I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Candace Cameron Bure appeared on the The Paula Faris Podcast, but not to talk about her jailbird co-star from Fuller House, Lori Loughlin, or her lunatic, Christian wingnut anti-masker brother, Kirk Cameron, but about Hallmark movies. And she got a little hot under the collar when Faris suggested that acting in a Hallmark Channel movie was an easy job:

“I get that all the time. ‘How hard is it to be in a Hallmark movie?’ Like, ‘Can I be in a Hallmark movie?’ And I’m like, ‘Are you a professional actor?’ ‘No.’ ‘Then no, you cannot.’ … You can be a background person, they’re called extras. If you don’t have a speaking part, that’s easy. I can make that happen. If you have a speaking part, then we’re gonna have to make sure you can do the job.”

Seriously Candy? The plots are interchangeable from actor to actor, and from season to season. I mean, perhaps you’re working harder now that Lori ‘Big Fuller House Becky’ Loughlin is banned for being a jailbird, but what you do isn’t acting; it’s reading.

Take a seat, Meryl.

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Well, it appears that Armie Hammer’s star is continuing to fall in light of his “kinks” like, ALLEGEDLY, cannibalism and, not so ALLEGEDLY, carving his initials into the skin of his sex partners.

This week, as the stories continue to grow, both Armie’s publicist, and his agents at William Morris Endeavor dumped him as a client. Now, I imagine the publicist left because how can you handle this mess when it appears your client doesn’t deny anything and merely whines about being outed, and “kink shamed” on the internet.

But the WME situation is a bit more telling. See, about a month after Instagram user House of Effie and other women accused Hammer of being, not just kinky, but  mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive and ignoring boundaries and safe words, his agent dropped Armie’s ass after another round of DMs from the Instagram user leaked in which Armie tells her that he’s got some blackmail material on his agent.

And right after those came out, the agent said:

“It’s not me, it’s you.”

And changed his phone number.

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How do you say, in the English, ‘too late, Hilaria Baldwin.’?

In today’s episode of Hillary/Hilaria, Mrs. Baldwin—if that’s how it’s pronounced in English—issued another apology for lying about being Spanish and not being “more clear” about her cultural background:

“I’ve spent the last month listening, reflecting, and asking myself how I can learn and grow. My parents raised my brother and me with two cultures, American and Spanish, and I feel a true sense of belonging to both. The way I’ve spoken about myself and my deep connection to two cultures could have been better explained—I should have been more clear and I’m sorry.”

Um, Hil? Try saying it like this: I am not now, nor have I ever been Spanish. I have only, always and ever been a privileged, spoiled white girl from Massachusetts.

And then sit down.

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Paris Hilton is in love, again, and apparently ready to squeeze out some designer twins, via IVF, with her latest fiancé, businessman Carter Reum. But when you’ve had as many boyfriends and fiancés as Paris, what exactly do you get the latest for his birthday?

A nearly life-sized portrait of the two of them. All that money and she basically enlarged a selfie? And then the happy couple posed like their photographic altar egos while Carter mused about finding a wall large enough for the gift.

There are four walls in a dumpster, Carter.

Just sayin’.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It looks like The COVID-19 Break-up is still a thing; you know, where couples end their marriages and relationships because of lockdown and the idea that they really don’t care for each other. Or maybe the idea that you just want some other dick.

Last week Zoe Kravitz filed for divorce from Karl Glusman after four years together, and eighteen months married. They had a dream wedding in Paris, at her dad, Lenny Kravitz’, luxurious apartment and seemed like a lovely couple. But Zoe, like her mother Lisa Bonet, has that kind of wild-child, flower-child free-spirited thing going on and, well, yeah, maybe wanted another dick, because as soon as the split was announced came news that Zoe was having a thang with Channing Tatum.

To be fair, as soon as that story broke, both sides issued denials which, you know, means nothing. I was kinda hoping they would become a couple, oh not because I like Zoe, though I do, and not because I adore Channing’s exceptionally fine ass, though I do, but because of the holidays.

Picture it … Thanksgiving Dinner at Zoe’s … with Channing Tatum, Lenny Kravitz and Jason Momoa.

The thirst is real.

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More Hilarious Baldwin stories? Okay! She is the Christmas Gift that keeps on giving, and the latest present from this wacknut—who blames the media  for her fake Spanish accent—is about the time Hilaria Hillary was confused about how to write her own name on a tax document.

