It's Snarkurday!

It’s like an itch you can’t stop scratching ... Usher’s herpes lawsuits, that is.

The first ... first ... accuser, suing for $20 million, has now revealed herself: Laura Helm. And, Lisa Bloom, who is representing several ... several ... of Usher’s accusers, has filed more documents including one that details how one young man ended being infected by the singer when, he ALLEGES, that Usher exposed him to herpes when they f**ked at a Koreatown spa in L.A.

That ain’t no Happy Ending, y’all.

Now, Usher has called all of his accusers liars, but he will not say if he has the herpes and is refusing to take an STD test.

Take that for what it is, but until we know better, Just Say No, to Usher.

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There are some "celebrities" who should never speak, Tweet, Instagram or Facebook because their view of the world needs to be kept silent.

Melissa Joan Hart. She recently whined all over Instagram about her family vacation being ruined because of Hurricane Maria.

Yup, the semi-rich, scarcely talented TV star, and her family were headed to the Nickelodeon Resort Punta Cana, but couldn’t go because a hurricane came along and washed away the homes and businesses and livelihoods of all kinds of people; so Melissa whined about missing her vacation on social media. She later removed her post once she realized the storm killed people, but this kind of delusion is nothing new for Hart ...

Back in 2015, she promoted her clothing line on the 14th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks with the tagline:

“Free Shipping in honor of the victims, families & first responders of 9/11. Use the promo code ‘911’ during your online checkout at KingofHarts.com.”

Yup, you may have lost your spouse, lover, son, daughter in the worst terror attack ever on American soil, but, hey, you get Free Shipping!

Seriously, bitch, take a seat.

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This may be true, and it may not be, but ... twenty-year-old Kylie Jenner is ALLEGEDLY pregnant by her boyfriend of five months, twenty-five-year-old rapper Travis Scott.

That Woman has yet to confirm the pregnancy because they’re still trying to iron out the details of how Kylie will pee on a stick on TV ... break up with the Baby Daddy on TV ... get her first ultrasound on TV ... get back together with the Baby Daddy on TV ... give birth on TV ... break up with the Baby Daddy on TV ... get back together with the Baby Daddy on TV ... have DCF remove the child from her home on TV ... and then launch a new lipstick line.

No, seriously, that’s how it’ll play out. They’re Kardastrophes after all.

Oops. It got twice as skeevey because now Khloe is pregnant, too. That Woman will be working overtime whoring out two babies!

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It’s almost a year later and folks are still talking about Mariah’s Carey’s Epic New Years Eve Fail, aka The Clusterf**k Heard Round The World.

To recap, Mimi tottered around a stage on impossibly high heels singing, ahem, live to a track that she didn’t to remember or even know. Mimi and her team later blamed Dick Clark Productions, and DCP placed the blame at the high heels of the diva who didn’t show up to rehearse.

Now, finally, Miss Ryan Seacrest is ready to dish; during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live! Seacrest insinuated that the fault was all Mimi because she refused to do a soundcheck:

“That crew, that team, that staff is the best in the business. They put on the biggest live music events and they know what they’re doing. I know how good they are at their jobs. My reaction was, ‘She was working with the best.’ I find it hard to believe they made big mistakes that bad.”

Seacrest, of course, knowing Mimi missed the soundcheck ... I think ... scurried several blocks away after introducing Carey and says he had no idea what was going on:

“When it was happening, it was hard for me to see and hear because we’re in Times Square and there was a lot going on. I had to be told that something was going on and then try to find a monitor to react to. So I wasn’t quite sure what was happening, actually.”

Really, Ryan? You’re working with the best team ever and you’re a nitpicky diva yourself, and someone had to tell you to watch?

I think you were sipping tea and watching it all with a wry smile on your face.

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When you’re born wealthy and spoiled you never really learn to share ... even within your own family; and that’s exactly the case with spoiled brats Ivanka and Junior _____.

It seems Newsweek got hold of some ancient interview Big Daddy Little Hands _____ did with Howard Stern and, if you didn’t already feel sorry for Tiffany _____, this might ... might ... make you change your mind.

The interview ALLEGEDLY took place in late 2005, and in it, Stern asks _____ about a rumor Ivanka and Junior tried to erase Tiffany from Daddy’s will; _____answers:

“I have a friend who is also like a very rich guy. And he said how his children hate the new children coming along and everything else; I said, ‘Yeah, because every time you have a child, it’s 20 percent less to the people [Inaudible].'”

So then Stern asks if Junior and Ivanka were trying to “bump off a child.” Trump instantly says:

“Tiffany?”

Stern asks if that rumor is true and _____ tries to evade the question but Stern keeps asking it, and finally _____ says:

“Yes.”

