Ain't That America XXXIX

Another week and the four week war is in its eighth week … the president and his Cabinet cannot do basic math … there was another ALLEGED attempt on his life ... Miss Lindsey is crying in her vodka … And a bit of good news too …

A man was shot at the White House Correspondents' Dinner Saturday night while a Secret Service agent took the bullet in his vest but survived. Cankles was rushed off stage but within an hour he was saying that the shooting proves the need for the ballroom and justifies his war.

The man who survived an ALLEGED actual attempt on his life before, who said political violence was "destroying America" after Charlie Kirk was shot, whose Justice Department charged the Southern Poverty Law Center with fraud last week, who has been escalating his rhetoric against journalists and Democrats and judges every single day for months, used a shooting at a press dinner as a marketing pitch for his ballroom and his war.

That sounds about Cankles and all of that makes the entire thing seem suspect; again.

 

Throughout US during Cankles Con Artist Regime stock traders have been betting millions of dollars just before he makes major announcements.

Insider trading and the GOP-led Congress does nothing. They are just as complicit and need to be removed.

Acting Attorney ​General Todd Blanche  says the US government should add firing squads, electrocution and gas asphyxiation as methods of ​executing people convicted of the gravest federal crimes.

Careful what you wish for Todd, because soon enough many in the regime might be facing those very same methods.

That is a photo of Cankles with members of the University of Georgia’s championship-winning women’s tennis team.

Just so you know, those are all men in the front row and this picture proves how the regime feels about women.

Newly seated GOP Rep. Clay Fuller:

“So I had to stay in a hotel in Maryland for work and I wake up and it is blazing hot in my room. So the AC’s out. So I go to the front desk and I was like, ‘Hey, sir, the AC’s out. Can you send anybody down to my room to help fix it?’ He said, ‘Well, it’s not that it’s broken. You have to understand that there’s an AOC, Green New Deal thing, where if you’re not moving in your room, the AC just basically shuts off on its own.’ And I said, ‘Well, I’m asleep, I’m obviously not moving.’ And he said, ‘Don’t worry, there this VIP setting and we can override and the AC will stay on.’  And I said, ‘I don’t understand, it should already be in VIP mode because I’m from Georgia.’ And he said, ‘I don’t understand.’ I said, ‘Well, Georgia is named after George Washington,’ who quite literally invented freedom. It’s the birthplace of Ronald Acuna Jr.  … And he said, ‘Well, I’m immediately switching it to VIP mode.'”

Fuller’s stupidity was instantly fact-checked to prove that Georgia was not named for George Washington and that Atlanta Braves star Ronald Acuna was born in Venezuela.  

Health Secretary, Racoon Dick Saver and Heroin Addict  Robert F. Kennedy Jr. defended Cankles frequent incorrect calculations of percentages when talking about discounts on prescription drug prices, arguing that the president “has a different way of calculating” saying:

“If you have a $600 drug, and you reduce it to $10, that’s a 600% reduction.”

Seriously, math is hard if not downright impossible for the regime. A price discount cannot be more than 100% because that would lower the price to zero—or suggest that the company was giving you money for buying the product.

Cankles says that he would have led the US to victory in the Vietnam War within weeks.

Funny, though, that a five-time draft dodger who begged his daddy to have a doctor declare that his bone spurs made it impossible for him to go to Vietnam thinks he could have stopped the war.

He can’t even end the war in Iran quickly though he claims every week that the war is over until he relaizes it’s not.

Energy Secretary Chris Wright floundered this week when cornered on his shifting claims about rising gas prices amid the war with Iran. Wright was reminded by CNN host Jake Tapper that just six weeks ago he had predicted prices would drop below $3 a gallon within weeks—not months and now, when asked again when Americans could realistically expect those lower prices prices Wright said:

“Uh, I don‘t know.”

Perfect man for the job. Eh?

Miss Lindsey took to the airwaves this week begging for money because the Democrats are outspending him:

“We’re in a fight for the heart and soul of this country. I’m in a fight. I need your help. I hate to say this, but I’ve been outraised twice by Democrats … The Democrats have money. I don’t know where they’re getting all this money, but I need your help … Please help me if you can.”

Um, ma’am? The Democrats have money because right now a slim majority of South Carolinians want your ass out of Congress. M’kay? Better?

The Cankles regime rolled out the welcome mat for the upcoming visit of King Charles III . Sadly, though, they displayed the flags of Australia instead of the Union Jack though to be fair Charles is also Australia’s head of state.

Fair, but not diplomatically ideal.

A federal appeals court ruled that Cankles’ declaration of an “invasion” at the US-Mexico border was illegal, effectively clearing the way to reopen the United States to migrants seeking asylum. It was not clear when asylum processing would resume, and the regime is likely to appeal the decision but it’s a step and smack in the face for Cankles.

Cankles approval rating has sunk to a new low as Americans express growing concerns about rising costs and the war with Iran.

Just 37% of adults approve of Cankles’ performance as president, while 63% disapprove—including 50% who disapprove strongly—putting his job rating at the lowest point of his second term.

Seriously.

Speculation ramped up this week over which ranking administration official would go next and the money is one DUI hire Kash Patel.

Sorry not sorry.

At the start of the 2026 election cycle, the Senate looked far out of reach for the Democrats though the House always seemed competitive; retaking the Senate would require flipping at least four Republican-held seats—including at least two seats in states Cankles won by double digits in 2024.

In today’s polarized era, Democrats would need everything to break their way and so far everything is breaking the Democrats’ way.

All the more reason to vote; we can stop all this bull shit with Democrats in charge of the Senate and the House.

