Bobservations

So, our exciting lives this past month took us into new gutters for the casa, followed by the slow painful death of our heating and air conditioning system. It was well past its prime when it left us so we had a local company come out, give us an estimate and then come back out two days later to do the work.

On the first day they were still working when I came home and so I had to pull off the driveway under the trees to park. Needless to say mama wasn’t happy and I sulked and skulked down the driveway past the workers truck when I saw what I will say to my dying day was the world’s most epic ass.

I instantly perked up and spent a couple of minutes talking to the caretaker of the ass who told me that they would be out the first thing the next morning to finish the work.

In the house I told Carlos of that ass, and was at the back door when the ass came to say they were leaving; I stood at the door watching until they’d walked away and, had I been more subtle, I might have been able to snap a photo.

I am not subtle, but then you already know that.

The next day I was up and showered and shaved and waiting for my soon-to-be-new husband and when the truck arrived I ran outside like a giddy schoolgirl, or schoolboy who swings that way, and was told Mr. Epic Ass wasn’t coming. I slithered back to the house, crawled up on a chaise and spent the day in mourning.

Now, you may ask, why is this a Carlos story? Well, it’s because he couldn’t see that epic ass and had to endure my description of it for several days and then talk me out of breaking something on the new unit so they’d have to return.

This Tuxedo Tale is from November 7 and 14 2019 and is entitled ‘Tuxedo went to the vet.’

I noticed he had licked the fur off the back of his front leg and so, after Carlos did a quick check, we took him to the vet to see what was what. Turns out it may have been a bug bite that he scratched and then cut into his skin, so he began licking to clean it and the fur came off; or it is the result of a play fight with either Max or Consuelo. Either way, it’s nothing bad and he’s on anti-biotics—which he hates—and a twice daily cleanse of the area.

But this isn’t about that, it’s about the joy of Tuxedo. See, he was a bit of an abused cat when we rescued him; he’d been adopted out several times and always returned to the vet’s office in Miami as “mean.” Then we took him in and let him acclimate to our house and the five other cats we had at the time, and Tuxedo became the sweetest, friendliest cat ever and that leads us to the vet’s office in Smallville.

While he cried in the car on the ride, once there he was calm. When we got in with the vet tech, as she was weighing him and checking him out, he was easy-going. Then came the thermometer up the butt; and he was calm and handled it like any bottom at any gay bar anywhere … or something. But … as she finished with him, Tuxedo stood on his hind legs and put his paws on my chest and rested his head against me. The vet tech squeeed with delight about the hug he was giving me.

When the doctor came in the vet tech was holding Tuxedo for the exam and he stood on his hind legs to give the vet tech a hug, too. The doctor loved that and asked if Tuxedo would give her a hug and, yes, he did. And then they took his picture while hugging the doctor.

Long story a little shorter … as we left with his medications we stopped to pay at the desk and were asked our pet’s name.

“Tuxedo.”

“The one who hugged the doctor?”

“Um, yeah. Do you want one?”

“Can I?”

And she could.

Then at home came the task of giving him his meds and cleaning the wound. The wipes were easy, but the medication had to be given orally through a dropper orally, which meant holding Tuxedo down and shoving the dropper in his mouth and feeding him the medication.

Twice a day for seven days I would take a towel and wrap it around Tuxedo, keeping his paws from grabbing at me, and then Carlos would force the medication into his mouth. After the first dose, as soon as he saw the towel, Tuxedo knew what was coming; he didn’t run, but he wrapped his front paws around my neck and tried to climb me to get away. It was quite the struggle, but we finally finished his round of antibiotics.

And I will give Tuxedo props for not holding a grudge; as soon as he had the meds, he got a treat and then would crawl into my lap and go to sleep.

He really is a good boy … and thrilled to be “off the dropper.”

I have always had a crush on Mark Consuelos. I think he’s a beautiful man, so I was pleased to see him modeling … shoes? I guess?

And The Felon’s Regime wonders why no one who has a brain firing on all-cylinders would trust these ignorant criminals as far as we could throw them.

In a perfect world, Pam Bondi would be in in an El Salvadoran Gulag.

While complaining about the backlash over her multimillion-dollar space ride that was nothing more than an ego trip, Gayle King explained that the negative feedback following the stunt hurt her feelings. She said that it was totally important space stuff for the morning talk show crowd though she doesn’t consider herself an “astronaut”.

