I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, Nicholas Cage, never a man of good, sound judgement—check out his IMDb page for proof—apparently married his girlfriend of, well, either one year or three years, depending on whom you ask. See, Cage and Erika Koike, the long-term, short-term girlfriend, made it official by getting married at the Bellagio in Las Vegas last weekend, but not without some drama … before and after.

According to multiple eyewitnesses, Cage and Erika’s journey to the altar started out rough with Nic, drunk and belligerent, screaming that Erika’s boyfriend … wait, what … was a drug dealer and insisting that he “wasn’t going to do it” while waiting inside the Clark County Marriage License Bureau.

But they persisted. Cage was filmed slowly walking behind his girlfriend-fiancé-wife, hands on his hips, muttering to himself.  A bystander says the couple filled out the marriage application in one of the machines—Hey, it’s Vegas baby—and the entire time Cage was yelling:

“She is going to take all my money.”

“Her ex is a druggy, her ex is a druggy.”

The future Mrs. Cage was also muttering:

“Baby I am not asking you to do this.”

And because they were loud and obnoxious, the couple was given a private room to finish their paperwork before leaving the courthouse as husband and wife! So ... congratulations to the couple, who’ve been together one or three years, except …

Four days later Nicholas Cage filed for an annulment because he wants to be 2019s Britney Spears. In his papers Cage says he was, ahem, “too drunk” to get married:

“[Erika] suggested to [Cage] that they should marry, [Cage] reacted on impulse and without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions.”

He didn’t understand? This was his fourth marriage! It should have been as easy as putting on your shoes. But then there’s the part of the papers where Cage claims his wife-not-wife is a fraud, who did not him know “the full nature and extent of her relationship with another person” and that she also has a criminal history she didn’t tell him about. Cage also says that the two have “such conflict in personalities and dispositions that are so deep as to render the two incompatible in marriage.”

And yet a few beers in and he’s racing to a Vegas courthouse?

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Last week we talked about how thirsty Mel B told Piers Morgan that she and former bandmate Ginger Spice, AKA Geri Halliwell, had hooked up and gone down there.

Well, this week, Ginger/Geri is not having it and she sent out a statement that the whole lesbian romp Mel B drooled about was a lie.

And now folks are spilling more tea; if fact, though I really know this for a fact because it’s about the Spice Girls and I’ve never heard a Spice Girls song, rumor has it that Mel and Geri had more than a hookup back in the day, and actually lived together in what was ALLEGEDLY a full-on year-long lesbian relationship.

And when that story resurfaced, suddenly Mel B was a’scurred for telling the tale and tried to quash it—though I kinda doubt that because Mel B is all about getting her name in the press—but it was too late. And now, cut to a pissed off Geri:

“It has been very disappointing to read about all these rumors again, especially on Mother’s Day of all days. Geri loves the Spice Girls: Emma, Melanie, Melanie and Victoria [Beckham]. She would like [the fans] to know that what has been reported recently is simply not true and has been very hurtful to her family. Moving forward, Geri can’t wait to see the girls and all the fans on the tour, have an amazing time with everyone, and make some new memories.”

Isn’t it nice how she tries to quash the rumor while still promoting the upcoming tour?

Sounds like Mel B and Geri cooked this whole thing up to earn a bit more free press for their lack of careers.

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I love a good real housewives spat and it doesn’t more real, and perhaps less housewife, than a spat between the former Real Housewives of DC, Nancy Reagan and Barbara Bush.

Apparently the late former First Ladies were anything but friends and never really hid their distaste for one another but, from beyond the grave, as it were, it looks like Barbara Bush may be getting in the last dig.

A new book is out about Mrs. Bush and it reveals why she thought Nancy hated her so much – including the time Nancy kicked her off the guest list to a dinner with Princess Diana! Yup, Susan Page’s new biography, The Matriarch, goes into detail about how Nancy made a point of making sure George H.W. Bush and Barbara were NOT allowed to that fancy-ass 1985 dinner for Princess Di and Prince Charles where John Travolta twirled her around the White House ballroom. And apparently Barbara Bush told Page, before her death:

“She hated us. I don’t know why, but she really hated us.”

