Bobservations

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. I wake up around 1:30AM every morning and then have trouble going back to sleep or have a fitful night’s sleep. And I’m a cranky bitch when sleep deprived.

The other night Carlos, who drinks hot chocolate nearly every night asked if I wanted some, and I thought the warm cocoa might help me sleep. Wrong. I was up at 2AM and then sleeping badly until 7AM. That next night, Carlos was making his chocolate and asked if I wanted some, and I said it didn’t really help me sleep any better, and he said:

“I thought you slept better, because you weren’t snoring non-stop.”

And that’s when it hit me. He feeds me the hot chocolate so I won’t snore and he can sleep better. It’s all about him. But I still had the cocoa and I did sleep better.

I swear, one of these days Tuxedo is gonna snap his neck with all the head shaking at the daily news.

And kinda on that same topic … if you’re a doctor or a nurse who refuses to get the vaccine then should be a fucking nurse or doctor.

Pope Frankie has announced that all visitors to the Vatican have to be vaccinated, so are Catholics gonna have to stop claiming a faith-based exemption?

I mean, that fits with the typical hypocritical Catholic ideology.

Remember when Thing 45 was in office and he was taken to Walter Reed Medical Center in the middle of the night and the White House refused to comment?

It was because he was having an "emergency" colonoscopy—and by the way, who has an emergency colonoscopy—and didn’t want people making fun of his ass on TV.

I think he was trying to remove Lindsey Graham from his ass.

Hello America …meet a prominent member of the GOP: Louisiana Senator  John Kennedy, who announced his run for re-election next year by saying he would rather drink weed killer than let his constituents down.

Seriously.

So, that wacky GOP, and their friends and allies spent months, and some $6 million, on an audit of the 2020 election to prove that Thing 45 won the state of Arizona and yet all they proved is that Biden got an additional 360 votes.

Nicely done, Arizona.

While the Pope wants to make sure the unvaccinated don’t come near him, he also wants to make sure that Archbishop Rainer Maria Woelki, who hid a report about priests raping children, can take a “spiritual time-out” from his duties.

Yes, a  spiritual time out for aiding and abetting child rapists?

Fuck them all.

I don’t like Omarosa Manigault Newman, but this makes me smile.

Thing 45 has lost an effort to enforce a nondisclosure agreement against Newman for that tell-all book she wrote about serving in his administration. Even better is that Thing 45 must pay her legal fees.

Comedian Billy Eichner is making history with his upcoming gay rom-com Bros, the first explicitly gay romantic comedy from a major Hollywood studio, by casting LGBTQ+ actors in all the roles, both gay and straight, in the film.

Good on Billy.

In this week’s edition of Would You Hit It we have actor and fitness model Eric Guilmette. Eric has a rather beautiful face, and body, though the pec tattoo does kinda bother me because I prefer a clean work surface.

Still, the rules are Simple: Would You Hit It? Yes or No.

Last week on The View, with Vice President Kamala Harris set to appear, both Sunny Hostin and Ana Navarro tested positive for COVID—later determined to be a false positive—and were removed from the show for the day.

And so Junior decided to come for Ana, a Republican anti-Thing 45 pundit, by making fun of her weight.

Trouble is, you don’t come for Ana unless she sends for you.

It's Snarkurday!

They’ve been together nearly fifty years, but a breakup can still be ugly and can still inspire a lawsuit.

Indeed, the Rumours—see what I did there? —are true, Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham is suing the band, claiming that they booted him from the group for no reason and then replaced him with Mike Campbell of the Heartbreakers and Neil Finn from Crowded House.

Lindsey claims Stevie Nicks started hating on him after he smirked while she was giving a speech at a MusiCares benefit, while Stevie says Lindsey got the boot for wanting to postpone their tour while the others were ready to roll … rock and roll:

“We were supposed to go into rehearsal in June and he wanted to put it off until next November… That’s a long time…. As soon as I finish one thing, I dive back into another. Why would we stop? We don’t want to stop playing music. We don’t have anything else to do. This is what we do.”

