I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Lotsa talk swirling around the web-o-sphere that, after their current On The Run [from Marriage] tour, Beyoncé and Jay-Z just might be headed toward a “conscious uncoupling” a la Goopy Paltrow or a “tender undoing” a la Jewel.

A source — and it’s probably Dina Lohan since Lindsay is across the pond and has her phone unplugged — says  Jay-Z has hired marriage counselors, plural, to travel with them on tour because, you know, on tour is the time to work on your marriage. And that same source says that after the tour Beyoncé will be taking all of Jay’s things out the house and dumping them on the street while she blasts “Single Lady” from the roof-tops. The source also says they stopped wearing their wedding rings a long time ago, and that Blue Ivy was a band-aid baby that didn’t take, and that it’s all over except ….

“They are trying to figure out a way to split without divorcing. This is a huge concert tour and they’ve already gotten most of the money from the promoters up front.”

Wow. Putting money before love. That’s love, in a Beyoncé/Jay Z world.

I was wrong last week when I said that Lindsay Lohan was at the Ischia Film Festival in Italy just to party and fall down, because it appears she went here for an altogether different reason: Lindsay won an award, y’all … no lie!.

Lohan was honored with the Ischia Comeback Award in acknowledgement of her role in the West End production of David Mamet’s play Speed-the-Plow and the award was given to her by Oscar-winning director Paul Haggis, whom she praised in her speech:

“Thank you, from someone so amazing as you are, and being a friend to me, and someone who I aspire to work with and that I’m lucky to have in life. So I appreciate that, I really do.  … Thank you for having me. Thank you, Pasquale. Five years before this I was in Capri with you, and a lot has happened since then, which I know and you know. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. … It’s really lovely to be in a position like this and go through certain things in life that bring you back to a place where you can then just speed into the plows of the new depths of your life. I just wanna give my life my all, and I just wanna wish everyone the best. Thank you and God bless.”

A few points: how does someone win a “comeback” award for a project that hasn’t even been realized yet? She hasn’t come back in Speed-the-Plow because it hasn’t opened yet. And then how sad that she got an award from someone she calls a friend and yet they’ve never worked together; or howsabout the “a lot has happened … which I know and you know” bit … or how she so seamlessly inserted the name of her upcoming comeback “speed into the plow” into her speech when most normal folks know that if you speed into a plow, you’ll die.

Ah Lindsay, the gift that keeps on giving. Now that’s worth comeback!

Speaking of Lohan, let’s talk Ali Lohan.

Remember how she was going to be a model and then all those pictures appeared where her face seemed surgically altered botched? And then she really had no modeling career to speak of except in Japan where she was known as Lindsay’s Little Sister??

Well, now it seems that while she wasn’t modeling she was busy “writing songs and working with a singing coach” because she fancies herself the next Dolly Parton—even though we still have the real Dolly and don’t need no second-rate hack job.

But then Ali and Dina … Pass-The-Box-o-Wine … Lohan went to Nashville together and it is ALLEGED that there might be some interest in Ali’s singing career—that made me throw up in my mouth a little.

In fact, Ali has ALLEGEDLY — because this comes from Dina you know — been offered a $120,000 contract from one unnamed label, but Ali Dina already rejected the offer because she thinks she can get more money wine from someone else.

And a job as a roadie for her Dad and a position as Tour Whore for Mama because Dina and Michael have realized that they have squeezed every cent they could from Lindsay so it’s time to start with the younger one.

I don’t watch The Kardastrophes but it does seem like the one named Kourtney is the most normal; sure, she’s had a baby or three with her boyfriend, but at least she hasn’t been married and divorced a couple of times, or been cheated on by a basketball player, so I kinda thought maybe she wasn’t a real Kardashian.

But apparently she is because the man she picked to inseminate her three times, Scott Disick, is ALLEGEDLY a well-known alcoholic whose love of the bottle has nearly cost him his relationship, his kids and even his life on several occasions … like last month when he was apparently hospitalized AGAIN for alcohol poisoning after going wild at a Hamptons night club while Baby Mama Kourtney was hosting NorthSouthEastWest’s birthday hullaballoo in California.

Seriously? Is one of That Woman’s rules that her daughters marry, or get knocked up by losers? No wonder Rob Kardashian wants nothing to do with the Klan and no wonder Bruce is having more surgeries to look less like himself and more like a Midwestern housewife.

