Bobservations

We all know about Carlos’ eyesight and his limited knowledge of popular, or current culture, so here’s a little tale about that.

One rainy Sunday I was curled up in a living room chair watching TV and Carlos came into the room:

“What are you watching? Will & Grace?”

‘Why that show? What makes you think it’s Will & Grace?”

“I hear a man and a woman talking and there’s laughing.”

“So any time you hear a TV show with a man and woman talking and laughing it’s Will & Grace?”

“I don’t know … “

“Why don’t you just ask, ‘What are you watching?’

This past weekend I was watching a movie and Carlos enters the room:

“What are you watching? The Terminator?”

“Why that movie?”

“I don’t know. I thought I heard a robot.”

“Why don’t you say, ‘What are you watching?’”

“What are you watching?”

“Spiral.”

“I don’t know that movie.”

“Sigh … I know.”

The man slays me.

This Tuxedo Memory is from March 2019 and is entitled ‘Lazy Weekend ...For Some of Us’

 "We spent the morning on Friday getting the taxes done and were surprised to see we were getting a rather healthy refund.

That was nice. But then, with the onset of spring, and some slightly warmer days, there were lawns to mow and hedges to trim, and a ten-foot-tall holly bush off the deck that needed to be reshaped for spring; a little help with the ladder and I was able to give Holly a haircut.

Sunday was Carlos' turn in the yard and trimming bushes and replanting a tree and weeding along the fence.

Fun times. But we did manage to squeeze in some time with Tuxedo on the deck. Our cats don't go outside because, living in a somewhat rural area, there are all kinds of things they can catch from critters that roam through our yard. Still, Tuxedo is allowed out, and on the table on the deck, but only with supervision, AKA me, and only when it's nice and sunny for him to warm his bones, and then take a breather in the sun.

Not a bad life, really, for us, and Tuxedo.”

I miss those days on the deck with my Boy and my Man.

The Felon’s campaign may talk a big game, but when faced with potential legal action from Beyoncé, they folded like the ill-fitting, makeup-stained suit of their candidate.

On Thursday, Beyoncé issued a cease and desist to The Felon’s campaign after spokesperson Steven Cheung posted a video on social media featuring DonOLD deplaning in Michigan, soundtracked to Beyoncé’s song “Freedom.”

“Freedom” is, of course, the official campaign theme song of Vice President Kamala Harris—a choice that Beyoncé personally approved, so naturally The Felon tried to steal it.

In the Sorry Not Sorry file comes news that former Representative current convicted felon George Santos’ campaign has $562 in cash on hand but also owes $786,932 in debt.

Santos faces at least two years in federal prison for identity theft and up to 20 years in prison for wire fraud.

I don’t think he can all that back even working full-time in the prison laundry.

I guess if you’re a cowboy and you’ll be riding horses all day, it helps to come equipped with the extra padding.

h/t to Voenix Rising

The man who calls himself The Felon’s Prophet, Johnny Enlow, has a very exciting announcement: a big-time celebrity is going to endorse The Felon! And even better that celebrity is … dead. Or maybe a celebrity who faked his or her death? Or a celebrity zombie?

We won’t know right away because Enlow claims he’s “not yet allowed” to reveal the name of the dead celebrity.

Dead celebrities can be hard to work with, I’m guessing.

The so-called “Catwoman,” Jocelyn Wildenstein has given the world a look at her original face. The Swiss socialite, 82, looked like a blond bombshell lounging on a couch with her daughter Diane sitting on her lap. With her hair coiffed in a wavy bob, Wildenstein appeared casual and chic while peering off into the distance.

But then she did this … and then this and Catwoman was born.

And now she looks like this … and then this after having gone through multiple face lifts, eye lifts and more.

Jocelyn’s post comes after she claimed her late ex-husband Alec Wildenstein’s family cutting her off from her $100 million annual divorce settlement payment and so now, to make a few coins to pay for any future renovations to her face, Jocelyn is making a documentary about her life and faces.

This is Uriah Harris. He’s a model, trainer, lifestyle coach, has a nice smile and a pretty body, so I ask: Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

We had our taxes done last week and our accountant was also going to do my Dad’s taxes as well. So she needed a copy of the will and the Death Certificate and my driver’s license to be able to access certain things and I handed them over to her.

