I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, even marriages continue to fall apart during a lockdown, and this week it’s ‘reality star’ Kristin Cavallari and her soon-to-be-ex-husband Jay Cutler’s divorce announcement.

Kristin broke the news on Instagram—because, where else—with a picture of herself and Jay and explained that they have come to the “loving conclusion” to get a divorce.

“With great sadness, after 10 years together we have come to a loving conclusion to get a divorce. We have nothing but love and respect for one another and are deeply grateful for the years shared, memories made, and the children we are so proud of. This is just the situation of two people growing apart. We ask everyone to respect our privacy as we navigate this difficult time within our family.”

How Paltrow of you; but is it … the fact that Kristin made a point of saying they were getting a divorce, and weren’t just separating, is one thing, but she ratcheted things up by heading back to social media and removing the word ‘wife’ from all her sites.

Not so lovingly, I imagine, especially since, in the most recent season of Kristin’s E! reality series, Very Cavallari, Jay got pulled into a storyline that involved ALLEGATIONS of him cheating with Kristin’s former best friend, Kelly Henderson. Jay denied it happened; Kristin swore she didn’t believe it.

But then the rumor mills got hold of Kristin’s response to Jay’s divorce filing in which she ALLEGES “misconduct” on the part of Jay and says Jay “is guilty of such inappropriate marital conduct as renders further cohabitation unsafe and improper.”

Not so loving.

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I live for catfights, and a catfight between fashion guru André Leon Talley and Anna Wintour warms my cold, cold heart. Talley has apparently written a memoir and in it he puts Anna on blast as “not capable of human kindness”. Okay, so that’s not new, or even news, but when the passages were leaked, Talley, with a wry wink on an eye, took to social media—again, because, where else—to say:

“Did I miss anything this weekend?”

Apparently, in his book The Chiffon Trenches, Talley says his decades long friend, Wintour, is “ruthless” and says she has stopped speaking to him after she said he was “too old, too overweight, too uncool.” He says there is an 'endless' list of writers, stylists and models whom she has cast onto a 'frayed and tattered heap during her powerful rule'.

In an extended rant, Talley writes:

“Today, I would love for her to say something human and sincere to me. I have huge emotional and psychological scars from my relationship with this towering and influential woman.”

And then ends with a dig:

“'I wonder, when she goes home alone at night, is she miserable? Does she feel alone?”

Talley worked for Vogue on and off from the 1980s until 2018, when he was replaced as the magazine’s red-carpet reporter for the Met Gala.

Hmmm, maybe that spurred him to write his little book?

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You think Little Tommy Cruise became a diva once he became a big star, but you’d be wrong. And Rob Lowe is here to spill the tea.

Rob was feeling a wee bit shady when he appeared on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd and praised Tom Cruise’s “wherewithal” for always knowing he’d be a star by telling a story about Tommy going “ballistic” at the thought of sharing a hotel room with Lowe during the audition process for The Outsiders:

“All of the L.A. people survived the L.A. auditions, and then the hand-picked people had to go to New York to face the New York version/ So it was me and Tom Cruise and Emilio [Estevez] and C. Thomas Howell. [It was the] first time I ever stayed at The Plaza Hotel, and we check-in and Tom finds out that we’re sharing a room and just goes ballistic.”

Perhaps Little Tommy was worried about trying to control himself while locked in a  luxury hotel room with Pretty Boy Lowe?

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We’ve talked about celebrities self-isolating and then either whining about how hard it is to stay in the manse, or how blessed they are to be able to afford a mansion, or whine about how their kids are getting in their way because the mansion is just not big enough.

Well, Elizabeth and Philip Windsor have also taken themselves home for the foreseeable future and have self-isolated at Windsor Castle, just the two of them … and 22 members of their closest staff. We all know that the staff serves at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, so finding out that it takes 22 people to pleasure her, at age 94, is astonishing.

A memo to the staff written by Master of the Household—a title which I have just given myself, and Carlos has no say—Tony Johnstone-Burt reveals that since Britain went into quarantine, Windsor Castle has been dubbed “HMS Bubble”, and that the 22 members of the royal household staff are isolated there, away from their families, for the duration. Johnstone-Burt, a 40-year navy veteran, likened the situation to “a long deployment at sea where sailors are separated from their ­families for several months.”