And speaking of Rob … nice segue … in one of the most recent episodes of that family’s “reality” show Kim Kash Kow Kardastrophe-Kwest bashes Rob — behind his back, of course, but in front of a camera crew — for being overweight. 

And while the lovely porn star Kim admits that Khloe is worried about their brother, she actually says she has no “sympathy” for him at all and that he should “suck it up” and fix his problems with depression and his weight.

You know, like she does with shopping sprees and surgeries.

And last, and certainly least, Swifty, er Taylor Swift.

She’s been spending the summer in New York having her photograph taken on the streets of Manhattan every day, in different outfits because, well, she’s Taylor Swift and that’s what she does. That and have her bodyguards shriek at people who have the nerve to eat breakfast in the same room with Swifty and two of her paid BFFs.

 An onlooker — and it might have been Dina celebrating after she sold the Beyoncé story to the press — says, “Taylor and her two friends took a table toward the back of the restaurant, but her two security guards took a seat at the bar, eyeing the other diners like a hawk.”

And while Swifty ate, her guards watched the room and ran at anyone and everyone who dared pick up a cell phone lest they snap a picture of Swifty with wing sauce on her chin. One diner — again ... Dina — said, “My friend took her phone out of her purse, and one of the men screamed ‘NO PICTURES!’ She was just checking the time!”

And apparently there were no rabid fans bothering the little girl at breakfast; in fact, the only disturbance in the entire room was the rampant shenanigans of Swifty’s security team.

Note to Tay-Tay: if you don’t want your picture taken in a public restaurant STAY HOME.

Better yet, just stay home all the time.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

There are times when I think I should change the title of this weekly post to “I Ain’t One To Gossip About Lindsay” because she’s all that ever seems to be in the news.

That said, let’s rip ….

Okay, so Christmas came early last week when Original Recipe Lohan™ was arrested last week for third-degree assault, for punching psychic, Tiffany Eve Mitchell, in the face at a nightclub.

It seems that just before Lindsay punched her mitts into Tiff’s melon, the two women were fighting over Max George from The Wanted. See, just before hitting the club, Lindsay had gone to see the Justin Bieber concert because The Wanted was the opening act and sources—Hey Dina!—say Lohan had been “scoping out Max for the last few days.”

Now, Lohan tried to get backstage to make the hook-up with Max but she was dee-nied. So, she stalked him to the nightclub after the show.

Once inside The Avenue, sources—and that means about 90% of the people at the club—say Lindsay was a’drinking and a’snorting, and was a real cracktress mess. In fact, Max George was so disgusted by the sight of a drunken 65-year-old Lindsay that he began hitting on other women, including the psychic.

Sidenote: Tiffany Eve Mitchell didn’t see any of this coming so, yeah, not a psychic.

Hat sent Lindsay into a rage and when Mitchell approached her and said she’d like to do a “reading”—which might be club –speak for a three-way in the ladies room—Lohan said, “Gimme my space” and sucker punched Mitchell. She was kicking and screaming, cursing at the Mitchell and then spit at her.

She’s a peach, ain’t she?

Now, since most folks at Christmas get more than one gift, let’s look on as Lindsay unwraps Gift Two:

According to the LAPD, while Lindsay was being charged with assault in NYC, she was also being charged with three crimes in Los Angeles.

Seriously, if only Lohan could have run someone over in Nebraska, and stolen some jewelry in Miami, she would have had the whole country covered.  

The charges in LA all stem from her June car accident, and the LA City Attorney has filed these charges against Lohan:

• Giving false information to a peace officer (punishable by up to 6 months in jail);
• Obstructing or resisting a police officer in the performance of his duty (punishable by 1 year in jail)
• Reckless driving (punishable by 90 days in jail).

While I was playing Powerball, Lohan was winning the Four Charges In One Day on Two Coasts Lottery!

Now, lets’ talk Tiffany Mitchell. The, um, for lack of a better word, psychic.

Tiffany Eve Mitchell said that when Lindsay Lohan walked into the club, she had a “premonition” about Lohan, though she never saw the punch coming. Literally.

But when Tiffany offered Lindsay a free reading, that’s when Lindsay demanded her ‘space’ and called Mitchell a “f**king Gypsy.”