“Is this your age?”

“I’m pretty sure it is.”

“I thought you were younger than this.”

“Is that because I’m child-like?”

And this point Carlos interrupts:

“Maybe it’s because you’re childish.”

“Well, one thing is for certain. She doesn’t think you’re younger than you actually are.”

Snap.

PS I’m a year older than Carlos.

This Tuxedo Memory is from August 2015 and is entitled:

“Hairballs and Flip-flops and Giggles, Oh My!

I'm a child ... I admit it. 

Yesterday morning, while having breakfast in the kitchen with Carlos, I overheard Tuxedo relieving himself of a hairball in the living room. Since the rule at Casa Bob y Carlos is that I take care of what goes INTO the cats and Carlos takes care of what comes OUT of them, I went to see what happened.

A hairball ... all over Carlos' flip-flops ... which is when I started laughing hysterically ... and when Carlos began muttering 'motherf**ker' under his breath.

I almost couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

Again, I am a child. Carry on ....”

And how could you be mad at that punim anyway?

Shares of Inmate # P01135809’s Truth Social plummeted some 23% this week, wiping out the gains from its debut last week, after disclosing some $58 million in losses in 2023.

Say what? The billionaire isn’t a billionaire—his alleged net worth fell by more than $1 billion in a single day—and apparently not even a good businessman?

Color me shocked.

You can't set a Hallmark movie in the South because unexpected snow isn't magical down here. It's terrifying and always leads to grocery store fights. I know … I still have the bruises.

If you thought Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was a loon, take a gander at Nicole Shanahan, his choice as a running mate.

Shanahan has been a harsh critic of in vitro fertilization, calling it “one of the biggest lies that’s being told about women’s health today,” and has looked into no-cost interventions to help women conceive, such as exposure to sunlight.

Sunlight. This Third Party should be dubbed the Wack-a-Doodle Party.

Don’t know if this is true, but it would be perfect …

A wealthy white man walked into a bar in Miami. As soon as he entered, he noticed a Black woman sitting in one corner. He walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted:

"Bartender! I'm buying drinks for everyone in this bar, except that Black woman over there!"

The bartender collected the money and began serving free drinks to everyone in the bar, except the Black woman but instead of becoming upset, she simply looked up at the guy and shouted:

"Thank you!"

This infuriated the wealthy guy. So once again, he took out his wallet and shouted,:

"Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!"

The bartender collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to everyone in the bar except the Black woman. When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, the woman simply smiled at the man and said:

Thank you!"

That made him furious. So he leaned over the counter and asked the bartender:

"What is wrong with that Black woman? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for her, and instead of becoming angry, she just sits there, smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is she mad?"

The bartender smiled at the wealthy man and said:

"No, she is not mad. She owns the place.”

May our enemies work unknowingly in our favor.......

Okay Beyhive, come for me, but Beyoncé singing country is the most hilariously, thirsty desperate thing I’ve seen in a long while.

PS Of note is that Beyoncé rewrote some of the lyrics to Dolly Parton’s classic ‘Jolene’ so she could take a writing credit on the song.

Again, hilarious, thirsty desperate.

This week Wisconsin Governor, and Democrat, Tony Evers, vetoed a bill that would have banned transgender and gender nonconforming youth from participating on school athletic teams that align with their gender identity, saying:

“This type of legislation, and the harmful rhetoric beget by pursuing it, harms LGBTQ Wisconsinites’ and kids’ mental health, emboldens anti-LGBTQ harassment, bullying, and violence, and threatens the safety and dignity of LGBTQ Wisconsinites, especially our LGBTQ kids.”

For more of this kind of politics, CAST A GODDAMNED BLUE VOTE.

This is, clockwise from top left, Chris Chalk, Joe Mantello, Russell Tovey and Vito Schnabel from the recent fabulous FX series, Feud: Capote vs. The Swans. It’s not so much Would You Hit It, but more of a Which One Would You Hit?

