I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week learned—as if we didn’t already know—that all Kim Kardastrophe cares about is her soon-to-be-ending “reality” show. I mean, she was planning on being a lawyer … hold for laughter … but she failed the baby bar months ago but said nothing until she could whine about it in front of cameras. So, is it any surprise that she’s now doing the same thing about another failed marriage?

In one of the latest episodes of Keeping up With The Kardastrophes—and, no, I don’t watch—Kimmy broke down in tears, tears I say, over the end of her marriage to Kanye West. The scene was filmed around Thanksgiving of last year, and Kimmy filed for divorce in February.

In the clip for her show, Kimmy cries about how she can’t deal with Kanye moving “to a different state every year” and says he deserves someone who will live with him on his Wyoming ranch—of note, Kimmy, Wyoming is just one state—and support his every move because she can’t, and it played out like this:

KIM (crying): I just like honestly can’t do this anymore. I can’t! Why am I still in this place where I’m stuck for years? Like he goes and moves to a different state every year. I have to be together so I can raise the kids, you know? He’s an amazing dad, he’s done an amazing job.

ONE OF THE SISTERS (Kuz they are interchangeable): He still will be. He still will be. He’ll be better without you there, like…

KIM: I think he deserves someone who can go support his every move and go follow him all over the place and move to Wyoming. I can’t do that. He should have a wife that supports his every move and travels with him and does everything and I can’t! I feel like a fucking failure that it’s like a third fucking marriage. Yeah, I feel like a fucking loser! But I can’t even think about that, I wanna be happy!

So, there you have it; she doesn’t wanna be a wife who supports her husband—of note, she doesn’t really have a job that doesn’t allow her to travel because she travels all the time, just not with her husband—because she wants to be the one her husband follows around to a “different” state, er, just Wyoming.

Maybe Kimmy should stay off TV and out of marriage, because she’s not very good at either one.

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Cuba Gooding Jr. has been keeping his lawyers very busy over the past few years., what with the dozens and dozens of various misconduct allegations against, but this is about just one of his drunken nightclub groping accusations.

In October 2019, Cuba was accused of getting handsy with Natasha Ashworth, a server at the Tao nightclub in New York and was hit with criminal charges. Despite there being legitimate security camera footage of the incident, Cuba pleaded not guilty to the charges. But Ashworth then filed a civil lawsuit against Cuba, but he lost that case because he ignored it.

Seriously.

The server also hit Cuba with a civil lawsuit, which he just lost, because he ignored it. In fact, even after getting served he didn’t hire a lawyer, so Ashworth went to the judge and requested the case go ahead with or without Cuba.

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Alexander Tisch approved Ashworth’s default judgment request for her assault and battery claims. But just because Judge Tisch granted a default judgment that doesn’t mean this situation is over. Ashworth’s lawsuit was also seeking damages for emotional distress, and a new trial date will have to be set to determine how much, if any, damages would be awarded.

I bet Cuba shows up for that. I mean, with so many cases against him, he’s gonna have to watch his coins.

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Cue a Little Tommy Cruise hissy fit.

Back in February 2020, production on the seventeenth Mission: Impossible movie was shut down in Venice because of Coronavirus, and Tommy went nuts, shrieking at the film crew, actors and extras that he was not having this!! He had high-tech  Coronavirus-safe bunkers built and was renting cruise ships to keep people isolated. But then he saw a crew member not socially distancing, and that’s when he went off!

Well, Mission Impossible 70: Tommy’ Getting Too Old For This Shiz, has been put on the breaks once more after ten crew members have tested positive for COVID-19 … with more ALLEGEDLY ion the way because the cast and crew just filmed a huge nightclub scene. Now, every member of the cast and crew, including Tommy, has been told to self-isolate for the next fourteen days.

Really? I mean, couldn’t Tommy just summon Xenu to come back to Earth and rid us of this plague? I mean, $cientology firmly believes that their cult can cure the ills of the planet, and this little old virus has Tommy stuck in a hotel room for two weeks.

So sad.

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Erika Jayne of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is currently divorcing her husband, 81-year-old lawyer Tom Girardi, who is in the middle of major legal trouble and has been accused of stealing millions to fund his and Erika’s lavish lifestyle, and her :::coughcough::: music career. Tom is facing several lawsuits and Erika is wrapped up in it too because it’s been alleged that the Girardi divorce is just a front to hide assets and her involvement in Tom’s many schemes.

