Snarky Thoughts

A week ago we learned Kevin Costner was trying to get out of his Yellowstone contract, and then discovered that his wife, Christine Baumgartner, wanted out of their marriage contract and filed for divorce after eighteen years of marriage. Costner seems to suggest in a statement that he was blindsided by the announcement—sad when the wife doesn’t tell you she wants a divorce before she tells the lawyers, eh? Baumgartner has asked for joint custody of their three children but did not ask for spousal support.

My Thought: Maybe she left him because he’s trying to get out of a very successful TV show and she’s a big fan or likes the coins the show makes … or, as some say, he may have cheated with someone on the set resulting in the other woman getting pregnant.

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At the premiere of his newest film, About My Father, Robert De Niro announced that he’d become a father … again. The father of six welcomed his seventh child—name and gender unknown—at the age of seventy-nine and claimed the pregnancy was “planned.”

My Thought: De Niro “planned” to be one-hundred-years-old on his latest child’s 21st birthday, and planned on his latest child getting to know his, or her, oldest sister, who is fifty-one?

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Shakira‘s been having quite a few years after she found that her longtime boyfriend Gerard Piqué was dipping his peen into one Clara Chia Marti—which sounds like a cocktail—and then followed that mess up with the Spanish government saying she owed back taxes. But that might all change for the … cray-cray ... if we are to believe that Cult of $cientology poster boy Tom Cruise is interested in dating Shakira. 

My Thought: I think Co$ ALLEGEDLY checked Shakira's fan sites, clicked on her picture and then tapped Add To Cart so Tommy would no longer be single and insane. I mean, CO$ will buy Tommy whatever next ex-wife he wants just to keep him happy and in check.

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Suzanne Somers, who clearly needed a way to get her name back out there, is claiming that she was offered—and declined—one of the first co-hosting slots alongside Barbara Walters on “The View” back in 1997:

“I was originally asked to be on the original ‘View’ with Barbara Walters and whoever else, and I turned it down, and everyone said, ‘Why would you turn that down? It is a national show.' I said, ‘First of all, I have to live in New York. I don’t really wanna live in New York … but secondly, I don’t do well vying for time. And there, you gotta interrupt and butt in and butt out. It’s just not my personality.”

My Thought: Huh, she must be a psychic cause how could she know you’d have to “butt in” and “interrupt” people on a show that hadn’t even aired yet?

PS ABC is not commenting on the story and Barbara Walters died in December 2022.

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It’s been a year since Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello called off The Love Affair of the Century and yet neither one has had much success in love—Shawn tried and failed to convince his chiropractor and Mariah Carey—to be his new beard, and Camila added a single season run as a Voice judge. So, what do they do to reignite their failed and faked love lives and careers: they are spotted  making out at Coachella.

My Thought: This will last until one of them has a hit record.

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Snarky Thoughts

Okay, so Shakira is the latest celebrity to find out that her boyfriend was dipping his wick into another lady’s pond … yes, mixed metaphor, but y’all know what I mean. But Shakira didn’t find out by hacking his phone or hiring a private detective, she used jam. Strawberry jam. Returning to the home she shared with her partner, Shakira saw that someone had been eating her jam, and the boyfriend don’t eat jam … which is a whole other thing … so she knew that the side piece was into the Smucker’s and dumped his sorry ass.

My Thought: Don’t let the side-pieces into the refrigerator if you wanna keep your dalliances a secret. Oh, and the jam don’t lie.

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It’s been a long week for anti-Semite, and future failed presidential candidate Kanye West, what with pissing off his first wife by taking her look-a-like as his second wife that he just didn’t have time to deal with the myriad of legal troubles surrounding him. Like, you know, changing your phone numbers and not telling your legal team, forcing his lawyers to take out ads in two Los Angeles newspapers to let him know they’re quitting him.

My Thought: Jacoby & Meyers, Ye, Jacoby & Meyers; you can probably still afford them.

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Clearly someone is still desperate for attention, and yet, no, this time it isn’t about Madge, though it is Madge adjacent. I guess that even though her last two movies were about weddings, filmed specifically so JLo could give interviews about how she and Ben Affleck fought their way back to one another, that source of media glare dried up so Jennifer Lopez Affleck had to come up with a new plan to get all eyes back on her: she’s claiming that the infamous Madonna, Britney and Christina lip-locks at the 2003 VMA’s was supposed to be Madonna, Britney and JLo, but she couldn’t get the day off of working on a movie to fly to New York and deep throat Madge’s horned tongue.

My Thought: Funny how this story slipped her mind for two decades but she’s just remembered it now that she needs more attention. JLo must be parched.

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ABC News hasn’t commented yet but it seems as if the dust has settled on the married anchors bumping uglies in their off hours and Amy Robach is still employed, but TJ Holmes is out. Now, before anyone says anything about why she gets to keep her job and his adulterous ass has to pound the pavement looking for another gig, know that T.J. has ALLEGEDLY had several affairs with a few other ladies at ABC and so his pattern of schtupping coworkers sent him packing.