The Charles and Diana dinner was a hot ticket in DC and protocol suggested that the Vice President and Second Lady be there, but Nancy personally took both their names off two separate guest lists before eventually moving them to a “suggested additions” list where they would get an invitation if, say, I couldn’t attend.

Yes, they were that far down the list. So far down that it was obvious Nancy hated them, and so far down that people tried to step in and get Nancy to pony up an invitation. Even deputy White House chief of staff Michael Deaver cautioned Nancy against excluding the Bush’s from the dinner, saying it would be a breach of protocol and she shrilled:

“Just watch me.”

Like a true housewife.

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Apparently, R&B singer August Alsina has released a new song about an affair he had with a woman and lotsa folks are guessing who she might be.

Well, here’s the tea … it’s Jada Pinkett Smith … ALLEGEDLY. For years the rumor mill has said that Jada’s marriage to Will Smith is open and swinging and anything goes. And now August released a cover of singer Kehlani‘s song, “Nunya,” where he talks about a former sidepiece who is missing out on all the hot stuff he has to offer, saying:

“Putting on a show

‘Cause you don’t want the world to know

That you lost a man who loved you all along

I gave you time to make me a priority

Put my feelings out there

You ignored it

Ain’t nunya business to know who I’m with."

Sure, that could be any woman, but the accompanying video features a text conversation with someone named Koren, and when one connects the dots one finds that Jada’s middle name is, yup, Koren. And, in the video August sends a GIF of Jada Pinkett Smith to the person in the text chat. And, August was on Jada’s Facebook talk show Red Table Talk where he talked about struggling with addiction and how the Smith family helped him during his struggles.

Do the math, Koren. Gif. Chat show. Help.

All equals affair … ALLEGEDLY.

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Gosh, right on the heels of trying to get yet another reboot of 90210 off the ground, only to have Luke Perry up and die, come new troubles for “actress” Tori Spelling.

Tori has been having trouble paying her bills for a long time now, and has been sued by a number of institutions like American Express and the Council for Bad Actresses Still trying to Sell Themselves to TV, and now it’s City National Bank coming after her. Spelling owed City National a shiz ton of money for years, and was supposed to have it paid off but, surprise, she has not.

But she didn’t, and now the California court system has issued a bench warrant for her arrest for not showing up to court. Tori was due in court on March 29 but didn’t show up and hasn’t finished paying off a $400,000 she and husband, serial adultery Dean McDermott took out in 2016. In 2017 the court sided with City Bank because the couple failed to reach a deadline of responding to the bank’s allegations and there was a default judgment against the couple of deadbeats.

And for most of us, having a court tell you to pay your debts would be enough for you to start sharing some coins, but not Tori and Dean. Instead of showing up to court she was in Tel Aviv to work with TV friend/co-star/has been Jennie Garth promote a children’s clothing line.

Now, Tori owes more than $260,000 to City Bank, which is a lot more than the almost $190,000 she owed before and that lead to the bench warrant and a new court date of May 1st.

Tori’s bail—if she can buy a ticker home—is set at $5,000. Hopefully she won’t try to take a loan out to pay it.

Hey, maybe she can reboot 90210?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Joe Alwyn does not want to be a “celebrity.”

Joe Alwyn is an actor, having appeared in Mary Queen of Scots, Boy Erased and The Favourite, but again, Joe Alwyn does not want to be famous.

Joe Alwyn is dating Taylor Swift.

Huh; he’s an actor dating a pop star and he doesn’t want to be famous?

Go away, then, Joe Alwyn.

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I kind of enjoy when a celebrity puts their foot in their mouth, and when it’s someone like Barbra Streisand, it’s even better.

Last week, Streisand said that while she absolutely believes Michael Jackson’s Leaving Neverland accusers, James Safechuck and Wade Robson, she also wonders what’s the big deal:

“[Jackson’s] sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has. You can say ‘molested’, but those children, as you heard say (the grown-up Robson and Safechuck), they were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.”

Being raped didn’t kill them so let’s just move on? Is that it, Babs? But then she dug in deeper, blaming the parents of the boys:

“It’s a combination of feelings. I feel bad for the children. I feel bad for him. I blame, I guess, the parents, who would allow their children to sleep with him. Why would Michael need these little children dressed like him and in the shoes and the dancing and the hats?”

