Ain't That America VII

Well, what a week it's been in America … floods killed over a hundred people in Texas while the government twiddled … now a pair of GOPers are claiming Democrats control the weather … the Cult is real and they love being sent to one of Kristi’s Koncentration Kamps … TACO flipped and flopped on tariffs again … DUI hire Pete Hegseth overstepped after perhaps being over-served … and some good news from couple of spots, even from a Republican … The Felon in tights …

Under pressure from worried farmers and hotel owners, The Felon’s regime put on their Flip Flops to launch a program to streamline issuing visas for temporary, migrant workers to try to make sure fruits get picked, meat is packed and lodgings are cleaned.

I have a suggestion … create a pathway for citizenship to every immigrant and just round up and deport the criminals.

Multiple governors say they’re being increasingly pushed to scrounge for disaster recovery money without the support they traditionally rely on from the federal government. The Felon has the sole power to issue disaster declarations, but states are finding emergencies that would usually qualify for federal assistance are being slow-walked or denied in recent months.

Well, what do they expect? He’s busy helping the 1%.

As FEMA responds to the deadly flooding in Texas, one key resource is missing: FEMA leader. David Richardson, the agency’s acting administrator. He has not been to the site of one of the nation’s deadliest floods in this country in the past 25 years.

Former FEMA officials said Richardson’s absence raises concerns that Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem AKA Border Barbie AKA Dogkiller AKA Koncentration Kamp Kristi is controlling FEMA’s response.

The Felon announced plans to impose a 50% tariff on all goods from Brazil, in part due to the prosecution of former President Jair Bolsonaro over an alleged plot to remain in power after losing an election.

Criminals stick together.

The Felon is so dumb? How dumb is he? So dumb that he praised Liberian President Joseph Boakai for speaking “such good English.” Odd,. Cuz Liberia’s official language is … English … while The Felon’s is blabbering bull shit.

Immigrants being detained in federal holding rooms in Lower Manhattan have complained of being unable to bathe or change clothes, cramped conditions, sometimes being provided just one meal a day, and sleeping on concrete benches or the floor.

But they’re brown people so, yeah, the regime doesn’t care.

GOP Representative, and certified asshatted loon, Tim Burchett has cosponsored Marjorie Taylor Greene’s House bill that would ban supposed weather control by the Democrats.

Yes, that’s what they believe and, well, say it’s, true … could Democrats send a hurricane to Large Marge’s house and slide a tornado over Burchett’s home?

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth did not inform the White House before he authorized a pause on weapons shipments to Ukraine, setting off a scramble inside the administration to understand why the halt was implemented and explain it to Congress and the Ukrainian government and the so-called president.

At a press conference, when asked who authorized the pause, the inept, confused, demented, hate-filled lump of gelatinous rotted flesh AKA The Felon, said:

“I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?”

Sounds like a well-oiled machine, doesn’t it?

The TACO is insisting ::: foot stomp head snap ::: that the August 1 tariff deadline set this week in letters to U.S. trading partners is firm and won’t change though it’s the opposite of what he said earlier in the week when he said the deadline was “firm but not 100% firm.”

Flabbier than his fat ass.

After the Big Billionaire Bill passed both the House and Senate, Wisconsin GOP Representative Derrick Van Orden responded to this Tweet:

“17 million people just lost health care. 18 million kids just lost school meals. 3 million Americans just lost food assistance.”

… with:

“YES!”

When they tell you who they are, believe them, and Van Orden has told you he is a goose-stepping fascist who works for The Felon and The Billionaire Class, but does nothing for We The People.

USDA Secretary Brooke Rollins wants all the immigrants removed from the fields across America and replaced with people on Medicaid.

So, if you’re looking for your Nana to take her to her chemo treatment, check the corn fields.

Arpineh Masihi, a devout MAGAt is being held in a detention center in the Mojave Desert and wants y’all to know that she still supports The Felon.

Masihi was born in Iran but has been in the US since she was three. She became a target for ICE over crimes committed 17 years ago, was arrested in June, and says this from her detention cell

“He’s doing the right thing because lots of these people don’t deserve to be here. I will support him until the day I die. He’s making America great again.”

And they say it’s not a cult. Good luck back in Iran, dear.

A federal judge has once again barred the regime from enforcing The Felon’s executive order limiting birthright citizenship.

US District Judge Joseph Laplante made the ruling after immigrant rights advocates implored him to grant class action status to a lawsuit they filed seeking to represent any babies whose citizenship status would be threatened by implementation of the regime’s racist directive.

