I Didn't Say It ...

Frank Ocean, on how he thinks Obama should have reacted during _____’s inauguration speech:

“I’m really excited for these inauguration crowd numbers to come in. Don’t cook the books either Donald. We all know your event was dry. No matter how many times CNN anchors repeat majestic or peaceful transition of power. The world can see America divided and the chaos in the streets.

Barack we love you but it would’ve been equally presidential if you would’ve just walked on out while Donald got through that struggle speech trashing your career. The majority knows man, we know you did good. We see it. The majority sees Donald for who he is too. He ain’t slick. And it’s too bad the majority doesn’t count. In any event, a first family that I can relate to will be missed. Really though.”

Obama has too much class to have walked out but, still, wouldn’t it have been fabulous?

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Hugh Hewitt, conservative radio host, on impeaching _____:

“I think it would occur after midterms and only if the House flips to the Democrats. So the potential is there, yes. If you abuse power, if you do anything — you don’t have a lot of goodwill in the reservoir. He’s beginning his presidency successfully in my view with a few very bold initiatives but with the highest negatives of any incoming president since Gallup kept track. That says to me: thin ice, move carefully.”

There you have it. Vote Blue in 2018, and demand, demand, your representatives do the sane thing and boot this maniacal liar from office.

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Kellyanne Conway, _____ Hellhound, on how she thinks people are out to get her:

“Because of what the press is doing now to me, I have Secret Service protection. We have packages delivered to my house with white substances. That is a shame.”

Um, Kellyanne, you brought this attack from the press on yourself by being a blatant liar and an ass-kissing fuckmonkey, but ... maybe, just maybe, this white powder is powder for your face because, girl, you so sweaty on TV.

PS There has not been one report, except from this hellhound, of a threat on her life.

Sit down, bitch.

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Colin Mochrie, Whose Line Is it Anyway comic actor, opening up about his transgender daughter and acceptance:

“There had been a negative vibe on Twitter, with the upcoming inauguration, so I thought a positive tweet about acceptance and inclusion might be nice. To tell you the truth I didn’t think it all the way through. All of our friends, of course, know about Kinley and we regularly posted on Facebook about her. I had forgotten that outside of our circle, people didn’t know. My daughter is exactly the same person as she has always been. Bright, funny, sympathetic to others, curious and  caring. The only difference is that she is happier and more confident as a person. Your child is your child, that is forever.”

That’s called good parenting.

That’s called unconditional love.

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Sean Spicer, on how “demoralizing” it is for _____ to be ridiculed and challenged:

“There is this constant theme to undercut the enormous support that he has…I think it’s just unbelievably frustrating when you’re continually told it’s not big enough, it’s not good enough, you can’t win…Over and over again there’s this constant attempt to undermine his credibility and the movement that he represents, and it’s frustrating for, not just him, but I think so many of us that are trying to work to get this message out…To constantly be told, no no no, and to watch him go, yes yes yes. and have people put blocks up. It is frustrating… It is a little demoralizing… And then you look at the stuff that is happening…”

Um, Sean, he lost the popular vote, his approval ratings are in the toilet, millions and millions around the world are marching against him and more are speaking out about the #FakePresident.

Don’t play the pity party because you’ll lose every time.

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I Didn't Say It ...

John Lewis, Civil rights icon and Democratic congressman from Georgia, on the sit-in he staged on the house floor to demand action on gun control:

“We can no longer wait. We can no longer be patient … Sometimes you have to do something out of the ordinary. Sometimes you have to make way out of no way. We have been too quiet for too long. There comes a time when you have to say something, when you have to make a little noise. When you have to move your feet…Now is the time to get in the way. We will be silent no more. The time for silence is over.”

No more moments of silence for the dead.

No more prayers for the dead.

The dead demand that we do something to stop the violence.

Bravo, Representative Lewis, bravo!