 My Thought: wherever TJ lands, it’ll probably be on another woman.

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Last week the Critics’ Choice Awards aired on TV and while several nominees sat out the show after testing positive for COVID, one Cate Blanchett—who skipped the Golden Globes the previous—did appear to collect her trophy for Best Actress Tár. Cate used her time onstage, on TV, in public, accepting her award to tell the crowd that these shows, are a  “televised horse race” and should never happen again, then strode offstage, award in hand.

My Thought: I’m guessing Cate just wanted to go down in  history as the last winner of the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress and had she not won, she would have kept her mouth shut.

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Diddy might be trying to crash Nick Cannon’s Baby Daddy party since he just had a surprise baby to add to his already large family with a woman named Dana Tran while claiming to be both “single” and yet dating rapper Caresha “Yung Miami” Brownlee. And Diddy may wanna rethink this coupling since Yung Miami just revealed on her show Caresha Please that she loves a good old-fashioned Golden Shower.

My Thought: Is that why they call him Pee Diddy?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Khloé Kardashian appeared on the latest episode of the podcast Not Skinny But Not Fat and say some nice things about her constantly-cheating ex, Tristan Thompson. Khloé insists Thompson has “so many good sides” not just his need to stick his dick into any women willing to let him do it, even if he already has another girl pregnant, and a couple of baby mama’s hanging around.

And speaking of low self-esteem Khloé also discussed her constantly-changing face, saying it used to offend her when people said she had “12 face transplants,” because the only thing she’d had done was “one nose job.” A nose job that ballooned up her lips and plumped up her cheek bones and changed her eye color and forehead.

That is one magical nose job. You’d think it could have made Tristan keep his dick in his pants.

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Shakira is in some tax trouble, y’all, after she ALLEGEDLY skipped out on paying some $15.5 million in taxes in Spain from 2012 to 2014.

Shakira claims she’s innocent, saying that Spain wasn’t her official residence during that time and she appealed the case, but a judge took one look and said, “Denied.”

Now the case goes to trial, and the prosecutors have called their first witness … Shakira’s hips ... cuz y’all know they don’t lie.

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From the moment Harry Styles went solo he has been compared to everyone from Elton John, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie and Mick Jagger. It doesn’t appear that the comparison bothers Elton, and with Freddie and Bowie gone, we only have Jagger’s thoughts … and he ain’t happy.

The topic of Harry Styles was brought up during a recent interview between The Rolling Stones and The Times of London, and while Mick said he likes Harry, he says he was way more androgynous back in the day and that Harry is a “superficial resemblance” to his younger self and doesn’t “move on stage” like him.

Well, I’m sure he doesn’t move like Jagger … gag me with as Maroon 5 reference and Adam Levine squawking out a lyric … because Harry probably still has his original hips.

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I guess when you divorce the world’s best-known Church of $cientology cult member, they really do erase you from his past. Am I right, Tommy?

Apparently there was a video of Tom Cruise’s illustrious career that played at Cannes before the premiere of Tom’s latest remake-reboot-rehash of a Tom Cruise film—let’s be clear, Cruise doesn’t make movies, he remakes movies—and there was one glaring omission.

Nicole Kidman—who was married to Tiny Tom  for 11 years and starred in three movies with him—was the only leading lady not included in the 10-minute montage that played at Cannes.

All of Cruise’s other co-stars—including Kirsten Dunst, Renée Zellweger and Penelope Cruz, whom he dated for three years—were featured in clips, but apparently, Tom’s love interest in “Days of Thunder,” “Far and Away” and “Eyes Wide Shut” wasn’t Nicki Kidman but was Tom Cruise himself.

Sounds about right.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Sorry, not sorry. It appears that sexual predator, and former CBS chairman, Les Mooves will not be receiving his $120 million severance package after all.

In September, after all those misconduct allegations against him, Moonves stepped down, thinking he would be living high on the hog on a $120 million severance package. But not so fast, said the Eye, who decided that  the evidence was too damaging and there’d be no more coins for Moonves:

“The Board of Directors of CBS has completed its investigation of former Chairman and CEO Leslie Moonves, CBS News, and cultural issues at CBS. With regard to Mr. Moonves, we have determined that there are grounds to terminate for cause, including his willful and material misfeasance, violation of Company policies and breach of his employment contract, as well as his willful failure to cooperate fully with the Company’s investigation. Mr. Moonves will not receive any severance payment from the Company.”

Naturally, with his Pervert Panties in a bunch, Moonves is thinking of suing, but then every single salacious detail and accusation will come out … which is good for this here weekly posting spot!

I guess maybe Julie Chen Moonves should have thought twice before quitting The Talk since it’ll be a while before anyone wants to hire Moonves …unless it’s a strip club. Of course, rather than host Big Brother she could become a houseguest and hope to win those coins.

Either way, sorry; not sorry.

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Oh CBS! Another one? Charlie Rose is out for being handsy, and Les Moonves quit because he’s rapey? And now Michael Weatherly, star of CBS’ Bull?

