It's Snarkurday!

Remember Mischa Barton? Me neither, but apparently she was a big deal back in the 90s for, literally, a minute.

Nowadays she’s a big deal in courtroom. Last March Barton ran afoul of the law, though not for the usual celebrity mess, but because she has crashed a rented U-Haul into the side of a West Hollywood apartment complex and the homeowner’s association sued her for $27,000 in damages. Well, now it looks like U-Haul wants some coins, too, because they are hauling—see what I did there—Mischa to court over the damages to their vehicle.

Here’s the details on the crash: after running their rented truck into a building Barton and her boyfriend, her now ex-boyfriend whom she has accused of stalking her, Adam Spaw, fled the scene, leaving the truck and all of their belongings inside.

They then denied they crashed the U-Haul into the building—even though there is video evidence—and ran because …because …yeah, there is no because. So, U-Haul took possession of everything in the truck and put it in storage. Mischa then tried to claim her items that she abandoned in the truck that she crashed, and U-Haul is saying they’re gonna sell all her stuff—and I imagine it’s a boatload of bad fashion choices and empty baggies—unless she pays the damages to their truck, to the tune of $5,827.65.

I can’t imagine Mischa Barton shiz is worth more than $58.27.

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In Kanye’s West’s book, declaring slavery a choice and writing a song about boning your wife’s sisters are just fine. But other guys talking about boning your wife is not.

This week Kanye took on the ex-mister Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, Drake and Tyson Beckford. Kanye is pissed about Nick’s recent interview with where he talked about dating Kim Kardastrophe pre-plastic surgery—Kim must have been four if it was before the surgeries—and how she hated what she called her “Armenian nose” and how the body image obsessed Kim of today is the result of all that mess.

So, Kanye went off on Nick in a Twitter thread that lasted longer than his stay in the mental hospital about how out of line Nick is behaving. But he didn’t stop there because, well, he’s Kanye and what’s an epic rant for no reason at all?

He told Drake to quit making people think he boned Kim in his latest song. And then he goes after Tyson Beckford for saying that Kim’s hips are off-kilter due to a botched surgery.

Seriously. Kanye might as well give up his career if he’s gonna take time to go after anyone who picks on his wife because there are literally millions of us out here.

I’ll wait …

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And because a good cat-fight between men with tiny … egos …is fun, Nick “Turban” Cannon has responded:

“I got nothing but love for you, but you know I’ll always speak my mind, just like you always speak yours… Not you, not NBC, no corporate infrastructures, no one is ever gonna control what I say because I speak truth always, it’s love.”

Wait! Did NBC come for Kim too, or is Nick Cannon just a moron?

That’s a rhetorical question.

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Oh Justin Theroux. He’s gone all Gwyneth Paltrow in discussing his break-up with America’s Sweetheart, the eternally heartbroken and ever-pregnant, Jennifer Aniston. To be fair, he didn’t say he and Jen had “consciously uncoupled,” but he put it like this …a “gentle separation”:

“The good news is that was probably the most—I’m choosing my words really carefully—it was kind of the most gentle separation, in that there was no animosity. In a weird way, just sort of navigating the inevitable perception of it is the exhausting part.”

And then he kumbaya’d something about acting being “kind of a carny lifestyle” of frequent separations that don’t “have that seismic shift of an ordinary couple, where everything is, like, you have to tear a baby in half.”

Um, okay? But what about the pre-nup? I mean Jen is still rolling in those Friends coins.

How gentle will it be for her to separate from her bank account?

To be fair, I don’t really care, and there isn’t much story here, but I’ll take whatever I can get to post a shot of Justin jogging. I’m shallow like that.

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Beyoncé’s former drummer, Kimberly Thompson, has some tea on the ALLEGED queen … she says Bey has cast a spell upon her.

And, in fact, Kimberly, who says she was with the band for seven years, tried to obtain a restraining order against Bey for various reasons.She ALLEGES Beyoncé started a campaign of harassment against her, that includes “Extreme witchcraft, Dark magic” and “Magic spells of sexual molestation”; she also ALLEGES that Beyoncé has been taping her phone conversations, taken control of her finances, and murdered her kitten.

Yes, she did.

The judge denied Kimberly’s request and also chose not to lock her ass up.