Bobservations

The other morning Carlos got up early because he had to be in court that morning for a translation, and I lazed in bed while he showered and such. I awoke to hear him calling the cats to breakfast. I stretched and yawned and slowly opened my eyes and then heard a crash and a …

“Oh f*ck.”

I got up and stumbled down the hall, asking:

“What broke?”

“One of those ceramic pieces on that cabinet.”

And there it was, a small vase my Aunt Norma had given me when I moved into my first apartment about a hundred years ago. I scooped up the bits of ceramic, and the tiny chards, took it into the kitchen and tossed it into the trash. Carlos apologized and apologized and apologized and apologized, even though I told him it wasn’t a big deal, accidents happen, blah blah blah, and I went off to work. But when I came home that afternoon I found that Carlos had dug the vase from the trash and glued it back together; but, you know, his eyesight. So the piece looked a little Dali-esque, kind of slumped over a bit, a couple of pieces of ceramic sticking out.

And I love it, and I love him for putting it back together and giving it a little more character than it might have had before.

This Tuxedo Memory is from  December 2010

"The Christmas Tuxedo"

One thing about Tuxedo, he loved the Christmas tree and never ever bothered it, but just used it as a place to nap.

Some people are annoyed about seeing ‘unhoused’ people asking for change while wearing nice, clean clothes; how can they dress so well and panhandle? Well, I donate lots of clothes, nice decent clothes, that I no longer wear to thrift stores and shelters and such and who knows who gets them.

This is a reminder that you have no idea where the person outside your bank or grocery store got their clothes and that they don’t owe it to you to be dressed in rags so you can feed your ego about helping out. If your life is warm and dry, and you aren’t hungry, and have a place to lay your head simply be grateful. And helpful.

It struck me that Taylor Swift and Beyonce pulled a fast one on y’all. They sold you concert tickets and then filmed the concert and then sold you tickets to the movie of the concert so you can watch yourselves watch them perform … and pocket your money.

Dan Patrick, GOP Lieutenant Governor of Texas, is pissed that Colorado wants to remove Inmate # P01135809  from the ballot in the upcoming presidential primary for engaging in, and inciting, the January 6 insurrection and so Patrick wants President Biden off the Texas ballot because of the border crisis—that Biden inherited from every president who came before him and didn’t pass Immigration Reform. And Patrick laughingly said it’s because:

“Seeing what happened in Colorado makes me think—except we believe in democracy in Texas—maybe we should take Joe Biden off the ballot in Texas for allowing eight million people to cross the border since he’s been president disrupting our state.”

Texas and Democracy haven’t gone together since Texas decided to make women property of the state and control their bodies so Texas and Danny Patrick can fuck all the way off.

In his closing remarks at the trial last week Rudy Giuliani’s own attorney compared him to a fanatical “flat-earther” who will never stop believing the 2020 election lie and asked the jury to “have sympathy” when determining how much he owes the plaintiffs in his defamation suit.

And the jury came back with a $148,000,000 settlement for Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, two Georgia election workers whose lives were upended because Rudy is a liar and a cheat.

It was a good day.

This is Matt Bershadker, the CEO of the ASPCA, and he makes over $1M a year; he’s made some $7M since taking on that job. 

If you want your donations to go to shelter pets, instead of millionaires, give your hard-earned money to local shelters.

Something to ponder … back in the day men used to claim that certain women were witches and they would throw them into the water to see if they drowned. If they did, in fact, drown they were not witches.

Today we have men who say the only exception to abortion is if the mother’s life is at risk so they want to force her to carry the baby to term. And then, if she dies as a result she was at risk and could have had the abortion.

That’s the way men think.

This is Christopher Côté, self-made fitness model, content creator and owner of his own clothing line—odd since he wears little to no clothing a lot—Chrisnation. All well and good but the issue is: Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that when I say I hate drama, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? One ticket for the front row, please.

… that Beyoncé fans scramble to pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars to watch her flip her hair and shake her ass, and are now being told by this tired ass Queen Bey that they need to wear “silver fashions” to her “Renaissance” world tour? Bitch, you buy me the silver outfit and maybe I’ll see you parade in front of the wind machine … maybe.