But hey, if Liz needs a martini or Philip needs a backrub, you gotta have a staff, no? And staff can’t be goin’ home and then coming back to the castle the next day carrying some filthy virus.

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Just this past week we learned that Christopher Reeve’s son, Will, was reporting for GMA in a suit and tie and what looked to be his underwear. That caused a bit of a ruckus, a mild-mannered reporter kind of ruckus—see what I did there? Christopher Reeve? His son? Clark Kent? Mild-mannered? I’ll stop—but not near as much a ruckus as what happened when Spanish news anchor Alfonso Merlos reported from home.

While doing a live video chat from his house for the Spanish YouTube Channel Estado de Alarma, a half-naked woman showed up in the background, and people realized that the woman was not Marta Lopez, his long-time girlfriend. But Alonso ... Hey Player! ... didn't even notice the nekkid woman and kept going on with his report, long enough for eagle-eyed viewers to figure out the nude woman was his new side-piece Alexia Rivas … one of his colleagues.

After ignoring the escándalo at first, Alfonso did go back to TV to apologize, in a sort of, So I have a side-piece kind of way:

“If you think that my attitude has not been correct or that there are things that I have not done well, I have no problem asking for forgiveness, although my goal was not to harm someone else.”

And then he explained that he wasn’t a cheater because he and Marta had broken up, though Marta played the Ross-n-Rachel card and said they just had a spat and were on a break, until nekkid Alexia wandered onscreen.

And here we thought lockdown would be boring!

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And now some good news … Anderson Cooper is a Daddy, just not the kind of daddy I wanted. He’s a  literal father, and made the announcement last night on his CNN show, Anderson Cooper 360° this week:

"On Monday I became a father. I've never said that out loud and it astonishes me. I have a son. Wyatt Morgan Cooper was born on Monday weighing 7 pounds 2 ounces.”

Anderson said his son is named Wyatt, after his late father Wyatt Cooper, and that Morgan was on a list of potential baby names his late mom, Gloria Vanderbilt, and dad made when they were trying to pick a name for Anderson 52 years ago.

“I do wish my mom and my dad and my brother Carter were alive to meet Wyatt, but I like to believe they can see him. I imagine them all together, arms around each other, smiling and laughing, happy to know that their love is alive in me and in Wyatt, and that our family continues.”

Damn, Andy, why you gotta make me cry?

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I Didn't Say It ....

Ben Stein, on how to end poverty in America:

"My humble observation is that most long-term poverty is caused by self-sabotage by individuals. Drug use. Drunkenness. Having children without a family structure. Gambling. Poor work habits. Disastrously unfortunate appearance. Above all, and counted in the preceding list, psychological problems (very much including basic laziness) cause people to be unemployed, have poor or no work habits, and enter and stay in poverty. Is there any public policy that can help them? We just don’t know so far. But whipping up hate against the successful simply cannot do it. There is no connecting mechanism between envy and greater productivity. Quite the opposite. Envy legitimizes class hatred and idleness and produces nothing. What will make the genuinely poor stop sabotaging themselves? Maybe, just maybe, if we let God back into the public forum it would help. I have seen spiritual solutions work miracles." 

Seriously, Ben? You thinbk there are no drug-addled, alcohol-addicted, lazy ugly Christians?

You think if God could solve poverty just by eliminating the Separation of Church and State in this country she wouldn't have snapped ehr fingers and done it already.

Seriously, Ben, you're stupid.

Vance McAllister, the Republican Congressman from Louisiana, who campaigned on the defense of “natural marriage", after being busted on video making out with a female aide:

"There’s no doubt I’ve fallen short and I’m asking for forgiveness. I’m asking for forgiveness from God, my wife, my kids, my staff and my constituents who elected me to serve. Trust is something I know has to be earned whether you’re a husband, a father or a congressman. I promise to do everything I can to earn back the trust of everyone I’ve disappointed. From day one, I’ve always tried to be an honest man. I ran for Congress to make a difference and not just be another politician."

No thanks. You preached and campaigned about traditional marriage and how much better it is and how anything less than that hurts society and this country, all the while taking a sh*t on your own marriage.

