Meme Dump

Snarky Thoughts

Tori Spelling has been seen wearing an eye patch and wandering the streets of LA looking for paparazzi to snap a photo of her, ahem, injury. Now, if you’re like me, you’d think maybe it was a chemical peel too close to the eye, or a Botox overdose, but, no, it’s more Tori than that. Spelling says she has an ulcer on her eyeball from wearing, daily disposable contacts for too long.

My Thought: Tori Spelling doesn’t know what “daily disposable” means. Tori Spelling is dumb.

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Skip Judy Garland! Back Off Babs Streisand! Step Off Springsteen! Adios Madge! According to Ben Affleck, there’s a new “greatest performer in the history of the world,” and it’s his wife, Jennifer Lopez. Yes, Ben shared his completely unasked for opinion on the podcast Smartless, hosted by Sean Hayes, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman, who Ben worked with on the new Nike movie, Air, and when Jason asked Ben if he knew all of JLo’s music, and Ben replied that, yes, not only does he know all her music, he loves it, and “it’s brilliant.”

My Thought: Alcohol really does affect the brain. And the ears. And the sense of taste. And let me ask you this: isn’t that the face of a man who thinks his wife is the greatest entertainer ever?

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Tom Cruise has stopped sending Brooke Shields a cake each Christmas — but she doesn’t know “what happened.” Shields says that she was “on the list for a while” and “had a good 10-year run” getting the $126 Bundt cake that Cruise sends his famous friends for the holidays. But then Brooke got even shadier, laughing about Cruise cutting his ex-wife Katie Holmes and  daughter, Suri, from his Christmas card.

“It was from them and Suri, so it was the three of them, and then soon it was no Suri and no Katie and just Tom. Then it went from just Tom for a while, but not every holiday. And then the cake stopped.”

Brooke doesn’t believe the change has nothing to do with her and Cruise’s past feud over her postpartum depression medication. In fact, she was a guest at the Cruise-Holmes wedding and her daughter and their daughter had a joint birthday one year.

My Thought: Tom Cruise is a tiny man, in every way possible.

PS Tom erased Suri because she's considered a Suppressive Person in the Cult of $cientology and he can have nothing to do with her.

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Ana Obregón, a 68-year-old Spanish actress has caused a ton of controversy after using her late son’s sperm and a surrogate to give birth to her granddaughter. Last week, Ana was seen outside a Miami hospital holding a newborn baby she named Ana Sandra Lequio Obregón. People assumed the baby was Ana’s daughter and ridiculed her use of a surrogate at her age—surrogacy is actually banned in Spain, where many refer to it as “womb renting.” 

My Thought: What will Baby Ana call Ana Obregón? MamaGrandMama?

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Speaking of escándalo … Steven Tyler is denying allegations that he sexually assaulted a 16-year-old in 1973 and then forced her to get an abortion. Tyler recently filed a lengthy response to the claims, which were made in a December 2022 lawsuit, arguing that Julia Misley, formerly known as Julia Holcomb, consented to their sexual relationship and that he had immunity as her legal guardian at the time. He says her parents liked him so much they made him their child's guardian so he wouldn’t be arrested traveling across state lines with a child.

My thought: He had sex with a sixteen-year-old girl when he was twenty-five but says it was fine because she consented and he was her guardian at the time?

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Let’s talk actor Lukas Gage—The White Lotus season 1, You season 4 and the next season of Fargo—getting engaged to Kim Kardastrophe and JLo’s hairstylist Chris Appleton. Lukas and Chris went Instagram official—that’s how it’s done these days—in February and shortly after that Chris took to the talk show circuit telling Drew Barrymore  that he’s “very happy and very much in love,” while Lukas ran over to Today, saying, “I feel very happy, very lucky and very much in love.” And then just last week the pair went ring shopping together after dating for like a second two seconds.

My Thought: The marriage will take place quickly, so that the divorce can happen right before Emmy season and Luke can use the Red Carpet to talk breakup. Okay, call me a cynic, but don’t forget about other celebrity couples who met at lunch, got engaged over dinner and divorced before the dessert came; think Kim and Kris; Khloe and Lamar; Tom and Katie; Pamela Anderson and almost all of her husbands.