Then _____ points out that when he dies, all his kids will be inherit ... wait for it, he actually said it ... _____ University and _____ Ice bottle water. _____ U is gone and _____ Ice is now only available at _____’s tacky hotels and resorts.

Big coins, eh? Now, to be fair, ______ may have been lying about Ivanka and Junior wanting to nix Tiffany from the bankroll, but then that means he’d paint his own children as greedy monsters for a story; or, he’s telling the truth and his two oldest kids are evil greedy spoiled self-entitled loons who will never amount to anything.

Either way ... I think on the day Daddy kicks it and the will is read, Tiffany will be the proud owner of a warehouse filled with MAGA hats.

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Back before Leah Remini left the Cult of Scientology, she co-starred with Kevin James on The King of Queens, a minor hit for CBS. The show ended and Leah and Kevin went about their business; he made a couple of films and she began taking down a cult.

James returned to TV, with a new TV wife, last year in Kevin Can Wait and toward the end of the season Leah Remini guest-starred on the show, ands the ratings went way up. The producers loved the higher numbers and sop they asked Leah Remini to join the cast only there was one hitch: Kevin James’ character had a wife and how would it look if he and Leah, who plays an old flame, were all flirty and stuff. What to do, what to do ...

Kill off the wife. Yes, they killed the wife character, played by Erinn Hayes and brought Remini back full-time and will slowly—so as not to alienate fans—have Leah and Kevin become a TV couple. Wow. But, when asked how they planned to reveal the death of the “wife,” producers said they would keep it thoughtful and simple except ... not so much ... this is how they did it:

The new season began with Kevin’s character, aptly named Kevin, looking at the mail and finding a letter addressed to his wife from her gym that read:

“We haven’t seen you, we miss you.”

Kevin replies:

“You know what, so do I.” 

His TV daughter Kendra—actress Taylor Spreitler—grabs the letter and says:

“It’s been over a year since she died, they shouldn’t still be sending this.”

Then Kevin makes a joke about not throwing it out, because he wants to save the coupon attached for a kung fu lesson.

Wow. That was sweet and simple: the junk mail reveal. And Kevin made need to Kung Fu lessons to protect him if he ever comes across Erin n Hayes—the now-dead TV wife—in an LA alley.

Just sayin’.

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I used to like Wendy Williams until she went the Trans humor route and I stopped watching. As a Snarker, however, I loved her daily dose of gossip, though now she might not be as thrilled with the rumor mill ...

The Daily Mail reports that Wendy’s husband, Kevin Hunter, has ... ALLEGEDLY ... been carrying on a ten-year affair with 32-year-old massage therapist Sharina Hudson; the Daily Mail knows this because they’ve been watching the adulterers for over a year! They claim Kevin has been living a double life, moving between his home with Wendy and the condo he bought for Sharina. And the Daily Mail has pictures of Kevin and Sharina—he calls her “Shawty”—at the apartment, the gym, and even at the grocery store ... pictures showing Sharina wearing a big ass diamond engagement ring. And they also have photos of the inside of the mailbox at the new, private $765,000 house Kevin ALLEGEDLY upgraded them to, showing both Kevin and Sharina’s names. Sources claim they live a pretty normal life other than the fact that Kevin has a wife, another house and a son just a couple of towns over.

And this really is nothing new for Kevin Hunter; he’s not really what you might call a gentleman. Back in 2008 he was sued for sexual harassment by a talent broker who worked on Wendy’s radio show; that was settled out of court. And Kevin had an affair back in 2001, which Wendy now admits to having known about, and decided to stay with him because the cheating made them stronger ... or made him hide the next time even better?

And so she’s doing the same now; when the story broke and Wendy appeared on her show, she flashed her wedding ring and called the rumors fake:

“I stand by my guy. All is well in Hunterville. Don’t believe the hype. And if there was hype, believe me, I would let you know. And by the way, I’ll be following this story. So I guess I’ll have to watch to find out what happens.”

It’s not true he has two homes ... not true he gets mail at a house with another woman, with whom he shops and dines and works out and lives; and, also not true, is the quote from Sharina’s parents saying they want Kevin to dump Wendy and marry Sharina because they want grandbabies.

Keep following it Wendy ... we’ll follow it to divorce court.

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Lenny Kravitz is steamy hot. But this isn’t about that; it’s about Lenny and chocolates.

Lenny is living in Paris while working on a new album, but he took a night off for the opening performance of the Paris Opera Ballet. While most men wore tuxedos, Lenny wore black leather ... like I said, hot ... and in one of the pockets was some chocolate he brought along for a snack. And that hidden chocolate caused some issues when, minutes after the lights went down, Lenny pulled that piece of chocolate out to nibble on, and as he unwrapped it, a man in front of him went off:

“Shhhh! Stop eating! Stop eating!”

And so Lenny got out of his seat and confronted the man:

“Don’t tell me what to do. This is France!”