Heath Peacock, the husband of the woman caught on video making out with Vance McAllister:

"I know his beliefs. When he ran one of his commercials, he said 'I need your prayers,' and I asked, 'When did you get religious?' He said, 'When I needed votes.' He broke out the religious card and he's about the most non-religious person I know. He's apologized to everyone in the world except me. I’m just freaking devastated by the whole deal, man. I loved my wife so much. I cannot believe this. I cannot freaking believe it. I feel like I’m going to wake up here in a minute and this is all going to be a bad nightmare. It was just a kiss, that was all it was, but it embarrassed me and my family."

A kiss is more than a kiss, and your wife is just as much to blame.

But Vance has proven himself to be your typical lying politician who will say anything and do anything to get elected, and then do anyone afterwards.

Kevin Spacey, on the persistent rumors about his sexuality:

"I don't live a lie. You have to understand that people who choose not to discuss their personal lives are not living a lie. That is a presumption that people jump to...I am different than some people would like me to be. I just don't buy into that the personal can be political. I just think that's horseshit. No one's personal life is in the public interest. It's gossip, bottom line. End of story. Now some people feed that. They'll go to the trendy restaurants where all the photographers are and then bitch about being famous. But if you don't want to feed that and you want your life to be based around what your work is then it ends there."

Methinks Kevin doth protest too much. A lie isn’t simply being untruthful; a lie is also in omitting the truth.

Is he gay? I couldn’t care less. But if he is, just by saying those two little words might help a lot of people deal with their own orientation and that wouldn’t be a bad thing at all, now would it Kevin?

Frank Bruni, on the Mozilla business and Brendan Eich:

"A leading supporter of gay marriage, [Andrew] Sullivan warned other supporters not to practice 'a fanaticism more like the religious right than anyone else.' I can’t get quite as worked up as he did. For one thing, prominent gay rights groups weren’t part of the Mozilla fray. For another, Mozilla isn’t the first company to make leadership decisions (or reconsiderations) with an eye toward the boss’s cultural mind-meld with the people below him or her. And if you believe that to deny a class of people the right to marry is to deem them less worthy, it’s indeed difficult to chalk up opposition to marriage equality as just another difference of opinion. But it’s vital to remember how very recently so many of equality’s promoters, like Obama and Clinton, have come around and how relatively new this conversation remains.  [snip] Sullivan is right to raise concerns about the public flogging of someone like Eich. Such vilification won’t accelerate the timetable of victory, which is certain. And it doesn’t reflect well on the victors."

Bruni hits it out of the park again.

Rob Lowe, on how hard it is being pretty:

“There’s this unbelievable bias and prejudice against quote-unquote good-looking people, that they can’t be in pain or they can’t have rough lives or be deep or interesting. They can’t be any of the things that you long to play as an actor. I’m getting to play those parts now and loving it. When I was a teen idol, I was so goddamn pretty I wouldn’t have taken myself seriously.”

It wasn’t the pretty, it was the shallow, Rob.

Paul Newman never had a problem, so maybe it's just you?

Hillary Clinton, on running for President:

"I am thinking about it. ... The hard questions aren't do you want to be president, or can you win. The hard question is why. Why would you want to do this and what would you offer that could make a difference."

Do it.

Alan Simpson, the former Republican Senator from Wyoming, in an ad from Freedom to Marry:

“I’m a Republican. The party’s basic core is, government out of your life and the right to be left alone. Whether you’re gay or lesbian or straight, if you love someone and you want to marry them, marry them. I've had a wonderful married life. Why shouldn't someone else have the joy of marriage? Live and let live."

Sad that he's a 'former' Repblican because the GOP needs more like him.

Hey Rob? Hey Ben? Um, Your Mid-life Crisis Called.....

...and said KNOCK IT OFF!
Ben Affleck rocks the Bieber........

Rob Lowe rocks the silver tips........

Whoever said anything about aging gracefully?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I know. She's an idiot. I mean, she stashes cocaine in her vah-jay-jay. ALLEGEDLY.

