Why Is it ...

… that I wouldn’t call myself quirky but there is definitely something wrong with me.

… that my boss asked me why I was gone for seven hours to smoke and I told him, "It was a brisket and that’s how long it takes. What?"

… that curly fries are my favorite snack because they are salty and spiraling … like me.

… that there are people my age out there climbing mountains and running marathons and zip-lining, and I’m here at home reveling in the glory that is getting my leg through my underwear without toppling over.

… that while I may not have lost all my marbles I admit there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

… that in the old days my taste in dates was so bad, that my Walk of Shame was on my way to the date.

… that you can burn all the sage you want but still you don’t understand that I will be back.

… that people at work are mad that I have taken to calling everyone “fucker.” I mean, when you think about it, “fucker” is gender neutral so I'm being politically correct.