Either way, Lindsey and his people have filed suit for “breach of fiduciary duty, breach of oral contract and intentional interference with prospective economic advantage” and claim Lindsey was let go without warning and is entitled to money. The complaint also says that because there was no written contract between the band, no one can get fired “without cause”. Lindsey tops off his complaint by attaching some receipts to the end of it in the form of an email sent to Mick Fleetwood on February 28 where he tried to deal with the drama:

“In the month since MusiCares I’ve tried to speak to both you and Stevie, to no avail … I’ve only gotten radio silence this whole time … All of this breaks my heart … After 43 years and the finish line so clearly in sight, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that for the five of us to splinter apart now would be the wrong thing … At the moment, the band’s heart and soul has been diminished. But our center, which had seen us through so much, is only laying dormant.”

Wow. Is it about cash, or a smirk, or is Lindsey crushed the band got back together without him and that it took two people to do his job?

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Now, this is how a breakup after five months goes … last week Pete Davidson had his neck tattoo for Ariana Grande—a pair of bunny ears inspired by her Dangerous Woman album getup—changed into a heart.

Yes, folks, it’s over between Davidson and Grande and, oh who cares. This whole relationship seemed made for Instagram and Twitter and social Media and special Pete Davidson comedy segments on SNL, as well as Ariana’s new tunes.

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Former White House staffer, and pot stirrer extraordinaire, Omarosa is still trying to sell her book by detonating some more bombs about _____ and his White House Hot Mess band of miscreants and losers. But, since we all know what a d-i-saster this administration is Omarosa has no more stories to sell tell sell, so she’s moved onto the creepy relationship between _____ and his daughter-wife Ivanka:

“He would kiss her on the lips. He would rub her for a very long period of time. It was awkward.”

Even better is the ALLEGATION that Ivanka adores being known as, not Mrs. Jared Kushner, but Daddy’s Little Girl and she often introduced _____ to people as … I may vomit …

“My daddy.”

But Omarosa also threw shade at Mr. Daddy’s Little Girl, saying:

“[Jared] is that guy in the room who thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room. He has absolutely no idea of what is going on. He doesn’t know how stupid he sounds when he’s talking at those meetings.”

Still, he must know, as we all know now, that he sounds like a cartoon squirrel, right?

The only one who goes unscathed is Melanie, who’s probably thrilled about the kisses and touches Daddy and Daddy’s Little Girl share, because it means that orange mushroom dick ain’t coming near her.

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Tara Reid may not be able to book any acting jobs, but she can steal the show aboard a Delta Airlines flight like the best of them.

Things got off to a rocky start for Tara aboard her Delta Flight 613 from LAX to NYC right from the jump off when she loudly complained about being given the wrong seat … She likes to sit close to the bar cart, you know … but things turned hideous when the flight attendants did not fulfill Read’s request for a pillow. And when they tried to diffuse the situation with shiny objects and little bottles of booze, and got nowhere, the pilot turned the plane around, and went back to the gate for a “customer service issue”. 

The issue, of course, was Tara, who got off the plane to the biggest ovation she’s ever heard.

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Say it isn’t so, even though the idea of Idris Elba in tights sends sparks through my loins.

Is Idris Elba actually in talks for a role in the upcoming film adaptation of :::gasp::: Cats? If so, he’ll be joining Sir Ian McKellen as either Old Deuteronomy or Gus: The Theater Cat and Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella: The Glamor Cat. Okay, there’s some talent there so maybe Idris Feline Elba will be good but … but …BUT … both Taylor Swift and James Corden have been cast as well.

Say it ain’t so Idris! I mean, wear tights and prance around like a cat, but do it in my dreams like you used to, and not in a movie.

