I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

There’s nothing like a celebrity barfing up a forty-year-old story to get some fresh publicity. And I’m looking at you Brooke Shields.

We get into the Way Back Machine and head to 1980, when people lost their shiz at 15-year-old Brooke Shields’ Calvin Klein’s ad where she says:

“You want to know the only thing that comes between me and my Calvin’s? Nothing.”

It’s nothing compared to what we see today, but forty-one years ago it was escandalo! And so, to mark that four decades old mess, Brooke appeared on Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert podcast and talked about a 1980 interview she did with Barbara Walters that she now calls … wait for it … “practically criminal” because Babs asked what her measurements were and if she was a virgin.

Call CPS! STAT! Except … five years earlier Brooke’s mother, Teri Shields, offered up her 10-year-old daughter, fully nude, dolled up and slathered in grease, as the subject of photos for a Playboy publication called Sugar and Spice so questions of virginity and measurements couldn’t have been that criminal.

Not like a mother having her prepubescent child pose nude. Take it down a notch, Brooke.

photo

Sarah Ferguson, AKA The Duchess of York, is back once again with another chapter for her ongoing life struggles in which she claims that she is “the most persecuted woman in the Royal Family.”

Oh, it didn’t just happen; The OG Fergie says she has been shunned and persecuted since she and her husband Andrew—with his own set of scandals—split up in 1992 and divorced in 1996. It’s like she’s pulling a Brooke Shields, dredging up decades old stories for some fresh publicity,

Referring to the negative media coverage she received following her separation from Prince Andrew, she says:

“I was maybe the most persecuted woman in the history of the royal family, but I’m still here.”

Now, she may have been the most dragged royal, but persecuted? Walk a minute in Diana’s shoes, hon, who was called insane and crazy by the royal family machine during her separation and divorce and was then hounded literally to death by the press.

Take a seat, Sarah. We’ll call you when wanna suck toes.

Google it.

photo

Now, onto to George Clooney, trying to prove he’s just like the rest of us.

Clooney did an interview with the Guardian to promote his new movie, The Tender Bar, and discussed fame, raising his twins during the pandemic, politics, his childhood, and the fact that he turned down $35 million for one day’s work in an airline commercial:

“Well, yeah. I was offered $35m for one day’s work for an airline commercial, but I talked to Amal [Clooney, the human rights lawyer he married in 2014] about it and we decided it’s not worth it. It was [associated with] a country that, although it’s an ally, is questionable at times, and so I thought: ‘Well, if it takes a minute’s sleep away from me, it’s not worth it.’”

Get a good night’s sleep, George. We remember the $30 million paycheck you got for those Nespresso commercials.

photo

Last week we discussed Madonna’s thirsty nipple and ass Instagram photos, and this week we discuss her attack on 50 Cent—whom she accused of “pretending” to be her friend—after he “talked smack” about those photos, posting to his social media:

“yo this is the funniest shit LOL. That’s Madonna under the bed trying to do like a virgin at 63. She shot out, if she don’t get her old ass up.”

And Madonna, never one to revert back to being a teenaged girl, posted a picture of she and Fiddy posing together on the red carpet saying.

“Here is 50 Cent pretending to be my friend. Now you have decided to talk smack about me. I guess your new career is getting attention by trying to humiliate others on social media. The least elevated choice you could make as an artist and an adult.”

And then she proves what a thirsty child she is by adding:

“You’r [sic] just jealous you won’t look as good as me or have as much fun when you are my age.”

I was kinda hoping for:

I’m rubber, you’r [sic] glue, whatever you say bounces on me and sticks to you.

But hers was enough because 50 Cent apologized, and the playground is safe again for the children.

photo

Y’all remember that Khloé Kardastrophe got together with athlete Tristan Thompson when he dumped his pregnant girlfriend to be with Khloé, only to dump Khloé for a hot minute when she got pregnant, and then they got back together because dumping pregnant Khloé is okay with Khloé? Remember that?