Barbra doesn’t get it because there are people dressed like her, in her shoes, dancing in her hats, and they are all grownup people, not young boys being groomed for a pedophile’s bed chambers. And so, as happens when celebrities flap their lips without so much as a thought—though OI expect more from Streisand—she issued a “clarification”:

“To be crystal clear, there is no situation or circumstance where it is OK for the innocence of children to be taken advantage of by anyone. The stories these two young men shared were painful to hear, and I feel nothing but sympathy for them. The single most important role of being a parent is to protect their children. It’s clear that the parents of the two young men were also victimized and seduced by fame and fantasy.”

Nice, but really, she should have said:

“I uttered some stupid shiz because I forgot that these were children being raped by a grown man and you NEVER blame the victim, or anyone other than the perpetrators.”

Then she should just shut up and sing.

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Dr. Dre posted an Instagram—since deleted, go figure—over the weekend, of him and his 18-year-old daughter Truly holding her college admissions sheet for USC, with this message:

“My daughter got accepted into USC all on her own. No jail time!!!” 

A funny joke when you consider the scandal of well-to-do-parents paying thousands, and hundreds of thousands, of dollars to get their kids into college.

Now, to be fair, Dre didn’t bribe anyone or commit fraud or anything like that, but he did, along with his long-time business partner, Jimmy Iovine, donate $70 million to … you guessed it … USC.

That donation was made in 2013, so it was not a direct and obvious quid pro quo to get his daughter into college, but still …

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Remember Mel B went to rehab for sex addiction, having had a very intense and open and populated sexual relationship, er, relationships, during her recently ended marriage. And so, you’d think the last thing she’d want to yap about is her sexual proclivities, but, well, you want that press and so you take your business into the street.

Mel B was doing an interview with Piers Morgan, about that upcoming Spice Girls Minus Posh reunion tour, and spilled a sexual secret; a secret she, oddly enough because you know she needed the coins, never told in her memoir, Brutally Honest. She and Geri Halliwell went there:

“She’s going to hate me for this because she’s all posh in her country house and her husband. But it’s a fact. It just happened and we just giggled at it and that was it … We were best friends. It just happened. Have you ever done that? … Yeah and I’ve said it now. All done. She’s going to kill me and so’s her husband. She’s not that posh now, is she?”

And perhaps Geri might actually kill her because sources—and you know its Mel B because she never met a rumor she didn’t want to ride—are saying that after the show, Mel started calling Geri to explain what she’d done.

Oh Mel, you literally need to keep your mouth closed.

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After successfully ignoring the mad ramblings of Jose Canseco, who accused Alex Rodriguez of having an affair with his ex-wife, A-Rod and his fiancé-for-now JLo are facing new accusations of infidelity on his part.

Former Playboy bunny and current fitness coach/model Zoe Gregory claims that A-Rod was soliciting her for weeks and sent a dick pic as recently as 6 weeks prior to his engagement. Zoe provided a detailed account of A-Rod’s solicitations which she claimed occurred between December 26, 2018 and January 22, 2019 where he “was being like a dirty dog” and that “he seemed like a needy, horny bloke”. Zoe also claims A-Rod sent her a selfie “showing just his penis and his muscly thigh”.

Zo, who is British, may not realize that what he sent her wasn’t a selfie, but a dick pic. But he also showered her with compliments on her curvy figure and 36DD boobs; a WhatsApp message ALLEGEDLY sent from A-Rod says:

“Are you still thinking of your three names of fun girls for us?”

In another, he asks Zoe if her pal is “down” for a rendezvous, adding:

“She hot? Fun? How many times have you been with her?”

And, in addition to dragging A-Rod—and, to be fair, if this is true, he deserves to be dragged—Zoe has only love for JLo:

“J-Lo is amazing and she doesn’t deserve this. While getting ready to marry her, he was asking me for sex videos, demanding we hook up and asking me to make arrangements with other girls. If he is doing this right up until the point he is proposing to her it is just not fair.”

I can think of other ways to describe other than “not fair”.

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Earlier this week Elisabeth Hasselbeck returned to The View to hawk a book she’d ‘written’ and to spill the tea about the crush Rosie O’Donnell had on her when they worked together.

