Snarky Thoughts

I like it when rich privileged celebrities get checked, especially at an airport. Take Marlon Wayans, for example, who was set to board a United flight to Kansas City where he was set to perform. Marlon had three bags to carry-on and we all know the limit is one; he was asked to consolidate the three bags to two bags before taking his First-Class seat, and then told one of the bags would be checked. Marlon got pissy, slammed his ticket on the counter and boarded the plane. Security was called and Marlon was removed, and then took to social media to play the Poor Rich Celebrity card; he can’t believe they would treat one of their first-class passengers in such a horrific manner … that’s for Coach. Wayans took to social media to blame United for him missing his KC gig, and then said he was getting a DM from United who would, no doubt, apologize, and fly him to KC on the wings of a dove. Not so fast … Marlon says United did reach out to him but it was only to stand behind their policy.

My Thought: Once again, celebrities, rules should apply to everyone, including mega-star … hold for laughter … Marlon Wayans.

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Well, it looks like the Surprise Divorce between Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner is gonna get messy. We know Christine’s filing was a surprise for Kevin, who says he wasn’t sleeping around this time and he did not impregnate anyone on the Yellowstone so the drama is now that, according to the couple’s prenup Christine is supposed to vacate the manse, but she has now decided not to leave.

My Thought: Maybe Christine saw herself living in a much smaller home without the perks of a movie star husband, and is changing her mind? The sudden loss of coins can do that, you know.

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Anita Baker announced last week that legendary record producer Kenneth Babyface Edmonds will no longer be part of her 15-city “Songstress Tour” due to the online harassment she has allegedly faced from his fans. See, it all began with a sound system problem that would have had Anita’s headlining portion of the tour delayed for over an hour so it was decided that Babyface would not go on. And that’s when his fans went after Baker online, so hard, that she deemed it necessary to remove him from the tour; Babyface has complained that it’s unfair because he was a co-headliner.

My Thought: It can’t be a co-headlining tour because it’s called Songstress and last I checked Baker was the one who had an album called The Songstress, and a songstress is a female singer.

My Other Thought: who knew Babyface’s fans could go so hard?

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Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, Erika Jayne says she stopped keeping track of all the men she’s f**ked over the years because she’s too old to remember all of them.

My Thought: I imagine the same can be said of hookers? Look, Erika, have all the sex you want, but to brag that you’ve been done so many times you can’t even recall them, is a pathetic, thirsty move.

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Snarky Thoughts

It was just a few years back that Dwayne Johnson, er, The Rock, foot-stomped, head-snapped, and hissed that he would never EVER return to the Fast and Furious franchise and yet he made a cameo at the end of this last epic, and then announced that he’ll star in a standalone movie as his character Luke Hobbs. Johnson also said that he and Vin Diesel have smooched and become BFFs again so that they can preserve and protect all these films that are really just the same film in different spots on the globe.

My Thought: Dwayne’s last movie Black Adam was such a bomb he went crawling back to the last thing he did that made money and pressed his lips to Diesel’s ass and cashed that check.

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Scientology rapist Danny Masterson was found guilty of rape this week. The jury found him guilty on two counts of rape but were deadlocked on the third. Masterson could have faced more than 40 years in prison for all three charges, but the attorneys say it is unclear how much time he will spend bending over for the soap on “just two” counts.

My Thought: Just two counts of rape? I guess that means you get to rape at least twice to get a light sentence but should think again about that third assault?

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If it’s June and you’re as Thirsty as Kate Hudson then it’s that time of year again to bare the tits and ass on Instagram. And so Goldie’s spawn spent Memorial Day Weekend lounging by the pool with her kids—topless—and posted:

“Suns out, buns (and huns) out #summerready.”

My Thought: Somewhere Madonna and Halle Berry are stripping off their bikini tops and bottoms for a pool day photo because The Thirst is real.