Well, it’s still going on because Thompson has knocked up another girl while he and Khloe were are were together, and Tristan is suggesting the woman is trying to extort money from him.

Um, no, Tristan, it’s called Child Support, and it’s what men have to pay because they can’t keep their dicks in their pants.

PS Tristan ALLEGEDLY tried to give this newest Baby Mama $75,000 if she dropped her paternity suit, which is something all men do when the baby in question isn’t theirs.

Keep.It.In.Your.Pants. If you can’t use a condom, dumbass.

photo

It's Snarkurday!

After hinting about it for a few months, actress Uma Thurman finally gave a detailed account of her encounters with pervert Harvey Weinstein.

Thurman says their relationship started off professional, but that changed on the set of “Pulp Fiction,” when Weinstein suggested they meet in his hotel room and he wore just his usual bathrobe. Thurman admits she wasn’t initially alarmed by what Weinstein was wearing, but she began to question his intentions when he led her down a hallway to a steam room:

“I was standing there in my full black leather [Pulp Fiction] outfit — boots, pants, jacket. And it was so hot and I said, ‘This is ridiculous, what are you doing?’ And he was getting very flustered and mad and he jumped up and ran out.”

And that wasn’t her only interaction with the sexual predator; that incident led to another encounter in London that she described as “such a bat to the head”:

“He pushed me down. He tried to shove himself on me. He tried to expose himself. He did all kinds of unpleasant things, but he didn’t actually put his back into it and force me. I was doing anything I could to get the train back on the track. My track. Not his track.”

The next day Weinstein’s assistants arranged for Thurman to meet with him again and she claims he threatened her by saying, “if you do what you did to me to other people, you will lose your career, your reputation and your family, I promise you.”

Weinstein is now saying that he did make a pass at Thurman—dressing in a robe and trying to lure her into a steam room—because he’d “misread” her signals.

Okay, but what about the second time, pervert?

photo

Real Housewives of New York ‘star’ Ramona Singer apparently asked her assistant to bill Bravo for some of her more high-end clothing purchases and would then have the woman return the clothes and give her the refund.

According to a Manhattan lawsuit, Singer “asked [Lisa] Taubes to purchase designer clothes for the filming of Ms. Singer’s show and instructed plaintiff to submit receipts to Bravo cable Network for reimbursement” and “then asked Ms. Taubes to return the clothes for refund.” The suit also claims Singer instructed Taubes to “submit fake receipts for reimbursement on clothes that she already owned and demanded plaintiff carry out these tasks.”

The lawsuit did not say how much money in total Singer made from the alleged scam and, as of now, Singer ain’t talking. But apparently this mess occurred because Singer refused to pay her assistant, who then took the story public.

The allegations against Singer were made by an agency called T360, which provided her with an assistant. Singer initially agreed to pay $4,000 a month for up to 20 hours of assistant time, yet Singer allegedly demanded Taubes work more than 40 hours a week without extra compensation, in violation of their contract. Taubes was also forced to walk Singer’s dog— “outside the scope of the agreement”—and was expected to be on call 24/7 to meet the TV personality’s demands.

The suit seeks more than $150,000 in damages and claims that Singer “humiliated” the woman by firing her in the lobby of her building, and then then trying to force her into signing a non-disclosure agreement and when Taubes refused, Singer ALLEGEDLY pushed her.

Ramona Singer, for her part, is playing dumb, saying:

“I have no knowledge of any lawsuit. Her company did some work for my company. The relationship ended, and her company was paid in full for their services.”

Bravo is also not talking.

Huh, maybe Ramona can go to jail for stealing from Bravo and share a cell with her ‘co-star’ LuAnn Drunken de Lesseps.

photo

Lotsa folks overdo it on Super Bowl Sunday between the food and the cheering and, apparently, the booze.