‘Cuz y’aren’t, Blanche, y’aren’t.

PS Gayle compared herself to Alan Shepard and said it was sexist to call her trip a space ride.

Gayle? Honey? Pull your head out. Shepard was an astronaut, you were a passenger; I mean, do you call yourself a pilot when you ride in an airplane? And I don’t think Shepard had a hair and makeup crew standing by when he returned to Earth.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary and dog killer Kristi Noem robbed last weekend at a DC restaurant. Security footage shows an unknown white male wearing a medical mask steal her bag and leave the restaurant with Noem’s driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash.

She can’t protect a handbag, how is she supposed to protect the border?

Call me crazy, but all this time I thought it was drag queens and gay men that had the best tea …

Giorgio Ramondetta is an Italian model, surfer, and student and begs the question: Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

I told Carlos that since we’re both at home, I would assign points to chores and whomever has the most points accumulated by the time we are set free—assuming neither one of has killed the other, dismembered him, and shipped him off to various parts of the world via FedEx—the loser would have to take the other away for a weekend wherever the winner wants to go.

First day: I mowed the lawn and awarded myself 100 pts. Carlos raked leaves and got 5 points.

Second day: Carlos cleaned the living room, dining room, office and bedrooms for 35 points. I cleaned the kitchen for 250 points. It’s a rigged system but I like it …

Where do I want to go?

Why is it when you see Oprah and Gayle King, Gayle always looks like she’s about to get a doggy biscuit, a pat on the head, and a ‘Good girl,’ from Oprah?

Christian Siriano, Project Runway winner and fashion designer, is paying attention, and upon hearing about the shortage of medical masks––mainly due to panic buying––he reached out via Twitter to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo to offer the services and resources of his fashion house to produce some:

“If @NYGovCuomo says we need masks my team will help make some. I have a full sewing team still on staff working from home that can help.”

And Cuomo accepted and Christian’s and staff went to work competing an order of masks in a weekend.

Oh, and he’s not making a dime off them; it was done free.

Harvey Weinstein has tested positive for the coronavirus in prison begging the question: why the fuck are we testing Weinstein when they are non-criminal Americans who need the test?

As the coronavirus spreads around the county, Jerry Falwell, faux-Christian-religious-wingnut president of Liberty University has invited students to return to residence halls and has directed faculty members to continue to report to campus even as most classes move online.

All in the name of making _____ look good. Who cares if it sparks a surge in new cases or anyone dies? Right, Jerry?

Some good news out of Washington …fingers crossed … it looks like _____’s businesses are barred from getting loans or investments under the new $2 trillion coronavirus stimulus deal, according to Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.

The ____ Organization, of which the president has not divested though he swore he would, is run by his two elder sons, Junior and The Dumb One.

Hopefully once this is all over, _____ won’t get his fellow GOP criminals to change this and back pay him for all his suffering.

As unemployment claims surge, Starbucks CEO and President Kevin Johnson announced that his company will pay all of its employees in the US and Canada for the next 30 days, regardless of whether they come into work or the stores they work at temporarily close.

That’s how it’s done; people over profits.

Denis Suraev. All I know is that he’s a Russian model, he’s tall, he’s hot, he’s built like a son of a bitch and I’d like to climb him. Is that so wrong?

Random Musings

Newt Gingrich crushed Mitt Romney in South Carolina because, well, we likes our bigots. In his pandering,m er, acceptance speech, he explained how:

"It's not that I'm a good debater. It's that I articulate the deepest-felt values of the American people."

...and...
Black people are poor because they deserve it.,
Poor people should be janitors.
Gays can't marry but I can fuck whomever I want and then ask for forgiveness; at least once the request for open marriage is denied.

Turned on the TV one morning this week and was stunned.
Since when is Oprah's husband Gayle a host of The CBS Morning Show? 
Seriously, CBS, how far can you fall?
First Julie "Big Brother" Chen calls herself a journalist, and now this?

Teabagging wingnut Rand Paul was stopped from boarding a flight at the Nashville airport this week after he triggered an alarm and then refused a TSA pat-down, setting off a mini-firestorm over a pet issue for the Tea Partying wacknut.
But that's not the story Rand Paul is telling. he says he was taken to a cubicle and told to "stay there." The TSA say he was told he could not proceed to the gate but was never detained.
Then Rand said that he was told by TSA officials that the screeners randomly select people and sound the alarm. The TSA says this is not the case. Rand says he was told this but, you know, he can't say who told him.
Sounds like Rand Paul is using his experience for his own personal agenda, and that of his daddy, GOP not-gonna-be-presidential candidate, Ron Paul, who seized on the kerfuffle, issuing a statement that touted his own budget proposal, which eliminates the TSA.
Because it stopped his little boy? Oh you Pauls, twice as crazy as your average Republicans.