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Like his pal Robert DeNiro, eighty-three-year-old Al Pacino is set to become a dad for the fourth time after it was revealed that his 29-year-old girlfriend, Noor Alfallah, is eight months pregnant. If all goes as planned Al will be over 100 years old when the kid graduates from high school.

My Thought: Will they do a Weekend at Bernie’s thing and prop the corpse up in a chair, or just make things easy and roll a coffin down the aisle?

PS Al’s oldest child is four years older than his current Baby Mama.

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Clearly she has a type. Fifty-one-year-old Erika Jayne was spotted on what appeared to be a Las Vegas date with recently arrested seventy-one-year-old lawyer Jim Wilkes II amid her divorce from eighty-three-year-old disgraced former attorney Tom Girardi.

My Thought: She likes ‘em legal, decades older, and in trouble with the law. She really is a Pretty Mess.

PS Wilkes wants y’all to know he and Erika aren’t dating because he still lives with his wife and they aren’t dating so don’t say that!

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Snarky Thoughts

Two weeks ago, Beyoncé announced that Renaissance, her seventh studio album, will be released on July 29, and then last week she released the first single, Break My Soul, and this week she released the cover art ... with a semi-nude Beyoncé on a giant plastic horse.

My thought: she’s a stripper now?

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Well, it looks like Poor Little Bitch Girl—not a typo—Erika Jayne won’t be able to pawn off a pair of diamond earrings that cost $750,000 to pay her rent next month. She has been ordered by a judge to hand them over because her husband Tom  Girardi bought them with stolen money that was supposed to go to victims of the Lion Air Flight 610 crash.

My thought: couldn’t happen to a nicer grifter.

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When the Friends reunion aired on HBO Max last year, we were reminded again that the show was the whitest thing seen on TV even though it was set in the most diverse city in the world. And we learned that two of the Friends‘ creators, Kevin Bright and Marta Kauffman, stand by their all-white casting choices though Marta wants y’all to know she’ll be funding future students at Brandeis University with a $4 million pledge for the African American studies department.

My thought: you’re about twenty-plus years late.

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There has been gossip that Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn are  engaged and a source—you know it’s Taylor—says that when they do get hitched, it will be a very simple, elegant affair, and no pictures will be sold to Vogue or Hello! Magazine or :::gag::: People.

My thought: Taylor will release an album with a slew of sappy off-key tunes and pictures of the wedding so she can make some coins.

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Well, Miles Teller’s granny Leona “Mup” Flowers thinks there’s nothing Miles can’t do, and went on Twitter this week to ay that Miles should be the next James Bond.

My thought: Mup is due for a nap.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t know who Goonew is, but this story makes me sick.

Goonew was a twenty-four-year-old a rapper who was shot and killed three weeks ago in District Heights, Maryland, a few blocks from where he grew up. His murder remains unsolved, but his family held his funeral last weekend and it was … sickening.

With the help of the funeral home, the family propped up Goonew’s embalmed corpse on stage at Bliss Nightclub, dressed in sneakers, jeans, an Amiri hoodie, and a crown, and they called the service “The Last Show”  and charged a $40 cover charge for the privilege of partying with a dead body on a stage.

Seriously.

Now, I get the idea of having the memorial in a club; is it really so different propping a corpse up on a stage than having the body inside a pine box? But to put a cover charge on it like this was Goonew’s last “performance” stinks of greed.

Sickening.

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More sickening … embattled “housewife” Erika Jayne of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was recently removed from the lawsuit against her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi, after he was accused of embezzling settlement money meant for widows and orphans.

As soon as that news came, Erika ran to Twitter to do a “told ya so” dance and pronounce she’d been right saying she was innocent. But the California Court system said, “Hold my beer” because the other shoe had yet to drop.

She was then named in a $2.1 million lawsuit  for ALLEGEDLY “aiding and abetting” Tom’s schemes and has just been sued for $50 million for her ALLEGED role in Girardi’s money schemes.

The XXpen$ive To Be Me “singer” is getting cheaper by the day.

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Oh Madge, what have you done now?