But could it be true? Is Beyoncé a witch? Think on this: have you seen that clip from the Destiny’s Child day where Kelly Rowlands called herself the group’s “second lead vocalist?” Well, Beyoncé heard that and that’s why you haven’t seen Kelly on a chart since she sang back-up for Nelly in 2002.

Just sayin’.

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It's Snarkurday!

The E! channel; what a mess.

Less than a week ago, Suzie Hardy went public with her claim that Ryan Seacrest Harvey Weinstein’d—yes, it’s a verb now—her over the course of several years while she worked for him. Seacrest denied it and his lawyers claim Hardy is in it for the extortion coins, but … she never asked for money, and she first went to Seacrest’s bosses at E! to handle it quietly. She only made her story public when E! covered Seacrest’s ass.

Well, this led to a series of “crisis meetings” between Seacrest and E! on how to handle the E! Oscar Red Carpet show, and this is how they’ll work it out. Rob Silverstein, executive producer of the syndicated entertainment-news show “Access” will prep his hosts Scott Evans and Kit Hoover to ask the celebrities about the #MeToo movement and the politics surrounding it …

“And then, we will ask them whether or not they will talk to Ryan Seacrest.”

So, basically E! is still covering Ryan’s ass and not letting celebrities who have issues with men like Seacrest to speak to him?

But this is how E! rolls; remember one of their hosts, Catt Sadler, quit the network after they refused to pay her as much, or commensurate to, Jason Kennedy, so covering Seacrest’s ass.

And then this… Aileen Gram Moreno, veteran female producer on E!’s red carpet programming, claims she was fired after she “allowed” celebrities like Debra Messing, Eva Longoria and others to trash E! on the Golden Globes red carpet show about the Catt Sadler situation.

E! If you’re a woman, you’re paid less; if you’re a man, rub your little dick on a woman and stand on the red carpet.

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Looks like Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are angling for a new realty show: Tori and Dean: Domestically Violent.

See, police were called twice to Tori and Dean’s house last week for two domestic incidents within 24 hours.

The first involved Tori mistaking Dean for a burglar as he came home late one night; so, she called the police. The second incident was just a few hours later but it seems that Tori had some kind of a “mental breakdown” as Dean told 911; it was later classified as a domestic violence incident and Tori was not arrested and, according to police, “didn’t meet the criteria to be held for mental evaluation.”

So, Dean came home late and Tori called police saying he was a thief in her house, and hours later Dean calls police to say his wife was very aggressive and going through some sort of mental breakdown.

I smell a reality show.

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Well, as it turns out, the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux splitting story was a blip on the news cycle; oh, don’t get me wrong, they split, but it was news for a day and then it was fish wrap. So, how do the tabloids keep this story alive since people don’t really care about Poor Jen, Alone Again stories?

Dog custody. Yup; it seems like the once ALLEGEDLY happy couple are mostly fighting about their dogs and who gets them and when. Between them, the exes have four dogs: Dolly, a white shepherd mix, Clyde, a terrier, and Sophie, a pit bull mix, in LA, and Justin’s pit bull he keeps in NYC.

A source—and it’s probably Courtney Cox because what else has she got going on—says:

“They’ve always referred to them as their children, and it looks like Jen will keep the LA dogs with her and Justin will keep the pit bull in NYC. But it was the biggest bone of contention in the split. They’ve made an arrangement for visitation.”

Seriously. Dog custody is news?

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Lotsa folks think NBC is quietly erasing part of their deal with Megyn Kelly; the part that deals with her having a Sunday prime-time NBC News show.

Since her morning show is such a bust, it’s safe to assume America doesn’t wanna see her at night, so NBC will air Sunday Night With Megyn Kelly “periodically” this spring and summer. Meaning you probably won’t see it at all. Last summer, the news magazine was scheduled for a 10-week run but scrapped after a sharp drop in the ratings.

Poor NBC, they shelled out big bucks for Kelly and she’s barely worth nickels for the dollars they spent, and then add in the Matt Lauer mess and they are bleeding coins.