Amirite Kevin Hart? Hart, a native of Philadelphia, was beyond excited that the Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots and so when the Eagles took to the stage to receive the Vince Lombardi trophy, Lil Kev tried to worm his way onstage! But he was dee-nied by a hulking security guard. The clip went viral and Twitter had a field day, as you’d expect.

Hart also crashed an interview by Game Day Prime with Eagles defensive lineman Fletcher Cox to say:

“I’ve been drinking. Philadelphia’s a great city. I thought, I hope this is an example of what we can do. We gave a f–k…ooh. I’m out.” 

He dropped the mic and staggered away.

Now, once you’ve made a fool of yourself dropping an f-bomb on TV or trying to take the stage with the Super Bowl champions, what else can you do? If you’re Lil Kev, you go on Instagram, still obviously drunk, to explain your being drunk:

“To all the kids out there, I just want to say, ‘Don’t drink.’ You know when alcohol is in your system you do dumb stuff. One of the top two stupidest things I’ve ever done, but who cares. The Eagles won the Super Bowl. Yeah I’m still a little tipsy—the world can kiss my ass.” 

Wow, just shows you tiny little egos can’t hold their booze and then they make fools of themselves on national TV.

photo

Last Summer rumor’s swirled that youngest Kardastrophe Klan member Kylie was pregnant after having gone on one date with Travis Scott. Kylie, for once, kept her mouth shut, and stayed outta sight, but now we know it’s true because there’s a new Kardastrophe spawn that she’s named Stormi.

Kris Jenner must be livid that it’s not a ‘K’ name because there goes a huge chance to brand that child.

But Stormi …where have I heard that name lately? Oh yeah, Stormy Daniels, the Fat Bastard’s porn star mistress. Kylie named her daughter after a porn star who’s been in the news for weeks.

No surprise, though, since her older sister Kim made a name for herself in porn. That’s how That Family rolls.

photo

Last week, Scott Baio’s Charles in Charge co-star Nicole Eggert accused him on Twitter of molesting her from the ages of 14 to 17 when he was 26. Baio clapped back on Facebook Live, fully denying the allegations, and accused her of seducing him when she turned 18.

Eggert took her tale to Megyn Kelly Today while Baio took his to Good Morning America.  

The first time Eggert brought forth these allegation, years ago, Baio told her to take it to the police; this week she did.

Eggert and her lawyer, Lisa Bloom, along with her former Charles In Charge co-star, Alexander Polinsky, met with detectives from LAPD’s Sexual Assault Section. Eggert spent two hours with detectives, talking about what Baio ALLEGEDLY did to her when she was 14, 15, and 16.

Polinsky was present to back up Eggert’s allegations, and Lisa Bloom came with a list of witnesses who claim to have seen Scott acting inappropriate around Nicole. Since the abuse ALLEGEDLY took place between 1986 and 1990, there’s a chance the statute of limitations has run out, but police are still ALLEGEDLY launching an investigation and are asking

“We’ve been demanding since last year that Nicole Eggert bring her story to the authorities. It’s good that she finally has, even if it’s part of a publicity campaign. Perhaps she can explain to them her ever-changing story.”

The good news is that Baio must put his version of the story on record, the bad news is that police will have to listen to a sanctimonious prick like Scott Baio, and maybe even his wife, who’s a bigger dick than her husband.

photo

The British royal wedding is still some two months away, and the invitation are heading out but it appears there’s room for only one Ginger Royal during the ceremony and former Ginger Duchess Sarah Ferguson is not that Ginger.

Rumor has it that Hot Prince Ginger Harry doesn’t exactly trust that Fergie 1.0 will keep her mouth shut and so he’s ALLEGEDLY not asking her to attend which should make things awkward at Fergie 1.0’s daughter Princess Eugenie’s fall wedding because Hot Prince Ginger Harry is invited to that soiree.

