I Ain't One To Gossip But ... And It's JLo-Themed

Clearly the JLo pandemic is running rampant in Hollywood because Katharine McPhee has come down with The Thirsts. This past week McPhee took to her Instagram Story to share her husband David Foster’s reaction to a here-to-fore private photo she sent him:

Gosh, I long for the days when thirsty celebrities didn’t post underwear pictures they sent to their spouses in an effort to try and make everyone believe their marriage is all sexy and lovey and perfect and shiz. Cuz, in case anyone forgot, David Foster is on his fifth marriage; he was married to BJ Cook from 1972 to 1981; the next year, 1982, he married Rebecca Dyer, and divorced her in 1986, after which he stayed single for five years until marrying Linda Thompson in 1991 and lasting until 2005; he married Yolanda Hadid in 2011 and divorced her in 2017, at which time he began dating Katharine, and married her in 2019. David’s longest marriage lasted just 14 years, while his shortest lasted six.

Tick tock, Katherine.

PS Of note is that Katharine McPhee was born in 1984, right in the middle of David Foster’s second marriage.

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When you’re Gerard Butler, who was hot for a hot minute ten years ago, what else have you got to do but beef? See, during an interview to promote his new movie Copshop, the interviewer brought up how Gerard’s 2009 movie Gamer has been compared to Ryan Reynolds’ new movie Free Guy. Butler went all Mariah Carey “I don’t know her” on the interviewer and said he hasn’t heard of Reynold’s new film because he doesn’t watch Ryan Reynolds movies.

Reynolds saw that and raised the ante with this:

“Can you believe Gerard Butler doesn’t know what Free Guy is? Also, can you believe that the challenges to democracy have never been greater and that Blake and I will match your contributions to the @aclu_nationwide and @naacp_ldf?”

Free Guy over Gamer.

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Third time’s the charm they say, and HGTV’s answer to Jennifer Lopez, Christina Haack, formerly known as Christina El Moussa and then as Christina Anstead, is trying to prove that to be true. It appears that the twice-divorced “Flip or Flop” star is engaged, again, to boyfriend Joshua Hall just three months after finalizing her divorce from the oddly named Ant Antstead.

Haack was previously married to her “Flip or Flop” co-star Tarek El Moussa from 2009 to 2018 when she divorced him and married Anstead until 2021, when she found herself engaged again.

If she wants to be JLo can we call her CHa …. Hahahahahahahahaha.

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Poor Erika Jayne. No, I literally mean poor Erika Jayne. It has been revealed that she ALLEGEDLY spent some $25 million that her husband Tom Girardi deposited into the bank account of her LLC and she had no idea it was there until it came time to spend it.

But those coins are all gone and this week Jayne was spotted at TJ Maxx looking sad and poor. Good.

Oh, and she lied again on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when she told a story about Tom’s house being broken into, and how he confronted the burglar, and was then taken to the hospital, and she sent her son to check on him because she couldn’t go and then her son rolled his car on a snowy road coming home from the hospital.

Rolling cars is a thing in her family because she also claims Tom rolled his car off a cliff six years ago.

But here’s the lie … in January, authorities confirmed that officers responded to an ALLEGED forced entry through a broken window at Tom’s home but there was no report of Tom confronting said burglar.

Maybe it was Erika trying to clean out one of the safes?

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Oh, JLo, my heart bleeds for you.

In between parading current fiancé Ben Affleck around the world for photo shoots and make-out sessions, Jennifer Lopez announced that she feels like an “outsider” in Hollywood. In fact, even though she’s such an outsider she has, according to her IMdb page, some six projects lined up, JLo took part in Sephora’s “We Belong” campaign to talk about being an outside in Tinsel Town because … wait for it … she felt snubbed by the Academy for not getting a Best Supporting Actress Oscar last year. In fact, she even whined to Oprah about it:

“I felt like I let everyone down a little bit. I was sad. I was a little sad because there was a lot of buildup to it. There were so many articles, I got so many good notices — more than ever in my career and there was a lot of: ‘She’s going to get nominated for an Oscar, it’s going to happen; if it doesn’t you’re crazy.’ I’m reading all the articles going: ‘Oh my God, could this happen?’ And then it didn’t and I was like: ‘Ouch.’ It was a little bit of a letdown.”

Snubbed for a trophy and she feels like an outsider? I have an idea, JLo, get out of Hollywood, and then you might really feel like an outsider.

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Would You Hit It?

Here's our newest contestant .... Gerard Butler .... and a simple question:

Would.You.Hit.It.