And it was a story about The View, for a book by Ramin Setoodeh that had Rosie being quoted as saying she had a “little bit of a crush on Elisabeth” and that were “underlying lesbian undertones” to their feud.

Um, okay, but then you just know religious wingnut Hasselbeck went nuts over that story and said:

“Rosie, I think it was disturbing to read those things and it was offensive to me, but … I totally forgive you, Rosie. … I really hope that we can be at peace and that we can both hold our beliefs in one hand and hold each other’s hand in the other and still have a relationship that’s at peace. … Even more than I want to be at peace with her, I hope she finds that peace because God wants that for her too.”

End sermon. I am annoyed that Hasselbeck is so offended by the idea that someone might have thought she was a lesbian, or that a lesbian might have had a crush on her.

Grow the eff up. But I’ll save some wrath for Rosie and her blustering ways because she said, of the ALLEGED CRUSH:

“I think there were underlying lesbian undertones on both parts. I think this is something that will hurt her if you write it. She was the MVP of a Division 1 softball team for two years that won the finals. There are not many, in my life, girls with such athletic talent on sports teams that are traditionally male that aren’t at least a little bit gay.”

Way to lump every single female athlete into the Lesbian Boat, Ro. As if we don’t get enough stereotyping from others, you’re gonna add to it?

Grow the eff up. But Rosie saw Hasselbeck’s interview, and she raised her a Tweet storm:

“hey eh - my crush on u was not sexual - sorry u got scared - surely u recall b4 it all went wrong - i never objectified u - i did find u fantastic - broadway shows - my pool -we were friends once god love ya kid - i always did.”

Still, Rosie, you tried to link a rabid religious wingnut with being a lesbian and we all know those things don’t go together because God Hates Fags.

And Hasselbeck hates being thought of as one, if even for a moment.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey because they’re the garbage bag of trash in the franchise, even lower than the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

That said, I did see that epic table flip by Teresa ‘Mob Wife With a Two head Instead of a Forehead’ Giudice in season one where she screeched at her enemy, now BFF, Danielle Staub:

“Prostitution whor-ah! You were fucking engaged, 19 times? You’re a fucking bitch!” 

Now they gotta rewrite the line, because Staub, who married the 20th man to propose to her last year, and then divorced him about ten minutes after the ceremony, is engaged now for the 21st time and set to marry husband #5.

Just one week after her seven-week marriage—for the love of god, Kim Kardastrophe was married longer than that once—to Marty Caffrey officially ended, Danielle said “Yassssss” to an ALLEGED rich man—hence the enthusiastic YASSSSSS—named Olivier Maier.

Maier is also the Duke of Provence so when they marry, she will be the Duchess, and when the divorce she’ll be on the hunt for fiancée 22 and marriage #5.

Set your watches for this train wreck; the wedding is next week.

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Now, y’all know when one Kardastrophe does something, and then gets a Special Episode of that show, then sooner or later another comes along singing the same song.

Cue the least talented member of that untalented Klan, Kylie Jenner, whose BFF Jordyn Woods, was the one who slept with Khloe’s Baby Daddy and serial cheater, Tristan Thompson, who is next  in line for the next cheating scandal.

Yep, even though Kylie Jenner is already in the center of Khloe and Jordyn’s drama, the family has decided to rachet up the messiness by ALLEGING that Kylie’s boyfriend and Baby Daddy Travis Scott is a cheater, too.

On Wednesday Travis wanted to surprise Kylie and their 1-year-old daughter Stormi by coming to LA to spend some time with them. But as soon as Travis arrived, Kylie discovered “evidence” that led her to believe he’s a cheater just like Khloe’s ex Tristan Thompson and … roll cameras!

Their heated argument lasted a couple of days, apparently, so long that Travis was forced to cancel a show because he was, ahem, “under the weather” AKA “under the thumb” of That Woman who probably had the fight filmed for TV.

Oooh, I smell a spin-off, especially since Kylie’s only talent is bad choices in men and not understanding contraception.

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Last year, Meghan Markle married Prince Harry in a lovely royal wedding at Windsor Castle surrounded by lots of her friends, including Priyanka Chopra. And Priyanka rode that BFF With Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Sussex for all it was worth, but maybe she rode it too hard?