But is it Harry who banned Fergie? Maybe not; some are saying Harry’s dad and grandpa, Prince Charles and Prince Philip, are the ones who don’t want Fergie at the wedding because they feel she’s tarnished the royal family’s image with her antics, like trying to sell access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew for $750,000 or like marrying Andrew while still carrying on an affair with Camilla Parker Bowles … oh wait, that Prince Hypocrite Chuck. And, if you remember, Fergie didn’t go to Prince William and Duchess Kate’s wedding in 2011 because :::ahem::: she wasn’t invited.

But Harry may have the last word; he says he wants Fergie there and so Fergie will be there …in the seat not saved for Donald _____, I hope.

And, failing that, I’m sure Prince Andrew got an invitation for a Plus-One so there’s always that way in, too.

photo

Lastly, we talked Kylie Jenner’s new porn star baby, and yet we still have another Kardastrophe spawn in the wings because Khloe is also pregnant. She still has a few months to go, if her Instagram is truthful, because she tagged that photo with the note “29 weeks.”

Seeing that photo, and knowing what Khloe Kardastrophe really looks like, got me wondering if she was carrying the baby really high … like in her lips.

I mean, if you want to change your appearance because you’re unhappy with it, go ahead, but when you change it so drastically that you go from looking like yourself to looking like a $29.99 blow-up doll version of yourself, I wonder …

New Khloe is on the left …as if you needed my help … while Old Khloe is to the right.

Just sayin’.

photo 1, 2

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Those wacky famewhores!

It seems that Jon Gosselin has finally awakened from his I'm A Reality Show Star coma to realize that he isn't a reality show star without his media-whorin' wife, Kate. and, now, he's doing everything he can--including getting a :::gasp::: job--to win back her cold, stone-like, minuscule heart.

A friend of the couple--and by friend, I mean, one of the many people hired to watch their brood because Jon and Kate have other things to do besides parent--says, "They both realize how much they miss each other. Neither one of them have been really happy since their ugly split and would love to turn back time to the point where they were both in love before fame took over."

They don't miss each other as much as they miss the Lifetime paychecks.
Neither of them has been happy since they split because they miss the Lifetime paychecks.
Jon recently put away his frat-boy Ed Hardy shirts and landed a job with Green Pointe Energy, where he installs solar panels.
A friend of Jon's--and by friend, I mean, some beer bongin' middle-aged wannabe--says, "Jon is in a great place. He is happy and knows what a fool he made of himself after his split from Kate."
Jon began his Mea Culpa Tour--to win back Kate and those Lifetime paychecks--last fall by publicly apologizing to his fame-whore ex, via Twitter: "I am acutely aware of the mistakes I made in 2009 and I am ashamed of the choices I made. I have apologized to Kate, my family, and to my friends. Through counseling I have learned to own my actions. My goal is to move forward in a positive direction."
Toward a Lifetime paycheck.
And Kate, who had hoped to turn her fifteen minutes of fame into something more, and then failed miserably by dancing like a gorilla in jackboots on national television, has realized that she needs Jon again, because the paychecks are better when they are two of them.
Just sayin'.


Glenn Close has chosen her next film role. She has always been running after Meryl Streep, hoping to be Meryl Streep, and knowing that won't happen.

But she decided to take a page from Meryl's playbook and tackle the role of a real-life women. i mean Meryl played Julia Child and scored an Oscar nomination. Meryl is now playing Margaret Thatcher and will no doubt score another nomination.
So, Glenn decided that she, too, should play a great female icon of the ages.
Susan Boyle.
Yes, Glenn will take on the role of the singing spinster in a new film!
A source--and by source I mean the men who carry Glenn's ego from room to room--say,  "The film is full steam ahead now the leading role is sorted. It was always going to be a tricky one to cast. SuBo's incredible story is so well-known across the planet that the film is bound to go down a storm."
Oh, me thinks it'll go down, all right.
Like a lead balloon.

Christina!!! Bring me the axe!
It looks like a group of flight attendants went all Joan Crawford on Faye Dunaway';s ass on a recent flight from New York to London.