Yes or No?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

I must have missed this story when it first came around, because it’s over a month old, and takes place at the Cannes Film Festival where Leonardo DiCaprio was, ALLEGEDLY, a giant douche.

Seems he spent the entire time partying, yacht-hopping, promoting his movie and trying to bone anything with two legs and a pulse; and a vagina, lest some of my more, um, gay readers think they had a chance with Leo.

But, in addition to The Hunt For Tail, Leo also racked up a $50,000 hotel tab; not for rooms; not for room service; not for that one bag of Macadamia Nuts in the room fridge. No, Leo ALLEGEDLY destroyed his suite at the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc during the festival!

A source—and you know it’s Lohan, writing from jail rehab because she wishes she was there—says, “Every night, Leo would throw parties. He left cigarette burns on the carpet, bed and couch. And the bathtub and toilet were clogged, which caused a huge mess, and women’s underwear was everywhere!”

But, like his last film role, Jay Gatsby, Leo was the perfect gentleman on the way out and gladly coughed up the 50 G’s for the damages.

Still, um, Leo? Maybe use an ashtray and learn how to use a toilet and you can save yourself $50,000!

Amirite

Poor Moo-riah Mariah Carey!

After living it up on the 4th of July, the poor dear dislocated her shoulder.

Some say she did so while filming her new music video.

I think it happened when she was trying to grab that last biscuit off the breakfast tray before anyone else got it.

Just sayin’.

Bromance alert.

Bradley “Husband In My head” Cooper and Gerard “Please Take A Bath” Butler were all aglow last week at Wimbledon, watching Andy Murray win one for the home team.

But, seriously? Matching suits? Selfies?

And Bradley’s ALLEGED girlfriend—some model named Sookie—was seated a couple of seats away and left totally out of the action, while Bradard, er, Gerley, yeah, definitely Gerley  cooed and giggled like a couple of love-struck English lads away at university.

Just sayin’.

You know, when you set Lindsay Lohan up as your idol, you don’t have to reach very far to be just like her. But you can end up looking like a Low Rent Lohan.

was sent to rehab to deal with the fact that she’s a media whore, porn star, alcoholic and ended up in the same facility as the Tanning Mom, Patricia Krentcil; you remember her, the Leather Faced Drunkard who fried her daughter in a tanning bed? Yeah, a couple of real winners.

But Farrah was kicked out of the rehab place after just ten days because she was a “disruptive influence” on other patients.  The single mother-of-one—paging Child Protective Services! Child Protective Services, Please—was involved in an argument with a nurse, brought a paparazzi into the facility for a photo shoot of her stay, bullied other patients because, you know, she’s Teen Mom, media whore, porn star, alcoholic, Farrah, and tried to take a  photo of Tanning Mom.

That was the last straw and out she went.

Teen Mom, Tanning Mom. If only there was a show called The Biggest loser … not for weight loss, but for being an actual loser.

Britney Spears. White trash with money. And a high-larious record producer in one William Orbit.

He Tweeted about working with Brit Brit—between fried chicken breaks—and when a fan suggested that maybe Spears could do a stripped down version of one of her songs—at least I’m hoping it was stripped down song and not stripped down Spears—Orbit Tweeted:

@britneyspears never needed that auto tune thing . . . just know how to make singers sing great

My.Sides!

For the record, here’s a stripped down Brit singing Happy Birthday top LA Reid last year, and it makes me wish she had auto tune follow her around all the time.

Little Miss Justine Bieber is at it again.

It seems she’s been running late to all her concerts lately, forcing her, um, audience, to stay up well past their 7PM bedtime; she’s still terrorizing her neighbors by driving her car like a madwoman throughout his million dollar ‘hood; and now this:

A video is out there showing Bieber peeing into a mop bucket in a nightclub hallway—sidenote: I didn’t know she could pee standing up—and then raging through the hallways until finding a spray bottle of Windex and the spraying a picture of a former president and shouting, “F**k Bill Clinton!”

The best part of the video—and you can find it for yourselves, is watching the bodyguard who usually carried Miss Justine like a Baby Doll standing on the stairs watching Justine whip her teeny peeny out for a leak.

Hey, it’s a living, y’all.

Of course, when the video went viral, Miss Justine called the former President to apologize. Clinton ALLEGEDLY responded, “Who is this again?”

Which is what the world will be saying when Justine Bieber finally disappears.

Oh, JLo—or as Carlos calls her, Jello.

In a new interview where she’s been glammed up to look like a low-rent, knock-off Liz Taylor, JLo talks of the time she spent “homeless” before getting her big break as a Fly Girl on In Living Color back in 1991.