And we’ll stop ... This is France? That’s an excuse? I’m’a use that if I ever get stopped by a cop and see what happens, though it clearly didn’t help Lenny because ... back to our story ...

Lenny was then grabbed by a woman nearby, who exclaimed:

“You don’t know who that is!”

She was speaking about the ALLEGED VIP at whom Lenny was shrieking; and so he replied:

“I don’t care—don’t tell me what to do.”

And just when it looked like Lenny and the VIP might schedule a duel with pistols at dawn, it was over ...  Lenny took his seat, then stormed out—perhaps to eat his chocolates in the lobby—only to return 15 minutes later to watch the show. And then, after the show, Lenny was seen with the French VIP hugging it out in the lobby and laughing.

Maybe Lenny’s blood sugar was low ... let him eat chocolate and, as Lenny taught us, Let Love Rule.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Let’s take a look at the facts before we jump to the quote.

In 2010, Michael Douglas’ oldest son, Cameron, was sentenced to five years in federal prison for drug trafficking. Cameron Douglas was arrested in a DEA sting trying to sell a pound and a half of crystal meth to an undercover agent. He was also caught sending meth through the mail, a federal offense that involves interstate trafficking. Not good, but then, while on house arrest, he was caught with heroin, which his girlfriend—a lovely gal, no doubt—tried to slip heroin to him inside the battery compartment of an electric toothbrush. And we'll finish up by adding that, earlier this year, while in prison, he was caught with drugs—Xanax in his system and a Suboxone pill on his person.

After all that Cameron's sentence was almost doubled to nine-and-a-half years, which is close to the maximum he could have gotten for the original offenses.

Now to the quote: Michael Douglas, said of his son’s crimes and incarceration, “I have gone from being a very disappointed but loving father who felt his son got what was due him to realizing that Lady Justice’s blindfold is really slipping. I’m not defending Cameron as a drug dealer or drug addict, but I believe, because of his last name, he’s been made an example … When he had the ‘slip,’ I said, ‘You were two weeks away from starting your rehab program!’ But years of shooting up heroin screws up your system.”

So, his addict son, who cannot stop using, to the point of having his girlfriend play drug mule, to the point of failing a drug test while in prison, to the point of having illegal medications on his person while in prison, is being made an example because he’s Michael Douglas’ son? Oh, honey no.

It’s not like Cameron Douglas is Lindsay Lohan, because we all know she gets special treatment. But now, it gets worse for her. The doctors at The Betty Ford Center have cut off her precious supply of Adderall, and now she’s looking to go over the wall.

Lindsay is telling her friends she cannot, will not, stay at Betty Ford and wants to be moved to another facility, Hawaii sounds nice, that will let her chew the Adderall like they were Flintstone vitamins.

I don’t really know, i.e. don’t really care but I’ll say this just for you, what’s going on with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West at this point. I mean, everyone has an opinion, and now it seems like the Kash Kow Klan is having their say.

A source—possibly Dina Lohan now that she can’t sell Lindsay stories to the tabs—says, “The Kardashian family members, particularly Kim’s mom Kris Jenner, are growing increasingly concerned about how Kanye treats Kim. Kris is also concerned about how Kanye acts around the paparazzi. The Kardashians have made their names off the back off being photographed, but Kanye has a real aversion to it.”

This need for the paparazzi is what feds Kris Jenner’s ego, and bank account, and she became extremely annoyed last week when Kanye and Kim were trolling strolling Beverly Hills and, with photographers swarming, Kanye put his head down and walked into a sign; ironically, the sign read, ‘Wrong Way’.

Kanye then went on a screaming rampage at the paparazzi while Kim entered a restaurant and presumably called more photographers to let them know where they could find her, you know, accidentally.

When the Baby Mama and the Sperm Donor were in Paris recently, Kanye also went off on the paparazzi, telling them to leave him and Kim alone, but as a manager-slash-pimp, Kris needs to have Kim and Kayne to be photographed. It’s all about the coins.

So, now folks are saying that Kanye is shunning the Kardashians—smartest move he ever made—and is planning on spending more and more of his time in Paris, “working” on an album. Kim, who needs to stay in LA because she’s 85 months pregnant, and needs to have pictures of herself taken morning noon and night, will not be joining him there.

Add to that the pesky—unsubstantiated—rumor that Kanye is involved in a gay relationship with designer Riccardo Tisci, the man responsible for Kim’s couch dress at the Met Ball, and, well, this doesn’t bode well.

On to some Grandma Moore; Demi, Moore.

Now that she’s dating one of her daughter’s ex boyfriends, she’s in need of extra cash to keep the Botox and fillers flowing, and to keep a plastic surgeon on 24-call should a wrinkle appear.