Well, Tiffany’s friend went all crazed, or all Lohan, and began insulting Lindsay with the usual, You’re a whore! You’re a jewel thief! You’re a kidnapper!

And Lindsay was fine with that, cuz you know, it’s true and all, but then the friend told her that “Liz & Dick” sucked, because, well, you know, it did, and that’s when the punch came.

Call her a kidnapping, jewel-thieving whore, but never, EVER say she sucked at being Liz Taylor.

And now, back to Lohan, because, this time, she really is The Star:

As soon as the NYPD slapped the cuffs on Lindsay Lohan and she started cracking “Are you kidding me?!” “Are you kidding me?!”  “Are you kidding me?!”  “Are you kidding me?!”  ad nauseum, it became clear that, once again, this is not Lindsay’s fault … at least in her own addled head.

After being released, Lindsay Lohan began claiming it was all a set-up and that she was totally innocent.

A source—Seriously, Dina, drinking at 7AM? No wonder Lindsay doesn’t get it—says, “She was crying and kept asking, ‘Why does this happen to me? This is a setup! I don’t deserve this . . . It’s not my fault!’ ”

And so then came the story that the fight started because Lindsay said Mitchell stole Lindsay’s underage, night-clubbing sister’s purse at the club, and that Lindsay had just given Ali Lohan $10,000 in cash which was in the purse.

Which is funnier: that Lindsay punched a girl for stealing a purse, or that Lindsay expects anyone to believe she gave Ali 10K?

The source says, “Lindsay was saying, ‘I was trying to find out who stole Ali’s purse! I gave her the money for my family, to pay for my brother’s school fees!’ ”

Brother’s school fees is Lindsay Lohan for dealer.

Then the source—And now we know for sure it’s Dina The Enabler—says, “Lindsay says she never hit the girl. She just went over to find if they had her sister’s purse. They were looking around the area, but the girl was sitting at the table, and some pushing started. Lindsay says the purse was never found. She’s desperate to find where the money is.”

But reliable sources say the purse was returned, but they don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout no 10 grand.

Now, of course, let’s hear from Dina and Michael:

Set the box of wine down, Dina. Set if down!

Dina has released a statement about her daughter’s recent legal troubles and latest arrest, asking for privacy and noting that the tough times bring their family closer together:

“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to my family the time we need to address my daughter’s circumstances with the appropriate parties. As a mother you always love and pray for the best with all your children. Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the tough times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion they provide for each other. We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter. Your compassionate thoughts and prayers are received with my deepest gratitude.”

Allow me to translate:

“At this time I kindly ask that you extend to my family the time we need to make up a story about why Lindsay’s a club-brawling, reckless-driving, necklace-stealing, bad-acting, serial-rehabbing, drug and alcohol addict. you always love and pray for the best with all your children and pray that when Lindsay gets arrested she doesn’t rat you out as her dealer. Our family’s bond grows deeper and stronger during the tough times and I am beyond proud of all of my children for the love and devotion and alibis they provide for each other. We are there for and stand by one another unconditionally, even when visiting one another through bars and bullet-proof glass. Many thanks to all that have expressed concern for my daughter. Your compassionate thoughts and prayers, and offers of bail money, are received with my deepest gratitude. When does the bar open around here?”

Michael Lohan’s statement on Lindsay’s newest arrest:

“Both [Dina] and Lindsay are in a dark place. I TOLD you exactly what would happen and YOU KNOW I was trying to get Dina on board with me for a long time, BUT especially the last two weeks. Lindsay is acting out in numerous ways because she needs us and internally she’s hurt and angry! Again, it’s ALL on Dina and I wish to God she would stop and resolve things with us to do the same for our children.”

Again, I’ll translate:

“Both [Dina] and Lindsay are in a dark place, which I think is inside a mini-bar at a midtown hotel about now. I TOLD you exactly what would happen and YOU KNOW I was trying to get Dina on board with me for a long time, but she wanted more than 50% of the money I make for selling stories and recordings of my drug-addicted daughter to the tabloids and I have a new illegitimate child to hide my money from. BUT especially the last two weeks. Lindsay is acting out in numerous ways because she needs us to get her a fix and a bout in the WWF, and internally she’s hurt and angry because the world now knows that she is a terrible actress! Again, it’s ALL on Dina and I wish to God she would stop and resolve things with us to do the same for our children or else I will have to keep selling stories to the press, even when they aren’t true.”