One step forward …

North Carolina GOP Senator Thom Tillis has a warning for the regime as he finishes out his time in office:

“The president should know if there is anyone coming up for a nomination through any committee of my jurisdiction that excuse January 6 that they’re not going to get confirmed in my remaining tenure in the US Senate.”

Tillis is still angry about the violent events that unfolded after The Felon sent a mob of criminals, drug dealers and rapists to attack the US Capitol to protest the 2020 election results.

With little discussion, the Pittsburgh City Council unanimously passed three bills intended to provide further safeguards to LGBTQ+ citizens: the first bill prohibits the withholding or denial of elective medical care based on a person’s real or perceived gender identity or expression; the second bill aims to pre-emptively shield the LGBTQ community against being barred from society by future federal legislation; the third bill lessens the legal penalty for engaging in sex work from a misdemeanor to a summary offense.

Good on Pittsburgh.

Federal immigration agents would be banned from wearing most face coverings but be required to wear visible ID during public enforcement operations, according to a proposal from Democratic U.S. Senators Alex Padilla and Cory Booker.

If the ICEstapo is doing nothing wrong, then show yourselves, identify yourselves.

In a new documentary, Surviving Ohio State, survivors of sexual predator Dr. Richard Strauss say Ohio Republican Representative Jim Jordan knew about the sexual abuse the student-athletes suffered and did nothing about it.

Jordan declined to be interviewed for the documentary, but his name is frequently brought up by former Ohio State wrestlers and a referee.

Jordan knew and did nothing; he’s complicit.

And now for a laugh … The Felon was ridiculed last week after the White House posted an image of the gelatinous lump of flesh as Superman with the tagline:

“THE SYMBOL OF HOPE. TRUTH. JUSTICE. THE AMERICAN WAY. SUPERMAN [_____].”

Of course, people had words:

“Guess the Epstein list is your kryptonite, huh?”

“As a Trump voter, this is cringy as hell.”

“Just imagine the response if the Biden White House had posted something like this. But Trump is graded on some kind of never-seen-before curve and this craziness is normalized.”

The AI hilarity is right next to the real blubbering tool.

PS MAGAts are up in arms because the director of the new Superman film, James Gunn, keeps reminding them that Superman is an immigrant!

So there we have it, another week of madness and sadness and fascism and racism down, and another week closer to the midterms where you know what to do ...

The Funny Papers

Ed Wexler, RJ Matson, Jesse Duquette, Bill Bramhall, Jack Ohman, Matt Davies, Max Espinoza, Joh Ostrove, Kevin Kallaugher, Phil Hands, Pedro X Molina, Michael de Adder, Mike Luckovich, Clay Bennett

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Lalo Alcaraz, Dave Whamond, Jack Ohman, Daniel Boris, Mike Luckovich, David Horsey, Michael de Adder, Adam Zyglis, Dennis Goris, Pedro X Molina, Trevor Irvin,

Bobservations

The other night as we ate dinner, the kids of the family who live behind us were playing in their yard, and as kids do there was a lot of shrieking and screaming and laughing and yelling which spurred Carlos:

“I’m going to call over there and ask them to quiet down those kids.”

“No you are not. When I was that age [and these kids were 12 and 10 or so] we used to play with our friends and scream and shriek and yell.”

“Well, I don’t like it.”

“That’s because when you were an only child and at that age you were probably wearing a tutu and giving a piano recital.”

His sly smile told me I was probably correct.

This Tuxedo Says is from October 2020:

Tuxedo has discovered Twitter and really enjoys finding people’s Tweets and sharing them. This is one of his Favorites …

The owner of an Idaho bar and restaurant plans to host a two-day “Hetero Awesome Fest” outside of the state Capitol in Boise in June to coincide with LGBTQ Pride Month because there is no more oppressed group in the entire world who need a celebration to stoke their egos than straight people.

I may start a GoFundMe for them, but I’ll call it a GoFuckYourself.

After that last snippet, I’m’a need me some Summertime Beach Cakes to cleanse my palate.

Let’s try this again … because of the tariffs there are fewer ships arriving from China which means less work for dock workers … for truck drivers … for retailers and fewer dollars circulating.

It’s a cascading effect and will affect all of us.

RuPaul’s Drag Race icon Jinkx Monsoon, left, is eligible to be nominated for a Tony Award in the category, “Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Musical” for her performance in the musical ‘Pirates.’

Yes ma’am.

On the flip side, we lost the wonderful Jiggly Caliente, right, AKA Bianca Castro-Arabejo this past week.

May I call you Jiggly.

RIP

This is model Brennan Aldred and I don’t know how old he is or where he’s from or much of anything else so we’re flying blind here but: Would You Hit It?