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Van Jones, commentator and political activist, on [t]Rump's call for “racial profiling” of Muslim Americans:

“I just think it’s really interesting that we’re talking about racially profiling in the context of mass shootings [because] the vast majority of the people who are doing the mass shootings in America aren’t Muslims at all. You are seven times more likely to be killed by a right wing extremist — a racist or an anti-government nutjob — seven times more likely than a Muslim, [but] if I came on TV and said let’s start racially profiling white men, let’s start racially profiling young, white men who are loners with bowl haircuts, people would think, ‘Wow, that’s a pretty unfortunate conclusion for you to come to.’ If a Christian shoots somebody, we don’t say a Christian shot them. But if a Muslim shoots somebody, we say a Muslim shot them. I think that’s starting to muddy the waters.”

Finally, someone said it. Look at all of the mass shootings in this country and see all the white men who perpetrated them. Shouldn’t we be profiling white men, too?

Sidenote: gosh, Van Jones is hot … I’m shallow like that.

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Chris Murphy, Democratic Senator from Connecticut, on the failure of those four gun bills this week in the Senate:

"I'm mortified by today's vote, but I'm not surprised by it. We learned in the months after Sandy Hook that the NRA has a vice-like grip on this place. Even when 90% of the American public wants change." 

And even when We The People demand change, the GOP refuses to budge because of the NRA and its deep pockets.

Vote.Them.Out.

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Corey Johnson, New York City Councilman, destroying Chris Barron, founder of the gay conservative group GOProud, and his assertion that The Gays will vote for The Rump:

“I think it’s funny that just because [Trump said] the four letters LGBT that [he is] somehow the champion of the LGBT community. He met today in New York with a thousand evangelical leaders — a who’s who of the gay right — people who have made a professional career of demonizing and denigrating gay people. Donald Trump is against marriage equality, Donald Trump says he wants to remake the Supreme court and make it even more conservative. Donald Trump has never been there for the gay community — he is a megalomaniacal, arrogant crazy person.”

Yeah. What he said!

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Frank Ocean, on the Orlando shooting:

"I read in the paper that my brothers are being thrown from rooftops blindfolded with their hands tied behind their backs for violating sharia law. I heard the crowds stone these fallen men if they move after they hit the ground. 

I heard it’s in the name of God. I heard my pastor speak for God too, quoting scripture from his book. Words like abomination popped off my skin like hot grease as he went on to describe a lake of fire that God wanted me in. 

I heard on the news that the aftermath of a hate crime left piles of bodies on a dance floor this month. I heard the gunman feigned dead among all the people he killed. I heard the news say he was one of us. 

I was six years old when I heard my dad call our transgender waitress a faggot as he dragged me out a neighborhood diner saying we wouldn’t be served because she was dirty. That was the last afternoon I saw my father and the first time I heard that word, I think, although it wouldn’t shock me if it wasn’t. 

Many hate us and wish we didn’t exist. Many are annoyed by our wanting to be married like everyone else or use the correct restroom like everyone else. 

Many don’t see anything wrong with passing down the same old values that send thousands of kids into suicidal depression each year. 

So we say pride and we express love for who and what we are. Because who else will in earnest? I daydream on the idea that maybe all this barbarism and all these transgressions against ourselves is an equal and opposite reaction to something better happening in this world, some great swelling wave of openness and wakefulness out here. 

Reality by comparison looks grey, as in neither black nor white but also bleak. 

We are all God’s children, I heard."

Tears. Just tears.

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I Didn't Say It ...

President Obama, at the G20 conference in Turkey, on the GOP presidential candidate’s suggestions that they what to do about ISIS:

“If folks want to pop off and have opinions about what they think they would do, present a specific plan. If they think somehow their advisers are better than the Chairman of my Joint Chiefs of Staff and the folks who are actually on the ground, I want to meet them. And we can have that debate. But what I’m not interested in doing is posing or pursuing some notion of American leadership or America winning or whatever other slogans they come up with that has no relationship to what is actually going to work to protect the American people and to protect the people in the region who are getting killed and to protect our allies and people like France. I’m too busy for that.”

He’s no lame duck, it’s just that he has no more f**ks left to give.

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Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packer quarterback, calling out the fan who shouted anti-Muslim comments during moment of silence for the victims of the attacks in Paris:

“I must admit I was very disappointed with whoever the fan was that made a comment that was very inappropriate during the moment of silence. It’s that kind of prejudicial ideology that puts us in the position we’re in today as a world.”