It seems that when Priyanka suddenly became engaged to Nick Jonas and they went on to have … I think … five weddings and a dozen or so receptions around the world, Meghan didn’t attend once single event. And then, when Meghan came to New York two weeks ago for a baby shower with her best girlfriends, Priyanka was a no-show.

Now, she was invited, but declined to attend because she was, ahem, “working,” which might be code for ‘You didn’t come to my wedding, er, weddings, with all your paparazzi and media attention, so I can’t come to your party.’

And so now we’re told that Priyanka is mad at Meghan and skipped Meg’s baby shower on purpose, suing the “bogged down in LA with meetings about a book she is writing” excuse.

Oh Priyanka, you never snub a royal, because now you just might permanently be scrubbed off Meghan’s Friend’s List and you and Nick will never get to post selfies from Inside Buckingham Palace.

And we all know how thirsty you are for that.

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Oh Mel B. I guess your sex, drugs, and ménage à trois rehab is over and now you need a new way to keep your name in the news.

It seems Mel appeared on Good Morning Britain with Piers Morgan and said the Lady Gaga Bradley Cooper performance of ‘Shallow’ on the Oscars, made her feel “uncomfortable”. I mean, in Mel B’s world, drug and drink parties with threesomes with the nanny are fine, but Gaga and Bradley crooning into the same microphone is just icky?

Mel and Piers turned into a couple of gossipy hens on the show:; she said: 

“See, I felt so uncomfortable for Bradley’s girlfriend, oh my gosh.”

And he said: 

"It was the look of love, wasn’t it?”

And she added: 

“It really was and that’s the whole gossip. That’s the whole thing. But I would like to think it was part of the whole performance, because there’s a women’s code and hopefully that’s not … hopefully it’s only professional.”

Seriously, the woman who paid a nanny to watch her kids and schtup her husband , and then join  the two of them in bed, thinks that song performance was bad?

Oh Mel, like Priyanka, you are thirsty for press. Maybe it’s time for a relapse.

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Rumor has it that Johnny Depp is broke…because of divorces, bad investments and living like he’s a king when he’s not. So, that may explain this …

It appears that Depp has filed a $500 million lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard, claiming that her claims of domestic abuse were “an elaborate hoax to generate positive publicity” for herself …because saying publicly that your husband gets rip roaring drunk and beats the crap out of you is a career move … in Johnny Depp’s head.

But there’s more; Johnny also claims that Amber began an affair with Elon Musk a month after they were married, and that Elon was at their house, creeping in and out of the penthouse elevator, the night he and Amber got into a fight over a postnuptial agreement. Johnny says that fight led to Amber throwing a vodka bottle at him, which resulted in him having to have his finger “surgically reattached”.

Yes, Johnny wants to reopen his divorce case because he doesn’t like the way it ended, and he’s giving all sorts of new lies details about it. But it's cuz he’s broke and needs the coins and only $500 million will do. 

Until it gets tossed out of court and he comes back next year to claim Amber cheated with ET in a Tesla sent into space and he wants $500 billion.

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Show of hands … who’s surprised by this one …

Kailah Casillas, a now former Lohan Beach Club “ambassador”—code for call girl, maybe—was recently fired from her post for giving Lindsay some sass while the “staff”—code for call girls—were  being lectured to by Lindsay about tidiness.

Show of hands? Who thinks Lindsay Lohan, one of the hottest messes in all the land knows shiz about tidiness? Anyway, after Casillas was fired, on air because, you know, drama, she lashed out at Lohan by shrieking:

“Continue doing all the drugs you do, Lindsay.”

On the show, Lohan brushed off Casillas’ comments, claiming the reality star was just throwing her past in her face, while at the same time she brushed off her nose …ALLEGEDLY … but Casillas is now saying she witnessed a lot of “uncomfortable” and “awkward” behavior from Lohan since day one:

“It kind of slipped. I can’t say that I saw anything, because I’m really not trying to get myself in trouble, but I can say that from my own personal opinion, I do not think that she was sober whatsoever.”

Ah, so there you have it, she wants to claim Lindsay’s still doing drugs while saying she’s never seen it, and has no proof, but because she’s a reformed druggie she knows the signs.