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This is a cute story … Gus Kenworthy and his boyfriend Matthew Wilkas went to an Oscar event and ran into Ricky Martin—hot again thanks to American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace—and his husband, Jwan Yosef. The four chatted a bit and then were separated in the crowds so Gus took out a Craigslist ‘Missed Connection’ ad that went like this:

“Living La Vida Lonely - m4m (LA, California)

Us: We were wearing black Ralph Lauren tuxedos, mine had little cowboys on it. You: You were also both wearing tuxedos because... well, because it was the Oscar's and everybody does. You and your husband stood out though. Partly because you're both gorgeous but also because you're literally @ricky_martin & @jwanyosef. The four of us chatted and laughed but then, sadly, got separated in the chaos of the Oscar's. My bf and I searched for you both for the rest of the night but never found you again. In town for a week. Let's connect."

And then this week, when Ricky Martin was on The Talk, Julie Chen read Gus’ ad to Ricky, who seemed more than willing to hook-up meet:

“Of course we’re going to connect! I mean, he’s a national hero. Give me a break. Are we flattered? Yes, we’re flattered.”

And then Gus Tweeted:

*clears schedule for the rest of the week*

I think Ricky’s getting the better deal; Gus is totally adorable and so it his boyfriend.

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The divorce is final, so what can Mel B do to keep herself in the news now?

Fight over visitation rights … Mel B claims her ex-husband Stephen Belafonte showed her three daughters—Phoenix, her daughter with Jimmy Gulzar; Angel, her daughter with Eddie Murphy; and Madison, their daughter—videos of ISIS beheading individuals:

“When I was not present, Stephen thought it was funny or educational (I still do not know) to play videos of ISIS beheading individuals. This was entirely inappropriate for such young girls, who do not understand what is happening in the videos. Angel has repeatedly told me about these videos and that she was scared and frightened that Stephen would expose her to such gruesome images.”

Mel wants to end Stephen’s visitation with Angel and says he has ALLEGEDLY been trying to get in touch with her by slipping his phone number into a teddy bear he told Madison to give to her. But, he ALLEGEDLY wants no contact with Phoenix, who says he played a video of ISIS beheading men during her 16th birthday trip. Phoenix said in a declaration:

“I never bonded with Stephen because he would call me names such as: ‘retarded’ and ‘stupid.’ He would do things which upset me … He would be very aggressive with Angel and Maddie if they broke the ‘rules,’ like talking when he was on the phone. He would just yell really up close to them.”

Okay, I get it, but why does Belafonte get any visitation with two of the kids who aren’t even his? And why does Mel B always pick jerks to get her pregnant?

Back in the day, when she says Eddie Murphy knocked her up, he refused to recognize Angel as his own until there was a paternity test; and even after, Eddie was not much of a father, so Stephen took over. Now, however, Eddie is all #TeamMel in stopping Belafonte form seeing his daughter.

Like I said, Mel B’s life is, and was, and probably will always be, a mess.

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Oh, Beyoncé and Jay-Z are fun, right?

It seems they hosted an Oscar party and shockingly didn’t try to cash in on it even though they are all about the coins. But, no, but they decided to mess with their guest’s heads by keeping the details weird and vague.

A source—and it Beyoncé, let’s be clear—says the Carters “wanted to mind-fuck everyone and keep everything mysterious and exclusive” about their party, which was held in the garage …the garage … of the Chateau Marmont in L.A.

Close friends didn’t know ahead of time if they were even invited, but once they knew they were going to a party, Bey and Jay made their arrival difficult as hell. Guests were sent up a hill past the hotel, through the kitchen and down a back entrance to the garage. There were no photographers and no red carpet … nobody mentioned Beyoncé or Jay-Z by name, but instead referred to them as simply “the host and hostess.” There was no performance by either Carter, the group of 200 guests simply mingled and relaxed with no press.

Really? We’re to believe Beyoncé and Jay-Z held a party, kept their names out of it, and didn’t take the stage and pass the hat?

Apparently, they enjoyed their secret party so much they wanna do it again next year, clearly unaware that once you announce you’re gonna do another secret party it’s really no longer a secret.

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You knew Barbra Streisand would be pissed about the dog cloning story, right? Well, there’s that, too.

Streisand is annoyed with both Variety and The New York Times which ran features on her that didn’t exactly rise to Babs’ precise standards. The issues that irked her have all been corrected in the online versions, but Babs still put out a “New Truth Alert” on her website BarbraStreisand.com.