But now, little Miss Paris Hilton is being blasted by Sarah Shahi, "star" of something called 'Fairly Legal', as being the "worst driver ever" because Paris ALLEGEDLY almost hit Shahi.
Trouble is, Paris says she wasn';t driving anywhere that day: "I was so shocked when I read that, too. First of all, I wasn't even driving that day. I just came back from Vegas with my boyfriend--and we were home relaxing. I hadn't even been in the car that day. I literally came with a driver from the airport went to my house."
Paris then lamented that perhaps it was someone who just looked like her.
Seriously? There's more than one vacuous blond bimbo with the IQ of soap and a cooch full of coke driving around LA.
Well........maybe.
Then  Paris goes on and on crying about the team of Paris look-a-likes "who do it for a living....always doing things and I'm getting blamed for it."
Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! 
Sarah Shahi won't back down, though, and ranted on Twitter--because how else do people communicate these days--about Hilton:
"Paris Hilton- worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign.what if there was a kid around the corner, you dumb b--ch."
Shahi then called Paris a "horrible excuse for a human being" and a "blonde piece of sh-t".
Okay, so where's the rant? 

Because no one noticed, Kate Hudson announced she's engaged to Muse rocker, and her upcoming baby daddy, Matt Bellamy on The Today Show this week.

During a live interview with Matt Lauer, where Kate kept swatting her left hand through the air, Lauer finally broke down and mentioned the rock on her ring finger.
Hudson laughed: "It just happened a week ago, I'm so glad you noticed,. I haven't really announced it and I felt like the announcing thing feels so silly, and I was just waiting for someone to notice."
Which is why I've been batting my hand around like I'm hailing a freakin' cab before someone would ask me!!!!
Then Kate got all coy, refusing to discuss wedding dates or arrangements.
My guess is that she'll show up on Wendy Williams in a wedding dress and wait for Wendy to 'notice' it.
Just sayin'.

Talk about a fright.

Last October, Daniel Radcliffe admits he was terrified to hear Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling announce to Oprah that she might write another Harry Potter book, or two. Although Rowling has always insisted that she was done with seven books on the Junior Wizard, she said, "But you never know!"
Radcliffe was heard screaming, Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!!!
After a team of paramedics revived him Radcliffe says he texted Rowling so her could clarify her comments. He won't say what she texted back, but I think it was along the lines of How did you get this number?
But it may take Rowling a long time to write books eight through forty-seven, and by the time they come to be filmed, Radcliffe will be too old to play a boy wizard.
At least that's what he hopes.

Glee spoilers! Glee spoilers!

And, no, Bret Easton Ellis hasn't been asked to write an episode.
But Mister Shue, Matthew Morrison, is talking about upcoming episodes, including the one where someone on the show will die.
Holy Moldavia Batman!
You mean someone more important that the Warbler mascot bird, Pavarotti?
Morrison says: "Somebody's dying. Obviously I'm not going to tell you who it is, but it's no-one that you would probably expect. The episode right before the finale is called 'Funeral'. We were actually at a funeral home yesterday, shooting all day. It was a very taxing day."
Someone.Dies.On.Glee?
What.Will.They.Sing?
Who do you think it is?

Talk about everything old being new again. or every old movie being made new again.
Former California Grope-enator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is being shopped around Hollywood like a whore with a coke stash.

And Arnie is said to want to star in.....ANOTHER.....remake of 'The Terminator'. I guess he meant it when he said, "I'll be Bach."
And I thought he meant Johann Sebastian. Now that's a movie worth seeing.
Unfortunately there is no screenwriter attached yet, because most screenwriters are like, Um, this has been done, to death, and back again. But a director, ah, that's  a whore, er, horse of a different color has expressed interest. Apparently, Justin Lin, who is responsible for 'Fast Five'--the fifth installment of The Fast and The Furious, because four weren't enough--is getting wooed to helm the project.
Who's up for seeing Ah-nold back onscreen in Terminator: Rise Of The Man-Boobs?

Poor Lindsay.
After being sent back to the big house, er, the Lynwood Correctional Facility--where she was incarcerated for the unbelievable amount of five hours--Lohan is now crying that she's being punished because she's a celebrity.