It's no wonder Lindsay is Lindsay with parents like those two miscreants.

All righty then, let’s talk about Blow # 3 for Lohan, and I don’t mean blow like she means blow.

The IRS has seized all of Lindsay’s bank accounts because she has a massive debt for back taxes. 
It seems that Uncle Sam has filed tax liens against Lindsay for the years 2009 and 2011—claiming she owes $233,904 in unpaid federal taxes.

Sheesh, rumor has it she spends that much a week on Ketel One and ciggies! 
And unpaid hotel bills.

Y’all remember Charlie Sheen generously paid Lindsay $100,000 to help alleviate the 2009 tax problem, but it didn’t do any good because she’s on the hook for 2011 taxes, too.

Sidenote: I heard Lohan and Sheen will star in a new sitcom, Two-and-a-Half Grams.

Just sayin’.

The IRS gave Lindsay ample time to pay up, but instead the money when to booze and drugs and, well, not underwear, and not acting lessons, so the IRS seized ALL her bank accounts in order to settle her debt.

Enough Lindsay, unless there’s another arrest before I go to press.

Nick Lachey.

Seriously, there’s gossip about Nick Lachey? I mean, not the kind of gossip that might seem real, like he got a new job at the Starbucks on Wilshire.

No, this time Nick, who doesn’t have, never had, much of a career, other than being known as Mister Jessica Simpson is in the news for fighting in the stands at a football game.

Oh, how macho.

The story goes that Nick went to a football game with his buddies, got a lot wasted, and started talking smack to a guy with a jersey on for the opposing team, and then gets into a brawl before being asked to leave the stadium.

Again, macho.

The ALLEGED victim claims that Nick choked him and called his wife a bitch when she gave him a clever comeback to his smack-talk; possibly something like, “Ooh a boybander with a potty mouth.”

Nick, for his part, then takes to Twitter because that’s what everyone does these days, to brag about the incident, never acknowledging his responsibility for getting kicked out of the game and acting like it was a badge of honor or something.

Macho.

Here’s what appears to be the truth:

The ALLEGED victim says Nick Lachey and his bros—all die-hard Bengals fans—had been talking trash to him about his San Diego Chargers jersey for most of the 2nd half of the game. He says Nicky made one particularly offensive comment about Olshansky—a player, I’m guessing—and that’s when the fan’s wife shot back to Nick, “Well, he lasted longer than your boy band.”

Ouch! But oh so high-larious!

Nicky then flipped out and called the wife a “f**king b*tch” … along with “a host of other profanities.” The fan says Nicky lunged towards him, grabbed him by the throat and shoved him to the ground.

Over a jersey and smack-talk about being in a boyband.

Macho.

I Get It...You're Lohan's Sister And You Wanna Distance Yourself.....

....But isn't this taking it too far?

These are some new photos of Lindsay Lohan's "little" sister, Ali, who looks, well, different in 2011 than she looked back in 2009.

Since signing with NEXT Model Management, Ali’s lips appear plumper, her cheekbones seem swollen, nose refined, her eyes more “alert” and her eyebrows severely re-landscaped.

And, seeing that Ali is just 17, if she did have any massive facial work done, it would have to be approved by Showbiz Mother Of the Decade, Dina "I Gotta Earn A Living Off My Kids" Lohan!

And, while they have yet to speak about Ali2.0, one can expect that the Lohan Media Machine, i.e. Dina, will be put into first gear denying the ALLEGED alterations of a seventeen-year-old girl's face.

via Pink Is The New Blog

I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

I'm not an expert, but having babies must be hard, so I, for one, would wanna knock back a shot of tequila or two after poppin' out a Mini Me, much less two Mini Me's.