Mariela Castro, Cuba’s first daughter, says island lawmakers will consider legalizing same-sex civil unions this year.
In Cuba!??! The outspoken daughter of President Raul Castro is a prominent gay rights activist, and says a preliminary proposal to modify the country’s Family Code is undergoing legal study and is on the legislative schedule for 2012.
In Cuba!! The LGBT community suffered persecution during the early years of the Castro regime, but attitudes have now changed. Once-banned gay pride parades are now annual events, while the government has led anti-homophobia campaigns and even begun paying for sex change operations.
In Cuba.

Newt Gingrich did not lobby for Freddie Mac.
Foot stomp. Head snap. Grimace. Pout.
But, what he did do, was hire legislative experts to study the regulations and advise him of what he could and couldn't do in order to legally avoid registering as a lobbyist. 
He backdoored the policy like it was Callista on a Saturday night.
And, his non-lobbying earned him a $1.6 million dollar payday, which he said, at first, was for his expertise as an historian. Then he said he advised; then he said he not-lobbied.
I think Newt wanted an open marriage with Freddie Mac.

That's our Nikki.
First, she panders to the Tea Party in order to get elected. Then she says she'll be the most transparent governor South Carolina has ever had, and proceeds to lie and cover up earnings, taxes paid, and even going so far as to hide government emails from the press.
But, what cracks me up most about her transparency, is when this Teabagging Cutie announced that she would be endorsing the most un-Tea Party candidate of all, Mittsy Romney. The 'Baggers were a'fuming.
But then Mittsy doesn't get the win here in the SC, and what does Transparent Nikki do next? She avoids Mittsy like the plague, even staying far away from his campaign headquarters on election night.
So, so transparent. That's our Nikki.

Up in Jersey, Senate President Steve Sweeney, Senate Majority Leader Loretta Weinberg, and Senator Raymond Lesniak, are furious about Governor Chris Christie's call yesterday for a voter referendum on marriage equality.
Putting it simply, a la Loretta Weinberg: "We do not put civil rights questions on the ballot."
And Steve Sweeney, responding to a reporter who questioned "going through the exercise" of passing marriage equality which the governor threatens a veto, said: "The point of going through a fight for civil rights, are you kidding me? I'm offended by that...If the governor wants to stifle and silence his colleagues that's one thing. But he is not going to silence or stifle us...It's offensive for anyone to think 'why bother' if the governor doesn't want to do it. Well, guess what? He's wrong on this one."
Word.
Oh, and Christie is also fat. I mean, really fat. I mean step-away-from-the-donuts-Oprah-before-the-red wagon fat.

And lastly....
Normally I would create a special Letters!! We Get Letters!! post when I get a response like this but, well, you'll soon understand.
Back in July 2008, I wrote a post about Hawaii's then-Governor Linda Lingle who vetoed a measure that would have given same-sex and unwed heterosexual couples the same protections under the law as married couples. See, Lingle is against same-sex marriage and is one of those one-man/one-woman folks who have been married more than once themselves. 
I wasn't especially rude to Ms. Lingle in my post, though I did dub her an asshat, but Anonymous still took issue with my post, and in his or her most eloquent way, responded thus:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post Linda Lingle Is An Asshat:

You dick sucking ass hole leave out Gov out of your suck ass world, it cock sucker like you that should not be talk to anyone take your ass fuck dick and put it in your mouth. 