While Madonna has had a TikTok account for a while she doesn’t post that often, but when she did so recently, she scared the children because her face is, well, like that up there. And the children came for her:

“This honestly scared me.”

“Nurse she’s over here.”

“Is she okay, though?”

“Is this Darcey or Stacey?”

I had to Google Darcey and Stacey—that’s them down there—and they are Darcey and Stacey Silva who have a reality show that follows their hot messes around Middletown, Connecticut.

So, basically, they’re Madonna without having had a successful singing career in the 80s and 90s.

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This sounds like a joke, but it’s about Marjorie Taylor Greene and she has zero sense of humor, so, you know, it must be true [hint: it is].

After the confirmation vote for Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, Large and In Charge Marge was all kinds of butt-hurt and labeled the three Republicans who voted to confirm—Susan Collins, Mitt Romney and Lisa Murkowski—as “pro-pedophile” and when talk show host Jimmy Kimmel heard about that he said:

“Wow, where is Will Smith when you really need him?”

In response Marge called the Capitol Police—the very group she denigrated after the Insurrection—to report the threat of assault. Luckily, the Capitol Police have enough on their plate, and they put Marge’s complaint in the Circular File, and so she took to Twitter:

“You weren’t joking. You hide your misogyny and your racism behind your ‘jokes’ on @ABC. This was a dog whistle to the violent left to assault me or worse, and your [sic] already inspiring fantasies of violence against me. How many new death threats will I get that are your fans?”

And she went on:

“@jimmykimmel your fans called my office today in direct response to you inciting physical violence towards me. It’s not a joke. You knew exactly what you were doing. @ABC and their parent company @WaltDisneyCo should not allow your misogyny & threats of violence.”

Kimmel addressed her TwitRage—first pointing out a misspelled “your” in one of her tweets—and noted that he gets death threats from her QAnon minions and that she  “is the one who endorsed fringe conspiracy theories” and “repeatedly indicated support for executing prominent Democratic politicians.” And then Kimmel followed her lead and reported her, oh not to the police, but to the Justice League, writing:

“Dear Batman,

I’m writing about a woman who might be a supervillain. Like the Riddler she believes the world is full of coded messages. Like the Joker she thinks she is funny, and like the Penguin she is five foot three. Please check her out. Love to Robin.

Love, Jimmy.”

At press time for this post, Marge hasn’t sent Poison Ivy after Jimmy … yet.

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Last year when the Kardastrophes announced they were quitting their “show,” I posted that they were simply quitting the E! channel and would soon have a streaming show where they could make more coins.

I was right, but this isn’t about that. This is about that group shot up there with all the daughters, except the dumb one who keeps getting pregnant, looking tanned and Botoxed and boob jobbed and extensioned to the gills, and it begs the question: what is veteran character actor JK Simmons doing up there in the back row with the black bob?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Jen Shah of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City—and, yes, it’s a show—was arrested during a taping of the show this season and accused of swindling hundreds of elderly people in a telemarketing scam. She was charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and conspiracy to commit money laundering. She has pleaded not guilty.

But she wants to make sure that no one sees any episodes of RHoSLC in court because they might just paint her as the grifter and con artist she is accused of being. In fact, her lawyers say clips from the show “do not have any of the indicia of reliability” and are “highly edited and crafted through post-production.” You see, in the clips they want excluded, Shah flaunts her lavish lifestyle, and even brags that she spends $50,000 on herself each month … at least the months prior to her arrest. Her lawyers suggest Shah is, ahem, “playing that character on a show that has been highly curated and edited to satisfy its dramatic requirements.”

But Jen Shah isn’t that good an actress, but a woman who brags about her glam squad and her couture wardrobe and her expensive cars all the while living in a rental home.

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Sure, Prince Andrew agreeing to a settlement with his accuser Virginia Giuffre was the best outcome for both parties, but isn’t it funny that now we learn the Queen , Andy’s Mum, will reach into that purse she always carried and ALLEGEDLY part with $12 million for Giuffre? And the part Liz pays will only be a portion of the settlement.

