Bobservations

Last weekend was Carlos’ birthday, and I asked him to pick a favorite restaurant for a celebratory dinner; he thought and thought, and then he said this …

“I was thinking of a few things we could do for my birthday …”

“Like what?”

“Well, we could get up early and take the recycling to the recycling center …”

Yes, he was talking garbage. Now, he had thoughts on some other ways to spend the day, but that was his first thought.

I almost put a candle on a garbage bag.

PS We never did have dinner because, for his birthday, he gave me a cold.

I know, right?

Oh, how the times have changed ... Little Mittsy Romney. It wasn’t so long ago that the two-time loser in the presidential campaign said, of _____, that he’s a "fraud" and "phony" whose words and actions are “degrading” to women, and whose policies would trigger a recession, make America less safe and foster an era of "trickle-down racism."

Now that Mittsy wants to be the next Utah Senator, he now says he supports much of what the president has done such as cutting taxes, rolling back business regulations and reducing the size of Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments in southern Utah.

When an audience member asked what Romney might say about _____ today, he replied:

“I look forward. I’m not going to look backward.”

You know, cuz looking back shows what a hypocrite and a political hack Mitt Romney is.

So, Facebook … no privacy at all? Say whaaaaaaaaat? Fake news stories all over? Say whaaaaaaaaat?

Let me make this queer, if you believe you have privacy on Facebook, you’re a moron; and if you believe every story you read on Facebook, without checking it out first, then you must also believe kittens can play the guitar and newborns can recite the Gettysburg address.

Cuz that’s on Facebook, too.

Speaking of the Fat Bastard, in an interview with reporters aboard Air Force One, ______ denied knowing that his lawyer Michael Cohen made a $130,000 payment to hush porn star Stormy Daniels.

Oops. Stormy’s case is based on the idea that the confidentiality agreement is invalid because _____ was not a party to it and so by having the Fat Bastard say he was unaware of the monetary agreement, he basically confirmed that what Stormy says is true.

Seriously; let that man near a microphone and he’ll hang himself every time. I cannot wait for him to get into a room with Robert Mueller.

Rightwingnut and #FakeChristian Laura Ingraham returned to Fox News this week after her self-imposed exile to stem the tide of advertisers fleeing her show because she’s lying raging bitch, and she started off with a bang: a ten-minute diatribe called, "The Left's Plot to Silence Conservatives."

And in that unhinged rant, she once again went after student activist David Hogg—who led the boycott against her show and her advertisers—of being “Stalinist."

This is what the right does; they attack anyone and everyone who has a difference of opinion, and then play the victim. Funny, though, while she whines about her poor show losing advertisers, she still has a show and earns an income.

All David Hogg has is Freedom of Speech, from which he earns not one cent.

Last week, in this space, we talked Justin Jones, the candidate for the Arkansas House who said, “fags are disgusting” and “1000% more likely than any straight person” to contact HIV.

This week we learn that Jones has suspended his campaign.

Sorry, not sorry.

It was 150 years ago that the great[?] state of South Carolina debated seceding from the Union … a decision that led to the Civil War.

Now, the topic has come up again, amid a national debate over firearms and gun rights and so three of South Carolina’s more asshatted Republicans … because, of course … have introduced a bill that would allow lawmakers to debate seceding from the U.S. “if the federal government confiscates legally purchased firearms in this State.”

The asshats are Ashley Trantham, Mike Pitts, and Jonathon Hill; Pitts admits the bill has no chance at passage but, you know, why waste time dealing with real issues that face this state when you can just be an ass.

While suffering the head cold that Carlos gave to me for his birthday, I watched some old movies on TV, and stumbled upon Butterflies Are Free—the 1970s film about q blind aspiring singer-songwriter [Edward Albert] moving away from his overprotective mother [Eileen Heckart] and living next door to free-spirited actress [Goldie Hawn].

It was cute and fun and reminded of just how dreamy Edward Albert Jr. was back then, and how he’s still kinda hot today. That’s him down there with his father, Eddie Albert, from Green Acres fame.

Just sayin’.

Bobservations

By the time you read this, Carlos and I might have decided to go our separate because of his insistence on ….

Wanting.A.Cowboy.Shirt.

Seriously. I can’t with this. I’m already thinking of ways to keep him from leaving the house dressed like a gay Gabby Hayes.

Former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani and his wife of 15 years, Judith, are divorcing; Judith filed for a contested divorce which means there will be a fight over the coins.

Giuliani fell for Judith back in 1999 while he was mayor and still married to his second wife, Donna Hanover. The Hanover-Giuliani divorce was a vicious hot mess, hut, to be clear, Donna Hanover had met and begun an affair with Giuliani while he was still married to his first wife, so his cheating couldn’t have been a surprise. Still, you might remember that Giuliani announced his plan to divorce second wife Donna Hanover at a televised press conference held before she had been told herself.