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Lastly, Gwyneth Paltrow. I know, she’s horrible, but apparently we aren’t the only ones who know. Gwyneth’s dad, Bruce, was also well aware of what a shrew his child was is, because, as Goop tells it, he told her so:

“I was just believing my own hype, thinking that I was super-awesome. And [my dad] was like, ‘You’re getting weird—you’re acting like a dick.’”

Daddy was right; and she proves it again by talking about giving up acting …thank the goddess for that one … and how she doesn’t miss it at all:

“It’s so weird. It was such a part of my identity for so long … I went out to LA for a couple of days, and I actually didn’t hate it. But I just don’t miss it. The level and breadth of creativity that I have in this job is so bananas, and I’m very fulfilled.”

Um, not to call you a liar, again, Gwynnie, but it was just last month … last effing month … that you talked about your home being in LA and how your two kids Jedediah and Mango go to school in LA and your consciously uncoupled ex, Chris Martin, bought a home in LA to be close to his kids and how your new husband Brad Falchuk lives and works full-time in LA.

Sheesh, this woman wouldn’t know the truth if it came silkscreened on a $1,500 Goop T.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Lady Gaga, A Star is Born, on her first scene in the film and how the gay community has supported her over the years:

“An absolute dream of a scene and moment for me in this film. I make a joke sometimes that behind every female icon is a gay man. I really wouldn’t be here without the gay community and what they have taught me about love and acceptance and bravery. This scene was so special. I love singing “La Vie en Rose”. I’ve sang it before. The challenge for this what I tried to focus on was that I was not at a Sean Parker event performing as myself but I was Allie singing “La Vie en Rose”, so I sing it differently…I think one of the most beautiful moments in this film is when she walks through the tinsel and she hears him playing a song where he says the lyrics, ‘maybe it’s time to let the old ways die’ to the drag queens as they’re sitting there. And I thinking to myself, she’s falling in love with this man because she sees he has empathy, he has compassion, he has love, he’s a kind person. It’s such a special moment in the film and I also thought that [Bradley Cooper] as a filmmaker executed it with perfect authenticity. I don’t feel for a second when I’m watching those scenes that I’m not in a real drag bar.”

When I first heard about this film I was scared; I mean, Gaga? Cooper—even if he is delicious. But I saw a preview or two and now I’m hooked.

Plus, the girl—and Cooper—can sing!

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Michael Elizabeth Pence, the Vice-President-For-Now, denying he has ever participated in a conversation about invoking the 25th Amendment oust _____:

“No. Never. And why would we be … ? I mean, the truth of the matter is, over the last eight years, despite what we heard from President Obama on Friday, I mean, this country was struggling. I mean, it was the weakest economic recovery since the Great Depression.”

Nice try Elizabeth, but everyone knows you’re waiting in the wings to cast your vote to get him out of there.

It’s what God wants, right??!!?

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Armie Hammer, my Husband-In-My-Head, and star of Call Me By Your Name, on the planned sequel and if he should be a spokesman for the peach industry after “The Peach Scene”:

“How much do I know and how much could I tell you are two very different things. I know a lot, but I can’t tell you anything. More than anything I trust the artistic direction to Luca and [novelist] André Aciman and to those guys who did such a good job handling it the first time around. The only thing I want to see is I want to see it happen. I want to do it again…I miss the whole crew. It was such a special time. It was such a collaborative, unique, and totally immersive filming experience that I never really had, nor since. If we get to do another one, I’ll feel really lucky … I’m pretty sure the peach industry saw what we did to the peaches and was like, ‘We can’t go there.'”

I do love a peach, and Armie with a peach is a peach.

That’s all.

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Omarosa Manigault, former White House staffer, saying she would regret the work she did for _____ for the rest of her life.

“At some point you have to stop a toxic relationship. I was in a toxic relationship with Donald Trump, and I regret that I was so complicit. You know, Hillary Clinton was robbed. And I was … a co-conspirator in that robbery. And I will regret that for the rest of my life that I was a co-conspirator along with the rest of the folks on this campaign that I helped this con man get into office. It’s very clear if you look at the report from the intelligence community that Russia assisted Donald Trump with getting elected. He might ignore it but I actually respect the intelligence community and their findings in that report. Have you seen that report? It’s airtight.”