Car thief? Jewel thief? Drug addict? Kidnapper?
Oh, yeah, how unfair.
A source close to Lindsay--and by source I mean Mama Dina who has a news crew permanently stationed in her home lest she go five minutes without publicity--says, "She is being treated differently from everyone else because she is famous. We were all in shock when she was forced to return to jail just to make an example out of her. It's not right. Especially when she is working so hard to live a healthy life."
Last week, a judge ruled that Lindsay, who has been accused of stealing a necklace, was in violation of probation and was jailed for five hours before someone--a drug dealer, I'm thinking, because she's his best client--got her out.
Dina, er, the source, adds, "She is innocent and can't understand what is going on. She didn't steal any necklace and will be found innocent. It's obvious this is only happening because she is famous and anyone that thinks celebrities get away with stuff or let off will think again after seeing this."
Hey Lindsay, listen up you utter moron: if you were Lindsay Lohan, working at the Forever 21 store in Dayton, Ohio, and had done all of the things you've done in your short stint of adulthood, you'd have been locked away for years.
Years.
So do not play this Poor me crap.
And do not make me go to my manicurist and have my Fuck You nail reapplied.
Please. Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not talk, whine, cry.
You're over.


Rob Lowe, or, as he's known by his porn name, Raw Blow, must have a pretty selective memory. See, in his new auto-biography, 'Stories I Only Tell My Friends,' he conveniently glosses over his six-year relationship, engagement to, and loss of a child with, actress Melissa Gilbert.

Lucky for him Michael Landon isn't alive. He's take Lowe out behind the barn for a whoopin'.
In her tell-all, 'Prairie Tale,' Gilbert revealed she'd had three nose jobs by age 20, struggled with drugs and alcohol, and then wrote page after page about her love affair with Rob Lowe, including losing his child.
Rob Lowe, on the other hand, in his book, dishes about his Hollywood bromances with Charlie Sheen and Sean Penn, dining out with Chris Farley and many more important things than a  six-year relationship. Of course, he also makes scant mention of his infamous--because of the underage girls--sex tape.
In Melissa's book she mentions Rob Lowe 77 times.
In Lowe's book, he mentions Gilbert 4 times.
Guess the relationship and the miscarriage meant more to her?
She writes on and on that she "fell instantly, hopelessly and stupidly in love" with him, then wallows in the anguish of losing him. He talks about how, when Gilbert's mom tried to keep them apart, he began spending more time with Charlie Sheen and his brother, Emilio Estevez. He makes absolutely no mention of the length and intensity of their relationship, their brief engagement and Melissa's miscarriage.
I guess it meant more to her than to him. He had buddies to drink with and underage girls to screw.
Just sayin'.

Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora has checked himself into rehab. Again.

And not just for rocking the Jane Fonda in Klute wig. But, for, among other things, like, um, sobriety "issues". A source--and by source, I mean Denise Richards, because she's the go-to source for all things Sambora or Sheen--says, "Richie recently has been drinking too much, and wants to get his life together."
He also checked himself into rehab for exhaustion.
Exhaustion rehab? Seriously?
Is there a rehab for everything now, because I may need a Bravo rehab one of these days. Or a Logo rehab. Top Chef: Rehab.
But Sambora, who's been on tour with Bon Jovi, says he needs time to regroup. And take a nap. ALLEGEDLY.
A friend--Hi Denise--says: "Richie has had a busy year. I think this was a culmination of all the things that overloaded his life and finally he realized he needed to take care of himself."
This isn't Sambora's first time at the rehab rodeo. He made his first appearance at the career boosting rehabbing Cirque Lodge back in 2007, right after he divorced his wife, Heather Locklear, and broke up with his girlfriend, Denise Richards.
Maybe he needs a Blonde Starlet rehab?


This guy is a pig.
He thinks he might be the next Robert DeNiro, when he more like the next Robert DeLusional. But self-titled Hollywood bad boy, and wannabe movie star, Alex Pettyfer, has given an interview where he discusses everything, from a sad, sick tattoo, to his hatred for LA.