Erika, on RHOBH, tries to keep her private life private, except for her many, many discussions of her wealth and her private planes and the myriad of people who slap a wig, some makeup and a spandex suit on her before she goes out, but now that’s all about to change.

You see, on June 14, Hulu will release an ABC News Original documentary about the scandal called The Housewife and the Hustler. In a teaser for the special, various legal experts, those accusing Tom of embezzlement and Real Housewives stars speak on the scandals surrounding the former couple, all of which came to light following Erika’s divorce filing last year.

Erika went from Real Housewife with a Private Plane to wannabe pop star whose career is just about over since Daddy ain’t cutting checks to her anymore.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

After the original series, and at least nineteen reboots, Fox has finally decided that the six episodes of BH90210 were more than enough.

Goodbye. See you in about a year when another underling at Fox comes up with the brilliant idea of rebooting a show that has had more lives than a cat.

But why was it cancelled? Jennie and Tori. It seems there were major “creative issues” because Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth, who both also produced on the series, wanted to be too involved in the creative process, and that because of their over-involvement thirteen writers quit the show throughout its run.

It’s six-episode run.

Let it go, Fox; it’s dead.

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And speaking of reboots, apparently ABC’S Revenge is being Revived.

But unlike 90210, the producers have a twist … it’s all about Latinx in the update, in which a Latinx character gets revenge on a big pharmaceutical family who caused an epidemic.

Au currant. This reboot is coming from the same creator and executive producer as the original, Mike Kelley, so you know it’ll be really good in seasons 1 and 3, but season 2 and the last season will be all WTF.

But with Latinx characters.

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Have you ever heard of Lisa Falcone? Me neither, but she’s über rich, über crazy, über dumb, and über racist.  Lisa is married to Philip Falcone, a billionaire hedge fund guy, and she once pissed off the elite of the Hamptons by letting her horses use the pristine beaches a s a litter box.

And now, well, she says she’s allowed to use the n-word with good reason.

The Falcones have been sued by their former personal chef Brian Villanueva for discrimination and violation of New York labor laws. According to the lawsuit, on July 13, Brian brought his girlfriend, who is black, to the Falcones’ Hamptons home to help him out at a party where Alicia Keys and her husband Swizz Beatz were in attendance. After the event, Lisa told Villanueva how “articulate” his girlfriend was and everyone knows what that means. But Lisa continued:

“Your girlfriend speaks very well. She seems educated. I would describe her as a chocolate-covered marshmallow.”

Black on the outside, white on the inside. Villanueva says he was visibly offended, and yet Lisa went on:

 “Do you use the word ‘n*gger’ at home with your girlfriend?”

Villanueva asked Lisa to explain what she meant, and she decided to bring up Alicia and Swizz saying they were not as well-spoken:

“I meant she speaks really eloquently. Alicia [Keys] doesn’t speak that way. She didn’t have an education and was just discovered by Clive Davis when she was fifteen years old. Swizz [Beatz] definitely doesn’t speak that way either.”

That day, Villanueva, for some reason, served the Falcones lunch, and then quit because of the racism, and says in his lawsuit:

“Rather than accepting Plaintiff’s resignation, Defendant Lisa Falcone asked Plaintiff not to resign and stated “talk to my black friends” (seemingly referring to Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz, both of whom were at the beach with the Falcones at that time), and emphasized “they will tell you that I am not racist.”“

Cuz she has black friends.

It’s like Countess LuAnn once famously sang:

♫ ♪ Money can’t by you claaaaaaaaas ♪ ♫

Or common decency.

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The divorce battle may be over but Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s court battles have lasted longer than their doomed-from-the-jump-street—see what I did there—marriage.

Depp is currently suing Heard for defamation—after she claimed he paid people to stay silent about witnessing his ALLEGED violent behavior—and for smearing his name after she filed for divorce.

And with the ball in her court, Heard recently filed a request for Deppy to submit to an IME [Independent Mental Evaluation] to confirm her ALLEGATIONS that Depp’s love affair with booze, drugs, and prescription medicines contributed to his violent behavior.