You worked with him three times on his show; you say you knew he was a racist back then and you still took the job.

While I do enjoy your attacks on _____, I’d like you to take a good long sit down, you unindicted coconspirator.

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Chris Pine, my Husband-In-My-Head … sue me, on his upcoming full-frontal nude scene:

“We’re trying to make a film about a man and it’s a man who happens to become king. And it’s a story about power and who has power and why and the world of power—all these really primal elements. And one of the primal elements is this is a film that takes place in the mud and the rain and there’s fire, there’s sex, there’s killing, there’s violence, there’s love, there’s all of it. All the things that make animals animals, and humans humans, and human animals…and that particular scene on this hero journey the man is stripped of everything and ends up in a cave in the darkest recesses of his mind and imagination, he’s wrestling, and the next scene he reenters life and becomes a new man. That was the idea behind it, but it’s a hell of a thing to see on a 40-foot screen.”

Is a forty-foot screen big enough to handle it?

Asking for a ‘friend’?

Oh, and maybe Chris could make a cameo with Armie in his sequel.

I.Would.Die.

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Billie Joe Armstrong, singer, on racism and white people’s reactions to police shootings of black Americans:

“A lot of white people should shut up and listen. They really don’t know what the African-American experience truly is. When you have people getting shot in their cars for no reason, and being put in fucking jail cells, and it’s for profit, we have a very serious problem, and the first thing you need to do is get educated. Don’t try to this, like, ‘Blue Lives Matter.’ Don’t try to do the ‘All lives Matter.’ Just shut up and listen to the experience. And then move forward after that.”

Blacks lives matter has never meant that other lives matter; it’s always meant that, for centuries black lives did not matter and we need to learn that they do.

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Steve Schmidt, a GOP strategist who has left the party, on Mike Pence:

“He is a titanic, and I mean titanic, fraud. We have listened to this guy for many, many years in this country, on his moral high horse assaulting the dignity of gay people, across the board. His moral preening is famous throughout the land. Yet he is the most obsequious of all _____ cultists in the cabinet. There have been occasions, as George Will points out, where speaking on _____, in front of _____, Pence compliments on average of every 3.2 seconds. We have never seen such slobbering servility by a high government official in this country, than we do in Mike Pence and Donald _____. It is amazing. He is supposed to be serving the American people. He’s the Vice President of the United States, and he acts like he’s the house butler at Mar-a-Lago.”

Yeah, that sums it up nicely.

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The Funny Papers

Ann Telnaes, Clay Bennett, David Fitzsimmons, Trevor Irvin, Kevin Siers, Drew Sheneman, Jim Morin, David Horsey,Gary Varvel, Nick Anderson, Steve Breen

Tuesday Thought #1

Tuesday Thought #2

It's Snarkurday!

Recently Jessica Chastain revealed that a big named actor told her to stop Tweeting about the sex scandals in Hollywood and the #MeToo movement. People speculated that it was everyone from Matthew McConaughey to Idris Elba to Matt Damon.

I thought, Damon? No way, but now … Minnie Driver, who dated Damon during and shortly after appearing together in Good Will Hunting—note: Damon broke up with her when he told Oprah on her show that he didn’t have a girlfriend which was news to his girlfriend, Minnie—read Damon’s latest mansplaining of how the world works and had a few choice words for her him.

It seems during an upcoming interview for ABC with film critic Peter Travers, Matt thought it best to explain that some kinds of sexual harassment aren’t as bad as others:

“I think it’s wonderful that women are feeling empowered to tell their stories and it’s totally necessary. I do believe there’s a spectrum of behavior… There’s a difference between patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation, right? Both of those behaviors need to be confronted and eradicated without question, but they shouldn’t be conflated.”