The star--hee hee, I giggle at that.....star....--of 'I Am Number Four'--remember when it was in theaters for an hour or so?--gave a candid interview to VMAN magazine where he revealed that he has a tattoo, right above his crotch that says, "Thank You".
I imagine the proper tattoo should have said, "That isn't a toothpick, it's my dick."
Pettyfer, ever the gentleman, says he got the tattoo, "in case I forget to say it."
Oh, honey, you don't have to say Thank you. Just leave the money on the nightstand. Or the passenger seat. Or the next urinal.
Pettyfer, who was once considered, by himself mostly, to be on the Hollywood fast-track to stardom, until his head got ginormous--making his penis appear even smaller--now says, "I really don't give a s**t about any of that. I wish I had some interesting stories about living in L.A., but mostly I just do my work and then go home. Being an actor is like being in prison. You go, you serve your time, you try and replicate Johnny Depp's career and then you move to Paris."
Oh, honey, you're no Johnny Depp. He has talent.
And it seems that Hollywood, like me, has developed a distaste for Pettyfer. After rumors of his ALLEGED erratic behavior, most bigwigs in Hollywood are steering clear of Pettyfer.
Unless they're wearing a Hazmat suit.

Looks like 'Two and a Half Men' will be back in the fall, and it will be Sheen-less.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

'Men' creator Chuck Lorre is ALLEGEDLY working on a reboot of the I-have-no-idea-why-it's-so-popular sitcom, and Sheen is out, though Jon Cryer, who without this would have no career whatsoever, is in.
Winning!
Cryer has ALLEGEDLY been presented with a plan that would focus on his character, Alan, and a new character--someone Sheen-like, but not Sheen--who has yet to be cast. Lorre has ALLEGEDLY presented  his idea to a few Hollywood players, and the network and studio are aware of his intention to overhaul the series.
Though no actor has emerged as the frontrunner to replace Sheen--both Rob Lowe and John Stamos were rumored--the network has yet to schedule the return of 'Two and a Half Men.'
But CBS could be eying it as a mid-season launch.
Or it, like Sheen, could just go away.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

File this under: I'd do it, too, given the chance.

Italian TV star Elena Di Cioccio grabbed David Beckham's package to find out if the soccer dad stuffs or not.

Giving the "lady" a filthy look, Beckham was clearly unamused at having his balls woman-handled and was immediately hustled away by his security into a nearby hotel.

A source close to Beckham [his balls, perhaps?] says: "It was done in jest and that's how David took it. She didn't actually grab it, it was an attempt. She just got his trouser leg."

Not the trouser snake?
Elena Di Cioccio said: "Off the pitch [I don't know what that means] e have seen fascinating photographs of David Beckham in his underpants and seemingly very well endowed and even his wife says that he is well equipped and calls him Golden Balls....but we wanted to find out if he was as well endowed as the pictures suggest or if they were touched up."

Honey, he was touched up, by your groping fingers!

Paula Abdul decided not to renew her multi-year contract with American Idol last summer and there was a lot of talk about why this no-talent-has-been-loon would leave such a lucrative gig.

Well, maybe it's because, had she signed the new deal she would have been unable to leave AI to be a judge on Simon Cowell's Americanized X Factor show.

Seems like Cowell and Abdul worked a little something-something and she'll be a judge on the new show.

Sneaky Paula. Sneaky Simon.

I don't like Cindy McCain.

I'll just put it out there. I think she's a schemer and a desperate plastic surgery hag who wanted so badly to be First Lady and has gone a little McCrazy since Grampa lost the election.

But now, Cindy's following in daughter Meghan's footsteps and become part of the NOH8 campaign, standing up for marriage equality.

So, I'll take a snarky pass on her.....this time.

Of course, Grampa isn't so lucky.

John McCain instantly released a statement saying he doesn't agree with wifey and daughter, that marriage is a one-man-one-woman institution.

This from a man who left his first wife to marry a millionaire's daughter while while said first wife was recovering from a horrendous car accident. Sanctity of marriage, unless you're straight and something richer comes along.

I don't watch The Hills, but that doesn't mean i ain't never heard of media-whore-and-bad-plastic-surgery-victim Heidi Montag.

And Heidi has recorded an album; she said, before it came out, that it was as good as Thriller, and that she wants to be the next Britney. So, to that end, she spent 2 million dollars of her own[?] money to make the album.

Which came out this week.

And sold 658 copies.

Two-million divided by 658 equals.....yeah, those of you who bought her album, now have a CD worth approximately $33,000.00

Or, at least that's what it cost Heidi.

