The Funny Papers

David Fitzsimmons, Dana Summers, Steve Sack, Drew Sheneman, Darrin Bell, Bill Day, Nate Beeler, Jack Ohman, Bob Gorrell

_____ Promises Keystone To Be Made Of American Steel But That Was a Lie

Remember when Donald _____ stood on that podium in January and swore that, from now on, it would be “America first and America only”?

Yeah, that was his first lie, given that he said it within minutes of being sworn in.

See, despite _____'s promises, it looks as if the Keystone XL pipeline will be made of steel from somewhere else, anywhere else, but not America. A White House spokestool says that "buy American" rules in _____'s order clearing way for pipelines won't apply to the high-profile Keystone project, which will carry crude oil from Canada to the U.S. Gulf Coast:

"The way that the Executive Order is written is actually ... specific to new pipelines or those that are being repaired. Since [Keystone] is already currently under construction ... it was hard to go back. Everything moving forward would be all under that executive order."

Yeah, so he just shrugged and let it pass, instead of, oh I don’t know, cancelling the contract, buying America using American workers, to boost the economy and create jobs here ... in America.

And while his spokestool says otherwise, _____ has vowed repeatedly that only steel from American steelmakers would be used on Keystone; in fact, he said it as late as last week, when he knew it was a lie.

And _____ even mentioned it prior to his address when he met last week with U.S. Steel CEO Mario Longhi:

"You're going to be doing pipelines now, you know that? We put you heavy into the pipeline business."

That’s a lie.

And he’s still insisting that the steel will come from America, even when he spoke to CPAC:

"This took place while I was getting ready to sign. I said, 'Who makes the pipes for the pipeline?' Well, sir, it comes from all over the world, isn't that wonderful? I said, 'Nope, it comes from the United States or we're not building one.' American steel. If they want a pipeline in the United States, they're going to use pipe that's made in the United States, do we agree?"

Lie; it’s not happening, even though he’s said, and continues to say it, it’s just another lie.

You see, TransCanada already has purchase agreements for the steel pipe it will use on Keystone; half of the pipe will come from the Arkansas plant of India-based steelmaker, Welspun, with ten-percent coming from a Welspun plant in India, and the rest imported from Canada and Italy.

India. Canada. Italy. Not America even though _____ keeps saying it’s American steel only. And what about all those jobs this pipeline is set to create?

TransCanada and _____ seem to suggest that Keystone would “create thousands of well-paying U.S. jobs” but the fact is that most of those jobs are short-term, with just 35 full-time permanent jobs once it’s complete.

Yeah, that’s working for America, the _____ way.

CNN

The Funny Papers

Bill Day, RJ Matson, Adam Zyglis, Clay Bennett, Nick Anderson, Mike Smith, Darrin Bell, Rick McKee, Walt Handelsman, David Horsey

America Under Siege: _____ Puts His Bank Account Ahead Of The Environment and Native Americans

So, the #AlternativePresident, Donald _____, signed another two executive orders yesterday to advance construction of the controversial Keystone XL and Dakota Access pipelines no matter the cost to the environment or the lands, and water, of Native Americans.

Oh, and please remember _____ is a partner in the Dakota Access Pipeline, so, yeah, no conflict of interest there.

The Dakota Access [DAPL] project, a $3.8-billion pipeline designed to move crude oil from the Bakken oil patch along a 1,172-mile-long pipeline spanning four states through the Midwest and into the Gulf Coast.

Last December, construction was halted after the US Army Corps of Engineers denied a permit for the pipeline to cross under a Missouri River reservoir so it could explore alternate routes. Yes, the oil will move under rivers and reservoirs, threatening the water sources for millions of people—not to mention the scared burial grounds of Native Americans—but who cares about water ... water is nothing ... just ask the people of Flint.

The Keystone XL oil pipeline, which would run from Canada to U.S. refineries in the Gulf Coast, was rejected in November 2015 by former President Barack Obama, following a seven-year campaign by environmentalists against it, but _____, who says he’s “bigly” for the environment and spewed an “alternative fact” that he’s received awards “for the environment” wants the oil and the cash from the pipelines, in his wallet.

He campaigned on a promise to ease, or eliminate altogether, regulations, including ones pertaining to the environment, to help spur economic growth because money is more important than clean air and clean water ... at least to Donald _____. I mean, who needs a clean environment when millionaires can get rich off oil profits?

Okay, so here’s the deal ... this man is a menace. He threatens the way of life of every American, including those of you foolish enough to vote for him because you thought he was the Second Coming.

So, I’d suggest those of you who want him out, sooner, rather than later, get busy with your representatives in Congress and urge them to stop this maniac, or vote them out of office and put in place people who will stand up for the American people, and not the millionaires, and impeach this son of a bitch before he destroys every single shred of decency left in this country.

He’s erased The Gays.

He won’t talk Civil Rights.

He’s working to destroy the environment.

He’s gonna build that wall, only now he’s gonna divert federal funds from border security tom pay for it; so, yeah, that whole “We’ll build a wall and Mexico will pay for it” business was another lie.

And now he’s destroying American lands, and the lands of Native Americans for his own personal gain.

Resist.

The Funny Papers

Paul Combs, Clay Bennett, Darrin Bell, Steve Benson, Bill Day, John Cole

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