It’s fear, but it’s stupid irrational fear.

I say it all the time and I will keep on saying it: Muslims are not terrorists, terrorists are terrorists.

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Ted Cruz, a Cuban refugee if you recall, pissing his panties because President Obama has criticized Republicans for wanting to keep out Syrian refugees:

“It is utterly unbefitting of the president to be engaging in those kind of personal insults and attacks. He talked about how he was belittling the Republican field as scared. Well let me suggest something: Mr. President, if you want to insult me, you can do it overseas, you can do it in Turkey, you can do it in foreign countries. But I would encourage you Mr. President, come back and insult me to my face.”

Gosh, a schoolyard taunt, from a man who just a couple of years ago declared that we should welcome any and all refugees from around the world.

Of course, that was before he was running for president and pandering to the idiotic wingnut base.

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Frank Ocean, rapper, blasting Donald [t]Rump for a tweet he sent out after the Charlie Hebdo attacks that was trending again following the terrorist attacks on Paris—[t]Rump’s original Tweet: “Isn’t it interesting that the tragedy in Paris took place in one of the toughest gun control countries in the world?”:

“On the real though Donald Trump. How is it ‘interesting’ that these shootings happened in a country that’s tough on guns? Tell us Don? Because it sounds like that vacuous observation was about giving your NRA-loving constituency a hand*** and spinning a tragedy for political gain and I’m thinking maybe using a situation where dozens of innocents have just been murdered in the streets isn’t the best time. No?”

Snap.

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Steven Anderson, “Christian” pastor, basically saying that the concertgoers at the Bataclan theater — who were there to listen to Eagles of Death Metal—kinda had it coming:

“When you go to a concert of death metal, somebody might get killed! You know, you’re worshiping death, and then, all of a sudden, people start dying!… Well, you love death so much, you bought the ticket, you love worshiping Satan! Well, let’s have some of Satan’s religion come in and shoot you! I mean, that’s what these people should think about before they go into such a wicked concert.”

Wow. Blame the victims of a terror attack for their own deaths.

How f**king Christ-like.

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David Bowers, the Democratic mayor of Roanoke, Virginia, suggesting we build internment camps for those Syrian refugees—though not in his town:

“I’m reminded that President Franklin Roosevelt felt compelled to sequester Japanese foreign nationals after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, and it appears that the threat of harm to America from ISIS now is just as real and serious as that from our enemies then.”

Even Democrats can be asshats and not learn a single thing from history.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

There is talk that Charlie Sheen has stabilized somewhat since his last breakdown; you know, when he was fired from his millions-of-dollars-a-week TV show, and took his crazy on a tour that fizzled and failed as soon as it started. But then FX brought in a dump-truck full of cash and a new show, Anger Management, was born.

But since he met his future ex-wife, the porn star Brett Rossie, he has ALLEGEDLY gone off the rails. Again. The moment he met this I-Get-Paid-To-F**k-Strangers-On-Video star, Charlie stopped production on his show, fired his management team, evicted two of his former wives and baby mama’s from their homes, and got engaged. And now he’s back to missing work again, which is what started the whole, say Goodbye to 2.5 Men money mess to begin with.

According to sources — and it might be Lohan since she was a guest on the show and a trainwreck in her own right — Charlie’s absences have forced Lionsgate — the show’s studio — to push production schedules back and to use stand-ins for Charlie in certain scenes. And now many in the Anger cast are so, well, angry that they are threatening to stop working if the absences persist.

A Lionsgate spokesperson declined to comment on the situation, and Sheen’s publicist, Jeff Ballard — who, let’s not forget, gets a percentage of Sheen’s money — denies the show ever used stand-ins or shot around Sheen:

“We did not shoot last week because another member of the cast was sick. Charlie is always ready, willing and able to shoot Anger Management and looks forward to returning on Monday.”

Ready, willing and able, but he doesn’t seem to say Charlie was actually there. Still, it would behoove Charlie to stick it out. See, Charlie took a pay cut — to just $100,000 per episode — in exchange for 40% of the show’s profits in syndication, and he’s already show 65 of the contracted 100 episodes. If he makes it to the full order, he’ll be making enough money to bathe in cocaine and hookers for the rest of his life.

