the interviewer brings out the article with that exact quote! Blunt laughs out loud and then says, “That is so funny. Well, at least I’m not a spear carrier.”

But you're still in a Cruise Bomb.

If you ever wondered why Tori Spelling is such a media whore who would sell even the most agonizingly private moments of her life to the public, you need look no further than her mother, Candy.

In her second memoir Candy at Last, Old Lady Spelling tells the tale of the affair she had shortly after her wallet, er, husband, died. She had started seeing a man named Larry, but quickly stopped because he had a “penile implant” and just couldn't get enough of Candy's candy.

Ick.

Well, Charlie Sheen went and did it; he evicted his ex-wife, his baby mama, and the woman who took in two of his other children when that other ex-Mrs. Sheen spent the better part of a year in her twenty-seventh rehab, from the house he bought for her and his kids.

And all because his porn star fiancée commanded it.

He’s sold the home to a “friend,” although he’s allowing Denise and her girls, Sam, Lola and Eloise to remain in the home until the end of the school term."

What a gentleman, eh?

I say Denise move into a three bedroom place in the valley and let Charlie keep all of his money and hookers and whores and coke and be rid of him.

His girls would be better off.

Whitney Houston was an absolute legend who died long before her time, I'll grant you that, but I think even Whit might wake up and slap some sense into her family if she could.

See, there are some folks who want to make a movie about Houston and, well, it's a TV movie ... on Lifetime ... and Whitney's hangers-on — the ones living off her legacy — aren't at all happy.

After Lifetime made the announcement that they are planning on a biopic for 2015, with Angela Bassett making her directorial debut, that when the Houston’s had a problem. The family is so upset that Whitney won’t get feature film coverage that they’re considering a lawsuit to block production so they can make their own film, a kind of riff on the “This is It’” Michael Jackson movie.

And horror of horrors? Bobbi Kristina says she is the only actress capable enough to play Mama Whitney. Seriously? Bobbi Kristina? You bettah sit down, grrl, before you fall down.

Still, I wonder who will play Bathtub Whitney, though I imagine the Houston family will end their movie long before that happened, long before Bobby Brown, long before ‘crack is whack,’ like, say, right after "I Will Always Love You" became a big hit.

Lindsay Lohan is so in love with London that she'll do anything she can to live there even if she can't afford it.

She’s been telling everyone she wants to rent in London, but lacks the funds and is asking friends if they have flats that she can use. But, so far, all are saying No because no one wants to come home to an episode of Lindsay Lohan Crack Den Hoarders.

I'm betting she falls off the wagon again, goes to rehab again, gets out of rehab again and then hooks up with the UK's answer to Oprah — Graham Norton — and has him pay for a Brit version of her reality show docu-series and also pay for her to have a place to live.

Hey, it worked once y'all.

So, there is still gossip about how and why Solange Knowles "elevatored" Jay Z and the rumor that will not die is that it had something to do with his 'friendship' with designer Rachel Roy, but .... what if Beyoncé is the one having an affair a la Whitney in The Bodyguard?

Beyoncé’s bodyguard, Julius De Boer, became instantly famous when he saved her husband from crazy Solange. On the video from the elevator, Julius is all cool and calm and collected and now rumors are that he's kinda close to BeyBey. And it seems Jay Z thinks there's a little something going on. In fact, Jay wanted to fire Julius last February — before he saved Jay's ass — but Beyoncé put her foot down, then picked it back up and put it down put it down put it down.

It seems the singer and her bodyguard have raised eyebrows for years for their unusually close relationship; the eyebrows went higher back in '09 when Julius and Bey were spotted leaving a hotel, his lips stained with what looked like Beyoncé’s signature red lipstick.

Wow, to be stuck in an elevator while your wife's sister beats the crap outta you because she thinks you’re doing it with Rachel Roy, and then to have your wife’s ALLEGED lover save you?

No wonder Jay looked so glum after that elevator ride.

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are still here. 

The first season of their craptastic, desperate for attention Lifetime reality show True Tori has mercifully ended, but right there, near the end, Tori, who never had one part of her life she didn’t want to sell, or tell, in a feeble attempt to remain relevant, revealed that Dean got a special tattoo just for her. Now, he already has a tat of Tori’s face above his elbow — excuse me, I need a Vomit Break — but this new one he had inked right above his penis and it says "Tori's."

I guess he just wants to remind any women, or ALLEGEDLY, men who might wanna ride the Dean Peen, to whom it truly belongs.