Streisand says Variety misquoted her and made it sound like she didn’t really want the role of Fanny Brice in Funny Girl! which is scandalous:

“I fought hard for that part! How could they make that mistake? I loved the character of Fanny Brice (they even misspelled her name Franny)”

Even worse:

“Also, they originally said I had an awards room. I have a den where if you look in the doorway, you don’t see any awards! They’re hidden in the corners.”

Damn you Variety. Still, their blunders are nothing compared to what The New York Times did when they ran a photo of Miss Violet and Miss Scarlet, the two clones of Barbra’s beloved Coton de Tulear Sammie in a feature titled Barbra Streisand Explains: Why I Cloned My Dog.

“P.S. Even though the New York Times didn’t change a word I wrote about my beloved Samantha, I was disappointed that they did change the picture I sent. It was cut in half in the actual Sunday paper (I guess for space purposes), but it destroyed the intent and specialness of the full picture that was shown online. The point is, my little girls were looking at their mother pictured on her tombstone! It’s an amazing photo, taken by my longtime and dear assistant, Renata.”

Yup, Babs is annoyed that the NYT cropped out the headstone shot of the cloned doggies “mother.”

Seriously.

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Last week we talked Heather Locklear’s latest arrest for beating up her boyfriend, and now there’s a bit more to the story … a gun.

It seems that police showed up at Heather’s house again with a search warrant to retrieve a gun because, if you remember, .as Heather was being arrested, she ALLEGEDLY struck three police officers and then told them:

“If you ever come back to my house I will shoot you.”

And so the police raided Heather’s home looking for a handgun that was registered in Heather’s name, and that she has owned since 1985, but they found no gun.

Luckily, for now, there is no threat of heather using that gun on anyone as she is currently in a medical treatment facility … again.

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It's Snarkurday!

I love a proud mom of a gay son, who just wants her boy to be happy.

I’m looking at you, Sally Field, who is trying to hook her gay son Sam Griesman up with Olympic darling … and America’s Sweetheart … Adam Rippon.

It seems that Sam and Sally were watching the Olympics and texting about Adam and how cute he is, and like every mom who wants her son to be happy, Sally decided to hook Sam up with Adam via social media.

After Sam posted the conversation with his mother, Sally tagged Adam on it and told Sam to …

“Find a way [to meet Adam].”

And now Adam has responded:

“Sally! She bold.”

And then he posted a message for Sam:

 “Sam, your mom – I admire her. And I’m sure one day we’re going to meet! So, thanks, mom.”

And I’m sure Sally will make that meeting happen … and she will be there!

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For years Jamie Foxx and his BFF Tom Cruise’s ex, Katie Holmes, have been bumping uglies dating but they almost never talk about it and are rarely seen together. But recently the two have been spotted holding hands on long romantic beach walks, but that just may be a hallucination, because Jamie Foxx will walk out on you if you bring up her name.

Recently, Foxx played in the NBC All-Star Celebrity Game and was interviewed by ESPN beforehand. He seemed in good spirits, but then interviewer Michael Smith asked about Katie, and the photos that surfaced of Foxx and Holmes playing basketball together on Valentine’s Day:

“I know you’ve prepared and I saw pictures. Did you and Katie Holmes play basketball for Valentine’s Day? Like some real Love & Basketball?”

Foxx instantly got his panties in a snit and had his assistant remove him from the interview as he refused to answer the question.

Note to self: don’t ask Jamie about Katie. Like that would ever happen because I could care less about the two of them, handholding or not.

Still, it was fun to see Jamie Foxx get all pissy.

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Speaking of love … no matter how many of you want it to happen, I don’t think Brad and Jen are gonna get back together.

Dry your eyes. According to sources—and it’s not La Jolie—Brad has not reached out to ex-wife Jennifer Aniston since her split from “bouncy jogger” Justin Theroux. But, Brad did say he was “sad” about the split: “Brad is of course sad to hear the news about Jen’s divorce. He only wishes the best for her. However, Brad hasn’t reached out to Jen, and has no plans to do so at this point.”

Again, dry your eyes, plus, there’s this …?

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Were Jen and Justin even really married?

Aniston and Theroux had a wedding at their Bel-Air manse in 2015, but TMZ says that they checked the marriage records in L.A. County and didn’t find a marriage license for them. TMZ says they went as far back as 2010.

Was it a wedding, or just a really expensive commitment ceremony?