Well, Minnie read Matt’s interview and took to The Twitter, with a link to Damon’s interview:

“Good God, SERIOUSLY?”

And then she added:

“Gosh it’s so *interesting how men with all these opinions about women’s differentiation between sexual misconduct, assault and rape reveal themselves to be utterly tone deaf and as a result, systemically part of the problem (*profoundly unsurprising)”

Good for Minnie, because, um, Matt? I like you, I do—though you aren’t Husband In My Head material—but any form of sexual harassment, from verbal to a pat on the ass to groping to rape is unacceptable, m’kay?

I believe you have daughters, so I’m sure if they told you about a man in a powerful position, their boss, or co-workers, grabbing their ass, you wouldn’t tell them it’s all relative. Would you?

Sit down, please, and don’t speak for women again.

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Well, y’all remember that Omarosa Manigault Newman resigned was dragged from the White House last week and she instantly ran to the media to tell sell her story.

And the media wasn’t having it, as when Robin Roberts listened to Omarosa and then said, “Well, she has a story to sell. Bye Felicia.”

And that also set Omarosa off, and so she went back to the media to whine about it, and told Inside Edition what she thought of Robin’s farewell bid:

“That was petty. It’s a black woman civil war.”

Petty; from the woman who made a career of petty during her career on reality TV.

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With the #MeToo movement having a seemingly endless supply of sexual predators to out, it’s not going anywhere. But one ALLEGED sexual harasser, Russell Simmons, started his own hashtag movement in an effort to deflect from the allegations leveled at him.

Hence the #NotMe movement, and this statement from Simmons:

“Today, I begin to properly defend myself. I will prove without any doubt that I am innocent of all rape charges. Today, I will focus on “The Original Sin” (Keri Claussen), the claim that created this insane pile on of my #MeToo. Stay tuned! We’ll share information today… And tomorrow the case of Jenny Lumet. My intention is not to diminish the #MeToo movement in anyway, but instead hold my accusers accountable. #NotMe Again, this is not a movement against or even in conjunction with #Metoo . It’s just a statement about my innocence.”

Trouble is, some women saw the emerging #NotMe mess and decided that they’d stayed silent long enough. And so that’s when former America’s Next Top Model judge Kelly Cutrone revealed her story about the time Russell tried to rape her in 1991, saying:

“The #NotMe thing? I’m going to do a #YeahYou. F**k you.”

Kelly says she and Simmons were walking to a party together; he’d asked her to stop by his apartment earlier in the evening, but she declined. As they walked, he said he needed to stop in at a friend’s place and when they got in the door—of an apartment she now thinks was his—he pushed her to the ground and tried to take her clothes off. She kicked and screamed and threatened to have him murdered and finally escaped, but stayed silent for reasons which are her own until Simmons started #NotMe.

Today she says of Simmons, an avid yogi:

“I hope he chokes on his om pendant.”

Brava! #YeahYou

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Last summer Beyoncé had to pull out of Coachella because she was “pregnant” and with no such excuse this year the show will go on.

But for anyone who wants a Destiny’s Child reunion, child please. Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams won’t be on the guest list, nor will any of Destiny’s former children, like LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett, because Beyoncé is about Beyoncé, and nothing more.

Still, the Beyhive is saying there are all kinds of clues on social media that there will be some massive reunion and they will not let it go.

Until it happens and then they act like they knew all along, lest they piss off Bey.

Again, if it’s not all about Beyoncé it’s not happening.

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Well, Track Palin, the spawn of Mama Grizzly Bore™, has been arrested on domestic violence charges … again.

 Track was arraigned on three counts: felony burglary, misdemeanor reckless assault and misdemeanor criminal mischief for causing up to $500 in property damage; each charge was related to domestic violence.

A source close to the situation—and you know it’s Blister because she’s been out of the news lately—says Track was breaking and entering into his parent’s home where he beat up his daddy, Todd, before Todd and the MGB™ fled the scene in two different cars.