And since neither one of these fools can go a nanosecond without talking about the other, Depp’s attorney released a statement regarding Amber’s request for an IME:

“This is a defamation case in which Mr. Depp does not allege that he suffers from any mental disorder or condition. Thus, Mr. Depp’s mental condition is not ‘in controversy’ nor does good cause exist under the rule for an IME ... It is a preposterous notion that an IME now would shed light on Mr. Depp’s mental state at the time of Ms. Heard’s abuse hoax back in 2016. Ms. Heard’s effort treads a well-worn path of victim blaming using the pretext of mental health. ”

I’d like to suggest that they both undergo an IME and that, whatever the results, they are both told to go away, and be quiet.

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From the Height of High-larity file comes the tale of one Orenthal James Simpson, former football star and murderer, who is claiming that after a Las Vegas casino banned him for being ALLEGEDLY drunk and belligerent, he was defamed.

Seriously, he thinks his reputation suffered because someone called him a drunk? Most people call him a murderer and he’s fine with that.

Probably cuz it’s true.

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I saw a headline with the words ‘Cuba Gooding Jr.’ and ‘Nightclub’ in it and I just naturally assumed he’d groped another owman in a bar.

Color me surprised to learn that it wasn’t Cuba acting the fool but his girlfriend, Claudine De Niro, Robert De Niro’s ex daughter-in-law, who went over the edge at a Miami Nightclub called Mango’s Tropical Cafe.

Now, he was somehow involved because he was the one Claudine went after, by ALLEGEDLY shrieking at him and then hurling a shot glass at him, and then getting her ass kicked to the curb by security.

Ah, the couple that gets drunk and acts the fool together …

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Now we’ll end where we began … with the death of the 487th reboot if Beverly Hills 90210 and the so-desperate-for-a-job Jennie Garth saying the last reboot is not over. At a recent event, Us Weekly caught up with Garth who swears that BH90210 is not dead:

“I was very, very proud of the work we did in the first season … The show is very meta, so it’s good. The confusion is fine. Everybody’s like, “What is happening!?” We don’t even know. Nobody knows, but we are working it out. It was a very unique, creative vision and it was very specific, and it was hard to convey that to everyone.”

Wait. So she admits no one understood the show, not even the team behind it, but that it was so good, they’re going to bring it back in a different form?

Jennie? You’ve been hanging around broke-ass Tori Spelling too long now, and you’re acting just as delusional.

Go back to waitressing.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Poor Cuba Gooding Jr.

Last week he was in court to deal with an incident in which he ALLEGEDLY groped a woman at a nightclub., and the DA presented a new charge based on an ALLEGATION stemming from an earlier investigation.

Cuba was scheduled to be arraigned on that charge this week. But now there are more; five women are now accusing Cuba Gooding Jr. of sexual misconduct, the latest one from a woman with an ALLEGATION from October 2018.

Cuba’s lawyer, Mark Heller, a real peach of a guy, says that Gooding Jr. will plead not guilty, and implies that this new ALLEGATIONS is the result of a failed money grab. Heller says the new accuser never pressed charges following the incident, and only came forward after seeing Gooding Jr.’s arrest this year. He further claims her attorney tried to settle the case, but Cuba “declined to be shaken down.”

Victim blaming; and Cuba does his part, too, shaming her as being mentally ill—a charge which the judge instantly nixed—and joking … joking … about the ALLEGATION while out drinking and carousing.

But now, five allegations, and apparently even more on the horizon,  is not a joke, and not a scam and it looks like Cuba Gooding Jr. may not be skating away from these charges any time soon.

Too bad, so sad.

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Speaking of pigs … things are getting ugly in the custody battle between former movie star and current Jeep TV commercial singer Jeremy Renner and his ex-wife Sonni Pacheco.

Sonni is looking to get sole custody of their 6-year-old daughter, Ava, and wants Renner’s visits monitored because, she ALLEGES, that he keeps unlocked guns in his home, is a cokehead, and once fired a gun in their home while their daughter was asleep. For his part, Jeremy is also seeking sole custody because, he says, Sonni is a terrible mother who parties rather than parents.

Why can’t the child be given to two parents who might love her and care for her more than they hate one another?

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Call me cynical but I am giving major side-eye to Gina Rodriguez for this story.

It appears that Rodriguez is getting all kinds of attention today and not for doing anything nice, or being a good person, or helping anyone, but for being a moron.