Three things strike me about Anonymous.
#1] He or she is a very slow reader, because they are nearly three years behind in reading ISBL; or, the person who reads to them is extraordinarily slow, while.....
#B] Spelling is not a practice anonymous follows, and neither is punctuation, and.....
#3] They're a little into the gay sex thing, I mean, they focus on the gay sex in their entire response.
Wait, Anon? Are you Rick Santorum?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Last week, Regis Philbin, host of 'Live With Regis and Kelly' announced that he would be retiring from morning television after 40 years of being in the business. He plans on leaving the show sometime this summer, saying of his retirement: "There is a time that everything must come to an end for certain people on camera -- especially certain old people!"
But it isn't all retirement and golf and trips with wife Joy that have Regis leaving. It's ALLEGEDLY  about money, or the lack of money being lain at Regis' feet.
It seems that Regis Philbin's agent, Jim Griffin, was in negotiations with ABC executives for a new contract since his current deal expired and the execs made it clear they wanted Regis to take a pay cut. The executives say the reason for the pay cut is that the show is no longer performing as well as it has, and that, well, Regis takes too much time off. 
Sources--and by sources I mean Gelman--say Philbin earns between $18 and $20 million a year.
Well, Regis turned all diva at the mere suggestion that he take less than twenty million, and his anger sparked the retirement announcement, and the sudden firing of his agent for mismanaging the negotiations.
Moral of the story: don't piss on a TV diva's paycheck.

And speaking of Diva Philbin, while he isn't ready to say who he thinks should take his seat, there is a name of a possible replacement floating around.

Lisa Rinna.
A source--and by source, I mean Lisa Rinna--says, "Lisa has proved she can do the job. She has co-hosted the show with Regis, filled in for Joy Behar on her show and was even better than Billy Bush when she stepped into his shoes on Access Hollywood's new daytime show."
Yeah, but taking Regis and Kelly to Kelly and Lisa? I'm not sure that's a good fit. And plus, would Lisa go to all the trouble of moving her husband and children, not to mention her ginormous lips, from California to New York?
That would be some moving truck.
Lisa, probably knowing she should keep her mouth shut [if possible] will only say, "Regis taught me everything that I know. He is the King!"
But, desperate for a job, any job, since, well, no one hires her as an actress any longer, Rinna is quick to pint out that she almost had the job co-hosting the show ten years ago: "You know, back 10 years ago I filled in many times with Regis when Kathie Lee left. I've been so fortunate enough to co-host with him at least 10 times or more and was up for the job to replace Kathie Lee, but of course Kelly was the perfect choice for it."
Well, she might have been a good fit for Regis, but, again, Kelly and Lisa? I don't see it.

Rather than Top Chef, they should call this one Top Custody.

Earlier this week, Adam Dell, the father of Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi's baby, filed a lawsuit seeking full custody of their 11-month-old daughter Krishna. Dell decided to take this drastic step because he claims that Lakshmi told him she had hoped he has nothing to do with the pregnancy.
According to the 16-page lawsuit, Dell says that when he and Lakshmi were dating in 2009, she was also dating 70-year-old IMG boss Ted Forstmann, with whom she is currently in a relationship.
Dell claims that Lakshmi had hoped Forstmann was Krishna's father, and not Dell, and said Lakshmi even refused to put his name on the birth certificate. He claims she was trying "to minimize, if not eliminate [Dell's] role in Krishna's life and to install Forstmann as Krishna's father."
And, according to Dell, Padma ALLEGEDLY launched a cruel attack on him during a phone call in September 2009, calling him an 'unambitious' man with an 'uninteresting' career and 'unmemorable' friends.He also claims, in his lawsuit, that "Forstmann declared that Lakshmi, Krishna and he are a 'family' and they wished [Dell] would f*****g disappear."
Ouch.
Padma's lawyer, Jay Silverstein, calls Dell's suit "inaccurate and misleading" and adds, "We were in the process of negotiating permanent visitation rights when Dell terminated negotiations and this suit was filed. He remains more interested in garnering media attention than focusing on the welfare of his daughter....[Lakshmi is saddened and gravely disappointed that Mr. Dell has chosen a very public means of filing his petition with the court rather than doing so in a confidential or sealed manner which is customary in cases involving a very young child."
Hmmm, this could get ugly, like Marcel getting his hair cut ugly.

One thing one doesn't do, apparently, is bore Oprah Winfrey; though, it is quite accepted to be bored by Oprah Winfrey.

It seems that Sarah Ferguson, star of an upcoming reality show on Winfrey's new OWN network, is ALLEGEDLY being asked to go back and shoot more compelling footage before the show,  'Finding Sarah' debuts this spring.
A source--and by source I mean Oprah's husband Gayle--says, "Oprah isn't happy with the show...She found it boring...and has ordered reshoots to make it harder hitting, and more revealing."
Um, Oprah, you gasbag? If you reshoot scenes for a reality show, then how is that reality?
:::crickets::::
Yeah, further proof that Oprah has lost her grasp on reality, but not on that case of Ding Dongs under her bed.