Now, the now-unhappy couple could have gotten a marriage license in any of the 57 other counties in California, but several people close to Aniston say there have long been rumors that there was no legal marriage.

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Tribeca residents better be nice because Taylor Swift is buying up blocks of real estate in the area and, if they’re mean, they might be the target of an entire album of stupid pop songs about mean people.

Swifty just purchased a $9.75 million apartment at 155 Franklin St. where she already owns an 8,000-square-foot penthouse duplex; last fall she bought a three-story townhouse next door, at 153 Franklin, for $18 million.

And already the neighbors are annoyed:

 “We don’t need celebrities here that will draw the focus [of] the paparazzi or extra fan attention. [There’s already a] small swarm of teenage girls lurking and swooning outside [Swift’s home regularly].”

And clearly, that neighbor isn’t the only one irked at the Swift Invasion; days after Swifty purchased the townhouse, someone posted a flier that said—“Taylor Swift Can Go F–k Herself”—to  a Tribeca lamppost.

And brokers don’t like her either, it seems, because the firm of Douglas Elliman is suing her for unpaid commissions of $1.6 million related to the townhouse sale.

Wow; if this keeps up there will be several Swift albums about mean neighbors and bad realtors.

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On the other side of the coin, the side being the one where the star can no longer avoid real state purchases, we find one Lisa Marie Presley. Despite being the sole heir to the Kingdom of The King, Lisa Marie claims to be in debt to the tune of $16 million.

In her ongoing divorce from her third, or fourth, husband, Michael Lockwood, Lisa Marie claims she owes over $16 million, with more than $10 million of that coming from unpaid taxes between 2012 and 2015. Lisa Marie is also trying to unload her home in England ever since she defaulted on that mortgage—another $6 million. The rest of her money woes are tied up in credit card debt and unpaid attorney bills.

Lisa Marie’s financial woes came to light last year when she accused her managers of decimating her $300 million fortune. Now, she is ALLEGEDLY living rent-free with her daughter, Riley Keough, while her twin daughters are staying with Grandma Priscilla.

Lisa Marie sold off 85% of Elvis Presley Enterprises in 2004 for $100 million, but the estate still brings in $20 million each year.  If she’s not careful, Lisa Marie’s next home might be In The Ghetto or Jailhouse Rock or Love Me With Legal Tender.

Just a thought … why doesn’t Lisa Marie write those nasty neighbor songs for Swifty since Swifty is loaded; the Lisa Marie can pay off her debts and Swifty might actually put out a tune that doesn’t sound like something a cat coughed up on the rug.

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Talk about your odd couplings …

Queen Elizabeth II was front row … the f**king front row … at London Fashion Week and she was seated right next to Anna “Nuclear” Wintour!

The Queen surprised many who thought she knew nothing about fashion, and many in the crowd were certain Anna would bitchslap Her Royal Highness for those hats.

But the Queen of England and the Queen of Fashion played nice, and even smiled and chatted with one another, though I assume that QEII wasn’t exactly sure who Wintour was and why she didn’t take off those damned glasses.

I mean, the Queen had plenty of room in her bag to hold them if that’s what was worrying Anna.

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It's Snarkurday!

So, the Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker spat sunk to a new low this week after Cattrall’s missing brother was found dead.

Cattrall had posted to Instagram the news that her brother Christopher had disappeared, and the next day posted that he had been found dead. SJP offered her condolences in a comment on the post, and then again when asked about it by gossip show Extra:

“I can’t begin to know how her family is managing such a loss. We all send her our love and condolences and grant her the privacy that she’s asked for.”

Kim, who had Tweeted thanks to her fans and her “#SexAndTheCity colleagues” for their support was not having SJP:

“I don’t need your love & support at this tragic time @sarahjessicaparker”

And then added:

“My Mom asked me today ‘When will that [Sarah Jessica parker], that hypocrite, leave you alone?’ Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now. Let me make this VERY clear. (If I haven’t already) You are not my family. You are not my friend. So, I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona.”

Ouch. But, clearly, as all of us in the world, other than SJP, know, she and Cattrall are not friends, and if you wanted to send your condolences to your friend, Sarah, you could have, and should have, done so privately.