Rodriguez posted an Instagram Story of herself singing along to The Fugees’ “Ready or Not” and uttered the N-word—which was part of the song but should never be sung and put on display—and then giggled after she said it.

It didn’t take long before the clip went viral, on Twitter after it was deleted on Instagram, and it didn’t take much longer before Rodriguez responded with a faux-pology:

“Hey, what’s up everybody–I just wanted to reach out and apologize. I am sorry. I am sorry if I offended anyone by singing along to The Fugees, to a song I love, that I grew up on. I love Lauryn Hill and I really am sorry if I offended you.”

Gina? The first rule of apologizing is to say, ‘I’m sorry’ and leave it at that; not ‘sorry if.’ That’s disingenuous and that’s what leads to my cynicism.

It seems that Gina’s little Instagram N-word moment was just that moment in the song; she chose just that moment to video herself saying the N-word. And then the tearful ‘woe is me sorry if  offended anyone’ faux-pology.

I can’t help but think this was planned to get Gina Rodriguez a little free press as the poor misunderstood girl who made a simple mistake.

Gina? Honey? Unless you’re a black person, howsabout never using the N-word, even if it is part of a song you claim to love so much. Just don’t say it, and then we won’t need to hear another bull shit faux-pology from you, m’kay?

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Elton John is a lot of things … singer, songwriter, entertainer, icon, LGBTQ Ally, AIDS activist, husband, father… but what I like best about Elton is that he spills the tea, a lot. He’s dished Madonna for years, and recently took on the Queen of England herself and now he’s getting dangerously close to riling the Beyhive by trashing a Beyoncé project and I am living for that.

Elton recently gave an interview British GQ to promote his new autobiography Me, and used the time to remind everyone that it was He who wrote the songs for the original The Lion King and how the recent live-action version mess disappointed Him:

“The new version of The Lion King was a huge disappointment to me, because I believe they messed the music up. Music was so much a part of the original and the music in the current film didn’t have the same impact. The magic and joy were lost.”

Elton continued to drag the new soundtrack, saying it didn’t have the same impact as His did 25 years ago; he threw more salt in the wound he opened by adding that at least the The Lion King stage musical got it right:

“The [new] soundtrack hasn’t had nearly the same impact in the charts that it had 25 years ago, when it was the bestselling album of the year. The new soundtrack fell out of the charts so quickly, despite the massive box-office success. I wish I’d been invited to the party more, but the creative vision for the film and its music was different this time around and I wasn’t really welcomed or treated with the same level of respect. That makes me extremely sad. I’m so happy that the right spirit for the music lives on with the Lion King stage musical.”

There is no evidence, though, that Elton has seen the porn version … The Loin King. I wonder what that soundtracks plays like?

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Last week Felicity Huffman began her White Privilege prison sentence and she had her people issue this statement:

“Felicity Huffman reported today for sentencing to the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, CA. Ms. Huffman is prepared to serve the term of imprisonment Judge Talwani ordered as one part of the punishment she imposed for Ms. Huffman’s actions. She will begin serving the remainder of the sentence … –one year of supervised release, with conditions including 250 hours of community service–when she is released.”

Her prison term? I’ve had zits that lasted longer than her prison term.

Sorry, Felicity, don’t care about you and I’m not gonna start a GoFundMe to pay for your rehabilitation as you re-enter society in two effing weeks.

Oops, make that thirteen days; it appears she’s getting time off for good behavior? Maybe she ran lines from an old Desperate Housewives scene with Big Ethel from D Block.

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I Ain;t One To Gossip But ...

Last summer Cuba Gooding Jr. was charged with ALLEGEDLY groping a woman in a nightclub. And though he turned himself in to police, he ended up pleading not guilty to the charges.

Now, there was some video evidence, but Cuba was sticking to his story. And he paid a team of lawyers to shame his accuser by challenging her metal state, but the judge was buying it; Cuba went to court to face those charges … and he was hit with different charges for a separate event.

Gooding showed up to court thinking he was there to deal with the sexual assault case against him, which he was, but it was a different sexual assault case when the Manhattan D.A. told the judge there was a different incident with Cuba and this was their basis for a new charge.

Must be hard trying to keep all those women you groped straight, so you know what charge you’re fighting when you go to court, eh Cuba?