Sounds like Lindsay hired a bunch of Lohan clones for her, um, “reality” show. Maybe they’ll start a gang and steal jewelry from high end boutiques like their boss.

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It's Snarkurday!

Last week we talked Cardi B and her beef with bartenders at strip clubs who open their legs to Cardi’s boyfriend and Baby Daddy.

It seems now that Cardi B is just this year’s Azealia Banks because at last weekend’s Harper’s Bazaar Icons party for New York Fashion Week Cardi B wanted some of Nicki Minaj.

Cardi, swathed in a red Dolce & Gabbana brawl-gown—see what I did there? Not ballgown, but brawlgown …okay I’ll stop—spotted Nicki Minaj at the event at the Plaza Hotel and made a beeline for her.

Someone ALLEGEDLY pushed Cardi “from behind” and she “went flying” and then took that fight to Minaj to :::ahem::: “address lies Nicki was spreading” though she says she didn’t intend to swing at her. She shrieked “I’ll fuck you up” and threw a “giant red shoe,” and the back of her gown was ripped, and she ended up ass out. Cardi screams “let me tell you something” and launched herself at Nicki but was stopped by security … and dragged out.

Cardi left the party with a big lump on her head, no shoes and the title of Azealia Banks 2018.

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A few weeks back we reported that, following her divorce, Mel B was off to rehab for addiction to alcohol, perhaps drugs, and sex. Mel instantly took to TV to say she was going to rehab for PTSD and it had nothing to with sex and drugs and booze.

Or did it? The Los Angeles County Superior Court seems to disagree and in Mel and Stephen Belafonte’s continuing custody battle, the court had order …ordered … Mel to take random drug and alcohol testing after they found that she abuses substances:

“Based on the evidence presented, the court finds that there is a habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances/alcohol by the petitioner [Mel B].”

Mel and Stephen will split the costs of the drug tests 50/50 so for the next four months. And, to add insult to drunken injury, both parents are required to be sober while their child is in either of their care; a new nanny will be present when the child is with Mel.

To recap:

Mel B was accused of being an alcoholic and sex addict. She denied it all. The court said she’s probably an addict and needs to get tested regularly.

That should really mess up her PTSD.

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Back in July, Ronan Farrow’s published a piece in The New Yorker about multiple women who said they had been harassed and victimized by CBS CEO Les Moonves. The women claim Moonves forced them to perform oral sex on him, that he exposed himself to them without their consent, and that he used physical violence and intimidation against them. A number of the women also say Moonves retaliated after they rebuffed him, damaging their careers.

The reaction to Farrow’s initial exposé was “less than” because Moonves is a powerful guy and because CBS’s toxic boys’ club had been covering up for him—and Charlie Rose—for years. In addition, Moonves denied everything and his wife, Julie Chen, stood by him.

Moonves and CBS quietly began working on his resignation and his Golden Parachute allowing CBS to save face and Moonves to pocket some massive coins. But then more women came forward and Farrow dropped another New Yorker exposé and now Moonves is gone but … not before he issued a statement calling all of his victims liars.

CBS actually thanked Moonves for his years of service :::gag::: and said he would not receive any “exit compensation,” at least not until an independent investigation was completed. CBS announced they would donate $20 million to “organizations that support the #MeToo movement and workplace equality for women. The donation will be deducted from any severance payments that may be due to Moonves.”

How nice … except Moonves’ severance package is said to be in the neighborhood of $120 million so after the deduction he’ll walks with $100,000,000.

Not bad for decades of sexual harassment and assault.

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Denise Richards—the ex-missus Charlie Sheen—married Aaron Phypers last weekend in an intimate Malibu wedding ceremony that included only their closest family and friends … and the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and a Bravo film crew.

Denise announced her surprise engagement two days before the wedding was to take place, and a few weeks after she began filming RHoBH which also means that some, or all of the wedding, was paid for by Bravo.

Ah, love; or at least the reality show version of it.

PS Wasn’t it nice that Aaron donned his barhopping best as his wedding suit?

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It's Snarkurday!

As soon as she breaks up a marriage—including her own—Miranda Lambert moves on to the next target.