Right as England begins to celebrate Liz’s Platinum Jubilee, she has to bail her perverted son out of trouble.

Not a good look.

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We all know that Bennifer 2.0 rebooted last spring after a seventeen-year hiatus, and the engagement rumors started immediately. And right on cue—the cue being her new movie Marry Me, Jennifer Lopez hit the airwaves to talk marriage proposals. It’s good, right, because if anyone can talk marriage proposals it’s the Five Time Fiancée™.

In the interview with Heart FM, JLO says she loves “public displays of romance,” but doesn’t know if she would love a public proposal:

“I think that that’s a more intimate thing between two people.”

This was said the week after she attended a movie premiere in a wedding gown, with Ben wearing a nice dark blue tuxedo.

This was said by the women who lives her entire life and every single relationship in the press but now suddenly she’s shy and wants an intimate proposal.

Bitch please. I’ve had cold sores last longer than a JLo relationship or marriage.

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What do you get your ex-wife who already has a new boyfriend for Valentine’s Day? If you’re Kanye Ye, you load up a truck with thousands of roses and have them delivered to Kim Kardastrophe West’s house along with a giant sign declaring yourself to be her “number one fan.”

Has anyone seen Misery? Then you know how this ends.

Oh, and you promised to stop stalking Kimmy’s new beau, Pete Davidson, on Instagram, because nothing says love like a mound of flowers dying in the driveway and a promise from your ex not to threaten you new boyfriend anymore.

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Since we started with ALLEGED criminal Housewives, let’s end there, too.

A week or so ago, it was announced that Erika Jayne of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was cut loose from the case of her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi’s, scamming of settlement monies from airplane crash survivors, burn victims and orphans. Erika stepped cheering,:

“Told you so. Told you so. Told you. Told you. Told you so.”

Cut to this week and Erika Jayne is being sued once more in relation to her estranged husband legal issues. This time she’s been named in a $2.1 million complaint for ALLEGEDLY “aiding and abetting” Tom’s schemes.

Erika and her company EJ Global—which sounds like a soap opera corporation—were named in a $2.1 million complaint filed on behalf of Manuel Miller and Kathleen Bajgrowicz. Manuel and Tom represented Kathleen when she sued the NFL for the death of her son, Chuck Osborne, who died after repeated head trauma in 2012. The suit ALLEGES that after settling with the NFL, Tom made excuses as to why the settlement money wasn’t available while pocketing the money. The suit accuses Erika of knowing that the stolen money was “funding her notoriously lavish lifestyle.”

Whoops. Again with a housewife and her lavish lifestyle.

But Erika’s lawyer is scoffing at this newest lawsuit saying she “has no law degree and never worked at or managed her former husband’s law firm.” Funny that., because no one is saying she worked for Tom, and no one is saying she’s a lawyer, they are simply saying she lived off the scams of her husband and knew about it.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Is it good news for Erika Jayne, one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, or is it just news?

It appears that Jayne has been dismissed from her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi‘s, embezzlement lawsuit. Girardi is accused of stealing settlement money from the families of plane crash victims and using it to fund his and Erika’s lavish lifestyle, as well as Erika’s pop career.

But all is not over for Missus Grifter because the lawsuit will be refiled in California, according to Jay Edelson, the lawyer representing the victims, who took to Twitter to stop the presses on people thinking Erika is off the hook:

“No chance we are letting Erika Jayne off the hook, especially given the evidence we have found.”

Ooh, yummy goodness.

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There’s an old saying that “Everything old is new again,” though I like to think it should read, “Everything old is just Madonna trying to stay relevant.”

During a recent Instagram Live, Madonna—a big supporter of the #FreeBritney movement—sucked up some of the attention by suggesting she’d like to do a stadium tour with Britney:

“Hell yeah. I have to. Stadium baby. Me and Britney, what about that? Not sure if she’d be into it, but it would be really cool. We could like, reenact the original [kiss].”