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Rapper Cardi B probably doesn’t write her own stuff, but the girl knows how to mouth off.

Exhibit A: Cardi ranting about Access Hollywood and a story on her in which they claim that Cardi’s daughter, Kulture—is she a Kardastrophe—calls someone else “mommy” because Cardi is working so much and never around. Cardi B lost her mind at this story, saying Access Hollywood “chopped up” her actual quote:

“A lot of people expect me to be in the studio, and then I gotta do other shit, like I filmed for Rhythm + Flow, I filmed for Hustlers, I’m working on fucking Fashion Nova … I’m sorry if I take time of my day that I could be five hours in the studio, but I’m spending five hours with my kid… Yes, I could have somebody babysit my kid, but it’s like, it’s a wack feeling when your kid don’t fucking…not even trying to fuck with you and try to call somebody else mommy.”

And she shamed Access Hollywood for chopping it up to create a narrative:

“That’s not what the fuck I said. Don’t use my motherfucking kid for clickbait bitch. Don’t fucking cut shit off, try to make me look like I’m a fuck-ass mom ‘cause that’s not something that I’m not.”

And she goes on:

“Access Hollywood suck my whole dick. Suck a dick, I hope your fucking mom catch AIDs, bitch.”

Wow, and she really is someone’s mother. Lovely.

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Former Fox News bimbo, and conservative tool for the party of Family Values, Stacey Dash, was recently arrested for domestic battery until her victim-husband bailed her out and dropped the charges.

That should have been a sign to shut up and move on, but when you’re Stacey Dash and you live for publicity, well, talk talk talk.

Dash is claiming that her recent time in jail for domestic battery was a result of a “martial spat that escalated” and that it happens to normal couples.

Huh? Bitch please.

“Like normal married couples my husband and I had a martial dispute that escalated.”

Sorry Stacey, I’ve been with Carlos 19 years and we’ve had spats and fights, and never once has it “escalated” into physical assault.

That’s you.

PS Stacey Dash was held in the Land O’ Lakes detention facility in Florida. Seriously? A butter-churning detention center? I thought that would be just for farmers or Amish people.

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Ricardo Chavira played Eva Longoria’s TV husband on Desperate Housewives and so maybe that’s why he had some thoughts on Felicity Huffman getting a soft slap on the wrist for her involvement in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal.

He was pissed, and maybe not just because his TV wife, Eva Longoria wrote a glorious letter to the judge asking him to go easy on Felicity; what, like give her three days instead of fourteen. Bitch please. Anyway, Chavira doesn’t seem to think Felicity is all that, and took to Twitter, because, of course, to vent:

“White Privilege. And I saw Eight years’ worth of it, so I know what I’m talking about. Accountability and Responsibility don’t mean shit to these people. … I’ve seen a lifetime of it being a halfbreed, and I’ve struggled with the intricacies of it on a daily basis with all the cultural bias I’ve received on both ends. But whatever. Slap on the wrist. Sorry, but this shit.”

And it is, because Felicity, while she sort of accepted responsibility, also said she was just trying to get her daughter a break because it’s tough out there for the child of millionaire celebrities.

I’m #TeamChavira because he’s right and he’s hot and I’m shallow.

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And also because I’m shallow, I’m gonna end with Angelina Jolie at the premiere of Maleficent: Mistress of Evil looking regal radiant and fierce.

That’s all.

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It's Snarkurday!

Dean McDermott could be in serious trouble; and I don’t mean just because he married Hot Mess Tori “I can’t pay my bills” Spelling.

McDermott narrowly avoided going to jail last March when his ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, agreed to allow him to pay overdue child support and alimony in small monthly installments.

Sounds civilized, right? Well, it would have been except for the fact that McDermott is very much his current wife’s husband in that he doesn’t pay his bills either. McDermott has missed multiple payments on their $1,500-a-month agreement and now Mary Jo is pissed off and taking him back to court where he might actually go to jail for being a deadbeat dad who can’t support the child he had with Eustace but keeps making babies—I think they’re up to five now—with Poor Little Rich Girl Spelling. And then, after skipping the payments, Spelling and McDermott took their kids on a luxurious vacation to the Four Seasons in Punta Mita, Mexico so no wonder Mary Jo is enraged.