In case you weren’t sure, I’m #TeamCattrall

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Oh, this is juicy … it appears that Quincy Jones let it slip that Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor had a bit of a fling, sexually speaking; a rumor that was confirmed by Pryor’s widow, Jennifer:

“It was the ’70s! Drugs were still good, especially Quaaludes. If you did enough cocaine, you’d fuck a radiator and send it flowers in the morning.”

While I was hoping it was Streetcar Marlon and not Last Tango Marlon, if you get my meaning, Pryor’s daughter, Rain, instantly flew off the handle at the idea that her father had sex with Brando … ever … and posted a lengthy post to Facebook denouncing Quincy for tainting her father’s legacy, and then adding that her stepmother Jennifer is a “bottom feeder.”

And yet, oddly enough, Rain says her father was bisexual, so it wasn’t the bisexual rumor that got her feathers ruffled, it was Brando.

Clearly that means it was Last Tango Brando.

The shame.

But she isn’t the only offspring pissed off at the story; Brando’s son, Miko, is also mighty annoyed that this story is out there, and told TMZ:

“The Marlon Brando family has heard the recent comments by Quincy Jones and we are disappointed that anyone would make such a wrongful comment about either Marlon Brando or Richard Pryor.”

And yet again, his own father seemed quite open to affairs with men; in an interview for his autobiography, Marlon Brando: The Only Contender, Brando said:

“Homosexuality is so much in fashion, it no longer makes news. Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences, and I am not ashamed.”

So, again, it’s not the idea that his father had affairs with men, it’s just the idea of his father having an affair with Pryor.

Brando’s family says he f**ked men, but not Pryor, and Pryor’s kid say her daddy f**ked men but not Brando.

Uh huh.

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Back to SJP … as is her habit, Parker does not directly comment on the bad things said about her, she has third parties and minions do it for her; which is why her bestie Andy Cohen flapped his yap about Kim’s Instagram meltdown over SJP’s condolences.

“I thought [Kim’s response] was fake. There was no way Kim Cattrall has posted this on her Instagram.”

Ah, but it was Kim Cattrall, and, again, there is no love lost between the two women, but SJP cannot stand to be made to look like a not nice person, so she sent her Flying Monkey Andy out to spread her story:

“[SJP] expressed her condolences on the post … I would not call that exploiting a tragedy. What was she supposed to do? Say something bad? I don’t understand. I also don’t like it that people are characterizing this as a fat catfight. There’s only one person fighting here.”

It’s like it doesn’t even enter their heads that Kim is grieving and that if you’re not particularly close to her, you should probably just shut up and leave her alone.

SJP spent the past six months belittling Kim about not doing Sex and the City #75 and yet now she’s all sweetness and light.

I ain’t buying it.

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Taylor Swift loves to sue people she thinks are stealing her oh-so-important-and-meaningful lyrics, but sometimes it’s other people saying Swifty stole their intellectual property.

Now a judge has decided there is nothing intellectual about a Taylor Swift lyric and thrown out a lawsuit filed by Sean Hall and Nathan Butler who claim TayTay’s lyrics in “Shake It Off” infringed on their lyrical copyright from the song “Playas Gon’ Play.”

Judge Michael Fitzgerald dismissed their lawsuit, but this is about what he said when he dismissed it:

“In the early 2000s, popular culture was adequately suffused with the concepts of players and haters to render the phrases ‘playas … gonna play’ or ‘haters … gonna hate’, standing on their own, no more creative than ‘runners gonna run’; ‘drummers gonna drum’; or ‘swimmers gonna swim.’ … It is banal. The allegedly infringed lyrics are short phrases that lack the modicum of originality and creativity required for copyright protection.”

Sure, he told Hall and Butler their lyrics were too inconsequential to steal, but that was also a smack to Swifty, who claimed the “banal” lyrics were hers and hers alone.

Cue a new track on an upcoming Swifty album called “Judges Gon Hate: The Banal Remix.”

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Recently Tiffany Haddish, the new ‘It’ girl in Hollywood, got to hang out Jay-Z and Beyoncé backstage at his LA concert. She took selfies with the Carters and now cannot stop talking about them; apparently, she’s on their publicity team now and trying to put out a story about drama with the Carters:

“Okay, so what had happened was, something had went down with somebody at the party, right? I’m not at liberty to say what had went down at the party, but Beyoncé was just telling me to have a good time, and I was like, ‘No, I’m gonna end up fighting this bitch!’ She was like, ‘No, have fun, Tiffany,’ and I said, ‘I’m only going to have fun if you take a selfie with me.’”