Except she wasn’t homeless in the sense of not having a home and sleeping in a cardboard box and panhandling for food, or giant underwear. She was slept-on-a-friend’s-couch homeless.

Plus, she could have stayed home, but, she says, her mother was getting on her nerves:

“My mom and I butted heads. I didn’t want to go to college, I wanted to try dance full-time. So she and I had a break. I started sleeping on the sofa in the dance studio. I was homeless, but I told her, ‘This is what I have to do’. A few months later, I landed a job dancing in Europe. When I got back, I booked In Living Color. I became a Fly Girl and moved to LA. It all happened in a year.”

Homeless? Hardly. She was a self-indulgent little brat who ran away because Mommy was mean. And, read it clearly, ran away to Europe.

Note to Jello: Stop making up stories. You’re a demanding diva with little discernible talent and how you’ve managed to have a career that’s spanned these last twenty years is an amazing feat in and of itself.

But please, stop talking.

I like George Clooney. I think he’s a pretty good actor, and I like his humanitarian efforts in places like Darfur. I am not, however, one of those, Oh my god, he’s gorgeous fans.

But I do like a good story and the story this week that Clooney and longtime girlfriend Stacey Kiebler broke up is a story that will not die.

I mean, they broke up; big deal. Clooney breaks up with all his girlfriends because they each think he’ll marry them when, in fact, Clooney has never given an interview in which he doesn’t say, “I.Will.Never.Marry.Again.”

But these gals try and fail, and end up back in the Nobody Pile where Clooney found them.

However, an interesting note about the Kiebler Breakup—and rumored to have come from Camp Kiebler …where I'm guessing Clooney exes go to try and learn to love again—is that they broke up because they hadn’t had sex in “months” because they were always in different cities and George was hoping Stacey would get the hint and just go.

But the saddest part is that the couple—and this must mean the always in different cities line is true—broke up over the telephone. And not during telephone sex.

The couple ALLEGEDLY handled it like civil people, and Clooney told Kiebler he hoped they could still be friends; and then he gave her ten million bucks.

Checkbook say what?

Clooney girlfriend or high class hooker? You make the call.

Leah Remini used to be on a show called The King of Queens which I never saw, and then she was a co-host on The Talk, which I also never saw until after she got fired for thinking she was the star of the show. But I may have to look into her because Remini, who was a big Scientologist, has just left the church in a big way, and might be ready to talk.

She released a statement for her fans, but did not release a statement as to why she decided to leave the ALLEGED church—and gay bathhouse for Mister Sisters Cruise and Travolta … ALLEGEDLY—because ‘church’ leader David Miscavige, and how he and the church are corrupt, and that his wife is missing though Miscavige and the ‘church’ deny she’s missing.

Here’s Remini’s statement:

“I wish to share my sincere and heartfelt appreciation for the overwhelming positive response I have received from the media, my colleagues, and from fans around the world. I am truly grateful and thankful for all your support.”

Now, about Miscavige and the disappearing wife: Miscavige is married to fellow Sea Org member Shelly Miscavige, but she has not been seen in public in seven years. Sources—and it might be Kelly Preston, planning her escape—ALLEGE that Shelly disappeared from Gold Base—Seriously? Is this a church or a Bond flick?—shortly after filling “several job vacancies without her husband’s permission.” And now she is ALLEGEDLY being guarded at a church facility on Running Springs, California, near Lake Arrowhead. 

Lawyers, who work for the ‘church’ and ALLEGEDLY Shelly Miscavige, says she is not missing and devotes her time to the work of the Church of Scientology. They could not, however, provide any evidence about Shelly location or condition.

When Remini began questioning Shelly’s disappearance, the ‘church’ and Miscavige ALLEGEDLY began making her life intolerable, forcing her into all sorts of what they call ‘auditing’ programs until Remini finally had enough and walked out.

I say three things: 

Good for you, Leah. 

Watch your back Leah. 

And, c’mon Kelly Preston, you can do it, too!

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....We Need To Talk About The "Lohans"

Lindsay! Get your Lindsay here!

Last month, our favorite wacktress--though she may soon lose her crown....see story below--Lindsay Lohan had her last court appearance with regards to her "formal" probation; she's still being probed informally....does that sound right? Probed?

Anyway, the Lohan's did a victory lap in court, praising the almighty--Louis Vuitton or Ketel One, I forget whom they idolize this week--for Lindsay's remarkable turnaround from drug-crazed kidnapper, car-jacker and jewel thief to stand up citizen. Her morgue career was over! She was gonna be on Glee--apparently in Glee's latest Jump The Shark episode! And she would play her favorite icon--No, not Marilyn, that's so five minutes ago--Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime's Liz & Dick....which is not a porn film.