Apparently actress Eliza Dushku was written off Bull after complaining that Weatherly, and others, made sexual comments toward her. And apparently it was true, because CBS paid Dushku $9.5 million—what she’d have made if she stayed on the show—to go quietly. But the New York Times discovered Dushku’s pay-off while looking into the sexual harassment accusations against Les Moonves and now we know ….Dushku says things started good, but then Weatherly became pervy, saying things like “Here comes legs” when she walked on the set: or saying, in front of the cast and crew, that he was going to bend her over and spank her; or, when Dushku held up three fingers while shooting a scene, suggesting a threesome with Weatherly and another actor; or, while shooting a scene in a van, saying he wanted to take her to his “rape van”.

Weatherly claims the spanking comment was an ad-lib on a Cary Grant line, and that the “rape van” suggestion was a joke, but Dushku says Weatherly’s actions lead to crew members to follow his lead.  So, she took her complaints to Bull producer Glenn Gordon Caron, after which she agreed to speak with Weatherly. That same day, she told her agents that she had a feeling she was going to get fired.

And she was; even though Caron had wanted to expand her character, he suddenly announced that he didn’t know how to write her into the show anymore. Dushku was going to sue, but CBS offered mediation, and when Mark Engstrom, chief compliance officer for CBS, brought along a series of outtakes to mediation showing Dushku swearing on the set, as though that was grounds for her termination, he apparently didn’t realize is that those same outtakes showed the inappropriate behavior of Weatherly. And that’s when CBS paid her over $9 million, roughly the amount she’d have made if she hadn’t been fired.

Michael Weatherly stammered out this statement:

“During the course of taping our show, I made some jokes mocking some lines in the script. When Eliza told me that she wasn’t comfortable with my language and attempt at humor, I was mortified to have offended her and immediately apologized. After reflecting on this further, I better understand that what I said was both not funny and not appropriate and I am sorry and regret the pain this caused Eliza.”

So, Michael Weatherly admits to being pervy because he thinks pervy is funny, and he gets to keep his job?

CBS? You better start cleaning house before you become known as the sexual harassment network.

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Speaking of pervs … Harvey Weinstein, the poster asshat for sexual predators, has dragged Jennifer Lawrence into the mix, claiming he had sex with her, while ALLEGEDLY attempting to rape a woman who has now filed a lawsuit against him. 

The woman—known in documents as Jane Doe—filed suit against Weinstein claiming that during a business meeting, when she went to restroom, Weinstein walked in on her, dropped his pants, exposed himself and said:

 “My d**k is nice and hard for you. Do you like my d**k?”

Doe rejected his advance, but Weinstein moved closer, masturbating, then ejaculating on her skirt. Once he was finished, he promised her everything would be okay, as long as they remained friends.  Jane Doe ran into him again, and while offering to get her into his movies, he took her hand and placed it on his erection. In New York, she claims Harvey, while dangling promises of work, kneeled in front of her and forcibly performed oral sex on her, while claiming:

“I slept with Jennifer Lawrence and look where she is; she has just won an Oscar.”

And that’s what embarrasses Harvey the most; so much so that his spokesperson issued a denial:

“Mr. Weinstein is embarrassed for Ms. Lawrence with whom he has only had a professional and respectful relationship, who has sadly been dragged into this ugly attempt at defamation. This filing further proves that anyone can say whatever they want in a lawsuit for maximum shock value, to defame and debase, without having to offer any facts or reality.”

Lawrence released her own statement:

“My heart breaks for all the women who were victimized by Harvey Weinstein. I have never had anything but a professional relationship with him. This is yet another example of the predatory tactics and lies that he engaged in to lure countless women.”

Seriously, Harvey? You need some severe prison time, and perhaps a shot at being Bubba’s bitch.

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Let’s move away from the pervs, and take a look at people who don’t pay their taxes. M’kay, Shakira?

The Spanish Tax Authority claims Shakira owes them over $16.3 million in back taxes. How much money did she make to owe $16 million in taxes? But I digress because Shakira’s excuse is everything …

Shakira claims she was not a resident of Spain between 2012-2015, but in fact lived in the Bahamas, which is considered a “friendly-tax” nation. Shakira officially changed her residence to Spain in 2015, but the government wants their cash for those other years and says Shakira needs to prove that she didn’t stay in Spain for a day over six months each year to avoid paying taxes.

And therein lies the rub; since Shakira has been living with Spanish footballer Gerard Piqué and having his babies since 2010 and the tax authority can prove that she didn’t set foot in the Bahamas for any of those years.

Oh, Shakira, just pay up, because while your hips don’t lie, it seems that your lips do.

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I usually need a palate cleanser at the end of Bobservations, but after Moonves, Weinstein and Weatherly, I’ll take one now.

Sam Asghari and Britney Spears have been dating for two years now, and recently, while having a Q&A with his “fans,” someone asked Sam to pick between Britney and Christina Aguilera. And Sam totally Mariah Carey’d the question by replying:

“Christina who?”

The post has since been taken down.

Yeah, I know it’s not much of a story, but it gave me the chance to post some pictures of Sam Asghari, and, well, I’m shallow like that.

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