An insider—and it’s probably Candy Spelling from inside her gift wrapping room in her penthouse mansion—says:

“It’s crazy that all this is over $1,500. He could get a job at the Gap and pay that off every month.”

Tori and Dean Work at The Gap ... coming soon to Bravo?

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Also pissed off ... ALLEGEDLY ... are the bigwigs at ABC when Michael Strahan, a Houston native and “Good Morning America” anchor, refused to cut his vacation short to return and cover the Hurricane Harvey disaster.

Apparently ABC News asked Strahan to come home from his vacation because he’s from Houston, but he refused and is ... ALLEGEDLY ... cruising the Mediterranean on a yacht.

However, Michael Corn, GMA senior executive producer says:

“I spoke with [Strahan] every day. Michael was very clear he wanted to be part of the coverage, and we decided the best plan was for him to lead the charge covering the recovery.”

But that started earlier this week and still no Strahan. Huh? What?

It makes matters worse when you realize Strahan’s colleague, and GMA veteran, Robin Roberts returned early from her vacation to cover the tragedy; and she did so voluntarily. But then Michael Strahan, for all his years as a professional football player, may not be a team player like Roberts.

Still, Strahan put down a mojito long enough to Tweet:

“To my hometown of Houston and everyone there ... I Love You and am praying for your safety. ­H-TOWN LOVE!”

That counts for ... oh yeah, nothing. It’s like a _____ million dollar donation ... meaningless.

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It looks like Madonna’s newest younger lover has something she really really wants and she’s moving to Portugal to make sure she keeps gettin’ it.

Her latest boy-toy Portuguese model  Kevin Sampaio—he’s 31 to her 59, and that’s okay—must be packing something because Madge up and moved herself and the kids to Lisbon. Now, she’s saying that when she ended her last tour there she fell in love with the place but clearly she fell in love with what Sampaio has to offer, though she says:

“The energy of Portugal is so inspiring. I feel very creative and alive here and I look forward to working on my film LOVED and making New Music!!! This will be the next Chapter in My Book! It’s time to conquer the world from a different vantage point!!”

Conquer the world, or conquer Kevin’s pants? I know what I’d do ...

PS The hands don’t lie about age.

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I loathe Taylor swift for her inability to sing live and in tune, and for her songwriting skills of dogging frenemies and ex-lovers.

But what I loathe most is how she gets her fans to create all sorts of Swifty-inspired goodies, but then also tries to trademark her songs and lyrics so that if you use those, she can sue you.

Case in point: TayTay has recently filed to trademark lyrics and catchphrases from her upcoming album Reputation to use on shirts, guitar picks, and other crap she’ll sell at her concerts for gobs of cash. She hopes to trademark phrases like “The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now” and “Look What You Made Me Do.” 

This is nothing new, though, because Swifty tried to trademark an actual year—1989—when her 1989 album came out, and since she’s just released a new song called “Ready For It” then y’all better be ready for her lawyers to come a’sniffing after you if you use that line. And, if you’re some pre-teen fangirl of Swifty and you wanna make a macaroni picture of her, don’t dare use any song lyrics because she’ll come after you faster than you can say auto-tone.

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In more Taylor news, the girl knows how to market herself because, in the past, she’s tied her albums and concerts in with Diet Coke, CoverGirl, Elizabeth Arden, Apple, Keds and, now, UPS. UPS? I guess in case people realize what a hack she is and try to return the music they just bought and then she’ll get a cut?

On top of that Swifty has a new commercial for AT&T where she’s all cool and fun and promoting the idea of you buying into her Taylor Swift NOW video catalog on ... AT&T.

Ick; especially when you hear her say, in the ad, that this is her ‘gift’ to the fans for being so supportive ... if, you know, the fans have a credit card or cash to buy their gift from TayTay.

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Mel B is probably tired of the fact that we all know her business now that she and her husband have each filed for divorce, and the stories of their marriage become more lurid.

New legal documents have been recently filed by Mel B, which include portions of a deposition given by Loraine Gilles, AKA the Nanny named in Mel and her husband’s threesome adventures. And not only do the new papers confirm some of the more sordid detail but they also reveal new accusations of the sham of a marriage that Lorraine and Stephen Belafonte ALLEGEDLY concocted in order to fleece Mel B’s bank account.