You see, when it was time to put her Juanita Hancock on her 2009 W-4 document, Hilaria Hillary—who had spent 10 years pretending to be a Spanish-speaking native of Mallorca—wrote down two names, crossed them out, and finally wrote “Hillary L. Hayward-Thomas.”

The document is real, and is an exhibit in an old lawsuit against her Yoga Vida studio, and funnily enough, the court records also contain the code of conduct for the Hilarious’ studio instructors about honesty:

“Truth is defined to be when thoughts and words correspond directly to facts.”

Who wrote that? Hilaria or Hillary?

To be fair, she had to sign the document ‘Hillary’ because that is her real name and if she’d signed Hilaria, she would have been committing perjury,

It’s Hilarious. And kinda sad.

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Rumors are flying …again …  that Kim Kardastrophe West and Kanye Kardastrophe West are “essentially over” and living separate lives in California and Wyoming, and …

Oh, who really cares? This was a match made in media-whore heaven and we all knew it wouldn’t last.

PS Kimmy’s still wearing her wedding ring because she’s probably saving the announcement for a Very Special Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes. I mean, it’ll be good for ratings, right?

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It’s been a  rough week for Meghan “My Father is John” McCain. It was her first week back at The View after having  a baby and she was smacked down twice by Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg.

On Day One of The Return, Meghan got pissy with Joy’s opinion, and began interrupting her, as usual. Joy, who was talking about GOP infighting, was not having it, and after Meghan shrieked about there being as much fighting within the Democratic party, she added:

“Joy, you missed me so much when I was on maternity leave. You missed fighting with me.” 

And Joy snapped back:

“I did not. I did not miss you. Zero.”

Meghan began pouting about Joy being nasty because she was just teasing, but we all know Meghan doesn’t tease; she has the sense of humor of _____.

Then, on Day Three of The Return, when The View started and the hosts were onscreen at the same time, Meghan glared at the camera, unsmiling and bitter like a Republican just realizing that they lost the White House, the House, the Senate, and any semblance of being a viable national political party.

And when newly elected Democratic Senator from Georgia, Raphael Warnock, was on to discuss his historic—and Jon Ossoff’s historic—win, Meghan, like a Rabid ReTHUG with a bone, kept asking Warnock if he would join Democratic Joe Manchin in rejecting a bunch of progressive political actions … like a better minimum wage, or a Green New Deal … climate change. But Warnock wasn’t having Meghan’s childishness and simply responded that he would work for the people of Georgia on healthcare and a living wage, and so Meghan kept repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating her question until Whoopi was done; she clapped her hands and shouted:

“HEY! Listen! We are going to say thanks to the Senator-elect Reverend Raphael Warnock.”

To be fair, this was the day after Meghan was pushing traitorous Senator Josh Hawley, who would, later in the day, be an inciter of the chaos at the Capitol, and be seen outside the building raising a fist in the air to the protesters, as the best GOP candidate for president in 2024.

Joy clapped at her,

Whoopi smacked her down.

She promoted a traitor for president,

Not a good first week, eh?

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Speaking of Rightwingnuts, howsabout 90s TV Hercules, Kevin Sorbo?

Sorbo is a very vocal _____ supporter, and, of course, a COVID denier, and is now one of the lunatics who swears that the mob who stormed the Capito;, after leaving _____;s Insurrection Rally moments earlier, were, in fact, not _____ supporters, but left-wing “Antifa” members in right-wing MAGAt cosplay, attempting to instigate violence and make _____’s supporters look bad… like that’s possible.

That theory has been dispelled because most of those MAGAt idiots were dumb enough to post repeatedly on Facebook about the protest and the riot and where to meet up to discuss who got to wear what costumes. Still, Sorbo took to Twitter to say:

“ANTIFA led the charge into the capitol building dressed as Trump supporters. To all the people who actually believe that it was Trump supporters who started the riot today: Where was antifa and BLM to counter? They show up to every single event, so why not this one?”

Well, antifa and BLM knew to stay away because they knew what a shitshow this would be. But still, Kevin persisted, and so it took Xena: Princess Warrior AKA Lucy Lawless, to put Hercules in his place by Tweeting:

“No, Peanut. They are not Patriots. They are your flying monkeys, homegrown terrorists, QAnon actors. They are the douchebags that go out and do the evil bidding of people like you who like to wind them up like toys and let them do their worst.”

Yes, Xena took down Hercules, though it wasn’t a fair fight really, because how can Sorbo use a sword with one hand whilst keeping a tinfoil hat on his head at the same time?

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I Ain't One ToGossip, But ...

Well, watch your children’s college applications because College Admissions Scam Criminal Lori Loughlin has done her time and is out of jail.