Dunaway has the reputation of purchasing coach tickets on flights and then showing up at the airport, demanding to be upgraded at no charge to First Class because she's the Great Faye Dunaway!
Well, they weren't having it.
It seems that the Dunaway Hating Flight Attendants tortured poor Faye back in the daye, er, day.
Before Dunaway boarded one early-'90s flight, the flight attendants claim that airline management contacted ground staff and told them that under no circumstances should they upgrade Dunaway.
Well, sure enough, Dunaway turned up at JFK with a coach ticket to London and demanded an upgrade. She began the usual screaming, 'Don't you know who I am?' but the ticket agents, and the flight attendants refused her demands, but did give a seat in the first row of Coach. So she could see there were seats free in business and first class.
This, of course, infuriated the has-been diva.
When the meal service began, Faye pouted, and refused to eat. She snapped, 'I am not eating."
As if they care!
So, the flight crew took their taunts one step further.
When Dunaway fell asleep from hunger, the attendants grabbed a stack of wire hangers and put them on the seat next to the wacktress.
When she woke up as the plane landed, Faye was as enraged as Joan Crawford was the night Bette Davis turned down her sexual advances. She scoured the plane looking for the wire-hanger culprit, and finally gave up, and took her revenge by getting into the aisle and doing.....yoga.
Faye is Craye-Craye.


New mommy and homo, er, daddy, Kelly Preston and John Travolta took their latest bundle of jot yo Hawaii for a family getaway.
Oh, it sounds so lovely.

Except Johnny forgot to pack his hair.
I mean, it common knowledge that Travolta is a member of the Hair Club for Men, even if he doesn't admit it. His hairline goes up, then comes down, then goes this way and then that way, as though it had a mind of it's own, or his piece glue wasn't holding. he changes his hair color, cut and style more often than Gag changes her meat dress.
But, since he had no hair, he opted to hit the beach anyway, with nothing on his head, but a splotchy comb over.
I mean, he remembered his beard, but he forgot his hair?
Bad queen.

Rihanna is a tart.
She's, oh, how to I say this delicately, hot to trot with no place to race.

But that hasn't stopped her from sexting my Husband in My head, Colin Farrell with raunchy messages.
It seems that the singer and actor met on the British TV show around Christmas last year and exchanged phone numbers. Soon, the sexting began.
A source--and by source I mean Rihanna's hairdresser who scours the world looking for the most unnatural shade of red to put in her hair--says, "Colin was taken aback by some of the texts. He reckons he might well be in there. They're both single, so why not?"
It seems their little flirtation began when Farrell complimented Rihanna on her legs. Which she took as an oportunity to graphically discuss a recent wax treatment, you know, down there.
But hey, they're both single, now, and they're both of age, and they're both sluts.
I wish the kids well, but Colin, when she dumps you, and she will, call me.

The Queen--and I mean The Queen, not RuPaul--has sent out some 1,800 invitations for the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
Wow, so many invites, and not one sent to The Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson.

And she is ALLEGEDLY distraught over the snub, especially since her own daughters have been invited!
A friend of Sarah's--and by friend, I mean the police officer assigned to keep her from selling visits to her ex-husband--says, "Sarah is devastated that she hasn't been invited. Hasn't she been punished enough by the family? Sarah is down on her luck and this is the same as kicking a person while they are down."
Sarah's 10-year marriage to Prince Andrew ended fifteen years ago, but she recently made headlines after she was caught trying to sell press access to her ex-husband to an undercover reporter from The News of the World. Since then her already strained relationship with the palace has been almost non-existent.
An insider--and by insider, I mean the lady-in-waiting in charge of the Queen's handbags--says, "Sarah was hoping that the wedding would provide her with the opportunity to spend quality time with the family and prove she can and does deserve to be part of the family. Any hope she ever had of being invited back into the fold is over. Sarah might be the last person on earth to finally get it but even she knows now she's not welcome."
I guess she can take a peek inside the church when she drops off her daughters and then heads home to watch it all on the telly like the common folk.