Madonna was referencing the time nearly twenty years ago when she and Britney kissed on the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards.

Oh yes, Madge, with all that’s going on, and gone on, in the world since 2003, everyone’s dying to see Britney tongue-kiss her mee-maw and then lip sync to some cheesy auto-tuned performance of “Like a Virgin.”

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Kanye West is once again proving what a stalkerish ex-husband he can be. First, after Missus West, Kim Kardastrophe, bought him out of the family home, he went and bought the house across the street just to be close. But then Kimmy went on SNL, to which she invited Kanye to attend, and kissed Pete Davidson in a skit right in front of her ex-husband, and then began dating Davidson,.

So what does a mentally challenged narcissist do to respond? Well, if you’re a ‘Ye’ you threaten  to beat Pete’s ass in a song and then dog Pete’s wardrobe as “mall clothes”—this from someone who “designs” for The Gap—and then you sink even lower by starting a rumor that “Pete Davidson has AIDS.”

In a world of lows, not one sinks lower, faster or craziest that Kanye Kardastrophe West.

Ye needs to watch his mouth because blogger Tasha K recently lost a $4 million lawsuit to Cardi B for suggesting Cardi has herpes, so Pete might just sue the crazy out of Kanye and then use the money to take Kimmy on a splashy paparazzi-filled vacation.

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There’s another old saying that goes, ‘You can never be too rich or too thin.’ I offer a new saying, ‘You can never be too rich or too stupid.’ Amirite Justin Bieber?

The Biebs purchased a Bored Ape Yacht Club—that’s it up there—NFT for $1.29 million even though the item had an estimated value of $208,237. That’s 300% more than its valued market price.

Rich. Stupid.

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The season finale of the Sex and the City revival, And Just Like That… is out now and show creator Michael Patrick King spoke to Variety about the reactions to the show ... not so good ... Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis ... and that infamous third movie of the series that was going to be about Big dying; King says now that he’s glad Kim Cattrall’s refusal to do the film killed it because he was able to kill Big on a Peloton. 

And then MPK talked about how, even though a second season has not been ordered, he is already talking with SJP about the show and who should do it and such, and whether or not Kim Cattrall would be asked back:

“No … because she’s said what she had said. The only place I participate in magical thinking is in fiction. You take people at their word, and you’re a smart producer–you don’t back yourself into a corner. Magically thinking, it’s great to have Samantha. I have no realistic expectation of Kim Cattrall ever appearing again.”

King says that the door for Cattrall to return is closed and Kim says, at least I think she’d say:

“Bitch, I locked that door years ago, tossed the key, and never looked back.”

And now even SJP is talking about how Kim Cattrall can never come back to the series. It's kinda said that SJP and MPK cannot talk about the show without mentioning Kim and Kim doesn't talk about the show at all.

#TeamKim

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gigi Hadid has bangs, y’all.

That’s the headline after Hadid broke up with Zayn Malik, with whom she shares a daughter, Khai, after Zayn ALLEGEDLY physically and verbally assaulted Gigi’s mother, Yolanda Hadid, during an argument in September.

But Gigi got bangs!

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After news broke that Funny Girl would return to Broadway and that  Beanie Feldstein [left]—who played Monica Lewinsky in Impeachment: American Crime Story—will star as Fanny Brice, one former Glee star, Lea Michele [right] , was said to be devastated.

You see, Ryan Murphy, who produced Glee and, ironically, Impeachment: American Crime Story, wanted to buy the rights to Funny Girl for Michele, but his deal fell through, and the new producing team probably heard stories about Michele’s horrible reputation and went with Feldstein, after which Lea, trying to save her already horrid reputation, rather than sh*tting in Feldstein’s ‘Monica’ beret—something she wanted to do to a Glee extra—Michele replied to Beanie’s Instagram post about her new gig:

“Yes! YOU are the greatest star! This is going to be epic!” 