Sadly, because you know Lori was hoping for a mob of photographers, no one met her at the gate because the press is busy dragging another self-entitled delusional white bitch—see that story below—and Lori was met only by her chauffeur who took her to a private plane that whisked her back to her manse and staff.

Prison is hard for a bitch.

Lori will be on supervised release for two years and must complete 250 hours of community service. I hope they have her scrubbing toilets while wearing a generic ankle bracelet and orange jumpsuit.

On that same topic, her fellow College Admissions Scandal jailbird Felicity Huffman is out of jail and already back to work as an actress.

I think Lori will have a tougher time booking gigs since her image is wholesome Hallmark Aunt Becky and not prison bitch.

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Now, howsabout about that other delusional one-percenter I hinted at: Hilaria Baldwin? There have been rumors for years that Hilaria was lying about her past, and now the story has come to light.

She has claimed to be Spanish, hence the Hilaria, and even rocked a Spanish accent, albeit one that went in and out like a dick in a porn film, but is she really an American girl lying? No one ever talked about the escándalo until now, after a Twitter thread appeared—and has since disappeared—accusing Hillary of a decades-long lie about her Spanish origins.

Hilaria’s CAA page, her IMDb bio and her Wikipedia page claim she was born in Mallorca and later moved to America, and she said in a podcast earlier this year:

“I moved here [to America] when I was 19 to go to NYU from… my family lives in Spain, they live in Mallorca.”

Hilaria was on the cover of Hola! Magazine where she was identified as Spanish in both the interview and its press release, and husband Alec Baldwin often calls her ‘Spanish’ online. She’s made many appearances in Latina magazines where she refers to Spain as her “home.”

And here’s more: there are videos of Hilaria on a talk shows, like Good Morning America, where she spoke with a Spanish accent, to a Today show cooking segment where she acted as though she could not remember the English word for “cucumber.”

How do you say in your country? Lying hypocrite?

Last fall, Hilaria pushed the fashion brand Zara on her podcast, saying in that on-and-off accent of hers, that  she has loved the label since “before I was in this country.’’

Trouble is, Hilaria’s real name is Hillary, according to an old MySpace page, friends from her past, and school records. She attended private school in Massachusetts, and in her senior yearbook is listed as Hillary Hayward-Thomas. It’s similar to what Rachel Dolezal—the white woman who claimed to be black—did only Hillary wanted to be Spanish.

Well, now Hillary is defending herself in a bonkers new Instagram video in which she has no Spanish accent at all and claims all of her lies about her background just a misunderstanding, and she never misrepresented herself. Bitch, your husband called you Spanish; your agent called you Spanish; you actually uttered the line:

“How do you say in English? ‘Cucumber’.”

Bitch, please. But she still claims she grew up in Boston and Spain, even though there is no evidence that she spent more than a couple of years vacationing in Spain, and then admitted she was born in Boston as Hillary and has no Spanish ancestry.

Seriously, why? Why? And why Alec played along is crazy, too. He took to social media to trash the Twitter user broke the story of Hillary’s lifelong lie in a bizarre Instagram rant where he compared the truth-teller to “used coasters with the rings on them and the stains on them.”

Huh? Is that Spanish for something? Even Ireland Baldwin, Alec’s daughter from his marriage to Kim Basinger, defended Hillary:

“It’s so pathetic that anyone would want to play detective and dig that deep into someone’s life they don’t know anything about, don’t know how they were raised, don’t know who they were actually raised by.”

Is that pathetic, Ireland, or is it pathetic to lie and pretend you’re Spanish when you aren’t? Take a seat, Karen.

Alec reappeared on social media, again, and once more dragged the Twitter sleuth, telling the world to “consider the source.” We did, Alec, and the “source” is your wife’s American birth certificate.

Okurrrrrr.

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Finally, a movie I’m longing to see … Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum are set to star in a movie that sounds like a reboot with all new people of Romancing the Stone, but their film is called The Lost City of D. Sounds like a film where Sandra is on the hunt for Channing’s dick.

Funny, I’m on that same hunt and no one offered to have me star in a movie about it.

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It's Snarkurday!

Christine Ouzounian, the former nanny who worked Jen Garner while she … ALLEGEDLY … schtupped Jen’s husband, Ben Affleck and was fired, loves all the media attention she’s getting.

She gets photographed a lot — usually after she calls the paparazzi with her whereabouts — putting gas in her new Lexus and has actually called the police to help her get away from the horde of shutterbugs she summed to watch her walk to her car; and let’s not even talk about the two, oh wait, now it’s three, bikini photo shoots she’s done since being outed as The Other Woman.