Well, Charlie Sheen's done it again.
he was all over the radio, criticizing CBS and the bosses at his show, A Man, A Half A Man, and A Raging Drug Addict, and those in charge have had enough.

They held meetings to discuss the possibility of having the show continue without the drugged out loser, and, when Charlie began his boss bashing again, they decided to shut the mother down for the rest of the season and probably for good.
Every time Charlie ends up in the hospital--or in home rehab--the network takes a hit because production of the show is impacted. His show once generated more than $3 million per episode, but that's money CBS won't see if the show is finished.
Production on A Man, A Half A Man, and A Raging Drug Addict was set to resume on Monday, with four episodes to be filmed for this season. But in a statement issued late Thursday, CBS said that it was halting production on those episodes.
And they're pissed: "Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen's statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of A Man, A Half A Man, and A Raging Drug Addict for the remainder of the season."

Of course, Charlie, seeing all his coke-and-whore money being taken away, has opened his drug addled yap again, calling the show's creator, Chuck Lorre, a "contaminated little maggot" and a "worm."
And then he went on: "I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon."
He even shouted that fans of the show were "my people ... not yours."
And it didn't end there.
In another rant on the Alex Jones radio show, Sheen called the Lorre, a "clown" and referred to him as "Chaim Levine" (Lorre's original name is Charles Levine). Charlie Sheen also claims to have cured his addictions "with my mind" and without the help of A.A., which he dubbed a "bootleg cult."
Sheen later told TMZ that he "violently hates" Lorre and also wants to fight him in an Octagon ring.
Crazy has taken on a whole new dimension.
Sheen also stated, "I've got poetry in my fingertips."
WTF does that even mean?
Well, it seems to mean that CBS is officially planning on cancelling A Man, A Half A Man, and A Raging Drug Addict.
Which, according to Charlie, would be just fine, because he says HBO wants him for a show on the cable network, and will pay him $5 million an episode.
That's a lot of whores and cocaine!
He said his new HBO show would be called 'Sheen's Corner', and added, "I'm close to securing a deal with HBO for a 10 show guarantee. It will be epic, all types of guests and we will focus on the truth and the absurd!"
HBO, at first had no comment, but now say they will not be working with Charlie Sheen.

Wow, enough Charlie, because that is some scary shiz.
Howsabout a little Lindsay? M'kay?

Judge Keith Schwartz left little doubt in court this week: Lohan is "going to jail" if she averts a trial and accepts a plea deal.
A friend pf Lindsay's--and by friend, i mean her getaway driver--says, "I'm not sure if she can survive this. She is so terrified and frightened that we all fear her addictions will kick in again to help her numb the fear."
The deputy DA tried to cut a deal with Lindsay's lawyer, offering her eight months in jail and probation, but the offer was rejected because Lindsay won't accept hard time.
On March 10, the wacktress will again be in court and will have to decide if she's taking a deal and pleading guilty, or moving closer to an actual trial.
Now, Lindsay is said to be rethinking prison time.
And all because the wacktress starred in a movie unbeknownst to her.
it's called "Surveillance Video." And it shows that a male friend Lohan's ALLEGEDLY "distracted the clerk" while Lohan put on the necklace in question. The saleswoman says she was unaware that Lohan had not taken off the necklace, which was later reported stolen, before leaving the store.
Uh oh, Lindsay. I know you were hoping to get back into the movies, but I don't think you wanted to star in your own short film.
 
Ro-O.
Er, Uh Oh.