Actually, my guess is that Lea had someone else type that while she was screaming and tearing her hair out. Anyway, more time has passed and Lea  wants y’all to know that she is still super happy about Beanie getting the role; it’s fine, y’all, really. And we know this because Lea said so in a podcast:

“There’s been so much talk about me coming to Broadway—and not coming to Broadway! Listen, I am so unbelievably excited to see Funny Girl on Broadway. I cannot wait. I had drinks with [director] Michael [Mayer] the other day, and I just think that Beanie is an incredible choice for the production, and I think it’s going to be so wonderful. I can’t wait to see Jane [Lynch] in it as well. I think that a lot of people always put me in the lane with Funny Girl because, of course, I love the show and the music. But I did get to do a lot of it on Glee.”

Wow, the thirst is real; first she does “drinks” with the director, and then of course mentions how many people thought she should play Fanny and how many times she’s sung the role. And then she adds:

“There were so many shows and so many roles that I would love to play, and I’m so grateful that Broadway is back now. But for me to come back to Broadway… Maybe I am coming back to Broadway!”

If I were Beanie I’d be looking for marbles on the stairs or baby oil drizzled on the stage because Lea is coming to Broadway … though she’ll need a ticket.

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Well well well … 40-year-old Paris Hilton finally tied a man down.

Last week she married 40-year-old Carter Reum during a three-day-wedding that was filmed for a reality show so that neither Paris nor Carter had to actually pay for it. And that might be a good thing because now we know that Carter has a secret nine-year-old daughter that he takes care of financially, though he’s only seen her once in her life.

And Paris hopes to have children with this man? Good luck.

Sidenote: he looks like a terrible father in that photo.

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Sorry not sorry, but as Erika Jayne and soon-to-be ex-husband Tom Girardi are still fighting the We Stole From Burn Victims and Orphans to Fund Our Lavish Lifestyle scenario, comes word that their home they are selling has now been knocked down in price …again.

The Pasadena mansion hit the market earlier this year for $13 million but as no one put an offer on the place, the price was dropped two months later to $11.5 million, then dropped again to $9.98 million, and has been dropped again, down 37% to from the original price to just $8 million.

And is still sitting empty.

Sorry, not sorry.

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i Ain't One to Gossip But ...

Wow, this bitch … this past week embattled “Housewife” Erika Jayne seemed to compare herself to Jesus Christ over the public scrutiny she’s faced for her ongoing legal troubles in which she looks like a con artist stealing money from widows and orphans.

A “fan” of the grifter posted a message to social media implying that being slammed in the court of public opinion is the same as Jesus being crucified on the cross:

And Erika Jayne liked being compared to Jesus until people started coming for her:

“Erika Jayne comparing herself to Christ is … absolutely insane.  This woman has lost her damn mind.”

“Erika Jayne is pulling a Vicki Gunvalson comparing her own (self imposed) drama to the crucifixion of Christ….. Girl PUHLEASEEEEEEE”

And because Erika is a vindictive child she battled back with this:

Oh Erika, you aren’t anything near Christ-like. You stayed married for over twenty years to a man who paid for your every whim, like being an aging pop star, and when he slipped some $25 million in your LLC bank account, that you knew wasn’t yours, you spent it willingly.

And you only left your husband minutes before the scandal broke that he was stealing from victims of an airplane crash.

Again, not Christ-like.

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There’s a simple rule about comedy: don’t try it unless you know you’re funny. Amirite, Barbara Corcoran?

Corcoran is feeling the heat after a body shaming “joke” about Whoopi Goldberg on the View. It happened last week when Corcoran, a Shark Tank judge visited the show with Good American CEO and founder Emma Grede, who is set to become the first Black, female guest shark on Shark Tank. During their conversation, The View co-host Sunny Hostin raved about Good American‘s size-inclusive jeans, and Whoopi Goldberg, a comedian, made a joke, saying:

“Will they fit this COVID [butt]?”

Barbara responded with:

“When you get finished with those jeans, and decide you don’t like them, give them to me. I’m gonna make two pairs.” 