Last February, Miranda Lambert met Evan Felker, the lead singer of the Turnpike Troubadours. Felker was married to Staci Felker at the time but within days of meeting Miranda, he ghosted his wife, filed for divorce and began dating Miranda officially.

Last week Staci and Evan’s divorce was finalized and this week Miranda is officially done with Evan. Felker’s band, the Turnpike Troubadours, have dropped out of their final performances of Lambert’s The Bandwagon Tour while she revealed she is “happily single” in a recent interview.

“Love is a hard road sometimes and it’s been a roller-coaster ride for me, but I’m definitely thankful for all the ups and downs because I’ve had some really good songs come out of it. You’ve got to take the bad parts and put them on paper and then move on to the happy parts.”

Apparently, she only dates married men while they’re married so she can get some good songs out of it.

Who does she think she is, Taylor Swift?

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Only in Hollywood … TMZ has apparently scooped everyone from Megyn to Barbara to Diane and has scored an interview with Brandon Johnson who claims he was Demi Lovato’s drug dealer.

Seriously; a drug dealer who sells illegal drugs and tells:

“It was a flirty friendship but nothing more, it kind of grew into a … sexual friendship … She texted me at 4 o’clock in the morning, um, because she’s a girl and she wanted to kick it, I mean why else does any other girl text another guy at 4 o’clock in the morning to come over?”

Um, because you’re a drug dealer and she wanted to score? Ass.

I bet everyone in the trailer park back in your hometown of Cousinfucker, Oklahoma, was tickled pink when your mug appeared on TV:

“Look, errybody, Brandon’s on the TV dealin’ drugs! Swimmin’ pools and movie stars … “

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Well, Mel B has finally concluded her messy divorce from Stephen Belafonte and, as anyone might do, is off on vacation to get away from it all.

Oh? Not vacation, you say, but rehab? Uh huh.

B says she’s entering a therapy-based rehab center in the UK to deal with alcohol issues and sex addiction and says she’ll be out in just a couple of weeks because her problems are with booze and sex but are part of a much larger issue that she calls PTSD:

“I have recently been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. I don’t want to jinx it, but so far it’s really helping me. I am still struggling but if I can shine a light on the issue of pain, PTSD and the things men and women do to mask it, I will do. I am speaking about this because this is a huge issue for so many people.”

During the divorce, Stephen accused her of regularly having threesomes and having alcohol and cocaine addictions; she says there were no threesomes but says Stephen kept her drugged during their marriage.

Uh huh. Along with PTSD, Mel says she’s also dealing with being “financially battered” at paying child and spousal support to her ex-husband.

So, let’s break it down: during the divorce her husband claims she was into group sex, booze and drugs, and then she says she’s going to rehab for booze and sex, but says her rehab has nothing to do with booze and sex.

Oh, Mel, the first step is admitting you have a problem …

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It looks like Charlie Sheen has not only found a way to pay his child and spousal support, but he appears to have set his return to television … on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

No, not as a housewife, but as the unemployed actor-addict ex-husband of Denise Richards who is joing the cats of the Bravo show. Sheen told paparazzi:

“It’s not been confirmed [but] if they’re rolling and I pull up to drop off one of the girls, then I’ll be on it.”

Bravo has no comment because they threw up in their mouths a little.

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Heather Locklear’s Year of Discontent is not yet winding down.

After months of arrests and stints in rehab and threats to police officer, Locklear has been charged with one misdemeanor count of interfering with a law enforcement officer and two counts of misdemeanor battery for ALLEGEDLY attacking a police officer and an EMT.

Locklear was arrested last February for felony domestic violence and battery on a police officer who responded to calls about Locklear attacking her boyfriend at her home; she was charged with five criminal counts in that case, but was not charged with hitting her boyfriend despite being arrested for the offense.

In June, Locklear was hospitalized and placed on a 5150 psychiatric hold after she ALLEGEDLY choked her father and struck her mother.

Locklear has had issues with substance abuse in the past and most recently entered rehab last year. She was arrested previously in 2008 on suspicion of driving under the influence.

Hopefully, rather than giving her a slap on the wrist, she’ll face some kind of jail time and get her act together.

William Shatner and Joan Collins are not happy with their TV daughter these days.

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