While Rosie O'Donnell has just split from her girlfriend of over a year, the former Queen Of Nice has another relationship problem to deal with.
The Big O.
it's the Queen Of Nice versus The Queen of Cakes.
An insider at O's network, OWN--and by insider we all know I mean Gayle--says, "Oprah and Rosie have not been seeing eye to eye on the tone of Rosie's new show. Oprah sees it as a friendly daytime talk show where viewers get to spend an hour with the old Rosie they used to love. Rosie, on the other hand, thinks the show should be more political and a place where she can express her liberal views."
Now O has admitted that she took Rosie aside and told her that she "better behave" on OWN. In fact, O took her warnings to Ro's house:  "Rosie said, 'I know you're here to assess how crazy I am.' I said, 'Basically, yes. I'm doing a crazy check.'"
The check, however, doesn't appear to have been thorough enough, with Rosie already annoying Oprah by resisting her pick for executive producer.
Gayle--while muddle this up by calling her a source--says, "The two are disagreeing over staff. Oprah wants Rosie to use an executive producer that she knows and trusts while Rosie insists she be able to pick her own, fearing whoever Oprah picks will be a spy. It's a bad way to start off, considering they haven't even taped a single show yet."
Ro-O!
It might get ugly when these behemoths get into a battle!

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Y'all know I'm Team Streep, right? Right?
Well, I am, and this bit of news sounds wonderful.
Apparently Tina Fey has written a new script called Mommy and Me, and Meryl will be playing Tina's mother.
And Stanley Tucci will direct.
Tucci.
Fey.
Streep.
I'm in.
Are you? Well? Are you?

Oh dear, Mama Grizzly Bore must be fit to be tied. Seriously, someone tie her up.
The National Enquirer--I know! But they broke that John Edwards story--is reporting that Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Levi Johnston might just be a baby daddy again. But before you get your abstinence lovin' panties in a twist, the baby momma isn't Bristol.
Nope, Levi tagged his johnston into another girl while he and Grizzly Bore's daughter were, ahem, on a break, and the new baby momma is Levi's former girlfriend, Lanesia Garcia.
What a musical sounding name for such a stupid, stupid girl.
Still, sources--and by sources I mean the Grizzly Bore's Flying Monkeys--say that the baby daddy could be one of Lanesia's ex-boyfriends.
Sheesh. What a web of teen screwing and bodily fluid exchanges. But, Bristol, and The Bore no doubt, are livid about the news. Another source, and this one is the dry cleaner who takes in Lanesia's delicates, I think, says: "[Bristol] just found out about Lanesia's pregnancy and is freaking out. [Levi] told her that getting back with Lanesia wasn't serious--it was brief, just a fling and ended months ago. But Bristol is questioning the engagement. She's really jealous. Lanesia's planning to do a paternity test after the baby is born. She's extremely embarrassed she doesn't know who the father is." Yeah.
That is embarrassing.

From the American Idol Newsroom:
Courtney Love is in talks to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. So, however, is my mailman, the lady at the deli counter at Kroger, and the drunk guy who lives under the bridge down by the WalMart.
Still, Jessica "Dimbulb" Simpson, Howard "Dear God No" Stern, Bret "I Need More Media Coverage" Michaels, Chris "Snooze" Isaak, Elton "I'd Only Do It If The Money Was REALLY Good And No Illegal Immigrants Could Watch It" John, and Justin "So Gay" Timberlake.
Out of all of them, Courtney, however would be the best because you'd never know if you were gonna get crazy Courtney or sane Courtney.

And this just in from the Idol Hotline:

Ellen is gone.

Ellen DeGeneres is leaving because she didn't like judging and being harsh. And probably because that awful Nigel Lythgoe is coming on board. I don't blame her a bit; Idol is like the Titanic: it's going down and there isn't any great jewelry to be found.

And, as if that's not bad enough, Kara DioGuardi has reportedly been fired so she'll go back to being a nobody. That leaves us the dawg, Randy Jackson.

So? Randy, Courtney and Elton? Randy, Simpson and Isaak?

Nope. The money seems to be on Randy, Jennifer Lopez, and Steven Tyler.

I'm done. I can take Randy, but JNo? No. Not someone with an ego as big as her ass. Plus you just know she'd wanna sing a couple of times during the season, hell, each episode, and then beg to have her husband, Skeletor, sing, too.