The best part is that Rudy Giuliani had come out strongly against marriage equality when then-Governor David Paterson proposed a same-sex marriage bill.

The second-best part is that Giuliani got an annulment from his first wife—so he could marry his mistress Hanover—claiming he and the first ex-missus Giuliani were cousins,

One man and his cousin, and then his mistress, and then his other mistress and then … ?

Justin Jones, a Libertarian running for an Arkansas House seat, thinks “fags are disgusting.” 

And he clearly is a moron because he expressed that opinion on the Facebook post of Hawaii resident Myah Baeza who was offering sympathy for a gay friend who couldn’t donate blood because of discriminatory laws. And when Baeza saw his response and called him out for his bigotry and homophobia, Justin ‘Dumbass’ Jones replied:

“If you don’t think HIV is created by homosexuality then you need education. That’s the entirety of my post, for someone who wants free speech, you don’t act like it. I shouldn’t have said ‘f–s’ should have said homosexuals. But I won’t apologize of the moral of my comment, homosexuality is wrong, and shouldn’t be publicly endorsed.”

Naturally when his local station in BumFuckEgypt, Arkansas found the story and reported on it, Justin ‘Dumbass’ Jones walked back his ignorance, a little:

“I recently made a comment that was meant to be satire, but had FACTUAL meaning. In the new day of Social Media, we face backlash for every comment we make, which is putting ‘Free Speech’ at a price. The Aids Epidemic is a VERY big part of the LGBTQ Community. To not recognize that would be a ‘Lie’ to yourself and the LGBTQ Community. In this New Day of politics, we are recognizing the benefits of throwing away the old establishment, and how that didn’t work. Today, we are bringing back ‘FREEDOM OF SPEECH,’ and protecting our 2nd amendment rights. That might be too much for some people, but that’s why we’re getting them out of Public Office.”

Meant to be satire? Oh, honey, you don’t know satire. And you also don’t know that HIV/AIDS is on the rise among straight folks, too, especially those in the black community and those in rural areas …. Like Arkansas.

Hope you don’t get elected, you moronic tool.

I just can’t …the other day GMA told the story of the boy who fell into a sewage pipe over the weekend at Griffith Park and was finally rescued after some twelve hours in the ground.

Nothing to see there, except the “News” people called it an Easter miracle.

Really; so, if he’d been rescued on Tuesday it wouldn’t have been a miracle. 

Give me the news and keep your religious leanings out of the story. That would be the real miracle.

Columbus, Indiana, the hometown of Closeted Homosexual, and Current Vice President, Mike Pence is set to hold its first ever gay pride celebration, in a move intended to show the rest of the country that not everyone from Columbus is an anti-gay closeted homosexual.

Poor Mike Pence, The Gays are marching in his own hometown and he can’t be there?

While those on the right seem content with bashing the younger generation because they’ve become politically and socially active and vocal, it appears that the right just might need to tone it down.

See, most younger Americans oppose _____’s agenda and even believe the Fat Bastard to be “racist,” “dishonest,” and “unfit” to be president.

The midterms are coming up and those eighteen-year-olds will be voting. And I’m loving it.

I gave my opinion of the Roseanne reboot yesterday but forgot to mention two of the unfunniest things I’ve ever seen on a TV comedy:

1] Roseanne’s granddaughter calling her a “stupid old hillbilly.”

That’s funny stuff, but then …

B] Roseanne grabs her granddaughter, shoves her face into the sink and sprays her with water.

Funny. Not.

Ryan Murphy has cast legendary star Joan Collins in American Horror Story, and said he is interested in casting Angelica Huston.

Little is known about the upcoming eighth season—Ryan has not yet revealed the theme—but three of the series’ favorite cast members, Kathy Bates, Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters, will be back.

But, um, Joan Collins? I mean, she was allegedly such a terror back in the day on her last TV show, could this be American Horror Story: Dynasty?

Speaking of _____, his 2020 campaign manager, Brad Parscale, is calling for Jim Acosta to be stripped of his press credentials after the CNN correspondent questioned the Fat Bastard during the White House Easter Egg Roll on Monday.

Parscale seems to think Acosta … wait for it … it’s precious … “yelled at _____” during the event and so Acosta should be suspended for breaking protocol.”

This is what happened:

Acosta: “Should the DACA kids worry?”

The Fat Bastard: “The Democrats have really let them down. They really let them down. It’s a shame. A lot of people have taken advantage of DACA. It’s a shame.”

Acosta: “[But} didn’t you kill DACA?”

The Fat Bastard didn’t respond, because he, in fact, did kill DACA and that’s why Parscale wants him banned.

Seriously. He “yelled” at _____!

A new show appeared this week on ABC and is being pushed as a kind of a new Lost. Now, having loved Lost—don’t judge—I was interested, especially when I noted that Grant Harvey and Ryan McDonnell were on the show.

I could get lost with them.

Just sayin’.