So, in case y’all forget, it’s Ouzounian who is keeping the “Affleck slept with the nanny” story alive and her name in the tabloids though maybe she’s had some help from Ben who might have bought her that new car and might be for her stay at the Bel Air Hotel.

Except the hotel, via a source — and it ain’t Lohan because she can’t afford four-star accommodations — says Ben “did not cover the Bel-Air bill. You would not find his card there, plain and simple.”

Wait. So his card wasn’t there? Well, howsabout his cash? Howsabout, ALLEGEDLY, billing the nanny’s stay to his manager and then paying the manager off?

Uh huh.

Madonna has always been known as a type-A perfectionist … or a bitch. You decide. And now comes word that she’s bringing her C U Next Tuesday-ness to her Rebel Heart Tour and her crew has just about had it.

According to an insider:

“Madonna is a real piece of work. On Monday night, the dancers declared mutiny on Madonna because she is working them way too hard. One dancer even went so far as to take off his credentials, throw it in her face and say, ‘F*ck you. I quit!’ She had to call security to protect her and escort her remaining dancers out! On another occasion, one of her dancers broke her arm during rehearsals and instead of showing concern, Madonna had a nuclear meltdown.”

But it gets uglier:

“Everyone is required to wear black head-to-toe at all times and she has said, in her own words, that there are ‘no fat c*nts allowed in her presence.’”

So is she a perfectionist, or is she a bitch who’s so concerned about the flopitude of the album Rebel Heart that she’s gone nuts with rehearsals for her upcoming tour?

I think you know.

In July 2014, Sherri Shepherd’s lawyers filed paperwork in her then-ongoing divorce battle with her husband, Lamar Sally stating that she did not want any part of the child she and Lamar were expecting via a surrogate because she’s a Christian! Or something.

Sherri claimed that Lamar was using the baby in an attempt to defraud her into paying his way for life, through child support and she wasn’t having it … except now a judge has ruled that Sherri is the baby mama, and since she doesn’t want the baby, she’ll be paying child support to Lamar, unless she can prove fraud. But that’s impossible when you go back in time to read all the interviews she gave where she talked endlessly about wanting this baby.

It’s very clear that, now, she doesn’t want the child because she might have to actually pay for it and she’s more about the coins than the children.

But remember, she’s a Good Christian … like Josh Duggar is a Good Christian.

Sharon Stone has had a varied career: Basic Instinct, an Oscar nomination for Casino … and then there was Catwoman, Basic Instinct 2, Diabolique, Sliver, Intersection, Gloria, and Allan Quatermain. But still, given all those bombs, Stone is now saying the worst thing that ever happened to her was a role on Law & Order: SVU.

Quelle horrors. Whilst posing nude for “Harper’s Bazaar” Stone discussed her humiliation at being on Law & Order and says her career had hit rock bottom when she got that script, but she had to do it to make that money.

“That was humiliating. Having worked with the finest people in the industry, I was like, ‘Wow, I’m really at the back of the line here. I’m wearing L’eggs panty hose, and in makeup they start out by putting this white primer on my face.’ I’m like, ‘This is so bad. What did I do to deserve this?’ “

But, ever the trooper, Stone endured the show:

“I thought, ‘You know what? I got thrown off the bullet train, and now I’m going to have to crawl up a hill of broken glass, get back on the train that’s going a million miles an hour, and work my way from the cattle car up. That’s just the way it is, so I’d better get humble and shut the fuck up and do the job. Because if I can’t do this job, I’m certainly not going to be able to do anything else.’ “

And she did it! She suffered through the humiliation of being on a hit TV show when the movies stopped calling; she suffered through the indignation of L’Eggs pantyhose and is now back to posing nude in a magazine. She’s fought back, tooth and nail to find herself once again staring in a lead role in a multi-million-dollar Oscar-worthy film role as … wait, what?

Oh, this Fall Sharon Stone will be starring in a new show for TNT and as a spokesperson for Restylane.

Yeah, she’s back, baby!

From the It Pays To Be A Celebrity File:

I posted this story already, but here’s a recap and an update: Earlier this year at Sundance, actor Emile Hirsch was accused of assaulting Dani Bernfeld, a Paramount VP. He was ALLEGEDLY very drunk and very pissy when he began “aggressively picking on” Bernfeld, He began by shouting at her for being a “rich kid” and “so tough” and then put her in a headlock until she passed out, at which point he body slammed her to the ground.