If.

Okay, so Dayanara Torres used to be Missus Marc Anthony before he dumped her ass to marry the bigger ass — JLo — who would become the next Missus Marc Anthony and the next ex-Missus Marc Anthony.

But this is all about Dayanara. See, last year she decided to play the Ex-Wife Lotto and filed papers asking that her child support be raised from $13,000 a month — AKA $156,000 annually — to  $113,000 a month — AKA $1,356,000 annually — because Anthony children are expensive. Or something.

Dayanara cried that Marc makes over a million dollars a month, so $113,000 isn’t so much to ask, and they’re still duking it out in court because, well, now Marc also has those Jello Kids to support as well, and you just KNOW Jennifer Lopez ain’t doing it on 13G’s a month!

Dayanara recently claimed in court that she was so hard up for money that she had to sell her house and move into an apartment in the Valley, but Marc Anthony has a whole different story about why Dayanara fled Beverly Hills.

He says part of her problems stem from the fact that she was banging a married guy and when this guy’s wife found out, she showed up to Dayanara’s house in Beverly Hills and started calling Dayanara  a “Whore” — over a bullhorn, no less!

Well, the scorned wife showed up regularly at Dayanara’s house — and Marc Anthony even admits to sending his security people over there — and that’s why Dayanara moved; not because it’s hard to raise two children on $13,000 a month.

Dayanara denies that the Bullhorn-whore drama ever happened.

Rich people problems. Well, rich people with sluts for ex-wives problems, I guess.

A while back the Chipotle restaurant chain came up with an interesting Scarecrow commercial about their food being all fresh and stuff and enlisted the help of Frank Ocean to sing a song — a cover of “Pure Imagination” — in the animated piece. Chipotle advanced Ocean the sum of $212,500, with the promise of an additional $212,500 after he finished the song.

Well, Frank never recorded the song, and left the project because he thought it was a campaign to promote responsible farming and didn’t like that Chipotle was going to stamp their logo at the very end of the ad.

What? They put their logo on a commercial? Yeah, so Frank walked and Fiona Apple came in to sing the song and the commercial was a big beautiful hit for Chipotle. Only, now they want their money back from Ocean, and when he didn’t return it they filed a lawsuit.

So, Frank decided it would be best to save himself some hefty lawyer fees — because you know he would have lost the case — and he mailed a cashier’s check for $212,500 to Chipotle with that message in the memo line:

It was, and I’ll say it, quite the Chris Brown thing to do, you know, like after Chris Brown got through slapping Ocean in that LA parking lot last year.

Just sayin’.

So, did anyone see Justin Bieber’s tough guy, thug boy taped deposition in that lawsuit filed against him for ALLEGEDLY sending his bodyguards to beat someone up because they called the Biebs a sissy or something?

He pouted, rolled his eyes, made fun of his attorney, and snapped his fingers when someone mentioned Selena Gomez, his on-again-off-again-on-again codependent girlfriend who just left rehab because of her Biebs addiction.

Now Justin has been Tweeting about being harassed at his deposition because he was ::::gasp:::: asked questions! He’s the victim here and lawyers are questioning him! He says the deposition tapes were a set-up to make him look bad but he doesn’t seem to realize that it was his own behavior — that of a petulant little boy — that did him in.

And he wants it to end! Y’hear? He’s a busy boy. There’s Sizzurp to chug and mop buckets top piss in and fans to spit on.

The best part of all, though, was Justin’s Freudian slip: when asked if Usher discovered him and was “instrumental” to his career, Bieber took all the credit, with one slip-up:

“I was found on YouTube. I think I was detrimental to my own career.”

Detrimental! Loving it!

So, Lindsay Lohan may have already run through the $2 million Oprah gave her last summer for that reality show docu-series so she needs to find some cash quick, or else go back to working the streets.

There was talk that she was shopping around a book if she could get a $5 million dollar deal, but most sane people realized that any publisher worth their salt wouldn’t pay Lohan $5 million so she could pay someone to write her “story.”