… that the work me, the outside me, and the home me are three entirely different people? We don’t even look the same.

… that I’m never sure if I actually have free time or if I’m just forgetting everything I’m supposed to be doing?

… that I wake up in the morning thinking everything’s gonna be okay and then I step outside and there are people … everywhere?

…… that when I’m hungry nothing is funny, and everyone is ugly?

... that some people are shocked that a 300 pound man who claims to weigh 215 pounds would  overstate his net worth by $2 billion?

… that Taylor Swift could perform in my bathroom and I sill wouldn’t attend? That’s a rhetorical question, clearly.

… that I put my music on shuffle, but then get pissed off when it doesn’t paly what I want to hear?

Snarky Thoughts

Beyoncé and Jay-Z are reportedly the new owners of the most expensive house in California after they plunked down $200 million in cash for this, um, er, prison house … in Malibu. There are some 40,000 square feet in the house and it sits on 8 coastal acres.

My Thought: It would have been, I’m guessing, cheaper to buy San Quentin and turn it into a huge-ass house and you’d have City and Bay Views.

photo

I love Rita Moreno but the 91-year-old star and I will come to blows if she keeps this shiz up. Rita attended a performance of the new Broadway show “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window”—she played the female lead in its 1964 original run—and after the show she got a little flirty with the show’s star, one Oscar Isaac, telling him:

“I have a thing for brooding actors. I dated Marlon Brando, you know.”

Isaac, who’s married with two children, said Brando was a tough act to follow.

My Thought: I saw him first Rita and if anyone gets him, it will be me. Ninety-one or not, I will take you down.

photo 1  photo 2

Now that Alec Baldwin is finally free from the manslaughter charges he’s gone back to being his impish lovable self … and by that I mean he’s once more acting like a self-entitled prick. Recently Alec and his wife, non-Latina Hilaria attended the 2023 PEN American Spring Literary Gala in New York and spies claim that the drama started when Baldwin stood up to chat with someone as “the line of servers come all at once to deliver the meals.” One female server got stuck behind Baldwin’s ample ass ego and when she passed and began setting dinners down he was not happy; the woman—who does not wish to be named—explains:

“I was going to feed the head of the table but that’s who he was talking to, so I go up to him and I say, ‘I’m sorry sir, but we’re going to have servers walking through the tables here in a minute.'”

And that’s when gracious star boorish pig Baldwin snapped:

“So when is it a good time to talk to my friends? Do I have to explain it to you?”

Not wanting to exacerbate the situation, she said she needed no explanation and he replied:

“Well then step aside.”

As she walked away he called her a peasant.

My Thought: If you can’t get him on manslaughter charges maybe you can charge him with being an overrated untalented dick.

photo

Oh this is rich, trying to act like an everywoman. It seems the internets are going nuts because Kim Kardashian is acting “like she’s middle class” and “complaining” about her struggles as a single mom. The woman—who shares North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm with ex-husband Kanye West—said on Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast that parenting is “really f—king hard.”

But some listeners weren’t having a billionaire with a full staff and a ninny for each of her children complain about being a single mom.

My Thought: If The Kardastrophe’s stays on Hulu for another year, send Kim to a two-bedroom bungalow in South Central and get her a job at the neighborhood bodega to show her what real single parenthood is like.

photo

Julia Fox, another Kanye West cast-off, is also very Kardastrophe-like, in trying to get attention for just showing up at an event.

At the Art of Elysium 25th anniversary party in Cannes last week Fox showed up in a clear glass bra top and Klan Skirt. The structural corset top looked like it was made from a piece of glass in the form of a disfigured elephant dick held up by a clear piece of string and freeing her nipples.

For more casual wear Fox did some early morning LA shopping in slippers, a t-shirt and blazer, and a pair of men’s underwear.

My Thought: I have none. I don’t know who she is, and don’t know why people are running around photographing her at events to which she should not be invited. I guess schtupping Kanye gets you a pass?

photo 1 photo 2

Bobservations

Carlos was having trouble with his iPad last night. With his eyesight, he can still read some things on the screen, but he needs it to be in dark mode, and he had done something to change it back to light and asked me to fix it. And I did because I’m nice like that. Then he said the volume needed to be increased because when he was dictating to the iPad he said, and I’m quoting:

“I like to hear the clink clink clink of the dictation.”