Huh? Well, the bitch Haddish wanted to fight was ALLEGEDLY an unnamed actress who got a little too close to Jay-Z’s wandering eyes and penis and Beyoncé’s new bestie was going to the mattresses for her.

“I was talking to Jay-Z for a little bit, and there was another actress that was there who was also talking to Jay-Z. [The actress] touched Jay-Z’s chest and Beyoncé came walking up like … ‘Biitttchhh!’ But, she didn’t say that. But her demeanor, her body from the way she walked up on them said, ‘Get your hands off my man’s chest.’ So, then she also started talking to the other actress and some other stuff happened but I’m not gonna say nothin’ yet.”

Look, I’m not saying it did happen, and I’m not saying it didn’t happen. I’m just saying that one day soon, we’ll have a new Beyoncé song about an actress and her man, followed by a Jay-Z rap about his wife being jealous.

Cuz it’s all about the coins for the Carters.

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Remember last week when accused sexual predator, Republican douchebag Scott Baio urged his victim, Nicole Eggert, to go to the police? And then she did? And the police opened an investigation?

There’s more … Eggert and Baio’s co-star on Charles In Charge, Alexander Polinsky was at a press conference with Nicole Eggert and her lawyer Lisa Bloom and spilled the tea about Baio saying he saw Baio sexually abuse Nicole, but Nicole wasn’t Baio’s only target.

He claims Baio came for him, too, and at one point made a hole in the canvas wall of Alexander’s dressing room and stuck his dick through it.  Grown-assed man Scott Baio making a glory hole in an underage boy’s dressing room?

Alexander says Baio abused him for the entire run of Charles in Charge, starting when he was 11 years old. It began when Alexander saw a then 14-year-old Nicole sitting on a then 26-year-old Scott Baio’s lap and wanted to join the fun—he thought Baio was telling her a story—but Baio became furious and pushed Alexander away and called him a “faggot.”

Baio began terrorizing Alexander daily; he started off telling this child about the kinds of gay sex acts he would perform when he got older. He told Alexander which female co-stars of the show he had sex with. He constantly called Alexander a faggot. Baio pulled down the boy’s pants in front of everyone. He became enraged at Alexander before shooting a scene and threw hot tea at his face.

Alexander says he told people on the set about the bullying, but they did nothing out of fear of losing their jobs, and so now he has also given his statement to the police although all he really wants is an apology from Scott Baio.

And Baio, well his lawyers, did hold a press conference that same day to say:

“For reasons I don’t understand I am the target of false claims that threaten everything that’s important in my life. I’m hurt, and I’m angry, but mostly I am stunned that anyone could be so cruel as to attack not just me but my entire family with lies. I will not let this continue unchallenged, and will use every ounce of strength and faith in God that I have to defeat the people behind this. This story is just beginning to be told.”

It’s the same old song and dance, Eggert and Polinsky are picking ion Scott Baio. Baio will never apologize for something he didn’t do and will sue them all.

Oh, and Scott? God isn’t on your side, dear.

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Well, even though the gossip magazines have been saying for months that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux were fine, they’re not.

They each announced this week that after two-and-a-half years of marriage, they’re done:

“In an effort to reduce any further speculation, we have decided to announce our separation. This decision was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year. We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship. Normally we would do this privately, but given that the gossip industry cannot resist an opportunity to speculate and invent, we wanted to convey the truth directly. Whatever else is printed about us that is not directly from us, is someone else’s fictional narrative. Above all, we are determined to maintain the deep respect and love that we have for one another.”

And now, cue the gossip magazines new stories about Jen running back to Brad.

And, um, maybe, Justin, running to me?

Just sayin’.

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It used to be that the trashiest of Real Housewives were the women of Atlanta, but all that changed when the No-Longer-Countess LuAnn de Lesseps drank her way into the wrong bed in a Palm beach hotel and was arrested for being a drunken slutty mess.

But LuAnn, never one to shy away from attention, has opted to reject a plea deal that would have saved her from doing time in the big house.

LuAnn will now go to court next month in South Florida over charges of being violent with an officer and resisting arrest.

Are we about to see The Real Housewives of Orange is the New Black?

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