The camera then panned to Whoopi, who looked both shocked and unamused, while co-host, and No Fucks Left To Give, Ana Navarro jumped in to defend her and threw a jab at the floral-print dress Barbara was wearing.

“Whoopi, let me just tell you something. Both Sara Haines and Jill Biden wore [Corcoran’s] dress already, on TV.” 

Lessons learned:

Barbara Corcoran should leave the so-called comedy to the comedians.

Fat-shaming anyone, even a comedian, is not a joke.

Ana Navarro will always have your back.

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After the film adaptation of his original production of Cats flopped in theaters in 2019, receiving a litter of scathing reviews, Andrew Lloyd Webber got a therapy dog:

“I saw [Cats], and I just thought, ‘Oh, God, no!’ It was the first time in my 70-odd years on this planet that I went out and bought a dog. So the one good thing to come out of it is my little Havanese puppy.”

I didn’t see Cats because I’m trying to cut out cheese, but I heard a lot of people needed therapy after watching the film.

Sidenote—and this slays me: after spending the entire lockdown together, Lloyd Webber petitioned to have the dog allowed on a plane, and when the airline asked if he could “prove” that he needed the dog, Lloyd said:

“Yes, just see what Hollywood did to my musical Cats."

To which they responded with:

“No doctor’s report required.”

Snap.

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Katie Couric really has nothing new going on, so she wrote a book, Going There, in which she trashes just about everyone.

She says Prince Harry reeked of alcohol and cigarettes when she met him at a polo match decades ago during his hard partying days.

She sang a stupid song to the Martha Stewart and when she didn’t laugh, Katie dubber her a humorless C U Next Tuesday.

She writes about a 2010 dinner at Jeffrey Epstein’s house with Prince Andrew, Chelsea Handler, Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn, George Stephanopoulos and Charlie Rose, and says her seventeen years younger boyfriend, remarked how young the women were who took their coats, and says:

“I couldn’t imagine what Epstein and Andrew were up to, apart from trying to cultivate friends in the media. Which, in retrospect, they must have figured they’d need when the pedophilia charges started rolling in.”]

Um, Katie, in 2010, before you accepted his invite, Epstein had already been convicted and served time for procuring a child for prostitution, so your now faux outrage doesn’t fit.

Couric, who covered for Today co-host Deborah Norville in 1991 when Norville took maternity leave, says she got Norville’s job because Norville was “too pretty” at a time in the morning when people were still getting ready for the day.

Norville was too pretty? How feminist of you, Katie.

Katie saw Today as her “turf” and kept an eye on any woman who was “younger and cuter” like Ashleigh Banfield whose “father was telling anyone who’d listen that she was going to replace me.”

Banfield has already hit back at the lie, saying that at the time she was reporting from a war zone in Afghanistan and her father made a comment that he’d like to have NBC give Ashleigh a desk job, and to Katie that was an assault.

Other targets in Katie’s book include Joan Rivers, possibly because Joan saw through her and hated her; she says she once went on a date with Michael Jackson and said he had a hand like a dead fish; she slams  Neil Simon, whom she also dated, because he was ALLEGEDLY too old, or too turned off, to fuck; she says Larry King once came at her tongue-first and tried to jump her bones.

And she especially loathed her rival Diane Sawyer as the two battled to be the top star in morning TV news and told her bosses:

"That woman must be stopped."

Couric says she and Sawyer battled over interviews and talks about the time Katie got an exclusive with two teens who had been abducted because her team pointed out that she was a widowed mother of two girls, while Sawyer was just a stepmother. 

And then she has the balls to say that Sawyer’s interview with the late Whitney Houston was exploitative, and that Sawyer used Houston's personal troubles to get good sound bites. 

But, and this is rich, she actually texted “I love you and care about you deeply” to serial predator Matt Lauer after he was fired for sexual harassment.

Tying it all up, Katie Couric hates women who are younger and prettier, funnier, more talented, but dines with child rapists and loves sexual predators.

Little Miss Perky is also quite a bitch, apparently.

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