But......Lohan hasn’t “signed on” to the Lifetime film yet. So all of that preening and gloating and making up stories about how Liz Taylor gave her a ring mean nothing. Except to her spokesmoron, Steve Honig, who shrieked, “Lindsay is scheduled to start filming the movie the first week of May in Vancouver.” 

Only there is no contract. And then there's this, which may explain why producers are, um, reluctant, to give Lindsay a contract: it seems Lindsay is currently being investigated for ALLEGEDLY assaulting Marisa Dugas at The Standard Hotel in West Hollywood two weeks ago. And, get this, even though there are three people, including the accuser, who ID'd Lohan as the attacker, Lindsay says she was at home that night, watching TV.

Oh, Lindsay, really? Come up with a better excuse. If you'd said you were at home riding the last leg of a Vicodin high, we'd believe you, but "watching TV"? Even Dina spit her chardonnay out upon hearing that one.

And now on to Amanda Bynes. She used to be an actress, I guess, but then she "retired" at age 20. Then  kind of "unretired" and then "retired" again. And now she's on the fast track to be Hollywood's New Lindsay Lohan, AKA Lohan 2.0..

See, about two weeks ago, Lohan 2.0 was arrested for a DUI after hitting a police car and trying to drive away. And, like Original Recipe Lohan, who has Michael and Dina to be her co-dependents, Amanda's father stepped up to say that even though she was ARRESTED for a DUI, she does not drink. And then he muttered something about how lost she is without a career, even though she "retired"....ALLEGEDLY to the nearest bar.

Which happened. As soon as her bail was posted, Bynes went Full-Bore-Lohan and began partying  harder than ever. In fact, Lohan 2.0 even tried to get back into The Standard--the same hotel where Original Recipe Lindsay ALLEGEDLY  beat up that girl--shortly after her arrest. 

Then came pictures of Lohan 2.0 leaving Chateau Marmontafter a hard night of not-drinking, getting into her car and then start texting and driving, and backing her car up over a curb.

Yeah. She's going All Lohan. Except, unlike Lindsay who tried rehab 67 times, for a total of 13 hours, Amanda Bynes says she does not need rehab, no matter what her friends say.

Still, for Lohan 2.0, I see a future of jail, then rehab; followed by jail, jail, rehab, arrest, rehab, jail, party, rehab, jail, jail, arrest, Lifetime movie where she'll play Paul Lynde in Paul & Dick. If you get my meaning.

Now, since we've done Original Recipe Lohan, and then Lohan 2.0, let's take a look at ManLohan, or LoMan, AKA Gerard Butler.

Fresh from rehab--sound familiar--Butler was all kinds of crazy at Coachella over the weekend. He may, or may not, have been drunk, or high, but he was acting like quite the man-whore, chatting up any and all drunken female concert-goer, until he found one he could grind on in public, and then whisk her away to his favorite love-making spot: the Porta-Potty.

An eyewitness--and it might have been Lohan or Lohan 2.0, who never met a party they didn't want to get started--says, “Gerard partied like crazy at Coachella. He looked totally disheveled at one point and he looked like he was drinking whiskey. He appeared unsteady on his feet and was dancing like a crazy guy. He looked wasted to me.”

Another source--who may or may not have been Butler's PP date--says, “It looked like he was drinking throughout the day Saturday, he attended the Lacoste party and then he was at the Neon Carnival until 5 a.m.! He looked pretty sloppy.”

Even more telling, is that Butler's representatives have not denied the stories of ManLohan and his Hard Partying Horn Dog Weekend.

But, unlike Lohan, and Lohan 2.0, ManLohan's family is not covering for him. Butler's mother, in Scotland, has said she wants him to come home and get his head on straight, and settle down with a nice girl. 

That may not happen, with so many drunken girls and so many Rent-a-Pissers.

Meanwhile, back at Lohan 2.0, er, Amanda Bynes.

It seems People magazine is reporting that, after her DUI arrest, and after her Texting-Curb driving, Bynes had another “incident” behind the wheel of her car. People claims that around 10:30 pm on Sunday night, Bynes was “holding up traffic and doing an incredibly slow...3-point turn in the middle of Robertson...It was taking forever and she finally made it into the driveway...She looked wobbly--I guess it could have been the heels since she was wearing sky-high nude pumps, but she did seem out of it.” 

Oh, where oh where have we heard this story bef....oh, Original Recipe Lohan.

And Amanda Bynes doesn't like that comparison.