Ick.

A little more news about the pre-divorce ceremony of Mr. and Mrs. Kardastrophe? Well, there are all kinds of new stories about Kanye Going Krazy at his own wedding, like …

It seems he made sure that the guests, if they had to tinkle, could do so in Full Eleganza-a-a-a-a-a-a. Yes, the biggest decorative element at the wedding — besides Kim’s ass — was a 49-foot tall gold box which contained the bathrooms. It was situated right beside the dinner tables, with a bar in front of it and, according to at least one guest the “toilet was the star of the show." In fact, he, and others, called it the Torre di Bagni Oro, the Gold Toilet Tower.

And, just to show how white-trashy Kanye is, he decided that the dinner tables should be made of marble, but instead of place cards, he ordered Italian stonemasons to engrave the name of each guest into the marble. Sadly, though, some names were lost in translation and badly spelled.

Then, four days before the wedding, Kanye ordered 30 life-sized nudes, sculpted black marble, be created and displayed at dinner. Sadly, 10 of them fell apart, another 10 were damaged in transit, and of the remaining 10, four were missing their heads. Still, they were put around the dinner tables until Kanye came to the venue and ordered them moved away. Since each one weighed half a ton, the whole crew spent the final two hours using machines to move Kanye's nudes. In fact, it took so long that the first guests to arrive saw the forklifts moving them.

And the Gold Toilet Tower.

Not to be outdone by Kim Kash Kardastrophe's wedding ... because, by boning her on camera, he made her a celebrity ... Kim's porn movie co-star, and the bane of Kanye's life ... Ray J, got himself arrested for grabbing a woman's ass in a club, arguing with police, and then spitting on a police officer and kicking out the window of a patrol car.

I guess he really really wanted an invite.

I don't know how I missed this one but, back in 2012, it seems there was a sex scandal involving JLo's oldest boy, lover Casper Smart, and his visits to sleazy massage parlors where, ALLEGEDLY, he asked the women for a ‘quick handie’ during his during a rubdown.

That story quickly faded from view, but now we have a new sexy story about Casper cheating on JLo with a "transsexual model named Sofia Vissa” whom he ALLEGEDLY met online and began meeting up, and banging, in the real world. As soon as that story broke, JLo's team tried to shut it down, and it did die out, only to be replaced this week by yet another tale of Casper and a transsexual model named Xristina Marie. 

And this one might put the nail in Casper's coffin, er, allowance. “Sources” claim Jennifer and Casper are on the verge of splitting, and he will be staying home while she travels to the World Cup soccer championships in Brazil.

Hard punishment, because Casper loves Brazil and soccer, and, ALLEGEDLY, transsexual women.

Now, that ain't a bad thing, don't get me wrong, but it seems like Casper had one job: take care of JLo and collect some coin, but he couldn't keep Little Casper in his pants.

Chris Brown is out of jail, y'all!

Back in May Chrissy was sentenced to spend more time in jail for violating the terms of his probation sentence for his Rihanna beat-down. He was supposed to stay in jail through June, but he was released at the end of May. He served 108 days of a 131 day sentence and received credit for his 116 days in rehab and this latest 59 days in jail, and so he was released for good behavior.

Here's the deal: his behavior only seems to be good when he's locked up, it's when he's free to roam the streets and beat his girlfriend, and toss chairs out of windows, and punch fans in the face, that his behavior turns bad.

Still, he could go back to jail soon because his trial for punching a fan, with the help of his bodyguard, starts soon.

And let’s end with some JLo.

This week Jennifer Lopez went back to the block to give her old neighborhood a concert and make herself seem like a regular girl.

So, wearing a pair of custom-made $5,000 Louboutins, hiding under an endangered $100,000 chinchilla coat, JLo left her $10,000-a-night Manhattan penthouse hotel suite and took her $500,000 Maybach though her old neighborhood hoping to snap some photos of her adoring former neighbors rushing the car for, perhaps, a glance of her magnificence.

Except that her old neighbors didn’t give a rat’s patootie that JLo was back, and couldn’t have cared less that she was performing in their neck of the woods. It seems only about half of the 25,000 people who received free tickets actually showed up to La Lopez’s first-ever show in the Bronx.

Ouch.  Of course, Jell-O — as Carlos calls her — didn’t help her case by surrounding herself with her dancers and sitting on a mock stoop on the stage and singing … singing? ,,, a cappella like she was just hanging round the hood.

Seriously, JLo, you cannot go home again because they don’t want you there.