Gleek News:

My favorite show is doing an All-Madonna-All-The-Time episode, and, out lesbian Jane Lynch, who plays the devilishly deliciously vicious Sue Sylvester, will be performing "Vogue" for the show's Madonna-esque episode.
"I'm going to be singing the song and doing a video for it," Lynch revealed. "It's going to be so much fun!"

Greta Garbo and Monroe, Dietrich and DiMaggio.

I cannot wait to see how Sue C's Vogue.

Well, it looks like numbnuts network NBC and Conan O'Brien have reached a $45 million deal so Conan can leave quietly and hack comic Jay Leno can go crawling back to 11:35.

O'Brien will get $33 million and the rest will go to his staff in severance pay.

Meanwhile, Coco has had fun skewering NBC and their incredible mishandling of this whole mess. Jay, of course, has taken to playing the victim.

Victim?

Jay Leno has had nothing since The Tonight Show and will have nothing when it ends for him again.

Conan, however, may soon be seen at Fox, and I hope his audience follows and he whips Jay's chin. I'd have said ass, but, c'mon, with that chin?

He's over it! Again.

Just like when he was on The West Wing and wasn't getting enough camera time so he quit, Rob Lowe is leaving Brothers & Sisters at the end of this season.
He says he was "underutilized and asked to be released from his contact."

Sme line he used when he left his last TV gig, and was given his own show, that failed miserably. And he wants to try that again at ABC; his own show.

Fail.

Miserably.

Um, Rob, when you take a show that stars Norma Rae and Ally McBeal, and your best performance was the one where you screwed a teenager in an Atlanta hotel room, well, you should have known you'd be under-utilized.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

Star Jones.

Haven't heard much from her since her CourtTV show was cancelled. or she was fired from The View. Or her mini-gig on HGTV failed to turn into something permanent. Or when her Not-Gay-Husband left her.

But looky here, Star has been fired again.

The Enquirer--I know--is reporting that Star Jones was fired from her job n The Insider after getting into a screaming match with one the producers!
A source--I always wanted to be "a source' because they get around--reveals: "At first, Star got along with the producers just fine. But as she got more comfortable, she started complaining about the topics they wanted to discuss. She said they were too trashy and 'Star doesn't do trash!'"

Sheesh, Star, you took a job on a gossip show. Trash is their stock in trade.
Apparently, shooting Star was also upset that they used another mouthy Black woman, funny gal Niecy Nash, on the show when Star wasn't available.

She may have lost about a thousand pounds, but the ego only got bigger.

Cocktails Rants and Southern Men

We watched Brothers and Sisters last night, and it's like watching the same episode over and over again. Family secrets. Dinner party. Secrets revealed. Fight ensues.

And I realized something I always knew but never expressed.

Rob Lowe is one horrible actor.
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I had Oprah on again last Friday. Why I do this to myself I will never know. I told Carlos that he'll come home one day to find a chair thrown through the TV set; I'd go all Elvis on it, but we are the rare gun-free house in Smallville.

Anyway, Oprah is talking again about how rich she is; it's her favorite topic. She has her husband, Gayle King, on and they are talking about something they call Couple-speak.

The things that couples say to one another that make them feel good. Sometimes innocuous little things, like when Gayle said her ex-husband would always ask if she needed something when he left the house.

Carlos and I have that. Couple speak. Do you want something from the kitchen? It's simple, but it's sweet.

Oprah's Couple-speak? Your plane or mine?

When are her minions going to realize that she doesn't speak for them, for the average woman?

Seriously Oprah. STFU.
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At brunch yesterday it was like a trip back through time. Springdale Hall was once an old equestrian estate and was bought by a group of investors in 1950 who turned it into an inn. The main house is over 100 years old, and serves as the dining room for the inn. There are two parlors; a club room--a bar for people like me who had no idea about club rooms. There was a sunroom, and a veranda, and then several large dining rooms. We first sat on the veranda and watched the wind blow through the magnolia trees and sipped mimosas and Bloody Marys.

It was completely, utterly, totally Southern.

Even the story we were told about one member of the club called the, ahem, Ankle-biter. Seems this Southern gent would get all liquored up and then, actually, truly, try to bite women on their ankles.

Only in Smallville.....or other smallvilles.