Mel is accusing Stephen and Lorraine of plotting a phony marriage for Lorraine to one Michael Bleau so that she wouldn’t be deported; Lorraine is from Germany. See, if Lorraine was married to an American, she could stay here and keep on banging her boss’s husband, Stephen, behind Mel B’s back.

And poor schlemiel Michael is now being outed in the court papers as an epic sleazeball who was once arrested for a sex crime and convicted of felony false imprisonment. Mel B’s evidence that the marriage was a sham is that Bleau bought Lorraine’s ring on Ebay for $30 and that the “couple” never posted any engagement pictures to their social media.  Wait, so he’s cheap and isn’t on Facebook so the marriage is a sham? Stand in line when the rest of the fakers then.

Also in her deposition, Lorraine admitted to having sex with Belafonte—without Mel B—about “10 to 15 times.” This was during the time she says she got pregnant by a one-night stand and had Mel B pay for her abortion; Mel is now claiming the bay was Stephen’s, hence the need for the abortion. Lorraine also admitted to using cocaine, which could get her deported, and claims that Mel was her supplier.

Gosh, threesomes, drug dealers, abortions, sham marriages. If it doesn’t make y’all want to get a Silkwood Scrubdown, it may make you wanna write a book and sell it to Hollywood because this kind of story puts butts in seats in theaters nationwide.

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So there are two magazines, Harper’s Magazine and Harper’s Bazaar. They are not the same magazine, but someone still needs to tell that to Tiffany _____.

With New York Fashion Week starting, fashionistas from everywhere will be in La Grande Apple and Harper’s Bazaar is doing a big “Bazaar Icons” party in the middle of it all. And so Tiffany _____’s publicist emailed a party invitation request … to Harper’s Magazine, who were all, “What? Fashion? Who? What?”

Proving she’s not the sharpest tool in the _____ shed, but still brighter than Dim Bulb Eric, Tiffany’s publicists emailed Harper’s Magazine—which calls itself “the oldest general-interest monthly in America, exploring the issues that drive our national conversation, through long-form narrative journalism”—instead of Harper’s Bazaar—the one that defines itself as “America’s first fashion magazine.”

Even funnier is that the publicist’s email read like this:

“Hi, I wanted to email on behalf of the First Daughter Tiffany Trump. She is in town for NYFW and attending a few events. She would love to possibly attend the Bazaar Icons party. Please let me know if this could be accommodated.”

First Daughter? Oh, hell no, dear ... she's scarcely second daughter. And the magazine you contacted would love to invite you to their big New York Fashion Week event when and if they ever have one.

Now, sit down, you’re almost done here.

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Cuba Gooding Jr. has hit New York Fashion Week with full force—and did not see Tiffany anywhere because she went to New York City, Indiana by mistake—and he crashed makeup guru Pat McGrath’s Mothership Ball with a plus-one who scored him drinks and women.

Spies—not Tiffany because she was stuck in one of the square states looking for someone named "Ann Winter"—say Gooding was at the party introducing himself as “Dick McWilly” and rocking a man bun to boot.

Gooding stood on a chair in a corner to see all the action while his friend, described as a “perky young man,” kept an eye out for eligible ladies. The party aide also made sure Cuba was generously lubricated with alcohol while he pulled girls in to meet the, ahem, star. A spy says the young man “was bringing girls over to meet Cuba” who would bend down to speak while still standing on his chair but then signal that it was a “pass.”

Lucky for the girls, I’d say, because it was just last week that Gooding joined five bikini-clad beauties in a hot tub at a Nolita spa.

A hot tub of STDs? Um, no.

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I love Cher on Twitter simply because she’s Cher, bitches.

Case in point: Cher recently took to Twitter to vent about _____’s decision to end DACA, AKA the Dreamer program. And so Cher, who doesn’t feel it’s fair to deport 800,000 people who were brought to this country as children, who have lived and worked here most of their lives, began tweeting about DACA a lot this week. This was one tweet she sent out:

And while it may not come to the idea of hiding Dreamers from a vicious racist government, one tweeter named Brenda Webb—whose account has since gone private—and whose online profile reads “Single Mom, Believer in Jesus, Positive person, Politics annoy me-Just can’t help it!!” decided to come for Cher with this Tweet:

“Sure you will Cher.. I’ll believe it when I see it!” 

This is what Cher tweeted back:

And that’s why I love Cher ... bitches.

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