The Palins, America’s white trashiest family.

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Oh, if only this applied to her entire life … 

The New York Daily News is reporting that Mariah Carey has contractually agreed to stay “positively silent” about ex-fiancé James Packer after he paid her millions of dollars in settlement when they engagement ended.

Like I said, if only this applied to her entire life.

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I am no fan of Mira Sorvino, but even she didn’t deserve this …

 Back in October. Mira told The New Yorker that in 1995 Harvey Weinstein tried pursuing her while promoting Mighty Aphrodite and that because she said ‘No! A thousand times No’ her career instantly stalled. Weinstein responded by saying that there were “never any acts of retaliation against any women for refusing his advances.”

Well, that might be a lie, because directors Peter Jackson and Terry Zwigoff both claim that Harvey Weinstein actively encouraged them not to work with Mira Sorvino. In fact, Peter Jackson, who calls Harvey and Bob Weinstein “second-rate Mafia bullies”, says the two ALLEGEDLY orchestrated a “smear campaign” against both Sorvino and fellow Weinstein-accuser Ashley Judd.

Jackson says he met with the Weinstein’s in the late 90s to pitch the Lord of  the Rings and The Hobbit films, and expressed interest in casting Mira and Ashley in one or more of the films, but says Harvey and Bob told him that both Mira and Ashley were a “nightmare” to work with, and that he should “avoid them at all costs.”

Jackson was kind of disgusted by the conversation and, instead of dealing with Weinstein and Miramax to release the films, he took the project to New Line Cinema, though he did not hire Sorvino or Judd. Jackson says he then chose to never work with the Weinstein’s again.

Director Terry Zwigoff backs up Jackson’s story with one of his own; he says he considered casting Sorvino in 2003s Bad Santa, which was being made by Dimension, a division of The Weinstein Company, but every time he brought up Mira’s name over the phone the Weinstein’s hung up on him:

“I was interested in casting Mira Sorvino in BAD SANTA, but every time I mentioned her over the phone to the Weinstein’s, I'd hear a CLICK. What type of person just hangs up on you like that?! I guess we all know what type of person now. I'm really sorry Mira.”

The Weinstein Boys, Harvey’s the pig and Bob’s the pig who covered for the pig while it was convenient.

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Speaking of pigs… after decades of unchecked sexual harassment stories broke last week, chef Mario Batali has been fired from The Chew, The Food Network has put the kibosh on a planned Malto Mario reboot, and Batali has stepped down from day to day operations at the 26 restaurants he co-owns.

Clearly, folks are done with Batali so what does he do? Mario, who has already publicly apologized for his behavior, decided to apologize again in a newsletter:

“As many of you know, this week there has been some news coverage about some of my past behavior.

I have made many mistakes and I am so very sorry that I have disappointed my friends, my family, my fans and my team. My behavior was wrong and there are no excuses. I take full responsibility.

Sharing the joys of Italian food, tradition and hospitality with all of you, each week, is an honor and privilege. Without the support of all of you — my fans — I would never have a forum in which to expound on this. 

I will work every day to regain your respect and trust.

Ps. in case you’re searching for a holiday-inspired breakfast, these Pizza Dough Cinnamon Rolls are a fan favorite.”

Yes, after apologizing for sexually harassing and assaulting women, he included a recipe.

I think they should call them To Catch A Predator Cinnamon Buns!

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Uh oh, blame it on The Biebs?

Selena Gomez's mother, Mandy, was hospitalized after a "heated” conversation with her daughter over Selena’s ALLEGED rekindling of her relationship with Justin Bieber.

Sources—and it’s probably Justin—say Mandy had a shouting match with Selena about the reunion, and when Selena said she and The Biebs were in couple’s therapy, Mandy flipped. A fight ensued, police were called, and Mandy was "voluntarily" transported to a hospital for treatment.

Like I said, blame it on The Biebs when mother’s try to verbally beat their daughters who go back to dating the pipsqueak.

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