Get out there and:

Ain't That America XXXIII

War, child rape, drunken FBI directors, lying Attorney Generals, the wrong First Lady and the wrong President being called to Congress to testify about Jeffrey Epstein.

It’s been a helluva week …

The White House released a photo of Cankles and his regime monitoring the progress of the illegal attack on Iran from the “Flatulation Room “at Mar-Illegal.

Of course, he had a picture snapped because he wants to be Barack Obama and knows that will never happen:

Cankles then declared that “most evil” Khamenei was killed in the attack and rumors suggest schoolchildren were also killed but, hey, the five-time draft dodger got his photo op.

 

In a visit to central Wisconsin, Vice President JD Vance implored voters to not give power back to the “crazy” Democrats blaming hospital closures on “problems inherited from Biden.”

He failed to mention it was the massive Republican cuts to Medicaid funding that kept those hospitals afloat.

 

Transgender Kansans are being informed on the eve of a new state law going into effect that their driver’s licenses will be considered immediately invalid.

Why? Is there one person who can tell me why without resorting to the bible—lower case b—or some unnamed fear of trans people? Spare me the trans people rape children because it’s not them … it’s the priests, and ministers, and pastors, and rabbis in your places of worship who are fucking children.

Oh and it’s your president, too.

 

A federal judge reprimanded the Cankles regime for claiming that an immigrant seeking his release from custody was convicted for marijuana possession in 2009 … when he was 4 years old.

Government lawyers attached a document from ICEstapo that they “indicated” was related to his criminal history but West Virginia District Judge Irene Berger noted the “differences in birthdate, birthplace, parents’ names, and immigration status.”

You cannot make this shit up.

 

Border Czar and con artist Tom Homan tried to school Pope Leo XIV on Catholic teachings about immigration.

Homan prefaced his unsolicited theological lesson to the Pope by touting his credentials as a “life-long Catholic.”  He went on to attack Leo for criticizing the Cankles Regime’s mass deportation campaign, asserting that Leo failed to grasp Catholic doctrine.

Seriously?

 

It wasn’t just the blanket left behind on a plane that got Kristi DogKiller Noem so riled up that she fired the pilot. It was, according to three DHS insiders, another item left on that flight last spring: Noem’s bag. No one knows for certain what was inside the bag—or they aren’t saying—but it was enough to cause Border Barbie and her Bitch Boy Corey Lewandowski to go apeshit.

What was in the bag, Kristi, which had you and your married lover  Corey freaking out?

 

The New York Times reports that many documents released by the DOJ from its investigations into the convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein failed to include some key materials related to a woman who made an accusation against Cankles.

The materials are FBI memos summarizing interviews the bureau did in connection to claims made in 2019 by a woman who came forward after Epstein’s arrest to say she had been sexually assaulted by both Cankles and Epstein when she was a minor.

Hey Pammy? Does the DOW erase the rape of a child by your boss?

 

After the State of the Union speech where Cankles got into a shouting match with Representative Ilhan Omar, Rudy Giuliani attacks Omar for looking “too” Muslim:

“Muslims have a choice about how they how they dress. And you can look Muslim and look more American than that … You don’t come here to remain Somali. You don’t come here to remain Italian. You don’t come here to remain German. You don’t come here to remain whatever it is you were.”

I guess Rudy no longer identifies as Italian but does claim membership in the Ignorant Goosestepping Racist Fuck Regime.

Now, I need a palate cleanser and here’s a couple:

More ballots have been cast in Texas through the first seven days of early voting for the 2026 midterms than any recent midterm or presidential election year. That turnout is fueling optimism among Texas Democrats, who are once again trying to score their first election victory for a statewide office since 1994.

Over 650,000 votes were cast in-person and by mail in the Democratic primary, compared to about 590,000 cast in the Republican primary and we know that when Democrats vote, Democrats win.

Keep in mind that the GOP is running on the idea that only they can fix the problems in Texas but fail to mention that only they have been in power for the last twenty years.

 

Democratic Congressmen Ted Lieu and Dan Goldman demand that a special counsel be appointed to investigate Attorney General Pam Bondi after she ALLEGEDLY perjured herself during her Epstein testimony:

“Testifying before a House Judiciary Committee hearing on February 11, 2026, Attorney General Bondi emphatically stated, ‘There is no evidence that [Cankles] has committed a crime.’ Yet a number of the documents from the Epstein files released to date by the Department of Justice directly contradict her statement. [And] when confronted with her lie, she did not retract her statement, she doubled down. She stated, ‘Don’t you ever accuse me of committing a crime.’ We request that you immediately appoint a special counsel to investigate Attorney General Bondi for lying under oath. America cannot have a liar and a criminal as our top law enforcement officer."

The simple fact here is that Bondi lied under oath because there are mountains of evidence in the Epstein files alleging that Cankles committed numerous crimes like assault, sexual abuse, rape, and threatening victims.

Bondi knows that, and I hope one day she is imprisoned for her lies.

There we are, another week down and the GOP has taken us into an illegal war because a madman wants you to stop talking about how he fucked a child … the GOP question two people, one of whom isn’t in the files, about Epstein, because they cannot question their Cult Leader lest he call them names …

We have one way out: vote. Vote out the child rapists and the pedophile protectors and the transphobes and the warmongers who want to send your sons and daughters to war but not theirs, vote out the regime of middle-aged frat boys and drunken asshats and the women who allow a man to get away with raping women because the stock market went up.

Vote them ALL out …..

Meme Dump

Meme Dump

The Funny Papers

Bill Day, Tim Campbell, David Rowe, Nick Anderson, Gary Huck, Jack Ohman, Mike Luckovich, Michael de Adder, Muzej karikature, Daniel Boris, Ann Telnaes, Clay Bennett