Now, though, she seems to realize that maybe she ought to name names if she wants the big check, so, one night, while barhopping with friends, Lohan sat down and wrote about all the one-night stands, er, boyfriends, um, johns, okay,  customers she’s had over the years and it reads like a Who’s Who and What The Hell Did They Bang Her For? of Hollywood.

In Touch has exclusively obtained a handwritten list, penned Lohan herself, exposing 36 of her famous lovers, the likes of which include — and I'll describe their Lohan Encounters by their film or musical works — Adam Levine: I wonder if he Moves Like Jagger? Zac Efron: High School Musical; Justin Timberlake: Cry Me a River; and Joaquin Phoenix: Walk The Line..

Also named on the list are Colin Farrell: talk about a Fright Night: Evan Peters: a real American Horror Story: Asylum; Wilmer Valderrama: I'm thinking Unaccompanied Minors: and Heath Ledger: The Dark [k]Night.

And then there’s Lukas Haas: which, knowing Lohan, might have been While She Was Out; Jamie Dornan: Fifty Shades of What The Hell Am I Doing? Garrett Hedlund: Death Sentence. And James Franco? Okay, Franco I believe, because you know he went home and wrote a poem.

Anyway, it’s all some tired attempt by Lindsay to spark interest in her, because nothing says that’s a good book like I fucked just about everybody and nothing says this girl is a great actress like She banged Joaquin Phoenix.

If you were thinking that Lady Gaga is just about over, here’s some more evidence that she’s passed her sell-by date:

She created a foundation, naturally named after one of her hit songs, or is it her one hit song, Born This Way, and the Born This Way Foundations mission statement is “to foster a more accepting society, where differences are embraced and individuality is celebrated.” That’s pretty, but loosely translated it means, “lawyers get money.”

See, in 2012, the Born This Way Foundation claimed $2.1 million in net assets and brought in $2.6 million in donations. But a giant chunk of that money went to paying off lawyers, consultants, publicists, travel expenses and all sorts of other stuff, perhaps, like giant shoes and stupid hats. The total spent on expenses was about $1.5 million and the total spent on actual charity, i.e. the mission statement, was $5,000; it went down like this:

$406,552 – legal fees
$300,000 – strategic development
$150,000 – philanthropic consulting
$348,000 – bus-tour productions
$77,923 – travel
$60,000 – research
$58,678 – publicity
$50,000 – social media development
$47,825 – meeting and event coordination
$5,000 – grants to organizations or individuals

And apparently there is a category marked “other” and those expenses — and you can just imagine what those might be — totaled some $808,661.

Now, a spokestool  for the Born This Way Foundation says their mission, er, goal, isn’t to give grants, but to raise “awareness” like when they say they taught 19,000 kids about “civic engagement” during their bus tour last summer.

Methinks it’s time Lady Gaga went back to her real name, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, and reinvented herself as an actress and guest-stars on Two and a Half Men as Ashton Kutcher’s newest love interest.

Of course, you just know she’d drop the Stefani Joanne and call herself Angelina Germanotta. 

Top 10 ISBL Stories of 2012

All over the place you're reading about the biggest stories of the year, so, well, since I'm not one to lead the way, I'll follow along and share my Top Stories of 2012.

Barack Obama Finally Evolves!

On May 9,2012, in an interview fro ABC News, President Barack Obama became the first sitting U.S. president to support marriage equality. 

 I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together, when I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.

For me, it was far and away the most powerful message sent to the world about LGBT equality I have ever heard, and I thank him every day for saying it.

Chick-fil-A-Hole

Georgia-based fried chicken chain Chick-fil-A became the target of nationwide discussion, boycott, vandalism, and, in some places, celebration, when it was revealed that the company had donated more than $5 million to anti-LGBT groups.

Company president, and Asshat-In-Chief, Dan Cathy added fuel to the fire when he said he opposes marriage equality and operates his fast-food chain according to “biblical principles.”

Let that sink in: a chicken restaurant operated on Biblical principles, except for "judge not lest ye be judged" and "love thy neighbor as thyself" apparently.

The LGBT community and its allies called for boycotts, while the soon-to-be irrelevant FoxNews talking-head Mike Huckabee called for a national Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day.

In the end, Chick-fil-A-Hole is still a hateful company, but, hey, I've never eaten there and I never will.