I loves me some 'Housewives'. The New York bitches, and the Beverly Hills ho's. And now, there is another set of 'Housewives' being brought to Bravo to stir the pot.
And these  divas are from Miami.
I'm in.

And one of the reasons I'm in is that one of The Real Housewives of Miami is none other than blonde bombshell Elaine Lancaster, whose also goes by his non-drag name, James Davis.
That's right. One of the housewives is  a man....and a woman! This has fabulous written all over it.
Elaine will appear as both James and Elaine in the series, which is expected to debut this year. It is a reboot of an old, tired, Bravo show called Miami Social Club but it has been upgraded to Housewives!
It will also feature Scottie Pippen's wife, Larsa, and magazine editor Alexia Echeverria.
In Miami.
Miami? Drag queens? I'm so there!


And now, back to Oprah:
Everyone, well, not me, was stunned this week when Oprah Winfrey broke the news that she recently discovered she had a half-eaten sister, I mean, a half-sister she never knew about.

But, and this is the part of the story that makes me giggle, it seems people are so impressed that Oprah's newest semi-sibling, Patricia, cared so much about Oprah's privacy and reputation that she turned down million dollar offers from tabloid magazines to tell her story.
A source--and by source, I mean the man who keeps Oprah fed--says, "All Patricia wanted was the truth. She wasn't interested in selling her story even for a million dollars. She just wanted to know who she was, where she came from and if she had any brothers or sisters. She had no idea when she started this search she would end up being Oprah Winfrey's half-sister."
And people are just falling all over themselves, praising Patricia for not selling out, but, call me skeptical, would you sell your story to the tabloids for a million bucks, or would you keep that story to yourself, and find your sister who is worth 100-times that much money.
Yeah, Patricia didn't sell her story because she's a half-sister to the goose with the golden eggs.

And, well, this is becoming All-Oprah, All The Time:
While her audience may have been stunned with Oprah Winfrey's news of half-sister Patricia, they weren't the only ones.

Vernon Winfrey, O's father, had no idea at all about the half-sister until he tuned it to the show himself.
Upon hearing the good news, Vernon said, "I'm pleased for Oprah that she discovered that she has a new half-sister and I would like to meet her too. I intend to call Oprah later this evening actually to try and catch-up with her about the exciting news."
And, no doubt, to find out where she fits in the inheritance line.
And then we have Gayle's reaction to the news that her husband has a long lost half-sister.
Gayle told ABC News: "I can't wait to meet Patricia."

Gayle-speak for, "Let me size this bitch up."
A source--and by source I mean Steadman, Oprah's beard--says "Gayle must have mixed feelings about the arrival of Patricia. Of course she wants nothing but the best for Oprah, but there has to be just a little tiny part of Gayle that is asking, 'What now?'"
As in, "Does this cut my share of the fortune?"
We all know that Gayle is very protective of Oprah, and her bank accounts, and is not used to sharing her with anyone. Sources--and by sources I mean the team that hoists Oprah in and out of the tub each day--say, "This new addition to the family could be a bigger adjustment for Gayle than for Oprah."
But Gayle is trying to take the high road to Oprah's vault, by saying, "This is extraordinary that somebody would have this information about Oprah, who as you know has been sold out on many occasions by friends, by co-workers, in some cases family. Patricia wasn't trying to get Oprah, she was trying to find her mother ... having Oprah as a sister, a half-sister, was a bonus."
Yeah, the kind of bonus one gets from their boss every year; or used to, until the boss found out she has a sister.

Okay, enough O stories.

Onto Camille Grammer, who is set to receive some $50 million dollars in her divorce settlement from Kelsey Grammer.
Now, it seems, Camille wants just a teeny bit more. 
Camille is requesting the divorce court grant her additional $10 million just in case Kelsey suddenly, um, dies shortly after his marriage.
Camille's lawyer, Neal Hersh, says Camille is concerned that Kelsey's impending marriage to Kayte Walsh would affect her as Walsh would presumably receive some legal rights to property that is still subject to divorce proceedings between Kelsey and Camille.
Oh, Kayte might get some stuff Camille wants.
Camille's objection is that, should Kelsey remarry and then suddenly pass away, she would have to pay out of her own pocket for any litigation regarding his estate. And she'll only have $50 million, and a house in Malibu. Why, she might have to downsize to just three nannies, and just four friends on the payroll if Kelsey dies.
Oh.The.Humanity.