And Steven Tyler? Before, during or after rehab?

This has trainwreck written all over it and not the good kind of trainwreck, you know, where no one dies and there's free cheese on the ground.

I like Leonardo DiCaprio. He's talented, compassionate, cute, and smart. He drives a Prius. But, it's the smart part I'm lovin' right about now.

See, Leo was supposed to be in the next Mel Gibson disaster, er, movie, and he decided that it was better to go all Nancy Reagan and Just Say No.

Leo was set to star in MELtdown's next ::::yawn:::: epic, a viking picture, but decided he doesn't need the kind of exposure one gets from being around Gibson. You know, death threats and such.

Smart move, Leo.

But I pray Mel doesn't have your cell phone number because I'd hate to see the messages he'd be leaving you.

Oh Dear God.

Is this how you get an acting career these days? Especially when your father is Laurence Fishburne?

It seems that Fishburne's nineteen-year-old daughter wants to be a star, but doesn't want to have to, you know, take classes and audition and stuff to get there. She wants stardom and she wants it now, so she's come up with the perfect solution.

Sex.Tape.

Montana Fishburne is ALLEGEDLY releasing a sex tape through Vivid Entertainment and proudly says: "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape."

Yeah, Montana, that's the ticket.

Why don't you just whore yourself out to Mel Gibson? I hear he's looking for someone to start in a new viking movie.

Oh Duchess. Your money problems know no end.

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, is ALLEGEDLY in debt to her personal trainer to the tune of £65,000, but that's nothing new to her. The original Fergie spends money faster than she doesn't earn it.

Seems she used to order her staff--and why does she still have staff?--to fix elaborate feasts for her and her two Princesses, and wash them down with champagne and vodka.

Champagne, Fergie? You're on a beer budget, or you should be.

But she does have a knight in shining armor; her ex-husband Prince Andrew. Andy is said to be highly embarrassed over Fergie's addiction to spending money she does not have, but he is ALLEGEDLY willing to pay off her debts.....to the butcher, the dry cleaner, the newspaper agent and the car rental facility. Sadly, though, he won't be touching her American debts....to McDonald's and Pizza Hut and JC Penneys.

A source, and by source I mean one of those guys in the furry hats who guard the castle--says: "The Duke is not touching her debts in America but his people are going to sit down and itemise every debt here and pay them off one by one. The total comes to around £1.5million."

Lucky gal, she really did marry--and divorce--a Prince.

Lindsay News!!!

She apparently thinks jail is like rehab. It's just like the Four Seasons with bars...though not the kinds of bars that one stumbles out of at 4 AM, but the kinds of bars they put on windows.

Lindsay is ALLEGEDLY quite the slammer diva and has all sorts of demands while incarcerated for being a drug addict, car thief, alcoholic, kidnapper. and probation violator.

A released inmate--who was paid in vodka and prescription drugs--says: "The other day Lindsay was freaking out because she wanted another blanket. She kept yelling out, 'Hello! I asked for a blanket like two hours ago! I'm getting sick!' It went on for hours."

And another visitor to the jail says: "My sister told me that Lindsay was complaining about not having any bottled water to drink, and saying that unpurified water makes her sick. But this isn't some fancy hotel. If inmates want water, they drink good old Los Angeles tap water. Then she was demanding someone bring her a fan. She said she was going to pass out. Of course she didn't get it — or the water."

Poor Lindsay. Jail isn't rehab. It's JAIL.

This is funny.

Cameron Diaz was recently asked, at the London premiere of her disastrously awful movie with Tom Cruise, Knight and Day, if she wanted to perform onstage in London's West End and she apparently became apoplectic.

She said she'd never do stage because she has stage fright and because, she says: "I am a film actress. I do movies. I have never done theatre before."

Plus, there is that whole thing about being able to act, and not have to rely on take after take after take to get the scene right. And that whole, they don't pay in cocaine for theater work.

Just sayin'.