Ellen Beats Out One Million Moms

When department store chain JCPenney announced that Ellen DeGeneres was its new spokeswoman, the ultraconservative group One Million Moms--which a membership of far, far less than their name suggests--called for a boycott and demanded that DeGeneres be fired because of her lesbianism. 

JCP stood up for her and kept DeGeneres on the payroll.

Which is why I shopped there before Ellen, and why I shop there now.

North Carolina Pastors Panic

With interfaith coalitions that support marriage equality sprouting up around the country, anti-LGBT conservative Christians went on the defensive. 

One North Carolina "pastor", Sean Harris, said parents should “punch” and “crack” the “limp wrists” of children who exhibit gender-variant behavior, while a video of another "pastor", Charles Worley, asking that all LGBT people be put in concentration camps until we all die off, went viral.

In the end, the people, well, some of the people, of North Carolina , voted to add discrimination to their state Constitution by banning same-sex marriage.

Frank Ocean Comes Out

To be honest, I'd never heard of Frank Ocean until that day he came out.

Ocean, best known for being part of the hip-hop collective Odd Future, used a Tumblr post to reveal that his first love was another man. 

Then came his critically acclaimed, Grammy nominated, Channel Orange, and widespread support from the LGBT community, hip-hop fans, and his fellow music artists like Jay-Z and 50 Cent.

The GOP’s Presidential Homophobes

Looking to rile up their alleged base in an election year, Republican presidential candidates doubled down on their homophobic rhetoric. 

Rick Santorum said it’s better for kids to have a father in jail than to be raised by a same-sex couple and that, as president--which is a laugh riot in and of itself--he would invalidate existing same-sex marriages. 

A pissy, and allegedly self-loathing closeted homosexual himself, Rick Perry released an ad bemoaning the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” 

The GOP ticket of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan fell into lockstep on nearly every one of each other’s antigay positions: Both opposed marriage equality, opposed the repeal of DADT, vowed to keep the Defense of Marriage Act the law of the land, and opposed hate-crimes legislation. 

Both men were sounded defeated in November, bested by two men who had come out earlier in the year in support of marriage equality.

That says volumes.

Prop 8 and DOMA Await Supreme Hearing

Several marriage equality cases were scheduled for consideration by the Supreme Court, including the challenge to California’s Proposition 8 and lesbian widow Edie Windsor’s challenge to the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act. 

Despite Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s indication to students at the University of Colorado Boulder that the Supremes would take up DOMA in the next year, the justices declined to place any of the marriage cases on the docket in advance of the November election.

We're still waiting....

Maine Becomes Equal

Maine voters made history by affirming same-sex marriage.

The state reversed a 2009 ban on marriage equality, by approving Question 1--granting equality to gay and lesbian citizens--by a vote of  54%to 46%.

Maryland Becomes Marry Land

Maryland voters also made history on that same November Tuesday by becoming among the first in the nation's history to affirm marriage equality at the ballot box. 

In March of this year, Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley signed into law a marriage equality bill that had successfully passed through both chambers of the state legislature, but before the law could take effect, opponents gathered enough signatures to refer the issue to voters with a referendum.

But voters passed that vote.

So, in Maryland, the governor was for equality, its House and Senate were for equality, and then its voters were for equality.

It's a pretty clear message, eh?

Washington Goes Equal

Washington also added to the number of marriage equality states when 52% of voters approved same-sex marriage, while 48% just weren't thinking correctly.

Washington becomes the ninth state--along with the District of Columbia--to legalize same-sex marriage, and among the first to do so at the ballot box. 

Minnesota Says 'No' To Discrimination

After Minnesotans solidly defeated a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage in November, and also voted out the state House and Senate Republican majorities who placed the proposal on the ballot, pro-LGBT state legislators plan to push a marriage equality bill in early 2013. 

Representative Alice Hausman and Senator John Marty, both Democratic Farm Labor party members, say they will push for the bill to be enacted before Governor Mark Dayton issues his February budget While the incoming legislative leadership has not yet endorsed such a push, Dayton has pledged to sign the bill if it reaches his desk.

All in all, a good year for LGBT Americans.
What were you Top Stories of 2012?