Just because she's been arrested for a DUI and is the latest It Girl on the club scene--'It' as in ShIT-faced Girl--Amanda is telling anyone and everyone that she is nothing like Original Recipe Lohan.

A source close to her--possibly her co-dependent daddy--says “Amanda thinks its extremely unfair that people are calling her the new Lindsay Lohan, Comparisons between the two are just ridiculous as Amanda has never been arrested for drug possession or for stealing anything. Yes, she got arrested for a DUI, but that doesn’t mean that she is headed down the same road as Lindsay...[S]he thinks it’s sexist that the two are being compared. Men in Hollywood that get arrested for DUI’s don’t face the same scrutiny that women do and that is what really irks Amanda. She isn’t taking the DUI arrest lightly."

She's kinda right about men and DUIs and women and DUIs, but let's take a closer look: former child star becomes wild child party girl who is often drunk in public and gets arrested. That's how Lindsay started. And that's how Lohan 2.0 is following suit.

I'm certain the drug arrests or jewel thief arrests are right around the corner.

Meanwhile, back at Original Recipe Lohan.

Even though she has yet to ink the deal to play Liz Taylor, the producers of that upcoming hot mess of a Lifetime movie are worried about their, um, star.

Not so much her public drunkenness.

Not so much her ALLEGED prescription med habit.

Not so much her brawling in bars.

No, they have asked that Lindsay lay off the Botox.

Rumors are swirling that Lohan is some $3 million in debt, and so she really needs this Lifetime gig. But then she thought, in a fit of vodka, no doubt--or is that fifth of vodka--that she needed some cosmetic help in playing Taylor so went all Botox and fillers and collagen and stuff and now the producers are rethinking their choice.

An insider close to the Lohan camp says that, before meeting Lifetime executives, Lindsay “was overdone with fillers, Botox and God knows what else. Word is that she had so many shots she went way overboard. And when they took one look at her – they were repulsed and shocked.”

According to the insider--and since they seem to be covering for Lindsay, you just know it's Dina, stepping away from the box wine--says, Lindsay had undergone some aesthetic touching up, but that the cracktress wasn't told by her doctor--because you know she uses some guy on a street corner working out of a refriegartot box--that "she wasn’t allowed to fly immediately afterward--and well, it was a catastrophe. In the course of Lindsay’s five-hour flight, the change in air pressure obviously did much damage and caused unexpected side effects."

Double-speak for, That's why she looks like The Joker.

And the Lifetime folks are excatly buying that story, because they have more than two brain cells to rub togetehr. They want to set conditions: Lindsay's 'people' must take a few photos of her with proof of date over the next few weeks to prove her face her face is back to normal--whatever that is--and then they'd continue in the porject with her.

But does anyone really think, given the mammoth changes in the Lohan Face that she can really ive up the Bo? I mean, that's like asking her to give up the Goose....Grey Goose.

Can't see it happening.

And, for even more Original Recipe: detectives from the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department have officially received the surveillance video from The Standard Hotel, from the night that  Marisa Dugas  claims Lohan assaulted her, and the video clearly shows original Rceipe at the club, despite her claims that she was at home "watching" television.

A law enforcement source says, “Investigators obtained the surveillance video from the Smoke & Mirrors night club...and it clearly shows that Lindsay was there on the night of the alleged assault. The investigation is still ongoing and follow-up interviews will now be conducted as necessary. Of course, investigators want to interview Lindsay about the incident, but she hasn’t been interviewed yet, nor is she under any obligation to do so. Remember, two other witnesses besides the alleged victim filed police reports, including the bouncer of the nightclub.”

Of course, Lohan's 'peope'--Steve Honig and Dina--originally denied Lohan was clubbing at The Standard that night, but then added, “We’re going to wait for the Sheriff’s Department to release their findings before we comment any further.”

Which doesn't mean Lohan won't be commneting. And, by commenting, i mean, going back to The Standard and getting into another fight with anothe rguest, though this time it was original Recipe who ended up with a drink thrown in her puffy face.

Here's that story: A Lohan hanger-on friend drove Lindsay to the hotel, pulled into the parking garage and hit another car. Witnesses say Lohan then called her dad, Michael, for help, and he dutifully showed up.

And took her into the bar for a few hours.

Around closing time, a woman made a snide comment about Lindsay showing up with her dad and Lindsay began screaming at the woman: “Shut the f**k up.”

And the woman did indeed stop talking. She threw her drink on the drunk.

I'm am so waiting for a night when original Recipe, Lohan 2.0 and LoMan show up at the same club and party and brawl together.

That would be some kinda night,. eh?