To that end, she is said to be dragging out the divorce from BoyHusband, Ashton Kutcher, because she feels she’s entitled to more than he’s offering her. Last March, it was said that Demi said that it was “only fair that she be compensated” for the nearly 10 years she was with Ashton, and said she let her career cool while they were married.

No, Demi, GI Jane and Striptease let your marriage cool.

Still, now she says she wants half of the stock—worth an estimated $10 million—that Ashton owns in an Internet investment fund he co-founded.

Ten million. That’s a lot of Bo, and a lot of boys.

Lady Gaga is still lying low after recuperating from Old Lady Hip surgery, and has basically been babysitting Elton’s kids—she is their godmother, you know.

But, on one of her rare outings, she went to the Chateau Marmont for dinner, and one of her friends—and we all needs friends like this—told Gaga that she looked like she was Amy Winehouse, back from the dead.

But without the talent, I say.

Stunned, the Lady ga-gagged, and ran from the dining room, only to return hours later with a bright red wig and new makeup on.

And yet, still, without the talent.

So, there’s this thing called Kickstarter where you basically beg people for money as an investment in your ­insert project here. The producers of an upcoming Veronica Mars reunion film used it to raise some $2 million for their project, and then Zach Braff used it to beg for money for his sequel to Garden State.

Sounds like a good deal, unless you’re Melissa Joan Hart.

Hart’s begging/fundraising effort hoped to raise $2 million for the project—a film was called Darci’s Walk of Shame—but after about a month it had collected only $51,605 from a measly 315 supporters.

Still, she can’t be surprised, I mean, she Melissa Joan Hart—I had to Google her to find out she’d been on TV in the early 70s, or something. So, she must have known the project was a bit of a gamble, as her personal message to donors asked them “to do what Hollywood won’t, and that is to take a chance on me as the lead of a romantic comedy film.”

Ouch. Kickstarter? More like a kick in the teeth.

We haven’t heard much from JLo and her teenaged boyfriend, Casper Smart, lately; admit it, you missed them!

The big surprise, however, is that after being together for almost two years now, they still aren’t engaged. In a normal JLo relationship, buy this time she would have been married, divorced, and dating an embryo, so this is kind of shocking.

Now, though, people are saying JLo is ready to walk down the aisle again. In an interview with ET, the 43-year-old “singer” talked about their relationship, and why she’s ready to get married again: “He’s a creative partner to me. He knows what I want to accomplish. He helps me and I help him, and it kind of works that way.”

Translation: he carries my bags.

As for the romantic connection between the two, JLo said: “It’s a sweet relationship. It’s kind, it’s healthy.”

Like any relationship a twenty-something man has with his mommy.

Whether they’ll take a walk down the aisle together remains to be seen, but JLo admits she’ll “probably” take the plunge again in the future. After which she’ll get out of the water and file for divorce.

Again.

More on the Kash Kow, Kim Kardashian.

No one, no one, expects her to be a good mother, but the few that do may see their numbers shrink when they learn that she’s going to be approaching motherhood using skills learned from … wait for it … her mama, Kris “I’m Yo Pimp Mama” Jenner.

From the Kash Kow blog:

“Mother’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because it’s a special day to honor my role model and best friend. As I’m counting the days until I finally get to be a mother, I’m a bit nervous and anxious but also excited knowing that I learned from the very best. My mom is a strong and ambitious career woman that despite her busy schedule and the millions of things she has going on, she still manages to put family first and continues to look out for us every day. I’m honored to follow in her footsteps and make her proud like I am of her.”

This means that in roughly sixteen years, Kim will be pimping out baby Kanye Kardashian’s sex tape.

Still loathing Gwyneth Paltrow. How about you? Well, if you answered yes, you can add Chloë Sevigny to the list of people who are tired of Paltrow’s antics.

Earlier this week Paltrow complained about the Met Ball; it was “hot”; it was “crowded”; it wasn’t “fun”; my husband ignored me all night and refused to stand near me in any pictures at all. Then she said she would never, ever, ever go again. 

I think she said this after one of Anna Wintour’s Flying Monkeys dropped by Chez Paltrow with a letter that said, “You will never be invited again.”

I’m guessing.

Now, Chloë Sevigny offered Ms. Paltrow some tips on how to not have a really bad time getting dolled up in designer duds and walking a red carpet and having minions fawn over you, saying, “Maybe her sleeves were too tight. If you’re in a dress where you can’t breathe, then you’re not comfortable. You have to wear comfortable shoes and an outfit you can be okay in. [Also] I think it depends on what table you’re at, and who you’re with, and obviously your attitude. But it’s a lot of hoopla over not a lot. Everybody thinks it’s so much pressure, and you do the carpet and it’s such a big deal, and it’s just a museum fund-raiser, you know?”

In other words, Gwyneth, stop taking yourself so seriously. Get clothes that fit, Find a better class of friends. Realize what you’re doing.

Then STFU.