Dani recovered; Emile was charged with felony assault; Emile checked himself into alcohol rehab. And then came the trial, and his punishment for attacking a woman and choking her into unconsciousness,

Hirsch was sentenced to 15 days in jail and must pay a $4,750 fine and do 50 hours of community service.

Naturally, Dani Bernfeld isn’t happy:

“This act of violence has greater implications than the physical injuries I sustained. The long-lasting effects of this assault will remain with me. Mr. Hirsch’s plea, however, provides that in 90 days his case will be dismissed without record. There is no assurance that he will serve any of the 15 days of jail time associated with his plea. Quite simply, this punishment does not fit the crime. While I appreciate that the court is trying to send a message to Mr. Hirsch, the message to him and those who may follow needs to be louder and stronger.”

But, hey, he’s an actor, right?

Speaking of spoiled self-indulgent entitled celebrities: Jason Derulo.

Who? Yeah. The 25-year-old singer and his posse were kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight Saturday, after he and his bodyguard got into a verbal spat with an airline employee before boarding the jet.

It all began when Derulo’s team requested an escort, and preferred boarding, and were denied and they believed they were being treated unfairly because, you know, Jason Derulo.

Who? I said. When Derulo’s team voiced their concerns rather rudely and loudly they were told they could not fly but then proceeded to the plane anyway. At that point the Southwest agent called the authorities and removed them. Derulo and company opted to fly private, and  then he offered up his side of the story.

According to Jason’s rep, TSA precheck was down and Derulo and company were in too much of a hurry to do what every single other passenger boarding the plane was doing because, Jason Derulo.

Who? Wait. So, when told they had to wait, “someone” in the group said “bullshit” and the group was bounced.

Um, lemme see …. You say “bullshit” in an airport and you can’t board a plane? Uh huh.  I’d be on a no-fly list permanently.

So, Alec Baldwin hasn’t beat up a paparazzi lately, or had a meltdown on the street so maybe he’s settled down? Or, and this is probably more apt, maybe he’s too busy working to pay for the five nannies his wife Hilaria hired to take care of their two children.

Now, to be fair, maybe the Baldwin’s are both too busy with work that they need these five extra people to care for their children, and, well, they can no doubt afford, but when Hilaria Instagrammed a thank you to the Five Nannies — Lizzy, Sandra, Zena, Lisa and Avril — it created a social media storm requiring an explanation.

Hilaria posted her answer to Instagram and want y’all to know that not all five women are nannies … some are “babysitters.”

Oh ….

While divorcing his third wife, Terence Howard is also still in the middle of divorcing his second wife, Michelle Ghent and it is still all kinds of ugly.

At a hearing last week new testimony ran the gamut from suicide threats to drug use to blackmail to the, wait, what, Holocaust when Howard compared of giving in to ALLEGED blackmail threats from Ghent to  “the Jews giving in to the Germans [and going] to Auschwitz.”

Yup, the holocaust. And then to make matters worse, Howard continually interrupted the judge, often shrieking at him that the hearing was an “ambush” until the judge, and it should’a been Judy, told him to “learn some restraint.”

Howard talked about he and Ghent’s drug use — weed, coke and ecstasy — as the “only times [we were happy]” and talked of the threesome he and his wife had, and the time his wife had to Mace him and his family during a vacation.

Lovely, no? And then Ghent brought out the recordings and texts Howard sent her:

“I’m sitting here at lunch hoping you’ll call … every minute of every day I feel like putting an end to this miserable existence … every lie I’ve told to you are equal in my mind to putting bullets into a clip and firing them at my future. … I am devastated by my stupidity.”

 “I couldn’t do anything but sit there [looking] at a f—ing razor blade … I just wanted to die … I’ll look for you in my next lifetime.”

“So if you are planning on living without me, you should have someone put me out of my misery.”

And when that didn’t work, he went all Boiling The Bunny on Ghent:

“I will never allow another man to be with you. Whoever tried to take my life will lose his existence.”

“I will never allow a restraining order or anything to keep me from my wife.”

And then he claimed to be in fear of his wife:

“I loved her and was also afraid of her. Love is a very complicated thing. … I was in love with the person who [was holding me] captive.”

Wait. Isn’t that from an Empire episode?

Howard also admitted to Ghent that he would leave his now third ex-wife Mira Pak if Ghent would only come back to him — Howard and Pak married after dating for four weeks, had a kid and are now divorcing.

Yup, only in Hollywood can you still be fighting with your second ex-wife in divorce court while being sued for divorce from your third ex-wife.