So that's apparently what happened with Mariah Carey after she gave birth to her her two Mini Mimi's, AKA Monroe and Moroccan on April 30.
Sidenote: Monroe is the girl? Moroccan is a boy? What happened to Mike and Sue? This makes Apple sound almost normal, and there ain't nothin' normal about Paltrow, m'kay?
Anyhoo, back to Nick and MooMoo, er, Mimi, er, Mariah, and their bundles of badly named babies. It seems that, while in the hospital, someone called Child Protective Services on the Nick and Mariah Carey.
Yes, I know, the last name is technically Cannon, but you know darn well that folks call him Mr. Carey and Mimi loves that.
But about that CPS call. Nick told Piers Morgan that "Child Protective Services actually came to me, [and] said that they were here to see me because there had been allegations that there was drug and alcohol use during the stay in the hospital."
Nick began the spin.
He said it was all a mistake because someone involved in Carey's care was overheard discussing a beer that ALLEGEDLY boosts breast milk production. But, um, we all know how Mimi loves her champagne--in fact, I thought she dubbed the offspring Dom and Veuve--so I wonder if Mimi was sippin' on the bubbly after spitting out the spuds.
Just sayin'.

You know, if you're an up-and-coming starlet or singer or dancer, or whatever it is that Ali Lohan thinks she wants to be today, you try to emulate someone who's gone before you and achieved success. You find a role model and say, "I wanna be like that." Then again, if you're Ali Lohan, who exactly do you have to look up to, if you get my meaning.

You can become a media whore like your mama, selling your children to the highest bidder and then championing them as they fight arrest after arrest and enter rehab like it's a summer holiday. Or, you can try to reinvent yourself as your sister, who's been accused of everything from car theft to possession of drugs to kidnapping to jewel theft to drug possession to being drunk in public to being a really bad actress.
Yup, those two are the women to whom Ali Lohan aspires to be.
It seems Ali joined the Star Tattoo club, and is the latest female Lohan, after Dina and Lindsanity, to get a star tattooed on her left wrist.
Nice, I guess, but it also marks another Ali-Lindsay link: doing something illegal. See, 17-year-old Ali lives in California where it's illegal to get inked if you're under eighteen, even with a parent's--I giggle, because Dina is so not a parent--consent..
Ali has tried her whole life to be Lindsay Jr. She began modeling as a baby, appeared in her big sister's music--I giggle because Lindsay can't sing--videos, and even tried her hand at being a singer herself. And ALLEGEDLY this wee star tattoo isn't Ali's first one. There are reports that she has the same 'bella vita' tat on her back that Lindsay has on hers.
Next up? A jailhouse tat like her sister.

Even actresses can get a little litigious.
Case in point: Rosie Perez says she was injured on the set of 'Law & Order: SVU' way back in 2009 and now she's taking legal action against the NBC show.
It seems Rosie was filming a guest role on the hit New York City-based crime drama when a scene called for an extra to forcibly shake her. Now, Rosie says the violent action caused her to suffer a herniated disc which took two surgeries to correct.
And she wants cash, only she doesn't have a clue as to how much.
Still, she says the shaking should have been done by a stuntman who knows how to handle these things and not just some no-named extra on-set that day. Perez's lawyer Brian O'Dwyer, says, "This person was not a stuntman, he was just an extra."
Trouble is, even after being injured Perez continued to work on the show, and now claims her injuries have worsened. O'Dwyer says, "There was pressure on her to continue and finish up the episode and she did."
I like me some Rosie Perez, but I have trouble with this. You get hurt at work, and say nothing ALLEGEDLY, and then continue to work, and then you sue for your injuries, without naming a specific amount of money. You just say you want "very substantial" damages.
Perez underwent two surgeries to correct the problem, and O'Dwyer says "She's still suffering severe pain, numbness of the arms, and she'll never be the same despite the surgery." He also says that the injury caused her to be unable to work for almost a year.
Now, again, I love Rosie, but it isn't like she's the in-demand actress, like say, a Jennifer Love Hewitt--who always seems to find a job--and again: You get hurt at work, stop working. You want to sue because you got hurt, how about suing only for your out of pocket medical bills.
I mean, to say you don't know how much money you want makes me think this is all about a payday.

It's the American idol Also-Ran Feud.
Former American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and James Durbin--neither of whom won the title--are trading jabs at one another in the press.