I fixed the volume and said to him:

“You know what  like to hear? The sound of your feet moving you out of the office.”

I swear it’s pure comedy gold around here.

Whobert? Honey? It was thing 45 who closed the schools back in 2020, you dimbulb. But then what do you expect from a “Good” Christian woman who, earlier this week, prayed that that Joe Biden would die. Again.

I caught some of the Grammy’s and here’s what I thought … I loathe Beyoncé. I don’t find her the Second Coming in music and I find her a lying pandering hypocrite. As she won an award she thanked God, her dead Uncle, her parents, her husband, her three kids and, wait for it, the hypocrisy stings, the “queer” community. This after doing a concert in Dubai and being paid tens of millions of dollars to perform in a country that outlaws homosexuality. Fuck off, Bey.

Cheers to Kim Petras for being the first out--Thanks Jon--transgender person to win a Grammy in the best pop duo/group performance category, and for Sam Smith to win as the first non-binary artist; they won for their song ‘Unholy.’

Lastly, Madge’s face. Now people are playing off the outrage over Madonna’s appearance as ageism, but it’s not; it’s WhatTheFuckism. I missed the intro so I saw this person walk onstage, speak in a strange voice, not Madge’s usual British accent, and look just odd. As I began to realize it was Madge, my thoughts went from ‘Egads, her face’ to ‘Is this why her Madonna film was shelved? So she could star in the reboot of 'Hellraiser’?

With people calling it ageist to comment on Madge’s new face, I thought, let’s contrast and compare, using Cher, Madonna’s BFF as an example. This year Madonna is celebrating 40 years in music, and has a tour planned to commemorate that feat, so up top is a picture of 24-year-old Madonna from the early days alongside 64-year-old Madonna from last weekend.

Below that is Cher, also from 1983 when she was 36-years-old and contrasted with Cher, who’s been in show business for sixty-plus years,  from 2023 at age seventy-six.

Both women have had work done, but only one has crossed a line, and, again, that’s not ageism, but WhatTheFuckism.

PS And don't give me the line that Madonna looks like that because she shaved her eyebrows; t's the lips and eyes and cheeks and chin, too.

As Tyre Nichols sat propped against a police car, bloodied, dazed and handcuffed after being beaten by a group of Memphis police officers, Officer Demetrius Haley sent a photograph of Nichols to at least five people, including two fellow officers, a civilian employee of the department and a female acquaintance.

Demand police reforms.

Pete Santilli, conservative rightwingnut,  has blamed the earthquake in Turkey and Syria on Sam Smith’s demonic Grammy performance.

Yes, he says that God was so incensed at an Englishman wearing a horned hat and singing a song on TV in California that She sent an earthquake to the other side of the world and murdered over 10,000 people.

Let that sink in.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and you know what that means: revenge gifts … like having your ex’s name engraved on a cat litter box.

The Animal Friends Humane Society , an Ohio animal shelter, offers this service to fundraise and, more importantly, help the heartbroken by letting them be petty! So, if you’ve been dumped or scorned, cheated on or mistreated, dedicate a litter box to the one you used to love. The gesture will cost $5 per box; the promotion will run until February 12, and the shelter will then reveal all the sponsored litter boxes, names included, in a Facebook post on Valentine’s Day.

Ain’t Revenge Grand?

I really need a pair of socks like this, just to see the looks on people faces as I cross and uncross my legs.

Y’all know what a fan I am of the professional sportsball stuff, right? And I especially like that this year the Quarterbacks for each team are both Black men for the first time in history with Kansas City Chiefs Patrick Mahomes, top left, going up against Eagles QB Jalen Hurts, top right. And then there are two brothers playing on opposite teams in the big game. Bottom right is younger brother from the Chiefs, Travis Kelce, while bottom left is the older brother from the Eagles Jason Kelce. All that means nothing when the real question is: Which One Would You Hit?

I hate to boast, but I really think my response to Large Marge was sheer perfection and, dare I say it, even more comedy gold?