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Bobservations

The Liar-In-Thief, in an effort to inspire his base, has ordered more military personnel to stand along the border than we have serving in combat zones.

Yes, the man who said he could defeat ISIS in three months—that expired a year-and-a-half ago—now has more military men and women, and our tax dollars, at the border than we have fighting actual war.David Lapan, a former Homeland Security spokesman for the _____ administration and a former Marine, said of this political stunt:

“A military strained by 17 years of war and sequestration doesn’t need this. Service members who have repeatedly spent long periods of time away from home don’t need this. And the US doesn’t need its military to ‘defend’ against a group of unarmed migrants, [including] many women & kids.”

But, hey, if it keeps the racists happy ….

You aren’t seeing things.

That is Steven Tyler …and this is not a Halloween costume, but if it was he’d be going as a Dollar Tree Jackie O.

People marched in silent protest. Local and national officials declined to appear with ____, Melania, Jared and Ivanka, and Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin during their visit to the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh. He wanted to visit the family of Daniel Stein, one of those murdered, but the family declined in part because of what _____ said about needing an armed guard in the synagogue.

People are tired of the Hate Speech and the Stupid Speech; people have been silent for too long thinking it will end, until they realize, now, that they must end this.

With a vote.

Let this sink in … Ted Cruz, a man born in Canada who is an American citizen thanks only to his American mother, says the Constitution doesn't make any sense making people actually born in the United States citizens.

Seriously.

Oops … on that same topic.

Ivana _____ wasn't a US citizen until 1988. She spawned Junior in 1977, Sweatshop Barbie in 1981, and the Dumb One in 1984.

According to their Daddy, they shouldn’t be US citizens.

Just sayin’.

Some people shouldn’t be allowed to raise kids … or should at least be supervised.

Last Thursday, Bryant Goldbach attended a Halloween celebration with his five-year-old son. He went dressed as a Nazi soldier … his son went as Adolf Hitler. He proudly posted that photo on Facebook—which went viral—and when he received negative comments, he posted:

“That’s right. Tonight grown adults threatened a child over his costume. Threatened his mom and dad as well…”

First off, I imagine the negativity was over a parent thinking this was in any way shape or form an appropriate costume for a child, or an adult, to wear, but then Goldbach claimed he was a student of history and just wanted to “portray historical figures” even though there are literally hundreds of thousands of other historical figures to choose from. Then, as most racists do, Goldbach said he is not a racist because:

“My brother is half-Iranian. I have black friends.”

Seriously.

In completely wacknut news, Duncan Hunter, the California Congressman facing face felony charges that he misused campaign contributions, could still serve in public office if he is convicted because there is no constitutional provision or House rule that explicitly requires him to lose his seat, even if he is imprisoned and unable to vote on behalf of his district.

In other completely wacknut news, Charles Geier, a racist gay _____ supporter… sadly there are some … was filmed hurling insults at Janet Sabriu on her way to vote:

“You’re driving in two lanes, you stupid b—h. That’s not how we drive in America. Trump’s deporting your illegal cousins today, b—h. Learn English, b—h. It’s my country. Get out. Stop driving in two lanes, anyway, Miss Thing. I’m not that stupid, b—h. Take all the pictures you like, b—h. You’re ugly, you need a gay friend to help you with makeup and clothes. Agghhh. Ugly b—h. Ugly tacky stinky skanky b—h.”

When the film went viral, Geier, clearly a gay racist ______ supporting moron, deleted his Facebook page and then spoke to the media calling himself “Kevin”:

“All I want to say to her is ‘Miss, I’m so sorry, I hope you can understand more and I wish you nothing more than love and happiness for your family. I reacted in a poor manner, I said things that were offensive that I shouldn’t have said, but what I want people to know is that I suffer from bi-polar disorder. It’s very real, it’s not a joke, it’s not an excuse.”

Um, but you’re using it as an excuse, Kevin Charles Geier. You are a pathetic racist who felt emboldened to spread your racism because of what’s in the White House.

Siddown. And shut up.

Now for the mens … two hot models.

Broderick Hunter, a model and actor, and all-around sultry looking man who wears his briefs well.

And then we have Matthew Noszka, also a model and actor. He was discovered on Instagram which means social media can do great things.

Just sayin’.