After James Durbin was voted off last week in the most shocking elimination in all of Idol history--I kid, because that title goes to the year JHud was voted off--Adam Lambert took issue with Durbin. In fact, he said he was tiring of Durbin as the competition wound down: “I think he’s got talent and passion 100 percent, but I feel like he’s trying way too hard. Also, his niche is so limited with the metal. When he did that “Heavy Metal” song (by Sammy Hagar), James was note-perfect. He was on pitch, which is usually kind of an issue, and I think he sounded really good, but it felt like a copycat. I didn’t feel like I was seeing an original artist yet. And I’m not saying he doesn’t have that in him, but it hasn’t been showing.”
Oh dear! The leather gloves have come off.
See, when Durbin heard this news, he responded to MTV with: “I was nothing (but) nice to that guy, [and] he decided to take it to a different level. Whatever.”
Whatever? I think Durbin needs some debating skills, rather than fall back on the all-encompassing 'whatever'. But he did try and distance himself from Lambert: “I don’t know what the comparison’s all about. He sings pop and electronic, and I sing rock and metal.”
And Lambert has a Grammy nod and you don't
And he has a hit record and you don't.
And he has a record deal and you don't
And he kissed a guy on TV.
Just sayin'.


Those wacky Grammers.
They've been so quiet since Kelsey quickly divorced former porn-star-turned-exotic-dancer-turned-Beverly-Hills-Housewife-turned-ex-wife so he could marry a women a few months older than his oldest daughter, that I thought all was lovely-dovey between the former spouses.
Not so much.

Kelsey Grammer just filed for sole physical custody of their two young children.
Camille responded with, How dare he! I'm their mother. No one loves that girl, Mary? Margaret? Whatever? than me. And that little boy, the younger one right? I love him with all my heart. In fact, I see them for lunch every other Thursday.
But now Kelsey Grammer believes that his children--and, Camille? They're names are Mason and Jude, so you might wanna jot than down--have been caught in the middle of an emotional tug of war between Former Missus Grammer, Mister Grammer, and Current Missus Grammer.
Kelsey, though, might have a hard time convincing a judge he should have sole custody. The children live in LA with their mother, while he lives in Chicago with the Fourth Missus...or Fifth? In fact, to be fair, Camille wanted to split custody, but that's hard when you live 2,000 miles apart.
How does Dad pick them up after school? In a Lear jet landing on the football field?

Hell hath no fury like a woman, or Charlie Sheen, scorned.
He has taken about a nanosecond to mock the decision to replace him on 'Two and a Half Men' with Ashton Kutcher. He has called the 'That '70s Show' alum a "sweetheart" but says the choice will bring the show down.

Really? I don't know if I buy that, because for years, drugs and hookers and rehab and bad press didn't bring the show down.
A friend of Charlie's--and by friend I mean coke-smuggling-porn-star--says, "He really thought that he would be invited back. After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn't live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences."
For his part, Ashton, while doing cartwheels and planning on how to spend his weekly five-figure salary, has been polite, saying "I can't replace Charlie Sheen but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!"
Of course, drug-and-bipolar-fueled Charlie responded with, "Ashton Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer. Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America, Enjoy seeing 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there."
Yeah, it sounds like he's really trying to get his job back.
Winning!

Andy Dick used to be a TV star.
Now he stars in mug shots and bad press.

The latest shocker? Andy Dick is in trouble again for ALLEGEDLY crossing the line with a comedy fan down in Texas, who says, in a lawsuit, of course, that, during a show, Dick took out his dick, and put it on the man's head.
Andy Dick. Dick. Dickhead.
Just wanted to get them all out.
Robert Tucker, who filed his suit this week in Dallas County, says that back in December, he went to see Andy Dick's live comedy show, but wasn't at all entertained. He ALLEGES that the comedian was singing in a blond wig, black camisole and loose red skirt, and then came off-stage to mingle with the crowd. That's when the Dick's dick appeared.
It seems that Tucker, who stated the show wasn't very good, asked Andy Dick for an autograph while Dick was in the crowd, and, ALLEGEDLY, the comic replied to Tucker's request by sidling up close and kneeling on a tall bar stool, before opening the skirt, reveling that he was going commando, and then gently laid his genitals on Tucker's head.
Andy's Dick Dickhead.
The lawsuit explains: "Defendant Dick then, while still controlling Plaintiff's head with his hand, forced his genitals against the left side of Plaintiff's face." Tucker's lawsuit cites defamation of conduct and infliction of emotional distress, and seeks unspecified damages, or, at the very least, a phone call from Dick.
And flowers. Flowers would be nice.